To VBAC or Not :: One Mom’s Decision

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May 16, 2019

VBAC - Boston Moms Blog

Like many first-time moms, the birth story I envisioned didn’t quite match up with reality. I was hoping to go with the flow and let my body do what it was made to do. I was hoping for as little intervention as possible but wanted the safety of a hospital birth. There was no reason to think this wouldn’t happen.

Until the very end, when a routine ultrasound picked up low amniotic fluid.

Two days later, it resulted in a medically necessary induction. Hours and hours of labor, then more hours of pushing, then “failure to progress” resulted in a C-section. We both came out healthy in the end. I was OK with this and had confidence in my doctor and the decisions we made throughout the process. But the former straight-A student in me had a hard time with the “failure” part of things.

About a year later, I was pregnant with my second child and discussing options with my doctor — the same one who delivered my first child. She told me I was a candidate for a VBAC — vaginal birth after Cesarean — and assuming my pregnancy remained healthy, it was up to me.

I could choose to labor and delivery vaginally — or schedule a C-section.

She explained there would be no way to know if I would have the same low fluid problem with my second and need an induction, but that it was more likely having had this complication once. She humored my need for journal articles about VBAC versus C-section to review the data, and she discussed them with me. We talked about how the data indicated women who went straight to C-section without labor and then tried VBAC with subsequent pregnancies were more successful with VBAC births that those who had labored and then had a C-section, like I did. But this data wasn’t compelling enough to recommend the scheduled C-section for moms in my situation.

I agonized over this decision. I didn’t want surgery if I didn’t need it. And I appreciated the lack of pressure from my doctor. Medically, she said the result of labor would probably be the same as my first and end in C-section. But it might not, so it was up to me.

For six months, I thought about every last detail.

I went back and forth with my husband on recovery and the impact on our toddler and the newborn, carefully thinking through each scenario.

The recovery from the first C-section was manageable, but I knew it would be tougher the second time around. This time I would have a 1.5-year-old at home who I would be unable to lift for six weeks, and my toddler wouldn’t understand that this wasn’t what I wanted.

I also didn’t want another day of labor, hours and hours of pushing, and the same complications as the first time. My doctor said I basically experienced recovery from both a vaginal birth and a C-section.

While I agonized, my doctor suggested we schedule the C-section so it would be an option. Turns out the only availability on her schedule was two days before my due date. So right up until the end, I was hoping for a quick and sudden labor and a healthy baby delivered with little intervention — wishful thinking regardless of previous circumstances.

In the end, I realized the scheduled C-section had more medical and logistical benefits. I was going with that unless my body decided otherwise. I was comfortable with my decision.

The whole experience the second time around was a world of difference. Everyone was calm. Even me. And it turned out to absolutely be the right decision for us. My healthy baby and I were settled in a room and nursing successfully shortly after delivery. My toddler came to visit on day two and touched his new sister’s toes with fascination. At home, we adjusted to the no lifting and had help. And my body healed much more quickly from this surgery instead of the previous sleep-deprived labor, exhaustion, and then surgery.

It wasn’t easy to get there, but it was the right decision for us all.

6 Tips and Tricks to Get Your Kids to Eat Their Veggies

By

Lindsay Goldberg

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May 15, 2019

Mealtime with kids — love it or hate it, it just keeps happening.

My eldest was never a picky eater. Until she was. All of a sudden, she decided she would not always eat what was put in front of her. All of a sudden, we had to start negotiating.

Now, full disclosure — I am not a nutritionist. But I am a mom. A mom who has found some strategies that work. Some of these tricks came about through thought and intention. Some were just pure luck. All of them are constantly in use. Whether you’re trying to get more veggies or protein or fruits into your child, try these six tips to combat the pickiness!

1. Let them choose.

Unless it’s a school-packed meal, my eldest gets to pick what she eats. The deal is, though, that there needs to be a protein and a carb at each meal, plus a fruit at breakfast and a vegetable at lunch and dinner. The other caveat is that she cannot repeat her vegetable — if she had cucumbers for lunch, she cannot have cucumbers at dinner. Allowing her to choose her meals empowers her to make healthy food choices and gives her a sense of control.

2. Involve them.

Of course, if it’s full empowerment you’re going for, why not have your kids help plant and grow their own vegetables? They will feel so proud of their work that the V won’t be for vegetable, it will be for victory! If gardening isn’t in your future, a trip to the local farm or farmer’s market might do the trick. Even choosing the produce at the grocery store will help them feel more invested.

3. Expose them to samples.

Somehow, my kids will try any vegetable (or any food, for that matter!) if it comes in a sample-sized cup and is handed out at a store. We are good friends with one of the workers at Wegman’s now, and my daughter looks forward to seeing what new vegetable she has! What I haven’t figured out is if turning my own food at home into samples will work… I’ll let you know.

4. Taste test.

A small spin-off of samples — have your kid taste-test the veggies you have at home. The other day my daughter decided she only liked organic carrots. I only had regular carrots on hand. I had her do a blind taste test of… two regular baby carrots. When she enthusiastically decided which one was definitely the better “organic” one, I told her they were the exact same. She now loves my regular baby carrots. (Side note — this came about from trying a carrot while we were out… see “samples” above.)

5. Offer dippers.

Every veggie tastes better when dipped, whether it’s in salad dressing, guac, or hummus. Have your kids experiment with different sauces — asparagus with pesto is currently the house favorite at my place.

6. Sneak the veggies in.

When all else fails, sneak them in! Between zucchini noodles, eggplant meatballs, and cauliflower rice, there are so many ways to sneak veggies into a meal. Plus, if there’s sauce or cheese involved, it is likely to be a winner! Cauli-power alfredo and hidden veggie mac and cheese are two “sneaky” recipes in the rotation at my house, which we ALL enjoy. You can’t taste the veggies in them at all. And I use frozen veggies in both recipes to make my life that much easier. We even include another veggie in the meal, too, for good measure.

These are strategies that work for my family. Of course, now that I’ve shared them, my kids will probably revolt. But, for now, it works. Bottom line, though, the more you can make healthy eating fun and actually about choice, the more likely your kids will be to try new things and discover new favorites!

What have you found that works for your kids?

Dear Husband, Please Don’t Die (I’m Afraid of Tinder)

By

Amanda Rotondo

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May 14, 2019

tinder online dating - Boston Moms Blog

Dear Husband,

You’ll be heartened to know there are many reasons I wish for you to remain alive. First and foremost, I’m relatively sure this sea of children we’ve co-created is trying to kill me, and you are my best line of defense. Plus, you’re pretty good at fixing things, you give good hugs, and I just realized I don’t actually know how to use the snow blower.

The more I learn about app dating, though, the more I’m considering forcing you to go vegan, wear a helmet when you drive, and sleep in a hyperbaric chamber. If you recall, you were pretty solidly stuck with me already back when online dating was still for weirdos. Ours is an analog love story. Please, please, for the love of God, don’t make me go out there. I won’t survive.

I’ve gotten the lay of the land from some single friends, and it’s not pretty. Tinder is where you go when you don’t get enough random pictures of penises popping up on your phone. These penises usually belong to men whose lives are dumpster fires. Bumble only allows women to initiate contact, so fewer penis pictures. Hinge, Coffee Meets Bagel, and a billion others are kind of middle-of-the-road, but everyone who is on one is also on the others, so you’re just going to end up getting repeat pictures of the same penises. You have to apply to be admitted to The League, which is only for pictures of highly educated penises. If you’re into pictures of agricultural penises, FarmersOnly is your best option.

I’d be like a moose trying to play the piano. I simply lack the tools to operate in the online dating space. I’m too over trying to make people like me. So just to amplify my anxiety, I Googled “how to make a dating profile.” I know you don’t want me to be miserable, so let’s play this out a little bit so you can see how imperative it is that you don’t die:

Suggestion 1: List hobbies you can do with others

OK, here I go: Picking up toys, grocery shopping, paying bills, scrubbing poop blowout stains out of onesies, yelling.

Suggestion 2: Choose pictures of you doing stuff

Perfect! Here are pictures of me picking up toys, grocery shopping, paying bills, scrubbing poop blowout stains out of onesies, yelling.

Suggestion 3: Avoid being negative

Let’s skip this one. For God’s sake, my husband just died.

Suggestion 4: Be honest

Really? Alright: I work full time, I have a side business, and I have kids ages 1, 2, and 5. I last exercised in 2013, and the interior of my Subaru is covered in “Frozen” stickers. I’d love to meet you as long as you’re cool with me canceling four times in a row because a kid got sick, then finally showing up late cause someone had a traumatic poop. You’ll be able to recognize me as the one in a black shirt with a giant yogurt smear across the shoulder (and you’ll notice my look of panic as I forget I’m out by myself and momentarily freak out that I’ve just misplaced a kid). I’ll look forward to hearing you talk about all the cool hobbies you have that I won’t have time to consider doing until around 2034, and it’s wholly possible that at some point I’ll reach across the table, grab your nose with a napkin, and tell you to blow. Oh, and I need to get home in time to be in bed by 8:30 p.m.

See? Disaster. So please, please take care of yourself. I really need you to stick around for a very long time. At least until online dating runs its course and meeting in person becomes retro-cool again. But preferably forever, because you’re the best and I love you, plus, I really don’t want to learn how to use the snowblower.

Sincerely,

Your Wife

12 Things a Postpartum Mama Really Needs (and She May Not Even Know It)

By

Jill Sullivan

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May 13, 2019

postpartum - Boston Moms Blog

Having a baby is such a beautiful season in life. Those little feet, those precious snuggles, and that sweet milk breath can all be so addicting.

Yet, the newborn phase is crazy. With it comes a whirlwind of postpartum emotions, hormones, and “firsts.” Learning to dance to a different rhythm with a little bundle in tow and get into your groove is no small feat. Don’t forget, a mama was just born too. Living in two-hour intervals becomes the new norm during the famous fourth trimester. Whether the first baby or fifth, this transformative period can be so trying, despite the joy that comes with it.

So, how can we help our fellow new mama friends? Before I became a mother, I would excitedly show up at a new mom’s home with the cute baby layette and matching stuffed animal and want to snuggle and spend time with the new baby, give my friend a congratulatory hug, and go on my merry way — and all with the best intentions. Now, don’t get me wrong, as a new mom I greatly cherished all the thoughtful visits and gifts I received. But I have found that acts of service can be incredibly helpful during the postpartum healing process — and SO deeply appreciated. My recommendation is: Ditch traditional, keep it practical.

Keep her nourished

Start a meal train. Put together a platter of pre-cut and washed fruits and veggies for mama to snack on (also perfect for when visitors stop by). Load her up with snacks with nutritious and filling ingredients — smoothies, broths, granola bars. Takeout or meal delivery services can be great options as well.

Listen to her

Companionship, love, conversation, and genuine emotional presence can be incredibly welcomed during this time. Validate her and make sure she does not feel isolated. Ensure she is seeking any necessary professional help. Then throw in a few fun texts/check-ins with some Netflix recommendations!

Hire a professional

Postpartum doulas and lactation consultants can be invaluable to a new mom. (These services are definitely a little bit pricier, but they’re occasionally covered by insurance.) Send a housekeeping service over to save her from having to worry about cleaning her bathroom. Employ a laundry service to help her keep up with all those spit-up-stained onesies!

Think of her pets

Offering to walk or play outside with her dog can be a real lifesaver (or even hiring a professional service if that falls within your means).

Think of her kids

Helping with older children can bring such peace of mind — and it provides time for the parents to bond with their baby while offering the sibling(s) something special to do.

Help her clean

When a brand new baby is around, even the most basic cleaning chores tend to fall by the wayside. Lighten the new mama’s load by tidying up for her — throw in a load of laundry, do the dishes that have piled up, help her organize trouble spots in the house. (Or, employ a cleaning service if you’d rather outsource!)

Notice her yard

Yard work and gardening are so difficult to get to with a new baby. Take note of what light yard work you might pitch in on — weeding her flower beds? Raking her leaves? Shoveling her snow?

Grab a few things when you’re already out

You’re already going to Target (or to the grocery store, or to Starbucks). When in doubt, grab some Starbucks and bagels, ask if she needs to stock up on any essentials at Target (or if she wants a few minutes to run to Target herself), or grab her a few fresh produce items at the grocery store. You could even assist with placing an Amazon Prime order for her.

Be hands-on

If you’re visiting, don’t be afraid to change the baby’s clothes if they just spit up, change a diaper, and take over burping duty. Give mom and dad some time to nurture themselves and attend to their needs (you know, eating, sleeping, bathing, breathing). Or give them an opportunity to have a special date with their “big kid(s).”

Pamper her

Grab mom a gift card to the salon or spa to enjoy a rejuvenating massage or pedicure. You could even gift her a creative class she may enjoy when she’s able to get out of the house for a few hours without baby!

Remind her that date night is still possible

Deliver a date night gift card coupled with childcare — an opportunity for parents to spend quality adult time to connect with one another and grab a cocktail/appetizer.

Bring fresh flowers

There’s just something captivating about their beauty. A new mom spends lots of time indoors, and fresh flowers can be a lovely reminder of the outside world!

Helpful tip: If you are the new mama and have a difficult time asking for help, I find making a small list and leaving it visible on your counter can be a great way to communicate the things you truly need to the people who are interested in helping. It gives helping hands some options when they come over.

What Mom Really Wants for Mother’s Day

By

Kristen D

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May 10, 2019

Dear toddlers,

This Mother’s Day, why not give mom something she’s always wanted?!

Informal polling of a few local moms offered the following suggestions for their toddler children: Broadly speaking, moms’ wish lists from their toddlers include emotional awareness, self-control, some degree of wisdom, and volume control. Also, the verbal ability to communicate why the red plate is so devastating. But these are the really big ticket items, and we understand if these are out of your range. So we’ve assembled a few more reasonable options. Here they are, by category.

Bathrooms

Mom would really love to use toilet paper that hasn’t been re-rolled onto the tube. If you’re looking for a precious gift, why not try giving her her very own roll? If you’re feeling really generous, throw in a voucher for one trip to the bathroom completely alone.

Speaking of bathrooms, you could skip the very loud narration of exactly what mom is doing in the public bathroom stall (“MOM, ARE YOU PEEING?” “MOM, WHAT IS THAT ON YOUR BUM?!”). Local moms agree — she would really appreciate it.

Public appearances

Mom’s been dreaming about the Boston Duckling Day for months — she’s got the costume preordered and it wasn’t even from #AmazonPrime. Want to make her day? Smile adorably while wearing the feathers, don’t run into the tulips screaming, and pose for a photo op without complaint. Give her an #instagramlife IRL for one glorious hour, and she’s guaranteed to smile.

Food

While we’re at it, after she’s ‘grammed it, mom really wants to be able to eat her own food — and have you eat yours. Yes, she knows hers looks better. But it doesn’t after you’ve tried it and spit it back onto her plate, declaring it “dis-dusting.” Give mom a big girl plate of her very own and keep your fingers to yourself for one day!

On the topic of food, we all know iced coffee was invented by a mom who just couldn’t get five minutes to drink her coffee hot. And everyone knows that #BostonRunsOnDunks iced coffee. But regardless of whether it’s hot or cold, can mom please just finish a cup of coffee before the hot kind gets cold or the iced coffee’s ice melts? Choose this one and she’s guaranteed to be awake enough to say thank you.

Sleep

Mom would also really love it if once — just once — in the middle of the night, you would remember that the other parent also can find your missing sock. He’s also trained in giving one last hug, bringing water, and helping you use the potty for the 586,941,457th time.

Oh, and the one traditional gift that never gets old for Mom? Breakfast in bed. Better yet, you can delay the breakfast part and just let her stay in bed, asleep, under the covers, for as long as she wants. If you really want to be an overachiever, you could try sleeping through the night (so she can too). That will win you bragging rights and possibly even favorite child status for a week or two. Throw a couple eggs and some toast that you haven’t licked on top and you’re set for a month.

Miscellaneous

Other things that would really make mom’s day? Spontaneous potty training, lack of public temper tantrums, declarations of undying affection, cards that are funny but not so funny that they make her pee (thank you, third child), flowers that you picked yourself, kindness to your siblings, not undoing what she’s just cleaned up, and lots of sweet kisses.

We hope these suggestions are helpful. Please feel free to pick more than one.

Love,

Moms of toddlers everywhere

To My “Mom Village”

By

Deanna Greenstein

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May 9, 2019

It takes a village to raise a child.

I have heard this phrase all my life. As a young mom, I thought it was a bit silly. I had children, I could deal with raising them. I could feed them and change them and care for them myself. Who needed other moms? I was an independent woman!

Or so I thought.

I don’t remember exactly when my village began to form. Somewhere between the time my older children began school and the time I realized I had more children than I had hands, I started finding myself surrounded by other moms.

Moms who are happy to “mom” not only their own children but mine too.

Moms who do ecstatic celebratory dances in school parking lots when they hear my toddler utter the words, “I pooped in the potty!”

Moms who sit and plan “kid activity Tetris” with me to make sure our entire group gets to where they need to be when they need to be there.

Moms who are quick to respond to an “I’m running late!” text with an “I’ll grab your kids, see you at my house when you can get here.”

Moms who care for my other children well into the night while I rush to the hospital with my broken-armed son.

Moms who drop Gatorade and chicken soup on my front porch when a stomach bug hits all five of my children at once.

Moms who run through my door within minutes when I message that there is an emergency and I need help.

Moms who host birthday parties for my son when I am in the hospital with my premature baby, making sure to live stream singing “Happy Birthday” so the baby and I can both “be there.”

Moms who respond to my clogged-pipe-under-the-kitchen-sink drama by showing up with a laundry basket and ordering me to fill ‘er up with dirty dishes so they can run them through their own dishwashers for me.

Moms who don’t think twice when I ask to use them as an emergency contact (and then dutifully show up to pick up my sick kid when the school nurse calls).

Moms who are willing to cut holes in their T-shirts and hide baby bottles underneath in an attempt to feed my breastfed-only baby while I had surgery.

Moms who will respond to my overwhelmed, “I’m at the end of my rope with these kids today” texts by showing up with homemade apple dip and wine.

Moms who know my coffee order and do drive-by coffee dropoffs.

Moms who I, without question, would do any of these things for in return.

Moms who started off as just faces in a school parking lot, and without my realizing it, became my beloved village. Sisters who love my children as their own, just as I do theirs.

The village that I, as a naïve new mom, didn’t realize I needed.

The village I am so very, very thankful to have found.

To my mom village — thank you. I couldn’t do this “raising kids thing” without you. And I am so very glad I don’t have to.

To Gray or Not to Gray

By

Jessie Keppeler

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May 8, 2019

gray hair - Boston Moms Blog — Photo courtesy Tobias Maier.

As all you loyal readers know (hi, Mom!), I’m 40. And so far, 40’s not so bad. Do I forget my computer password on a daily basis? Sure I do. Do I occasionally wake up without being able to move my neck? Of course. But otherwise, 40 is great.

When you’re 40, you can wear sweatpants and a defiant smile that says, “I’ve earned these.” You care less about a few extra pounds on the scale and more about the continual beating of your heart. And you can reminisce about your 30s with the wisdom that comes from a few months of age: “Oy, I used to wear low-cut jeans in my 30s. Before I rediscovered my sweatpants.”

But one thing that’s not so great about 40 is gray hair. Unless you’re blessed with fantastic genes or beautiful blonde hair (where a gray might just politely disappear into the shiny yellow), you may also find yourself in this situation one day. I, too, was once a blonde (ahem, when I was 3) but my hair has grown progressively darker over the years so that it’s close to black today. And boy, do grays show up in close-to-black hair. My hairline is suddenly a serious “50 shades of gray” situation, and not the sexy kind.

So what’s a girl of 40 to do?

Fight back? I can start coloring my hair and buy some time. I can highlight, balayage, or all-over dye at the salon. Or I can highlight at home or use a DIY root-touch-up kit. All these options have their own risks and rewards, and they all require some commitment on my part.

I think on the maintenance scale, I come in pretty low. I pluck my own stray eyebrow hairs, trim my own fingernails, and only splurge on pedicures in the summer. Sure, I do get frequent haircuts, but sometimes I skip the dry. And the last time I experienced a blowout was when my kids were in diapers.

So my other option is to do nothing. I can let nature take over and see what happens. Who knows, I might end up looking like one of those fabulous silver-haired ladies — a more mature, more chic version of myself.

gray hair - Boston Moms Blog I have a friend going this route, and man, is she chic. Sonya was cool with black hair, and if possible, she’s even more so as her hair grows out into a glossy light gray. (See photo.) I asked her about going gray, and she said the hardest part was how other women felt about it. “Friends and strangers alike would ask me why I wanted to look old — and tell me I was making a huge mistake.”

Luckily Sonya is a strong, confident woman who was able to realize that these women had issues with her gray hair that had nothing to do with her. So she kept going, and as her real hair has taken over she gets more positive comments and fewer negative ones. She still gets asked why she’s going natural (like it’s the strangest thing in the world!), and she sums it up with three little words:

“Because it’s easy.”

This really resonates with me. Sonya isn’t trying to make a statement, she’s just letting nature take its course. If anything, she’s letting her hair do the talking, and you know what her fabulous gray hair is saying?

That it’s OK to be real.

Free-Range Walking in the City (Safely!)

By

Kristen D

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May 7, 2019

safety - Boston Moms Blog

I grew up in the middle of nowhere. Literally. My town boasts a robust 2,000 people — and I grew up in a “suburb” of that town, where there were more cows than people. It was a huge deal when they debated putting in a stoplight — because there hadn’t been any before!

I was raised free range before it was a thing.

As a parent, I want to give my children the independence that I value from my youth. When it comes to moving around in the city, I don’t want to overprotect my kids, but I also want them to be safe. And I recognize that that looks different in the city.

We let our three young kids run and scoot ahead of us, sometimes further than other parents are comfortable with. But it’s because we’ve laid a solid groundwork that I feel comfortable doing so. Here are some of the things we’ve done to teach our children to be both independent and safe!

Start as you mean to go on.

When we were (whisper) sleep training my first son, a wise mom told me, “However you do it, start as you mean to go on.” Meaning, build skills and tools now that will enable you to live the life you want later.

Our goal was to be able to trust our kids to walk or scooter with us — and not having to yell at them constantly. I wanted them to know how to not bowl over pedestrians (still our greatest challenge), stop a safe distance from intersections, and cross a street safely and independently.

I have three children — a 6-year-old, a 4-year-old, and a rowdy 2-year-old. What I allow my 6-year-old to do, I would never allow my 2-year-old to do at age 2. However, I am laying the foundation for her now — because she is capable of more than we think.

Everything is age appropriate — but it builds on itself.

When our kids graduate from riding in the stroller, they hold our hands to walk. But we begin to let them walk short distances in enclosed spaces, with us nearby giving strong verbal and hand signal cues. We play red light, green light, and I teach them how to stop immediately, on cue, way before I ever let them practice on city streets.

It begins as a game, but it builds skills they need to be more independent. Non-verbal cues are helpful, too, because sometimes it’s difficult to hear outside (a hand up like a stop sign means stop, etc.). When I see that they respond reliably to my cues, then we practice in the middle of blocks, away from intersections.

I increase independence when they demonstrate that they are ready — and I take it away immediately when they don’t listen.

Once my sons mastered stopping on command, they were allowed to scooter ahead, as long as they checked back and immediately responded when I cued to stop. Any time they do not immediately stop, we revert back to a previous level, no matter their previous independence.

I tell them my trust is earned.

Our rule for intersections is that they need to stop well before the intersection and that “we always hold hands when we cross the street.” (I repeat the same phrases so that they become ingrained.) We tell them, “I know you are going to stop, but cars might not know that, so you need to reassure them.” This buys me safety space, should someone trip, and it teaches them that we never run into a street. Everyone has to “look both ways, even if you are with a grown-up,” starting from day one.

Every step, we are looking toward the next step.

As my oldest son has demonstrated trustworthiness, we are building the skills he needs to gain further independence. He no longer has to hold my hand to cross streets, because I know he’ll stay close and not run recklessly. Now when we come to an intersection, I ask him, “Are we safe to cross?” He gets to make the decision — but I have to sign off before we move forward. Before I trust him to do it independently, I am teaching him the skills he needs to do it safely.

At 6, he’s not ready to walk somewhere all by himself. But when he’s a few years older, he will be ready, because we’ve laid the foundations now.

In the meantime, he’s proud of himself because he feels trusted and independent. And my life is easier because I am able to trust him.

**How do you navigate walking in the city with small children? How do you promote independence and safety?**

Our Family Doesn’t Go to Museums Together, and This Is Why

By

Annie Claflin

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May 6, 2019

museums - Boston Moms Blog — Photo courtesy Annie Claflin Photography, LLC.

As a photographer, I feel a strong urge to develop my son’s appreciation for art. Yet every opportunity to bond with my son over the arts has been thwarted by toddler wonder. I have readjusted my expectations for my toddler’s “art readiness” and have learned the following valuable lessons:

1. My son has no patience for my artistic endeavors.

While exercising my creative photographic expression the other morning, my son bull-rushed my camera. He was so excited to view the glowing image (of him) on my LCD screen that he rammed his forehead against my lens. I first gauged the severity of his wound, then I put down my camera and picked up my son. I quickly realized that toddler supervision and conducting photography shoots are separate activities in our household for the time being.

2. I think like an art historian, not a toddler.

When I crave a dose of fine art, I imagine “old masters'” paintings at the MFA. When I want a dose of contemporary art, I envision looking at charred wood pieces hanging from the ceiling of the ICA. I want my son to gaze at these artworks and marvel at the talented minds that created them. Instead, the last time we visited the MFA, I had to sweep his running legs off the floor and into our “emergency backup stroller” before he tripped over a barrier and into a Murakami mural. We haven’t been to an art museum together since. Incorporating high art into my toddler’s life is a dangerous proposition not only to him but also to the cultural institutions that welcome him.

3. Art is dead to my toddler, and so I adjust.

I’ve distanced myself from my arts-inspired, pre-motherhood life, and I’ve readjusted my mindset about how my son can enjoy art. I would love for my son to appreciate the finer qualities of a Rembrandt drawing, but I will accept his appreciation for drawing with crayons. I’d rather my son pound his fists on his plastic keyboard than our friend’s grand piano. He is still learning to be creative by exploring the possibilities of three-dimensional space with Play-Doh; he doesn’t have to contemplate a Rodin sculpture.

4. But don’t let this prevent you from exploring cultural institutions with your kids.

There are many benefits to exposing kids to art early in life, including the development of critical thinking and self-esteem. Many museums in the Boston area have developed programs specifically for kids because of these merits. Notably, the MFA playdates and the ICA ‘s kids and families programs incorporate kids’ activities within the context of current exhibits at the museum. For music lovers, the Boston Symphony Orchestra also hosts family-friendly events and concerts for very young people. I hear rave reviews about these events, but for the moment, our family’s musical enjoyment centers on dancing around to hip-hop together and snapping together Lego Duplo pieces.

5. Also, you can find — and teach — art to your kids in everyday life.

In my mind, I want to drag my son to every gallery opening across the city. Many artistically inclined folks do just this and manage to have very young museum-minded children. I envy them, but I’ll take at-home arts and crafts activities with my son over a trip with him to the Fuller Craft Museum (despite the fact that their current photography exhibit looks amazing). You’re more likely to find us at the local park with some sidewalk chalk or at home discussing the elements that comprise the works illustrated in “Art for Baby.” We spend the afternoons reading, but I do see “open studio” days in our near future. All is not lost on this artist mother and her toddler.

Raising Confident Girls (and Boosting Our Own Confidence)

By

Ranessa Doucet

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May 2, 2019

The other day, my 8-year-old daughter and I were looking through pictures when she came across one of herself from the beginning of the school year. It was far from a professional photo and her hair was a mess, but she said, “I look great in this picture!” It struck a chord with me, because I can’t recall a time recently when I looked at myself and said — or thought — “I look great!”

My daughter smiles when she looks in the mirror as she adds a sparkly necklace or bow in the mornings. When she looks in that mirror, she’s not judging herself. She also regularly comments on how good she is at hip-hop, math, cartwheels, and drawing. Although she’s not an expert in any of these things, she compliments herself freely and without self-doubt. The amazing thing is, she also freely compliments others. She tells me I look pretty and that my singing is beautiful, even when I sound like Kermit the Frog with a cold.

I want her to hold onto this confidence, and I wish I could have some of it too. When she commented on the picture, it made me wonder why so many of us lose this confidence. According to the authors of the book “The Confidence Code For Girls,” girls’ confidence levels fall by 30 percent between the ages of 8 and 14.

We are so hard on ourselves, as women, and we hold ourselves to standards none of us can achieve. When was the last time you looked at yourself in the mirror and thought you were beautiful? When was the last time you really believed in your abilities? In the world of social media, we tend to have a skewed perspective. Everyone’s life seems perfect, and everyone looks beautiful under the veil of an Instagram filter. If we are judging ourselves harshly, our daughters will do the same. We need to be kinder to ourselves, so they know how to be kind to themselves too.

What if we tried looking at ourselves like our children do? Weight would be lifted off our shoulders. The constant pressure we put on ourselves can be heavy. I’m not suggesting anyone send their headshots into Wilhelmina Models or try out for American Idol (unless that’s your lifelong dream). But we should give ourselves a break and focus on our strengths.

One way to help our daughters build confidence is to show them how to get out of their comfort zones sometimes. This means different things for different girls, such as trying a new sport, speaking up in class, or playing with a new friend. If she fails, help her work through it and rebound so she will be ready if she fails again. Exposure will normalize failure.

To help our daughters, we need to occasionally model risk and failure ourselves by getting out of our comfort zones. For me, it’s about writing and putting myself out there in words. Sometimes writing can be scary, and it can come with rejection, but I keep going with the hope that what I write will resonate with someone. For you, it could be running a race, starting a business, or taking a class. If we never take risks because we are afraid to fail, our daughters see and emulate that.

I don’t have all the answers for how we can help our daughters hold on to their confidence. What I do know is that it’s something we should be conscious of. There’s power in confidence, and we certainly don’t want our girls to lose that!

Tips and Tricks for Managing the Large (or Busy) Family

By

Rachel Rich

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May 1, 2019

As soon as I became pregnant with number four, we gave in to the call of the minivan, started looking for a bigger house, and began researching large families. I knew I was going to have to uncover some secrets and learn the ropes of managing our new, larger family. While I haven’t quite found or mastered all the tricks, here are a few I’ve come to rely on.

Keep lunches simple (and make them at night).

I do not focus on variety. My kids don’t like variety. And I don’t like making food and throwing it away. So I stick with what works. Lunches follow a basic formula — one main food, one fruit, one veggie, one cheese stick, milk box or juice, and a treat. I finish it off with a sweet note from mom. That’s it. Every day. All four lunches are made at once, the night before, and placed into the fridge. In the morning we heat up any hot food and put it into a warmed thermos, tossing in an ice pack to keep everything else cold. I even prepare lunches for my two who stay home. When it’s time for lunch, no matter where we are, the food is ready to go!

Have a basic monthly food plan.

I’m still working on this one, but I hear it’s wonderful once you get into the routine. So far I’ve categorized my days for each meal — Mondays are chicken, Tuesdays are Tex/Mex, Wednesdays and Thursdays are slow cooker, and Friday is an order-in kinda night. Beef, leftovers, and/or eating out are reserved for the weekends. I hope to eventually use these categories to plan the meals for the month based on what I know how to make and what the family enjoys eating. I’m using basic planning templates from the internet to keep it organized. From the calendar, I should easily be able to compile a grocery list twice a week. Check out these posts for more great ideas on meal planning.

Have it ALL delivered.

We have groceries delivered through Peapod or Prime Now (Whole Foods). We get our diapers from Amazon and Honest Company. Paper supplies and pantry food are delivered from Amazon’s Prime Pantry (Target also has great prices for these items), and our cleaning supplies are delivered by Grove. Most of these companies offer a subscription, so the goods are automatically delivered. This works great for us, especially for oversized and heavy pet supplies. I never worry about about taking care of our three cats! Anything else we need, such as gifts, hand towels, birthday party supplies, event-specific outfits, and general day-to-day items I order on Amazon when I can. I pay for Prime so my items arrive in a matter of days. Because we are a large family, we run out of something every day. Having most of it delivered has saved us many trips out.

Fold the laundry right out of the dryer.

I have four bins next to our washer and dryer. One bin (differentiated by color) for each child. I fold the clothing item and put it directly into the correct bin. I can do this for several loads before I have to put the clothes away. Eventually, the goal is to have a day set aside where the kids collect their bins and put their own clothes away. While my oldest is capable, the girls are still a bit young. The plan is in place, though! As for my own laundry, I simply stack it and put it away.

Keep a potty and a trash bag in the car.

I have two toddlers and two young “big kids,” so this tip is a must! A trash bag hangs off a hook on one of the front seats and is taken out of the car full every other day — and my car is still covered in socks, cookie crumbs, and clutter. I can only imagine what it would be like if I didn’t have a trash bag there!

As for a potty, we’ve avoided many accidents, kept potty training in place, and nurtured confidence due to the availability of a travel potty. It comes in handy on the road when no bathroom is in sight, when going to the beach, during or after potty training, and when in a toddler (or little big kid) emergency.

Simplify the bag.

I carry only what I need. The days of toys, books, extra snacks, and blankets are no longer. Diapers, wipes, a change of clothes, my wallet, event-specific gear, and a book are all I take with me. I usually tuck it all into a small purse and ditch the diaper bag at home. The kiddos eat less food on the run and more food when I prepare it. If they want a snack, they get it and bring it along (and, in theory, throw the trash into the car trash bag!).

Purge constantly.

I’m constantly getting rid of stuff. Outgrown clothing, broken and unused toys, tchotchke, and multiples of an item are all constantly coming in and going out of our house. I try to donate as often as I can. Big Brother Big Sister comes to our town monthly and picks up donation items at the house. Savers takes most everything and is an easy drop-off. The transfer station in our town takes clothing and book donations. I have donated extra Lego to local schools, passed baby and maternity items on to expecting and new moms, and freely shared items we no longer needed with friends and strangers. Next, I want to have a yard sale!

Having a big family is a lot of fun, and with the day-to-day systems working for us we can keep the focus where it should be — our family.

Getting-Out Guide :: Boston’s Best Activities for Families This May

By

Deanna Greenstein

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April 30, 2019

We are so excited to partner with Goldfish Swim School to bring you this Guide to May!

April showers have given way to May flowers! There are many events in and around Boston this May, guaranteeing that you and your family will have tons of ways to enjoy springtime in our fantastic city! Check out our monthly events guide, brought to you by Goldfish Swim School, to get some great ideas for family fun!

In addition to this guide, our calendar has daily events listed to keep you active and entertained this month!

We’ve also included links to area libraries and recurring events. We know this is not a comprehensive list, so if you think of any fun family activities we missed, please share them with us in the comments.

If you are looking to connect with other moms near you, make sure to join our Community & Conversation Group!

May 1–6

May 4 :: Family Printmaking with Coco Berkman :: Sawyer Free Library, Gloucester

Families are invited to join together and create a small self-portrait print. Participants will be provided with paper, fabric, and flat textures to glue onto a piece of cardboard to create their image, which is then rolled with ink and hand rubbed until their masterpiece is completed!

May 4 :: Bird Carving Demonstration with Paul Phillips :: Harwich Cultural Center, Harwich

As a part of Boston Art Week demonstrations, decoy maker Paul Phillips will demonstrate the art of decoy carving. Paul is an experienced woodworker and carver who volunteers at the Elmer Crowell Barn (part of the Brooks Academy Museum). He will share his knowledge about the folk art of decoy birds and decorative bird art, and create a demonstration for all to enjoy.

May 5 :: SSC Youth Orchestra Concert :: Duxbury High School Performing Arts Center, Duxbury

SSC Youth Orchestra provides an opportunity for dedicated young musicians from all over the South Shore to perform symphonic music at a high level. The orchestra invites the community to join them for their final concert of the year. The performance is preceded with an “instrument petting zoo,” where youngsters can get up close and personal with the instruments featured later in the program.

May 5 and May 12 :: Exploring With the New England Aquarium :: East Boston, Jamaica Plain

Get your hands wet while you meet some interesting local ocean animals! Educators from the New England Aquarium will be on hand to facilitate family-friendly STEM activities and answer your questions about tidepools!

These free events will take place from 1–3 p.m. at BCYF Paris Street Community Center (112 Paris Street, East Boston) on Sunday, May, 5, and from 1–3 p.m. at Curtis Hall (20 South Street, Jamaica Plain) on Sunday, May 12.

May 7–13

May 10–June 8 :: Boston Ballet Presents Cinderella :: Citizens Bank Opera House, Boston

You are invited to the Royal Ball! Boston Ballet presents Cinderella, an enchanting full-length classic fairytale ballet. For a limited time, youth ages 17 and under receive 50% off ticket prices with the purchase of one full-priced ticket. For more information, visit bostonballet.org or call 617.695.6955.

May 11 :: Zootopia :: Franklin Park Zoo, Boston

At Zootopia, Zoo New England’s annual fundraising gala, guests will enjoy a cocktail reception, auction, dinner, dancing, and the opportunity to meet some of the zoo’s animal ambassadors.

May 12 :: Lilac Sunday at the Arnold Arboretum :: Arnold Arboretum, Jamaica Plain

A tradition since 1908, Lilac Sunday is a beautiful way to spend Mother’s Day! The beautiful plants are mainly located on the edge of Bussey Hill Road. Tours of the lilacs and family activities are available from 10 a.m. to 3 p.m. Picnicking is permitted in the Arboretum on this day only. Please bring your own food, as there will be no food vendors. The landscape is open from dawn until dusk.

May 12 :: Mother’s Day Brunch and Stroll :: Norman Smith Environmental Education Center, Milton (Mass Audubon, Blue Hills Reservation)

Celebrate Mother’s Day with a delicious pancake brunch followed by a guided hike in the woods, led by one of the naturalists. Search for birds and enjoy the beautiful wildflowers and views from atop Chickatabut Hill. In the event of rain, there will be a live animal presentation in place of the hike.

May 12 :: Mother’s Day at Stone Zoo and Franklin Park Zoo :: Stoneham and Boston

Celebrate Mom at Franklin Park and Stone Zoos this Mother’s Day with free admission for all mothers throughout the day.

May 14–20

May 16 :: Take Aparts :: Discovery Museum, Acton

Are your little ones constantly taking things apart to see what is inside? Have you always wondered what the inside of your computer or television looked like? Come to the Discovery Museum, grab a screwdriver, and check it out at this interactive event, sponsored by Analog Devices Inc.

May 16–19 :: The Perils of Mr. Punch :: Puppet Showcase Theater, Brookline

Audience members will jump in on the journey detailing the ongoing troubles of Mr. Punch, puppetry’s favorite loudmouth. Join Mr. Punch as he and the Bozo Brothers sing their way through trouble, adventure, and triumph in this hilarious new production by Modern Times Theater. In addition to this hilarious puppet show, the program also features a concert, where the audience will enjoy music ranging from early jazz to American folk, played on everything from a ukulele to a bike pump!

May 18 :: Franklin Park Coalition’s Kite and Bike Festival :: Pierpont Road, Boston

Pack a picnic, grab your kites and bikes, and join others at this joyous annual festival! Guests will be entertained by kite-making activities, games, and activities led by Playworks, Appalachian Club’s OutdoorsRX, and Biking in Boston. There will also be food vendors, face painting, and live music performances!

May 18 :: Free Ferry Day :: Boston Harbor Cruises, Long Wharf North

Thanks to generous funders, Boston Harbor Cruises is able to once again offer free tickets on selected days throughout the warm-weather months! Free tickets for the Boston Harbor Cruises ferry will be distributed on a first come, first serve basis at the Ferry Center on Long Wharf North beginning at 8:30 a.m. Each adult in line may pick up a maximum of four tickets. No tickets will be given out at the Boston Harbor Islands Welcome Center on the Greenway or Long Wharf South ticket booth.

May 18 :: Family Design Day – Treehouses :: BSA Space, Boston

In this fun workshop, families learn how architects create strong structures that give more to the earth than they take from it. Families will be guided through creating their own trees from cardboard and wood and then designing and building a treehouse to rest in its branches. This program is best for children between 5 and 13 years old, and there is a ratio of one adult to three children.

May 21–27

May 23 :: Garden of Flags Name-Reading Ceremony :: Boston Common

Each year, more than 37,000 flags are placed on Boston Common in front of the Soldiers and Sailors Monument to commemorate the Massachusetts service members who have given their lives to defend the United States since the Revolutionary War. Flags will be placed on Wednesday, May 22, beginning at noon. A name reading ceremony will be held in front of the flag display on Thursday, May 23, to commemorate the Massachusetts service members killed since September 11, 2001.

May 25 :: Annual Memorial Day Services :: Veteran’s Memorial Park, Boston

The 73rd annual Memorial Day Services will be held at Veteran’s Memorial Park in Boston beginning at 11 a.m. on Saturday, May 25. This beautiful park hosts monuments commemorating those who fought in World War II, the Korean War, and the Vietnam War, and can be found near the Kelleher Rose Gardens.

May 25 :: Descendants Character Meet and Greet :: Waterford’s Restaurant and Pub, Dedham

Get geared up for the premiere of the third Descendants movie with this exciting event. Meet your favorite characters ahead of the summer release of Descendants 3! Tickets include a hot buffet brunch, printed photos with all the characters, and themed arts and crafts!

May 25 and May 26 :: Blue Butterfly Peace Lanterns :: ArtBeat, Arlington

This annual Memorial Day event reminds us that peace is something we make together. Participants will add paper designs to white lanterns to create glowing reminders of our role in a peaceful planet. This event is best suited for children ages 8 and over, but children as young as 4 are invited to participate with their families.

May 26 :: Wareham Oyster Festival :: Wareham

Celebrate all things shellfish at this free street festival! Guests will enjoy local seafood (and some non-seafood treats for the landlubbers!), wine and beer, live music, a 5K walk, and craft vendors.

May 26 :: Institute of Contemporary Art Free Admission Day :: ICA, Boston

Visit the Institute of Contemporary Art on Memorial Day and receive free admission. From 11 a.m. to 4 p.m., visitors are invited to use stencils and special artist markers to create their own art on acetate paper.

May 28–31

May 29 :: World Otter Day at Stone Zoo :: Stone Zoo, Stoneham

Learn more about these adorable and fascinating creatures at the Stone Zoo while celebrating World Otter Day! Find out fun facts, such as how fast an otter can swim and how long they can hold their breath underwater, and learn how we humans can help to protect and preserve the species!

May 31 :: PJ Library Community Shabbat Picnic and Drum Circle :: Whittemore-Robins House Lawn, Arlington

Join PJ Library for the annual Community Shabbat picnic at the Whittemore-Robins House Lawn from 6–7:30 p.m. Tony Fonseca from All Hands Drumming will guide families in a kid-friendly drum circle! Guests are asked to bring their own picnics, and grape juice, challah, and cookies will be provided.

May 31 :: Duke Ellington’s Sacred Jazz :: Bethel A.M.E. Church, Jamaica Plain

An amazing array of talented musicians will present excerpts from Duke Ellington’s Sacred Jazz works at this moving event. Singers from People’s Baptist Church, teens from Boston City Singers, Paul White jazz trio, a narrator, and a tap dancer at Bethel will perform these works at the A.M.E. Church in Jamaica Plain.

Library Storytimes

Ongoing Events

Storytime at Showcase Cinema de Lux :: Patriot Place, Foxborough :: Tuesdays, 11 a.m.

This free weekly storytime takes place every Tuesday at Showcase Cinema de Lux. After a story reading, a special character makes a weekly appearance followed by a short movie.

Public Telescope Nights at New England Sci-Tech :: 16 Tech Circle, Natick :: Tuesdays and Fridays, 8–9 pm

The public is invited to join New England Sci-Tech for an evening of astronomy during the spring, summer, and fall months. Depending on staff availability, inside activities such as planetarium shows and visiting the astronomy classrooms may be available. Visitors are also invited to borrow smaller “starblast” telescopes to use on their own.

Recreation Sundays on Memorial Drive :: Memorial Drive, Cambridge :: Sundays, May–November

Every Sunday, from the last Sunday of April to the second Sunday of November, Memorial Drive is closed to traffic between Western Avenue and Mount Auburn Street — and open to recreation! Ride a bike or scooter, take a jog, or bring your baby on a leisurely stroll down this usually busy road while you enjoy the beautiful views of the Charles River!

Urban Air Sensory Friendly Jump/Play Time :: Bellingham :: Sundays, 9 a.m.

This event is specifically designed for children with autism and special needs to enjoy time at the park and have a lot of fun without loud music and flashing lights! The lights will be white and music/video games turned off for those with sensory challenges during this time.

Baby-Friendly Monday Matinees at the Capitol Theatre :: Arlington :: Mondays, 12–2 p.m.

The Capitol Theatre features a baby-friendly movie every Monday afternoon. Please check the theater’s Monday schedule to see what feature has been selected for parents and their infants.

Kids’ Art Club :: Dorchester :: Tuesdays, 4:30–5:30 p.m.

This club has a new art project at the library every Tuesday. Projects include collage self-portraits and artist’s books. Art Club projects are showcased in rotating displays in the library children’s room.

Nature Time at Blue Hills Trailside Museum :: Milton :: Thursdays, 10:30–11:30 a.m.

Introduce your preschool-aged child to nature with this fun program. Programs may feature a story, nature games, crafts, short walks outside, or meeting one of the museum’s animal residents. Meet, play, and learn with other area families. Each program runs for 45 minutes and meets most Thursdays. Museum admission is included with this program. Children must be accompanied by an adult.

JFN Free Friday Playgroup :: Natick :: Fridays, 9:30–11:30 a.m.

Bring the little ones and come join other parents and caregivers in the Metrowest area for a fun-filled morning of play and socializing. There are plenty of songs, activities, toys, snacks, and laughter, as both the children and their grown-ups build connections and lasting friendships.

Backyard and Beyond: Forest Fridays :: Acton :: Fridays, 10–11 a.m.

A great way for the whole family to enjoy time outdoors, the Forest Friday program is held outside, no matter the weather. Every Friday morning there is a nature-based activity based on the weather and season, either in Discovery Woods or out on the adjacent conservation land. All ages are welcome but activities are designed for 2- to 6-year-olds. Please note that the conservation land trails are not ADA or stroller accessible; please wear appropriate footwear and clothing.

Storytime at the Curious George Store :: Cambridge :: Fridays, 10:30–11 a.m.

Small children and their caregivers are welcome at these weekly storytimes, running throughout the year.

SaturPLAY :: Rose Kennedy Greenway – Chinatown :: Boston :: Select Saturdays, 1–3 p.m.

The Asian Community Development Corporation’s youth program, A-VOYCE, hosts a placemaking event monthly to activate and bring children to The Greenway’s Mary Soo Hoo Park. Each month features a different theme with games, activities, crafts, and more. Youth volunteers are on hand to engage children. SaturPlay is subject to weather conditions.

ImprovBoston Family Show :: Cambridge :: Saturdays, 4–5 p.m.

Improv Boston’s improv and music extravaganza is completely made up on the spot every week based on your suggestion. No two shows are alike! Best of all, children who want to participate have opportunities to be on stage and take part in the fun! The show is ideal for family outings, birthday parties, and school field trips. It’s fun for the whole family and best for children ages 4-12.