The Double-Edged Sword of Joint Custody

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May 28, 2019

For me, joint custody means half the time.

My ex-husband and I share approximately 50/50 custody of our son. The mediator described our joint custody as a rotating two-two-three. On either Monday or Wednesday mornings, I drop my son off at daycare and kiss him goodbye, knowing I won’t see him again for over 48 hours.

To say being without my son is HARD is putting it mildly. When it gets to be around 5:15 p.m., I start to get anxious, waiting to hear from my ex about how my son’s day went. I grip my phone from 8:30 p.m. on, until I get the text telling me he’s ready to Facetime goodnight. My stomach is in knots waiting to see his face for just a few minutes so I can tell him I love him, even if I’m not with him to say it in person.

Yet, there are perks to being alone.

On nights my son is with his father, I don’t have to worry about making dinner or packing lunch (for a 4-year-old whose tastes can change hourly). I only have to figure out what I am going to wear instead of what to dress him in, too. I can wake up, get ready, and be out the door in under 30 minutes when I’m by myself in the mornings. The day-to-day responsibilities go more quickly without a preschooler present.

Being child-free a few nights a week has also given (or forced) me the opportunity to spend more time with my friends — catching up with old, strengthening the bond with current, and even developing some new. I’m fortunate to have a small circle of women who have been incredibly supportive through my recent ups and downs. They comfort me while I ugly cry when I miss my son so much I physically hurt. Two minutes later, they make me cry from laughing so hard at stupid jokes on our nights out.

I recently stepped WAY out of my comfort zone and signed up for dating apps. (Tinder and Bumble and Match, oh my!) This is an experience words fail to describe. I started dating my ex-husband when I was 19, so my dating history was minimal. I’m not happy divorce has forced me into the online dating pool. But I am grateful for some of the things I’ve learned about myself (and others) in the process. Fortunately, the online dating game (and trust me, it’s a game… maybe even a sport) did lead me to find a guy who, so far (a couple months in), seems great. My child-free nights allow me to get to know him without logistical concerns or the cost of a babysitter.

But it’s still far from easy.

Even though I enjoy the activities I do when I don’t have my son, being a mom never shuts off. Joint custody means I miss my son ALL THE TIME. I think about him before I go to sleep and right when I wake up. And countless times in between. I miss snuggling with him on the couch watching terrible children’s TV and hearing his little voice tell me how much he loves me. And the guilt is still VERY REAL.

I may not technically be choosing to be apart from him in this joint custody setup, but it sometimes feels like just a technicality, and there can be a sense that I shouldn’t enjoy my time without my son. Then I feel guilty that my head is somewhere else and not with whoever I am spending time with. It can be exhausting. While it’s nice to have time to get things done without a preschooler around, there’s a sense of urgency to make sure everything I can get done is done so when I do have him, he is my sole focus.

What’s most reassuring is that despite divorce, I know he’s still lucky.

My son is safe and happy and very well cared for with his father. And for that, I am so grateful — I know there are countless single parents who cannot say the same. My son has so many people in his life who love and care for him — both his parents, his father’s girlfriend and her family, his grandparents, aunts and uncles and cousins, teachers, friends. Though his parents are not together, there is no lack of love and care for him in his little world.

I am still learning how to manage my feelings about physically being with my son only part time while trying to step back from mentally being there full time. I’m sure that is going to continue to be a giant joint custody learning curve. For now, though, I need to soak up the snuggles and I love yous every chance I get and let those feelings carry me through to my next chance to get them again.

Because that first hug at daycare pickup on transition days is one of the best.

When a Shopaholic Becomes a Mom

By

Lesley Moreau

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May 27, 2019

shopaholic - Boston Moms Blog

As a new mom, my life is drastically different than it once was. I discover constant bags under my eyes. I try and sometimes fail to implement a set routine during the week. And I have toddler tunes stuck in my head non-stop. One thing that has not changed is my love of shopping. I don’t know if it’s the thrill of getting a really great deal, the workout from walking while carrying so many bags, or a combo of both, but I never get sick of it. If the Hunger Games were set in the Target clearance section, I would win within about 20 seconds — no question.

However, with my new priorities and responsibilities, I find my shopaholic habits shifting. Some of it has to do with all the postpartum bodily changes. I don’t often feel cute, so I don’t feel the need for cute clothes. (Even if those printed dresses are only $10 each at Primark.) I’m also in this weird between-sizes limbo, so not having an array of outfits and pieces to choose from incentivizes me to get back on track to pre-baby size. Or so I tell myself. And I have a 6-month-old, so I will take comfort over cute any day of the week at the moment. Leggings are a gift from the fashion gods — I don’t care what anyone says. And sweatshirts are the best shirts.

My passion for fashion is still there, it just manifests differently now. The enjoyment I once got from finding nice things for myself has morphed into finding and dressing my son in adorable outfits. Since babies grow at lightning speed, I try not to go overboard. But sometimes it’s very hard to resist an outfit with a teddy bear hoodie that says “The Snuggle Is Real.” I mean, I am only human after all.

I’m still getting a handle on the sizing of baby clothes. Just because an article of clothing is labeled 3–6 months does not mean it will fit an infant in that age range. Some pieces were too small before my little guy even had a chance to christen them with spit-up. Others last much longer than the time frame they advertise themselves to be. Are baby clothes “fake news”?

What’s worked for me has been familiarizing myself with brands and stores and knowing which things are going to stretch my dollars the most. Some stores stock clothing that I know will be retired to the outgrown pile after one wear, so I’ve learned to avoid them. Other stores sell pieces that I know will last even past their suggested age range. Buying up has also been a game changer. We can work with rolled up sleeves and pant legs, but a too-snug onesie? Unless my son plans on morphing into the Baby Incredible Hulk, it’s a hard pass.

Another trick that works for me is getting items that are on sale at stores selling better-quality clothes. They will last longer due to both quality and size if you buy bigger than your baby’s current fit.

Having someone you can pass the clothes on to eases the spending-spree guilt. I learned early on to curb my spending habits when I witnessed first hand just how fast they grow. But when a good friend has a child only a few months younger than my son, I know the clothes will be put to use when we can’t use them anymore.

I know there is going to come a day when my son will want to pick out his own clothes, and my shopping rules and tricks will need to change. But I am definitely going to have fun shopping for him and dressing him up while I still can.

Everything I Learned in Life I Learned at a Dance Recital

By

Kat Cornetta

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May 24, 2019

dance recital - Boston Moms Blog — Photo courtesy John Trainor.

It’s dance recital season — that amazing time of the year where parents, grandparents, and the bravest of family friends crowd into high school auditoriums and watch children in what is often one of their very first times on stage. Moms have battle stations with bobby pins and red lipstick, safety pins and hair spray, ready to doll up their children for approximately three minutes of pizzaz, tears, or a little of both.

For approximately 10 years, I put my family through the dance recital ringer. There was my 1991 recital that my uncle volunteered to attend and videotape (he was the only person we knew with a camcorder), not realizing it was three-and-a-half hours of repeated “Little Mermaid” songs. There were the years a growth spurt meant the costume ordered in December no longer fit in June, causing my mom to get creative. And there was the year with three recitals in one day, and either I or the 4-year-olds I taught had a dance in every one of them, meaning my family was stuck there from 10 a.m. to 10 p.m.

To all the families who stick it out in stuffy school auditoriums to cheer for your tiny dancers on what is usually the first warm Saturday of the year, we salute you. You know why? Because I’m 37 and I can tell you that everything I learned in life I learned at a dance recital.

Be prepared

My best friend, who I danced with my entire childhood, is preparing for her daughter’s upcoming recital. She sent me a photo of her setup for the dress rehearsal earlier this week. She had EVERYTHING — two mascaras, bobby pins, safety pins, a needle and thread, a few different hair sprays. It was a pint-sized Sephora. More than half that stuff won’t be touched, but in the event it’s needed, it’s there.

Years of that type of preparation taught me well. I’m that person who always has a bobby pin, safety pin, Shout wipe, lipstick, and seven pens in her bag. At work, I stash an extra pair of pantyhose in my office. And I always have a backup for any piece of equipment I have to set up that day. It all stems from those dance recital days, where you might not touch that extra, but it felt good to know it was there if you needed it.

Think on your feet

In the dance studio ecosystem, if you stay around long enough, you might get a solo. It feels like you become a woman the first day you get a solo. Real life isn’t Lifetime’s Dance Moms. You usually get months to learn a solo and perfect it. But if stage fright causes some memory lapses, your teacher will always tell you: “Don’t stop. Just make something up. The audience doesn’t know your dance.”

I tell that story now to colleagues who do a lot of public speaking. No one in the audience knows your speech word for word. If you misspeak or lose your place, don’t stop and announce it to the crowd. You’re bringing attention to it. Pause and keep going, and if you can do so with finesse, it’s even better.

Perseverance, independence, and teamwork

If I struggled to learn a step or a piece of choreography, it was on me to fix it. My mom couldn’t do it for me. I had to physically do it. And if I didn’t learn that piece of choreography to the best of my ability, it would let down the other girls in my class.

In an era where many complain about “coddling” and “helicopter parenting,” dance is one arena where at the end of the day, the child has to go up there and just do it. Sure, plenty of parents give dance teachers grief. But no parent can go up on stage in place of their child. There is some onus on them to learn it, do it, and work as a team to get it done.

To this day, one of the most vivid memories I have is from my last year dancing. A teammate skipped recital. She was with us at rehearsal, but on recital day, she was nowhere to be found.

With our teacher busy running the recital, the 12 of us dancers huddled in the hallway of the theatre, figuring out who would take her individual part and how we could spread out across the stage to cover for her absence. We ranged in age from 12–17, but we worked together to solve the issue. After a decade of dancing, it was the best possible way I could have gone out, using all the qualities I learned dancing to solve a giant problem.

So to the moms and more who take their seats in those auditoriums this spring, and to the moms, like my own, who did so for years, thank you. Those dance lessons will last a lifetime.

5 Reasons to Raise Kids With a Dog

By

Ranessa Doucet

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May 23, 2019

Our dog was our baby before we had kids. We knew we wanted children, so we considered that when deciding what type of dog would be best for our family. We agreed on a pug because they are low maintenance and great with kids. Plus, what’s cuter than a pug puppy? Our dog took a back seat once we had our first baby, but having a dog has been one of the best things we have provided for our kids. She was our kids’ first friend, and she got the first real belly laugh out of our daughter, a moment I’ll never forget. As much work as dogs can be, especially when they are puppies, there are plenty of reasons why they are worth it.

1. Friendship

A dog is a friend that is available for your kids to play with at any time. They are always willing to run around, chase, and play tug of war. They have more energy than you at the end of a long day, and they love attention.

2. Health

Dogs help keep us healthy. They require walks every day (some more than others), so we get much needed fresh air and exercise. Plus, studies have shown that children who live with dogs during their first year of life have better immune systems and a decreased risk of developing asthma.

3. Responsibility

Kids learn how to help take care of another living creature. They can help feed, wash, brush, and walk the dog. Dogs require a lot more responsibility than a fish, and kids can feel like an essential member of the family who their dog depends on.

4. Literacy support

Kids who read often have better academic success overall. The more they read, the better they become at reading. Between sports, playdates, homework, etc., it may be challenging to find time to sit and listen to your kids read as much as you’d like to. Your dog is always a willing listener, and he/she is usually free while you’re making dinner. Another bonus is that your dog won’t judge your struggling reader, so the pressure is off, and your child can enjoy reading while your dog gets extra attention.

5. Comfort and love

Finally, and most important in my eyes, is a dog’s ability to provide comfort and unconditional love. Dogs are ALWAYS happy to see you. They will listen and console without judgment. The simple act of petting a dog brings a sense of calm and helps relieve anxiety. Who doesn’t need more love, comfort, and stress relief in their lives?

And there are many more reasons why growing up with a dog is the best! Getting a dog is not a light decision, and it is a big commitment. I recommend taking a lot of time and doing your research to find the right fit, because they truly become a member of the family.

I “Tidied Up” (My Marie Kondo-Inspired Spring Cleaning)

By

Krystal Avila

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May 22, 2019

Marie Kondo - Boston Moms Blog

Marie Kondo is a household name these days.

Have you heard of her? She’s the joy-sparking woman. The re-organizing, cleansing woman. Of course you have. It’s the new, cool thing to do. She’s the cool, new thing. The woman who has you touch everything you own, possibly have a conversation with it, and either bid it adieu or find a nice, tidy spot for it. Yes, her. Well, here is my story of how I adopted her ideas and “tidied-up.”

After binging on the popular Netflix show “Tidying Up with Marie Kondo,” I decided it was time to get organized and do some spring cleaning. The first room to tackle was the boys’ room. My boys, 4 1/2 and 2, do not have as much clothing as I do. I thought it would be a good place to start. (Instead of the playroom that is busting at the seams. I’ll get to that later.) Clothes seemed easier. After watching how to meticulously fold, I emptied their drawers and got to it. I didn’t quite ask myself what “sparked joy,” but I got rid of the stained clothing and boxed up the pants that showed their ankles and the shirts that squeezed their heads.

One pile for dusting rags, one pile for the basement, and one pile to actually fold and put away. I felt good about this but quickly realized NOTHING was actually leaving my house! It was all just going to different places in the house. Not sure this is what she meant, but hey, it was working for me.

You know what wasn’t working for me? How does she fold the clothes and then get them to stand on their own?! This blows my mind. I don’t know how many times I folded and re-folded the 18-month-old jeans or the 4T sweatshirt, but nothing, and I mean nothing, stood on its own. After many re-folds, I decided I would just put the folded clothes straight into the drawers and by sheer volume of clothes and lack of space in the drawers everything stood up perfectly. (AKA they are all smushed together.)

Marie Kondo - Boston Moms Blog

I could now see everything in the drawers at one time. And after binge-watching Marie on Netflix, I am pretty sure that was something Marie mentioned was important. It totally makes sense, too. Open the drawer, quickly glance at everything, grab the shirt you want, and shimmy it out, as to not ruin the rest of the folds of the others. Perfecto! I definitely had the hang of this now.

Next up, the linen closet. The dark, long linen closet that holds everything from towels to swim diapers to paper towels and extra pillows. Sounds like a big space, but, in fact, it’s not! So, here I go again. Take everything out of the closet and touch it. I actually did do this, because there were things in there I had not seen in years. My hair extensions from my wedding definitely sparked joy, but nope, not keeping them. The 25 bottles of nail polish that I can tell you where I wore the color to sparked joy, but nope, not keeping them either. The 15 headbands. Who wears headbands anymore?

I decided to make piles, again. This time, trash or keep. The piles were about equal size, and I had already purchased baskets, per Marie’s recommendation, so once everything went neatly into the baskets and back on the shelves, I felt accomplished. I did follow her recommendation to roll my towels instead of folding. It definitely saves space and I can see them all at once, and they look nice.

Next up… TBD. These two small-ish projects actually took me several days to finish. And by finish, I mean get everything back in their places so I could once again walk into my boys’ room or actually use the linen closet without things falling on me. I love the idea of being organized and tidy, I really do. I just don’t think I have what it takes to Marie Kondo my entire house. (Well, my 1,300-square-foot condo.) I don’t think her method is for everyone, but it jumpstarted something I would like to continue. At my own pace. Until then, the baskets sitting in my dining room waiting to be filled will have to wait — until I get my next burst of Marie Kondo.

Get a Clean Home With a Clean Conscience

By

Boston Moms

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May 21, 2019

We are excited to partner with Well-Paid Maids to share this great service with you!

Dear Boston moms,

As you may already know, the cleaning industry has terrible practices. Companies overwork and underpay their employees, many of whom are hired as contractors and receive no benefits or legal protection. This kind of business model is bad for employees, bad for customers, and, ultimately, bad for society.

Well-Paid Maids, Boston’s only living-wage home cleaning company, is working to change that. We believe that everyone who works hard should be able to support themselves and that every worker deserves respectful treatment from their employer. That’s why all of our employees make $17/hour and receive a full benefits package, including health, dental, and vision insurance; short-term disability insurance; unemployment insurance; workers’ compensation insurance; 100% employer-paid commuting costs; and 22 paid days off per year (15 vacation days, five sick days, and two holidays). By offering a service that matches your values, we aim to provide a company you can feel good about using.

Reserve an appointment today with one of our happy, hard-working employees, and help us demonstrate that a living-wage business can succeed in one of the country’s most exploitative industries. To find out more, you can check out our “About” page, send us an email at [email protected], or give us a ring at (617) 275-2361. Hope we can serve you soon!

Best,

Aaron Seyedian
Founder, Well-Paid Maids

P.S. Enter coupon code “Boston” on our website to get $10 off your first cleaning!

Aaron is the owner and founder of Well-Paid Maids, a living-wage home cleaning company serving the Boston, Baltimore, and DC areas. He started Well-Paid Maids because he wanted to help build a fairer, more humane economy. Previously, Aaron worked in public sector management consulting and international development. Originally from the Buffalo area, he is always on the lookout for good chicken wings.

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Get a Clean Home With a Clean Conscience _ Boston Moms Blog

Kid Inspired, Chef Crafted

By

Boston Moms

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May 20, 2019

Thank you, Revolution Foods, for sponsoring this post and helping our kids learn to take ownership of their food choices.

Kid inspired, chef crafted.

That’s a pretty great concept, isn’t it? This is the mission of Revolution Foods, a company that’s transforming school meals and citywide wellness one student at a time by giving students access to real food with clean, local, healthy, and carefully selected ingredients. Revolution Foods believes proper nutrition can help students to unlock their full potential and achieve greater academic success. As a leading provider of healthy and delicious meals in schools, Revolution Foods provides two million healthy and freshly prepared meals to students at 2,500 sites, including schools, early education programs, afterschool programs, and other community groups.

Since becoming the meal provider for Boston Public Schools and select charter schools in 2017, Revolution Foods has served over eight million meals to students in the Boston area! The great thing is, not only are the kids getting their fruits and veggies in, they are actively involved in the whole process! Kids are involved in every aspect of the meal development process, from helping to build the menus and providing regular feedback to the chefs about what worked and what didn’t. In fact, the company’s regional partnership managers and their nonprofit partners survey over 2,000 students every month to gauge satisfaction levels of their meals.

Last week I had the privilege of attending an event at Blackstone Elementary School in Boston to witness Revolution Foods’ new family-style meal program. They are piloting the program in the Boston schools, and so far it’s been a huge success. The children are excited about school lunch, and there has been a 12% increase in lunch participation since launch! Students get to smell the food as soon as they walk in the door. And they’re invested because they have a hand in creating the menu!

With the family-style meal program, there’s authentic flavor and flair, which provides a familiar, home-style experience. We got to see a beautiful menu in action — jerk chicken, pupusas (v), and chile citrus corn. There are also vegetables, fruits, and side dishes available. The kids are able to enjoy a healthy, delicious, and fun lunch that they helped cultivate!

Revolution Foods decided to start this program because they believe family-style meals offer so many benefits. These benefits include:

Aroma: Students are able to smell the amazing foods on the menu as they make their way through the service line.
Presentation: Revolution Foods’ family-style meals are displayed in a way that allows students to better see, choose, and engage with their food.
Engagement: The serving staff have the opportunity to engage with students at the service line, encouraging them to eat more healthy foods and providing them with the experience typically found at home or at a restaurant.
Adaptability: Revolution Foods works with any facility, even the most constrained, to deliver this platform to students, minimizing the hassle or intensity of its operations.

Revolution Foods works with local communities on so many levels to provide education to students so they truly understand the importance of healthy food. There are education opportunities in gardening, nutrition, and lifestyle choices, which help empower students to make better choices across the board.

Isn’t this such a smart idea? Getting the kids involved from the very beginning of the process has them truly engaged in their food. When kids care about what they are eating because they are actively involved, they make better choices. We see it with our own kids, don’t we? When they help pick out produce or are part of the whole cooking process, that pride is evident and they are so much more willing to try new things.

Beyond being involved in the menu design, students are actively engaged in the meal itself and are able to use their senses to truly experience it. Students get to see their food beautifully presented and make choices that work for them. They also get to smell what they’ll be eating, and the staff engages with students to help further their education and empower them to make the best choices.

It’s a struggle we all face — getting our kids to eat right and enjoy and own the choices they make. By putting the onus on students from the very beginning and being actively involved in their education, Revolution Foods empowers students to put their health in their hands!

Life Lessons Learned in the Garden

By

Nia Jacobs

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May 20, 2019

My favorite part of spring is the annual family trip to the Lowe’s garden section. What is meant to be a “quick trip” inevitably turns into us poring over every plant and bag of mulch as we decide what to take home. Although I am allergic to pretty much anything that grows outside, I have an obsession with gardening. I love nothing more than spending time in the backyard, tending to the beds, and harvesting what grows. My wife and son love it, too, and our family has learned a lot of life lessons from our backyard garden adventures.

Tend to the things you want to see grow.

What better lesson than this? Put a tomato plant in the ground and walk away, and in the right conditions it will likely survive. But we all know that surviving and thriving are not the same thing — and my son knows that too, even at his young age. He trims browning branches, uses Velcro to attach heavy stalks to a wire frame, and replaces the chicken wire assembled to (unsuccessfully) keep rabbits out of the broccoli. He waters, he trims, and he rearranges. Every plant requires work and needs something different to grow. And the rewards far outweigh the effort invested. This is easy to say in life but harder to remember.

Try planting strawberries again.

One year we managed to grow the most gorgeous, delicious strawberries in nothing more than the dangling plastic baskets they came in. We hung them from the railing by the kitchen door, and my 3-year-old son loved checking for a ripe one and popping it into his mouth. But after months of beautiful berries, it was as if some sort of siren call went out through the neighborhood’s squirrel population, and they all suddenly realized there were berries for the taking. My son was devastated, and so were we.

But we love strawberries, and so each year we’ve tried again, thinking that maybe this year would be the year we finally found a squirrel-proof spot. To be honest, four summers of failure have been a sad result. But that won’t stop us from trying again this summer with a new plan. Simply hoping the squirrels won’t return isn’t enough. We’ve learned that the things worth having and holding on to take hard work and perseverance. And so, we try again.

Just give up on the pumpkins, though.

But here’s the thing — you also have to know when to quit. We tore up a bed two years ago in order plant pumpkins. Sadly, the soil there is too sandy, and we don’t seem to attract enough bees for pollination. My wife tried one year to pollinate the flowers by hand with a paintbrush; I’ve tried soil additives. Nevertheless, all that hard work and effort simply hasn’t paid off. So we’ve cut our losses and invested our time in what will grow (and in trying to keep the squirrels out of the strawberries).

Might a better, more persistent gardener be able to make the pumpkins grow? Perhaps. But every minute I spent being frustrated by the pumpkins was a minute I didn’t spend appreciating how giant the cucumbers were that were growing in that same bed, their growth spurred on by the nutrients I’d added to the soil. And so we eat cucumbers, giving away just as many as we consume, and calling it a win, pumpkins or not. We’ve learned we can’t grow everything we might want to. Pumpkins are meant for other people’s gardens, and we are OK with that.

Be careful what you plant and where.

Mint is a weed. A delicious couldn’t-make-my-Mojitos-without-it weed, but a weed nevertheless. It grows so prolifically, paying no mind to anything else around it, that it can choke out other plants. I plant it anyway because I want it. But I am ever mindful of where I plant it, or how much of it I put into the ground, and of how it grows once I do so. Too much of a good thing can be just that — too much. The mint can’t help being mint, but I must control how it interacts with the rest of the garden. Planting mint has taught us that we must be careful, thoughtful, and focused on the long term as opposed to simply on the present.

Those flatbed rolling carts are super fun, so why not just let your kid ride on one?

I suppose this lesson comes more from the garden aisle at Lowes and less from the actual garden. Life is short, and before too long your kids won’t want to spend hours with you choosing just the right rosemary plant. Is that cart meant for kids? Nope. Will the world continue to turn while your kid rides on it anyway? Yes. Will the silly smile of your happy kindergartner as he rolls past the mulch make the world a little brighter? Absolutely. Ignore the judgment-filled face of the person next to you in line.

Friends, maybe you don’t have a backyard and instead only a porch or windowsill. That’s OK. You can grow a garden anywhere. It’s not the amount of space that counts, but how you use it and what you learn.

Happy spring planting, everyone.

What Food Allergy Moms Want You to Know

By

Katie Biddle

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May 17, 2019

One in 13.

On average, one in 13 kids in the U.S. lives with a food allergy. Statistically speaking, that means two kids in an average classroom. (As a former elementary teacher, I saw more than that in most classrooms.) Additionally, there are kids living with severe food intolerances or autoimmune reactions to certain foods (i.e., celiac disease).

Even if your own kids don’t have any food allergies, you can be almost certain one of their classmates, friends, or carpool companions will.

We all know the worry that comes with motherhood. Now imagine how that worry is multiplied for a mom dropping off her child with a severe food allergy at school, a playdate, or carpool. As moms, we work together to keep our kids safe at the playground, on the T, on social media; we can also work together to keep kids safe in our kitchens and cafeterias.

The question is how? How can we make the world a little safer for kids living with food allergies… and a little less scary for their moms?

Always ask about food restrictions.

No one wants to sound like a broken record, but in this case, it is absolutely the best thing. If you’ll be looking after another child, check before the parent leaves (or send a quick text if it’s a school pick-up playdate) to see if there are any foods to avoid. If you’re planning a birthday party, a quick email or group text to ask about foods to avoid can go a long way in making sure the day is safe for everyone. And if a toddler wanders over to your toddler’s snack at the park, make sure the parent sees what is happening before offering a bite. (We’ve all been there — hungry toddlers have to be one of the fastest land animals.)

Don’t try to bake something safe.

This one sounds harsh, but think about it for a minute. You know one of your son’s friends can’t eat gluten, dairy, or peanuts, so you buy a box of gluten-free brownie mix. You prepare it according to the “dairy alternative” recipe. But there’s a problem. That sponge you used to wash the mixing bowl? It cleaned peanut butter off a breakfast plate this morning. That wooden spoon you used to mix the batter? It mixed wheat flour last night and might have small traces of gluten (even after washing). Yes, some kids are that sensitive. So trying to bake something safe can be a risky gamble. After all your efforts, it still might not be safe for the child. The best thing to do is talk to the parent ahead of time. Find out what kind of snacks are safe and where you can buy them.

Keep the package sealed.

If you pick up a treat from an allergen-friendly bakery or from the freezer section of the grocery store, make sure to keep it in the original packaging. See, if you place a gluten-free cupcake on the plate with the regular ones, you’re risking cross-contamination. If you didn’t wash your hands between handling the regular cupcakes and taking the gluten-free one out of the box, more risk of cross-contamination. Keep the treats in the package until the child is ready to eat them.

This is also important because you always want to double check the ingredients with the child (or the parent, depending on age). Sometimes a certain allergen is replaced by a different allergen. (For example, wheat flour might be replaced by almond flour — now it contains tree nuts.) Also, that message printed on the box about manufacturing in a facility that contains peanuts or milk can make all the difference in whether something is safe. Take a picture of the label before you buy the item, and send it to the parent to verify. You might feel like a nuisance, but trust me, food allergy parents read SO many labels, and it will mean the world to them to have confidence in what will be available for their child.

Be mindful of common allergens.

The eight major allergens are milk, eggs, fish, tree nuts, peanuts, soy, wheat, and shellfish. Of course, kids can be allergic to many other foods, but knowing these eight is a good place to start. Due to the large number of children living with food allergies, there are many companies that offer foods that are free from the major allergens. These are great options to consider for classroom events or to have on hand at your home. These can also be great snacks to pack for your own kids when you’re going to a shared playspace like the library, the playground, or a museum. We’re fortunate to have many allergen-friendly restaurants in the greater Boston area, so try to keep those places in mind when planning group outings. A little mindfulness can go a long way.

Communicate, communicate, communicate.

I could go on and on about this topic, but the absolute best way to protect kids with food allergies is to communicate. Communicate with the classroom teacher. Many schools don’t allow food for birthdays anymore, but even if yours does, consider an alternative way to celebrate. You would be surprised how exciting a new pencil or a new book for the classroom library can be. Communicate with parents to find out how to make their child feel safe and included. Ask when to use Benadryl. Ask where the child keeps an Epi-pen, and know when and how to use it. Again, you may feel like a nuisance, but for a food allergy mom, this is just another day — and it will mean the world to her that you care so much about keeping her child safe.

As we celebrate Food Allergy Awareness Week, let’s work together to make the world a little safer for ALL kids… and a little less scary for moms.

To VBAC or Not :: One Mom’s Decision

By

Teresa Kett

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May 16, 2019

VBAC - Boston Moms Blog

Like many first-time moms, the birth story I envisioned didn’t quite match up with reality. I was hoping to go with the flow and let my body do what it was made to do. I was hoping for as little intervention as possible but wanted the safety of a hospital birth. There was no reason to think this wouldn’t happen.

Until the very end, when a routine ultrasound picked up low amniotic fluid.

Two days later, it resulted in a medically necessary induction. Hours and hours of labor, then more hours of pushing, then “failure to progress” resulted in a C-section. We both came out healthy in the end. I was OK with this and had confidence in my doctor and the decisions we made throughout the process. But the former straight-A student in me had a hard time with the “failure” part of things.

About a year later, I was pregnant with my second child and discussing options with my doctor — the same one who delivered my first child. She told me I was a candidate for a VBAC — vaginal birth after Cesarean — and assuming my pregnancy remained healthy, it was up to me.

I could choose to labor and delivery vaginally — or schedule a C-section.

She explained there would be no way to know if I would have the same low fluid problem with my second and need an induction, but that it was more likely having had this complication once. She humored my need for journal articles about VBAC versus C-section to review the data, and she discussed them with me. We talked about how the data indicated women who went straight to C-section without labor and then tried VBAC with subsequent pregnancies were more successful with VBAC births that those who had labored and then had a C-section, like I did. But this data wasn’t compelling enough to recommend the scheduled C-section for moms in my situation.

I agonized over this decision. I didn’t want surgery if I didn’t need it. And I appreciated the lack of pressure from my doctor. Medically, she said the result of labor would probably be the same as my first and end in C-section. But it might not, so it was up to me.

For six months, I thought about every last detail.

I went back and forth with my husband on recovery and the impact on our toddler and the newborn, carefully thinking through each scenario.

The recovery from the first C-section was manageable, but I knew it would be tougher the second time around. This time I would have a 1.5-year-old at home who I would be unable to lift for six weeks, and my toddler wouldn’t understand that this wasn’t what I wanted.

I also didn’t want another day of labor, hours and hours of pushing, and the same complications as the first time. My doctor said I basically experienced recovery from both a vaginal birth and a C-section.

While I agonized, my doctor suggested we schedule the C-section so it would be an option. Turns out the only availability on her schedule was two days before my due date. So right up until the end, I was hoping for a quick and sudden labor and a healthy baby delivered with little intervention — wishful thinking regardless of previous circumstances.

In the end, I realized the scheduled C-section had more medical and logistical benefits. I was going with that unless my body decided otherwise. I was comfortable with my decision.

The whole experience the second time around was a world of difference. Everyone was calm. Even me. And it turned out to absolutely be the right decision for us. My healthy baby and I were settled in a room and nursing successfully shortly after delivery. My toddler came to visit on day two and touched his new sister’s toes with fascination. At home, we adjusted to the no lifting and had help. And my body healed much more quickly from this surgery instead of the previous sleep-deprived labor, exhaustion, and then surgery.

It wasn’t easy to get there, but it was the right decision for us all.

6 Tips and Tricks to Get Your Kids to Eat Their Veggies

By

Lindsay Goldberg

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May 15, 2019

Mealtime with kids — love it or hate it, it just keeps happening.

My eldest was never a picky eater. Until she was. All of a sudden, she decided she would not always eat what was put in front of her. All of a sudden, we had to start negotiating.

Now, full disclosure — I am not a nutritionist. But I am a mom. A mom who has found some strategies that work. Some of these tricks came about through thought and intention. Some were just pure luck. All of them are constantly in use. Whether you’re trying to get more veggies or protein or fruits into your child, try these six tips to combat the pickiness!

1. Let them choose.

Unless it’s a school-packed meal, my eldest gets to pick what she eats. The deal is, though, that there needs to be a protein and a carb at each meal, plus a fruit at breakfast and a vegetable at lunch and dinner. The other caveat is that she cannot repeat her vegetable — if she had cucumbers for lunch, she cannot have cucumbers at dinner. Allowing her to choose her meals empowers her to make healthy food choices and gives her a sense of control.

2. Involve them.

Of course, if it’s full empowerment you’re going for, why not have your kids help plant and grow their own vegetables? They will feel so proud of their work that the V won’t be for vegetable, it will be for victory! If gardening isn’t in your future, a trip to the local farm or farmer’s market might do the trick. Even choosing the produce at the grocery store will help them feel more invested.

3. Expose them to samples.

Somehow, my kids will try any vegetable (or any food, for that matter!) if it comes in a sample-sized cup and is handed out at a store. We are good friends with one of the workers at Wegman’s now, and my daughter looks forward to seeing what new vegetable she has! What I haven’t figured out is if turning my own food at home into samples will work… I’ll let you know.

4. Taste test.

A small spin-off of samples — have your kid taste-test the veggies you have at home. The other day my daughter decided she only liked organic carrots. I only had regular carrots on hand. I had her do a blind taste test of… two regular baby carrots. When she enthusiastically decided which one was definitely the better “organic” one, I told her they were the exact same. She now loves my regular baby carrots. (Side note — this came about from trying a carrot while we were out… see “samples” above.)

5. Offer dippers.

Every veggie tastes better when dipped, whether it’s in salad dressing, guac, or hummus. Have your kids experiment with different sauces — asparagus with pesto is currently the house favorite at my place.

6. Sneak the veggies in.

When all else fails, sneak them in! Between zucchini noodles, eggplant meatballs, and cauliflower rice, there are so many ways to sneak veggies into a meal. Plus, if there’s sauce or cheese involved, it is likely to be a winner! Cauli-power alfredo and hidden veggie mac and cheese are two “sneaky” recipes in the rotation at my house, which we ALL enjoy. You can’t taste the veggies in them at all. And I use frozen veggies in both recipes to make my life that much easier. We even include another veggie in the meal, too, for good measure.

These are strategies that work for my family. Of course, now that I’ve shared them, my kids will probably revolt. But, for now, it works. Bottom line, though, the more you can make healthy eating fun and actually about choice, the more likely your kids will be to try new things and discover new favorites!

What have you found that works for your kids?

Dear Husband, Please Don’t Die (I’m Afraid of Tinder)

By

Amanda Rotondo

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May 14, 2019

tinder online dating - Boston Moms Blog

Dear Husband,

You’ll be heartened to know there are many reasons I wish for you to remain alive. First and foremost, I’m relatively sure this sea of children we’ve co-created is trying to kill me, and you are my best line of defense. Plus, you’re pretty good at fixing things, you give good hugs, and I just realized I don’t actually know how to use the snow blower.

The more I learn about app dating, though, the more I’m considering forcing you to go vegan, wear a helmet when you drive, and sleep in a hyperbaric chamber. If you recall, you were pretty solidly stuck with me already back when online dating was still for weirdos. Ours is an analog love story. Please, please, for the love of God, don’t make me go out there. I won’t survive.

I’ve gotten the lay of the land from some single friends, and it’s not pretty. Tinder is where you go when you don’t get enough random pictures of penises popping up on your phone. These penises usually belong to men whose lives are dumpster fires. Bumble only allows women to initiate contact, so fewer penis pictures. Hinge, Coffee Meets Bagel, and a billion others are kind of middle-of-the-road, but everyone who is on one is also on the others, so you’re just going to end up getting repeat pictures of the same penises. You have to apply to be admitted to The League, which is only for pictures of highly educated penises. If you’re into pictures of agricultural penises, FarmersOnly is your best option.

I’d be like a moose trying to play the piano. I simply lack the tools to operate in the online dating space. I’m too over trying to make people like me. So just to amplify my anxiety, I Googled “how to make a dating profile.” I know you don’t want me to be miserable, so let’s play this out a little bit so you can see how imperative it is that you don’t die:

Suggestion 1: List hobbies you can do with others

OK, here I go: Picking up toys, grocery shopping, paying bills, scrubbing poop blowout stains out of onesies, yelling.

Suggestion 2: Choose pictures of you doing stuff

Perfect! Here are pictures of me picking up toys, grocery shopping, paying bills, scrubbing poop blowout stains out of onesies, yelling.

Suggestion 3: Avoid being negative

Let’s skip this one. For God’s sake, my husband just died.

Suggestion 4: Be honest

Really? Alright: I work full time, I have a side business, and I have kids ages 1, 2, and 5. I last exercised in 2013, and the interior of my Subaru is covered in “Frozen” stickers. I’d love to meet you as long as you’re cool with me canceling four times in a row because a kid got sick, then finally showing up late cause someone had a traumatic poop. You’ll be able to recognize me as the one in a black shirt with a giant yogurt smear across the shoulder (and you’ll notice my look of panic as I forget I’m out by myself and momentarily freak out that I’ve just misplaced a kid). I’ll look forward to hearing you talk about all the cool hobbies you have that I won’t have time to consider doing until around 2034, and it’s wholly possible that at some point I’ll reach across the table, grab your nose with a napkin, and tell you to blow. Oh, and I need to get home in time to be in bed by 8:30 p.m.

See? Disaster. So please, please take care of yourself. I really need you to stick around for a very long time. At least until online dating runs its course and meeting in person becomes retro-cool again. But preferably forever, because you’re the best and I love you, plus, I really don’t want to learn how to use the snowblower.