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I Grew Up Not Knowing People with Special Needs — and I Want Different for My Son

By
Caitlin Hynes
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special needs - Boston Moms Blog

I went to Catholic school. For many people, this statement conjures up images of plaid skirts and nuns with rulers who would whack you the second you stepped out of line. Yes, I did wear plaid pretty much every single day, and I did have some very strict teachers (but only one nun). Going to Catholic school also meant any sort of population with special needs was non-existent. While there were some students whose learning differences required some support, there was no special education teacher on staff. Students who needed an IEP (individualized education program) went to local public schools to get the modifications and accommodations they needed to access the curriculum. 

Two months into my tenure as an instructional aide in a fourth-grade inclusion setting at a local elementary, I was shifted into a program for students on the autism spectrum, some of whom were non-verbal, had aggressive or self-injurious behaviors, and needed intensive daily support to accomplish a task as seemingly simple as pulling their pants up. I was TERRIFIED. Up until that point, I could honestly probably only think of fewer than five individuals with special needs that I had ever met in my life. I’m not proud of how nervous I was, but this environment was brand new to me. 

Ten years later…

I loved those students so much that I changed my career path. I was an education minor with a master’s in an education field, so it only took a couple courses to get my teaching certification. Then, I ended up getting a second master’s degree in teaching students with severe special needs and have run substantially separate programs at the high school level for nine school years. Three years ago, I began co-advising a program at my school called Best Buddies. (Yes, the same one Tom Brady does the commercials for. No, I have never met him and probably never will.)

Best Buddies

Our school’s chapter is very active, with weekend events usually once a month. We take trips to the mall or a local mini-golf place, we host a big dance in March and a fundraising walk in the fall, and we set up movie and pizza nights. My son attends a good number of these events with me. My son, at 4 years old, has already had significantly more exposure to people with intellectual or developmental disabilities than I had in 24 years. To him, the students I work with are just “Mama’s friends” who like to give him high fives and tell him he has cool sneakers.

When we saw a student of mine at Target the day of the Super Bowl, my son LOVED comparing his Tom Brady shirt to my student’s Patriots shirt. He saw what they had in common — not that she walks with a bit of an unsteady gait, doesn’t always look at you while you speak to her, or that it can take a long time for her to get her words out. He and a boy in my Best Buddies chapter have the same name, and they both think that’s so cool. Not once has my son asked me why some of Mama’s friends seem to have a hard time talking when he can go a mile a minute (and does!). Not once has he commented on why some of Mama’s friends move very slowly and with a lot of support when he can run anywhere and everywhere (and does!).

Using questions to teach

I’m very sure these questions might someday come. They may not come about any of the students my son is familiar with. Maybe we’ll be in Target and he’ll see a girl in a wheelchair and wonder out loud to me why she isn’t walking. He might see a boy walking through the mall wearing headphone to block out the noise and ask why he has headphones if he’s not watching an iPad. Kids are curious, and my son is no exception. But I’m happy he will have a wealth of experience to draw on to understand my answers — You know how sometimes some of Mama’s friends have a hard time using their legs, handling loud noise, etc. 

I’m not saying his exposure will help him become the most accepting, understanding human being in the world. But I am hoping he will grow up continuing to see the similarities — not differences — between himself and the other people of this world, whether or not they are able to walk or communicate the same way he does. And I hope he always sees that they both love the Patriots. 

 

Call to Order :: The Family Meeting

By
Jessie Keppeler
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family meeting - Boston Moms Blog

As busy moms, we all know how bananas life can get, right? I’ve written a lot about this, whether it’s syncing up the kids’ classes, slowing down for the summer, or trying to teach my girls certain life skills in the midst of the chaos. I’ve even thought about how to make a family motto sacred in our busy lives.

So now I’m looking at another way for my family to push the pause button. It’s something that should be second nature to those of you who spend your workday negotiating and brainstorming with others.

It’s the Family Meeting.

As soon as your kids are preschool age, consider calling to order a Family Meeting. It’s a way to give everyone in the family a voice (and to take those little voices seriously), to practice democracy, and to show that we’re part of a team with common goals. And, it’s — yet again — a way to slow down and touch base with one another.

My parents introduced Family Meetings when I was a kid, and maybe I was a dork, but I remember getting pretty excited about them. (Who would get to take notes?!) We talked about family safety — I recall multiple conversations about what to do in case of a fire — and also sat around and laughed. It wasn’t all business.

So with that in mind, I decided to continue the tradition with my own kids, ages 9, 6, and 3. Recently, we sat down in the living room for our inaugural session, and for 30 minutes we talked about what’s what. There were cheers, there were groans, and the little one bounced on the sofa cushions the entire time.

You can run your own Family Meeting as you see fit, but to help spark some ideas, here was our agenda :

Family Meeting — February 27, 2019

Agenda

1. Upcoming weekend plans — what is everyone looking forward to? (All)

2. Laundry — how everyone can help more. (Mama)

3. Soccer clinic in June — do S and E want to do it? (Dada)

4. Project share — what is everyone working on? (All)

5. Allowance — review amounts and distribution. (All)

6. Piano practice — when and how often. (S and E)

7. Composting — how everyone can participate. (Dada)

8. T’s upcoming birthday. (T and all)

9. Plans for next week, including Dada’s work trip. (Mama)

We ran through these items fairly quickly, although there was some healthy debate around the “allowance” item, and two girls performed lengthy piano pieces during “project share.” We treated most items as a discussion rather than a ruling; for instance, we chatted about obstacles to regular piano practice and brainstormed ways to get around them. And of course, while we cover most of these things already in passing, assigning them extra weight as official agenda items will hopefully make them resonate more.

(Meaning people might actually put away their clean laundry.)

There are other more important subjects to tackle at future meetings — think stranger danger, etc. — but we wanted this one to feel pretty light. We even ended with a game of “telephone” to adjourn in a fun way. (And if you’ve never played telephone with a 3-year-old in speech therapy, you’ve never played telephone.)

The ruling on the family meeting? The girls said they had fun and are already thinking of agenda items for our next session.

I’m guessing “allowance” will be on there again.

 

Screen Time Limits… for Mom?

By
Katie Biddle
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If you became a mom in the last decade, screen time is probably something you have thought about. (Believe it or not, smartphones are only 12 years old. And iPads are only 10!) There are endless opinions about screen time and its effects on kids, but there is not a whole lot of research available. So we are left to chat with other moms, Google whatever data we can find, and then go with our gut and do what we believe is best for our kids.

Recently, as I was pulling up a Pinterest page to remember what my 2-year-old son’s Valentine craft was “supposed to” look like, it struck me:

We spend so much time worrying about screen time for our kids… but what about the impact of screen time on us — as moms?

Think about some of the reasons we worry about screen time for our kids. Obviously, there is the issue of brain development (which is less of a concern for adults). Does screen time impact kids’ attention spans? Will too much screen time stifle their creativity? Will it keep them from learning social skills and making friends? Especially as they move toward the teenage years, will they compare themselves to filtered images and feel like they are never good enough? 

Well, let’s take a minute and think about those same concerns for ourselves.

Attention span

When you sit down to lunch, especially with infants and/or toddlers who don’t really engage in conversation yet, are you scrolling through your Instagram feed or replying to emails? In those rare moments when you finally have some time to yourself, do you reach for your phone to catch up on the latest Twitter war? Do you grab your tablet to binge watch the next series? Like with our kids, we have to decide if these instances are occurring too often… and if screen time is taking away from something more valuable (a nap, maybe?). 

Creativity

Moms are, by far, some of the most creative people out there. I mean, think about the tricks we come up with to get our toddlers to put on their coats or brush their teeth. Now think about your newsfeed around the holidays. Sometimes don’t you see some creative, but often very similar, celebrations? Isn’t it funny how a tool like Pinterest (which, don’t get me wrong, I LOVE) can enhance our creativity but at the same time stifle it? When I need an idea for my son’s latest holiday craft, what’s the first thing I do? Type it into Pinterest and see what pops up. I could probably come up with much better ideas on my own — or, better yet, hand my son the paper and some paint and see what he comes up with on his own.

Socialization

Technology is an amazing tool. Facetime, Skype, and Tinybeans help bridge the miles between our kids and the people who love them. I would be lost without mom blogs (like this one!) or Lucie’s List. I’ve connected with local moms through neighborhood Facebook groups. Of course, there is also a danger. Do you find yourself scrolling through Instagram and comparing your “regular” day to a mom who ventured out to the Children’s Museum or the MFA? Have you found yourself at a museum wondering if you should post a picture just so people know you can be a fun mom too? (RED FLAG. Step away from the phone.) And don’t even get me started on the rabbit hole that can be mom discussion boards, especially on hot-button issues (cough, sleep training, cough). 

Example for our kids

When I was a teacher, we used our phones to submit attendance and lunch counts each morning. One day I had a new case on my phone and it was the very first thing my students noticed when we sat down for morning meeting. I say this to highlight a point: Kids notice EVERYTHING. Yes, they listen to what we tell them (usually). Yes, they internalize certain behaviors through routine and repetition. But the reality is, they gain so much of their knowledge about the world through observation.

And if what they observe is adults constantly staring at screens, they will internalize that message: Being a grown-up means staring at a screen all day.

I am not here to condemn screens. Trust me, as a toddler mom I know how important that connection to the outside world can be (especially as we trudge through the winter months). What I am suggesting is that maybe we should spend a little time thinking about what is best for us when it comes to screens. Maybe take a day to spend some time away from your phone or iPad (I wish I could excuse you from your work computer, but I don’t have that power). You don’t need a fancy study or a research psychologist — you’ll know what makes you happier.

 

An Apology to My 1998 Sorority Semiformal Pint Glass

By
Amanda Rotondo
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I’m so sorry.

You started life so promisingly. When the box of formal glassware opened in the dining room of the house, you were swarmed by a pack of 19- and 20-year-old ladies, thrilled at the prospect of getting their mitts on you. Out of the many boxes of coveted Pi Beta Phi Cocktails 1998 pint glasses, I chose you. You. You were mine. I treasured you.

You were even more coveted by 1998 RPI boys, who vied for an invitation to the Pi Beta Phi 1998 Cocktails. (This may or may not be true, but I tell myself this so I can believe that once upon a time, if only for four short years, I was cool by association.)

Our first drink together was, of course, the night of November 14, 1998. It was an Alabama Slammer. I know this, because at that time one of the four things we could watch at Pi Phi was the movie “Cocktail” because we were too poor for cable and all we had was a VCR with four tapes: “Cocktail,” “Clueless,” “Top Gun,” and “Priscilla, Queen of the Desert.” The Alabama Slammer was a big deal in “Cocktail,” but none of us knew what it was. We found out on the night of November 14, 1998, because some weird bartender hired by the weird bar owner knew how to make them for us. I’m also relatively sure I flushed part of my dress down the toilet that night. It happens.

The night of November 14, 1998, your partner glass went to some fraternity guy named “Killer” who I asked a sister to set me up with because he seemed cool. Then a year later I started dating him and then seven years later I married him. Who marries their Cocktails setup date? Embarrassing. Sorry.

I’m sorry I’ve had just one drink from you in weeks, and that it was a Cosmo made with Ketel One and a Stonewall Kitchen apple cranberry mixer. We are yuppies now.

I’m sorry that we’re nerds now. Well, we were before, but now we really own it. I’m sorry you have to live in a house with so many whiteboards. I’m sorry when “Weird Science” comes on the TV you have to hear an explanation of why the computer the two nerds are using has 1,000 times less power than a cell phone and how the whole movie loses all credibility due to that. Because apparently other than that one fact, the movie is completely credible.

I’m sorry that sometimes when I wake up the morning after drinking from you, I’m achy and dreading the idea of getting out of bed because I did a whole heap of yard work the day before. And that I give thanks to the water I drank from you, that facilitated my taking Advil before I went to bed. ‘Cause otherwise it would be so much worse. I’m sorry I won’t shop at Bed Bath & Beyond without a coupon.

I’m sorry you have to sit on a counter with a baby bottle and a sippy cup that somehow has a wad of silly putty adhered to the side of it. You will likely meet your eventual demise at the greasy hands of a child. One of them will bumble across the kitchen holding you — full of milk — then trip on their own feet and send you flying to the tile floor. You will shatter and die, and they will not understand why their otherwise iron-souled mother will burst into tears.

I’m sorry the most crazy-fun party you’ve been to in the last 10 years included a 2-year-old running across the house, trailing a blue balloon, eating a whoopee pie, and wearing an R2D2 helmet and no pants.

I chose you, you know. I was Social Chair in November of 1998. And I remember scouring the sorority glassware catalog. Should we get pint glasses or shot glasses? Pint glasses. So much classier. So much more functional. We nailed it.

But really, Pi Beta Phi 1998 Cocktails Pint Glass, what is it that you want? While I have become pathetically boring and unhip, while I vastly prefer the comfort of sneakers over four-inch heels, and while I reluctantly admit to getting really excited when I receive the monthly sale email from The Container Store, this is where we are.

So deal with it, Pi Beta Phi 1998 Cocktails pint glass. Just deal with it. Try to enjoy your cozy suburban cupboard. Maybe if we’re lucky, one day I’ll soak my dentures in you. Until then, I’ll enjoy my monthly visits with you and my yuppie Stonewall Kitchen Cosmo. Cheers, Pi Beta Phi 1998 Cocktails pint glass, my friend. Cheers.

 

Why I Left the Career I Loved :: Becoming a Stay-at-Home Mom

By
Rachel Rich
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stay-at-home mom - Boston Moms Blog

Before kids, I was a middle school teacher. I loved it. The quirkiness and awkwardness of the age resonated with me, and I found joy in my work. I was engaged in my career. I had started a cross-country program and an ESL program, I ran a middle school for three years, I mentored teachers, and I earned my master’s degree while collecting multiple certifications. The district I worked for had a mission I agreed with and a student body I connected with and cared about. I never saw myself leaving. I had found what I was looking for.

And then I had a lot of children. My career was no longer in alignment with my life.

Having four children turned my world upside down. Not only were we blessed with four healthy, beautiful babies, we were also blessed with four spirited, strong-willed, and fiercely independent children in the span of five years.

Our oldest just started kindergarten. There is no calm in our day. From the moment the first one wakes up until the last one falls asleep, our family is in a constant state of extreme emotional management. As each child arrived, I took time away from work, and then I went back. Even after my fourth child was born, I went back. The baby was 10 months old, and we were four children deep. I tried to keep work simple — I tried to not take on extra tasks, I tried to keep work at work, I tried not to work too hard. But that was not who I was. I loved teaching and I could not be less than my best at it.

See, I thought I could be great at mommying while being great at teaching. I planned birthday parties, attended school events, packed five lunches every night, and scheduled play dates and outings. By social media standards, I was killing it. But I wasn’t. I was on autopilot, and there were glitches I had no time to catch or fix.

My family needed me more than I needed to work.

Our life had turned into a daily comedy act. Scenes of wicked early drop-offs, empty lunch boxes, babywearing while teaching, mixed up and missed appointments and plans, and a frazzled, defeated mom happened regularly. And that doesn’t even touch on the formidable laundry pile, TV-style dinners, irregular bath schedules, and lack of exercise! On top of it all, my husband travels for work. So there were many days where I was a one-woman show, with four small, stressed-out children clinging to my pant legs, desperate for my presence.

My kids and family needed me. I wanted to work, but I didn’t need to work. And I had become persistently exhausted, easily agitated, definitely no fun, and wicked stressed out. I had papers to grade, projects to plan, content to study, and curriculum to write — and it had to come home. I turned down opportunities to read, play, and engage with my children. Family outings were overshadowed by anxiety and worry about getting home and finding time to lesson plan. Chicken fingers and pizza deliveries became the daily dinner for both children and adults.

I was becoming someone new.

My heart had become heavy. Something had to change. Over the course of seven weeks, my husband and I listened to a collection of sermons at our church titled “Sunday to Monday,” which explored our purpose in our work. Those sermons provided us a platform to talk about what we both knew needed to happen in our home. After many conversations and chatting with moms who work, don’t work, wished they worked, wished they didn’t work, and after looking at our family’s day-to-day interactions, I realized that my calling to be a school teacher was over. My calling had transformed into mothering four beautifully intense children and teaching them to be the good in this world. I love my family and want them to have the best of me. It was time to give them that. The universe was telling me to let go.

So I let go.

Leaving my teaching career was extremely difficult. I cried. A lot. But I was done, and it felt right. See, I want to give my all to whatever I choose to do. And right now I choose to be a stay-at-home mom to my babies. I might reinvent myself, eventually. I believe we may have multiple callings. Just because I was always a teacher, doesn’t mean I will always be a teacher. Now I can be something else. Or I could just be a mom. Or, maybe a writer. Maybe the universe will point me toward another opportunity that I can’t yet see. I don’t know quite yet what’s next, but one thing I will forever be is a mother. So that’s what I’m proudly focusing on now. And it’s still mad crazy, but a lot more fun and manageable.

My Kids Are Addicted to Fortnite

By
Deanna Greenstein
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It started off innocently enough. I was enjoying a mid-summer trip to the dentist’s office with my kids. (By “enjoying,” I mean I was dripping sweat while sprinting between three dental chairs with a baby on one hip while my preschooler destroyed a potted plant in the waiting area, all the while reconsidering all my life choices that led up to me thinking that scheduling five kids for back-to-back dental appointments was a smart idea. It was fun.)

As I skidded into the room where my oldest son was being examined, I caught wind of the conversation.

Young Dentist Who My Kids Consider To Be A Super Cool Guy: So, do you play Fortnite?

My 12-Year-Old: Nahhhyahhh-Cahhpay-Fuhhh-Maaaa-Fooooh?

Young Dentist Who My Kids Consider To Be A Super Cool Guy: Yeah, you can totally play it from your phone. It’s fun — I play in a squad with my friends. You’ve gotta ask your mom though.

My 12-Year-Old: Ahh-Wihhh, AhhWahhhhNahhhh (glancing over at me with pleading eyes and drool dripping down chin).

And then it began.

I did all the “mom” things. I made sure my kids knew they could only chat in the game with kids they actually knew in real life. They knew the sound had to remain on at all times so I could hear what they were talking about. I outlined time limits for how long I would allow them to play each day, plus rules about eliminating video games entirely if their grades in school started to dip.

And I relented.

Within days, my children spoke about nothing but pick-axes and Battle Buses. They begged for V-Bucks to buy weapons for Battle Royale. At any given moment, cups on the counter were in danger of being flung to the floor in a frenzy of best mates, orange justice, and flossing. When I kicked them out of the house to play outside, they formed a live-action, Fortnite-style chasing game with the neighbor kids.

Even when they weren’t playing the game, it was all they could think about. They were addicted to Fortnite.

Talking to other moms about it, I found that Fortnite addiction isn’t limited to my own house. It’s running rampant in the tween-age set.

Am I worried?

Well, in all honesty? Not really. I remember being obsessive about things when I was that age (hello, New Kids On The Block). We are doing our best to protect them from dangerous situations by setting up safeguards and monitoring their game time. As long as their schoolwork is getting done and they are still participating in their normal activities, I will accept that many of our conversations will center around their gaming strategy. When they start to fixate on it too much, I gently encourage them to branch out with their interests, and it is working for us. As the months have passed, their obsession has begun to fade slightly.

We are just over here, riding out the Fortnite wave.

I do have to admit, I enjoy that the Fortnite phase has caused some pretty epic family dance parties.

Though, I do plan to tell our dentist to stick to the other kind of flossing at our next visit. (Err…visitS. We won’t be having a five-for-one deal again.)

 

Why We’re Keeping Birthday Parties Co-ed a Little Longer

By
Kristen D
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My oldest son turned 6 in January and had his heart set on a party in our house with a homemade Neopolitan ice cream cake in the shape of a football and sports! sports! sports! So, we celebrated in grand form with a “game on” party, featuring games that ran the gamut from designing your own uniform to a series of “Minute to Win It” games to shooting hoops and high-intensity “Just Dance” competitions.

As with any gathering of more than two 6-year-olds, the decibel level was high, the energy level was higher, the neighbors complained that the ceiling lights were shaking (sorry, neighbors!), and mom needed a bubble bath and wine when everything was done. But according to the 6-year-old, the only way it could have been better was if Chuck E. Cheese could have made an appearance. Touche, kid.

Our son has 29 kids in his kindergarten class, nine in his section, and a class culture where you invite all the kids whenever possible. As any good parents would, we debated how to keep the sound levels respectable, the budget moderate, and our 1,000-square-foot, second-floor apartment still standing after the party. (Again, sorry neighbors.)

This year, for the first time, some students are starting to have “just boys” or “just girls” parties. To be honest, there are some things that were appealing about that, especially with a son who wanted a football party. There’s nothing wrong with that choice, and it’s very possible we’ll make a different one next year. But we chose to keep it co-ed this year, and here are some of the reasons I’m glad we did:

Keeping it co-ed keeps it child-like a little bit longer.

In our culture right now, the push to grow up faster is everywhere. Mixing boys and girls just makes sense before puberty starts accentuating differences between boys and girls and attraction starts muddling the waters. While there’s nothing wrong with having a “girls only party” or a “boys only party,” I hesitate to bifurcate too early, highlighting the “otherness” when they’re still figuring out all the things that they have in common.

Keeping it co-ed forced me to think outside of stereotypical “boy” games and decor.

Especially with a son who loves sports, it would have been easy to go with sports-themed ideas, which would have rocked for some boys and some girls and not so much for others. Keeping it co-ed forced me to think of games that appealed to the athletic and the intellectual, the fashionista and the little broseph. What this does is make it more inclusive and enjoyable for everyone, especially those who don’t jive with their gender stereotypes.

Keeping it co-ed encourages my sons to develop real friendships with the girls.

My sons are blessed to have a number of really good little girl friends — some of whom school them in soccer and can outbuild even my engineering-minded son, others who teach them the world of make-believe and how to make the most rad necklace ever. Yet already, I hear stories about boys in their classes who only want to play with other boys or who frequently say, “That’s not something girls can do” or, “Girls are so silly and icky.” Quite frankly, that’s not how I want to raise my sons. By continuing to create spaces where my sons’ friendships with girls are welcomed and encouraged, I hope to continue to teach them that girls are cool, smart, and strong — but most of all, friends.

What do you think? What age did you encourage single-gender birthday parties? If you don’t, how do you keep the birthday party numbers manageable?

 

Why I Get Myself Into These Things…

By
Sarah Casimiro
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mom friends - Boston Moms Blog

“What did you get yourself into this time?” my husband, Jay, responded when I told him I was selected as a contributor for Boston Moms Blog. Honestly, I can’t blame him. Ever since we had our first daughter, Cecilia, nearly three years ago, I have signed us up for one activity after another. In fact, it was only last summer that I founded and became president of the local MOMS Club chapter in my town in an effort to foster relationships with mom friends. Before that, I enrolled us in swim, dance, yoga, gymnastics, story hour at the library. You name it — we joined it.

What can I say? I wouldn’t categorize myself as a “joiner” by nature, but I do have a tendency to join things. Before mommy-hood, I pursued classes at the Boston Center for Adult Education, graduated from the Improv Asylum’s training program, and even attempted belly dancing in Brookline, all in an effort to expand and evolve. After Ceci was born, I knew I needed to do the same.

This was new territory for me, and I felt lost and alone, despite the fact that I was surrounded by family and friends. So I did what I had always done: I joined things. I longed to make mom friends and connect with them in a way that was not possible with my husband, my friends who are not mothers, or even my friends who are mothers, but of older children. I needed moms in the same “boat” I was sinking in — that sleep-deprived, drowning-in-love, disoriented-and-dehydrated, struggling-with-breastfeeding, hating-my-post-pregnancy-body boat.

Forging connections with others is essential to my well-being. I learned that lesson almost 15 years ago when I was blessed with the gift of sobriety. In the beginning of my journey, sober friends helped me stay healthy, sane, and alcohol-free, simply by sharing their experiences with me. Without meaningful connections, I feel both lonely and alone — and yes, those are two different things. That is dangerous territory for anyone, let alone a new mother.

I refused to allow myself the luxury of self-pity and self-loathing that isolation provided. Even on days when my mind and body insisted I stay home, I packed up my newborn and my diaper bag and headed out into the world of Mommy and Me. Unfortunately, what I found most often were moms who already knew each other and were joining things together. I participated at a minimum — showing up but being too scared to talk, or trying to talk but feeling like my contributions were inane. Despite those feelings, I continued to show up. I made a commitment to myself and to my daughter to foster new relationships with other like-minded women.

Honestly, it all made me want to jump out of my skin. But if this was so uncomfortable, why did I continue to do it? Because becoming a mother changed me. I would do anything and everything for my two little girls. Now that I’m able to reflect on those early months, I know I did it for myself and for Ceci. I didn’t want to prevent her from socializing because I found it taxing and anxiety-provoking. I didn’t want her only interaction to be an episode of “Mickey Mouse Clubhouse” because it was easier to stay home than to pack her up and bring her to a place where other humans, both big and small, were building a community.

I’m grateful I did this then, and continue to do this today, because she is a smart, social, silly toddler who loves to be around other people as much as I wish I did. She is my greatest teacher, and she makes it easier for me to be social. I hope I am able to do the same for our latest addition, Adelaide, because she deserves the same opportunities to develop her social intelligence.

I think the best response to my husband’s, “What did you get yourself into this time?” would be, “I’ve gifted myself with another opportunity to meet and relate to other mamas, because I need it, the girls need it, and other mamas need us.” I said yes before my mind could convince me to say no, because I want to grow as a mom and as a woman. One of my dear friends thinks I am Superwoman, but I disagree. I’m a mom, just trying to find her way. And that means finding a new community of mom friends to support and be supported by.

What do you do to support and be supported as a mom? Who is in your community?

 

Can Daylight Saving Spring My Toddler’s Wake Time Forward, Please?!

By
Annie Claflin
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It’s almost time to “spring forward,” as daylight saving time is fast approaching on March 10. And we all know what that means:

We lose an hour of sleep.

Our family, like many others with young children, currently struggles with the ongoing less-than-optimal-sleep battle. We recently sleep trained our 2-year-old son (for the second time), as he was waking multiple times during the night and rising at the pre-dawn hour of 4 a.m. With this achievement in hand, we sleep through the night once again. But we’re greedy and are always looking for extra sleep.

Prior to having children, my husband and I were competitive sleepers. On weekends, we slept in to the late morning hours. We even trained our dog to sleep in with us. The first time we sleep trained our son, we made sure he slept 12 hours at night. We had it good for roughly a year, but slowly our son’s once-amazing sleep pattern deteriorated.

For months, my husband and I chose the path of least resistance and hoped that, with time, our son’s previously sturdy sleep schedule would return. Relief never came on its own, though, so after a second round of sleep training effort, we re-achieved a manageable sleep regimen.

Now that our family has kicked up our nighttime sleep game up a notch, daylight saving time is rearing its ugly head. As with any form of sleep deprivation, we can expect the time change to bring about changes in our family’s appetite and mood, at best. More realistically, we anticipate that our toddler will turn it up to 11 and get a little more emotionally charged. Unless… unless there’s something we can do to make the landing after daylight saving time softer.

So what can we actually do about losing an hour of sleep and gaining the grogginess induced by darker mornings?

1. Make sure you’re caught up on sleep.

The National Sleep Foundation suggests getting plenty of sleep prior to daylight saving so you’re well-rested going into this disruption (way easier said than done, I know).

2. Use light to your benefit

After daylight saving, expose yourselves to sunlight as soon as it’s available, and dim the lights (and your screens) at night to cue your body that it’s almost time to doze off.

3. Adjust sleep before the weekend

For families with young kids, a Parents Magazine article recommends slowly adjusting naps and bedtimes 15 minutes earlier each day for four days prior to daylight saving. And, brace yourself here: You’ll need to wake your children from sleeping in, too. Phew! Did we just avert an overall influx of sass in our family life? Yes, yes we did.

Yet, with all of this preparation, our toddler will still wake up at 5:30 a.m. each morning. Even after eight hours of sleep, I feel more than tired waking up at this hour. So what if we do nothing in anticipation of the time change on March 10? What used to be 5:30 a.m. prior to daylight saving would now be 6:30 a.m. when the clocks roll forward. I can handle a 6:30 a.m. wakeup. If the spring forward ritual will allow my son to sleep a little later in the morning, I’m all in (thanks Dr. Canapari).

In the same way that there is no “right” way to parent, there is no “right” way to prepare for a glitch in your sleep matrix. Growing up, I recall my parents’ “do nothing” approach to springing forward, and I think we just may follow in their footsteps.

What will you do about losing an hour of sleep this March?

 

To the Moms of Hyperactive Kids During Winter

By
Jalisa Harris
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ADHD winter - Boston Moms Blog

As a mom of a hyperactive ADHD child, I have learned a thing or two. Ever since he was diagnosed at the age of 3, I’ve looked at life completely differently. I’ve had to realize what can work and what just can’t — and that it’s OK when things don’t work.

Let’s talk about winter. Have you seen your kids become stir crazy and experience cabin fever? Try living with us. I never knew what hyperactivity was really like until seeing it in my son. Unless we’re on vacation or out and about, things are just dang hard, ya’ll. We never get the in between, where a kid will sit during screen time or do a craft for 10 or 15 minutes. Instead, we get the need to have the TV/tablet on while juggling a whole bunch of other things simultaneously. Having a kid who despises crafts or seated projects indoors is definitely hard, especially when it is super cold like Boston can be. Activities with continuous movement are what we need. So today I am sharing 10 winter activities to do in Boston with kids who have ADHD, autism, or even a smidge more hyperactivity than normal. 

1. Visit Legoland Discovery Center

We love visiting the Legoland Discovery Center in Somerville. The center helps keep all the littles busy. From the games, free play, and even 4D movie theater, they have it all. One day we were there for five hours, and my son was begging to visit again. 

2. Go sledding

3. Try snow tubing

A couple of weekends ago, my father-in-law brought my son snow tubing, and he loved it! They visited Loon Mountian in Lincoln, NH. Bonus — they have the most affordable pricing.

4. Make DIY kid-friendly face masks

Face masks aren’t just for the ladies. My son loves them so much we started making our own so he could face mask with me. 

5. Create a video

Maybe it’s the blogger in me, but once I get my DSLR camera out, my son is all over me to take a picture of him. A couple of weeks ago I posted my “Clean Beauty Tuesday” face mask on my personal blog, and my son had to be in it. The face mask company loved it so much they shared it to their Instagram account and even said how cute he was!

6. Make homemade snow

I saw a video on Facebook about creating fake snow, and my son was so excited to make his own.

7. Go swimming

Head to your local YMCA or the neighborhood hotel for a swim. My son is a fish, so he loves being in the water. This will use up most of the energy for the day!

8. Make a hot cocoa bar

What kid isn’t a chocolate lover?! Creating a DIY hot cocoa station after those cold days outside is a special treat.

9. Go ice skating

There are so many kid-friendly ice skating spots, with many providing helps for balance. My son has been in “learn to skate” since he was 3, prepping him for hockey. It took a while to get used to, but now he’s a champ. By the end of the day, he is so tired! Some local schools offer public skate certain days of the week.

ADHD winter - Boston Moms Blog

10. Build a fort

One thing that will give my son wonder for hours is a fort made of cardboard, blankets, you name it. Plus, he will sit and draw on it all day! It helps keep his focus, and I love that it’s a creative way of learning. 

What are some activities that help your hyperactive or ADHD child? Share your best tips with us!

 

ADHD winter - Boston Moms Blog

An Unlikely Way to Discover That I Kick Butt

By
victoriamorenojackson
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impostor syndrome - Boston Moms Blog

There’s something about business travel — a trip required and paid for by your employer — that feels important. Of course, it’s not all glamorous — I’ve seen family and friends experience the grueling stress of too much travel. But still, we often view travel for work as a sign of success.

So when the opportunity to travel for my new small business came up, I immediately discarded it. I run the business solo, hand-making custom bags, and I couldn’t afford to add such a significant expense to my tiny budget. When my husband (my biggest cheerleader) urged me to more carefully consider the idea, I opened my mind a little bit.

But, nope. Counting on selling enough of my bags to justify airfare, lodging, and a rental car wasn’t a good idea. However, as I looked at the bigger picture, I was able to start reconsidering: My in-laws live in the same town of the show, they were willing to host me, and they had an extra car. Now the only significant expense was airfare.

I did some research, I secured another show in the area, and I reached out to some local art studios and was able to secure teaching gigs for two classes while I was in town. The math had changed. Was it worth it to pay airfare for a trip where I could do two shows and teach two classes? After doing a lot of thinking and working hard to avoid letting my fear make decisions for me, I decided I would take the trip.

Of course, after my initial exuberance about getting to take my first business trip came the flurry of getting ready and the inevitable struggle with impostor syndrome. My excitement turned more toward anxiety as I realized everything I would need to get into place for the classes and shows. But it felt good to be working on this exciting project. My confidence grew as I was able to tell people I was taking the trip.

But it became hard to maintain confidence as my classes failed to fill, leading to their cancellation. This placed more importance on the shows to make the trip a “success” and to validate my businesswoman status. The first show happened. There was not a lot of traffic or interest, and I made two small sales. The second show was not as “successful” as my first. It became hard to keep going with a positive attitude.

Luckily, I’d been working with a business mentor, and I remembered a couple of things we’d talked about: 1) We weren’t sure that this second market was going to be a good fit for my brand, and 2) data is always helpful.

Remembering these points allowed me to leave the second market bummed but not crushed. As I was carrying out my bags, I stopped by a Sephora store a few doors down. Within minutes, I was surrounded by staff who had questions about and admired my bags. This helped reinforce that putting my bags in front of my target market really makes a difference, and I got some more information about who is in my target market.

I did not come away from this trip in the blaze of financial and professional glory, but I did learn some important things:

  • The trip might not have followed my plan, but I still made it a success. I was smart in picking a low-stakes location for my first trip, so my learning took place in a safe environment. Even when I was tempted to tuck my tail between my legs and feel defeated, by keeping my perspective professional, I was able to gather valuable data at an unlikely time in an unlikely place.
  • The work after my events are done is just as intensive as all my preparation for the trip. I’d wanted to develop this model — to travel for shows and classes — as something I could do about four times a year. I’m trying to sort out the factors that played a role in my lackluster results: I tried to partner with new studios, I went to a city where I did not have significant professional contacts, I did not follow a well-thought-out social media and advertising strategy. I hope to constructively improve my results on my next try.
  • Having family and friends at my home-away-from-home and making time to enjoy myself made a huge difference. My family and friends fed me, helped me make labels, carried heavy things for me, showed up, loved me, and supported me. I visited so many parts of a city that I hadn’t seen in years. Regardless of the business aspects, my memories of this trip will always make me happy.

I’m learning what it really means to be a business person. I cannot let my tendency to be hypercritical of myself or be subject to impostor syndrome sabotage my progress because things didn’t go as I’d hoped. A real business person learns from her disappointments, rather than giving up in the midst of what feels like failure. She picks herself up and grows stronger and smarter after a disappointment.

My name is Victoria. My first business trip did not achieve very many of the goals I set, but I am going to learn from my experience. I will take another business trip, and I will do better next time. I’m learning that I can kick butt.

How do you deal when you don’t live up to your own expectations? How do you pick yourself up and keep trying?

 

You Know You’re in the Third Trimester When….

By
Rachel Wilson
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Pregnancy is a special time. A woman’s body is going through so many changes in order to support and nurture new life. And, let’s be honest, a lot of those changes suck, particularly in the third trimester. If you’re currently in the third trimester, I hope you can identify with (and laugh about) some of these “special” changes. If you’re in the earlier stages of pregnancy, here are some things you can look forward to. (And if your pregnancies are behind you, you can nod knowingly and be glad these things are in your past.) So, without further ado…

You know you’re in the third trimester of pregnancy when…

…you reject any item of clothing that isn’t stretchy pants (winter) or a muumuu (summer).

…putting your socks on constitutes a workout.

…your belly is now big enough that it causes fellow passengers on the bus or train to look up from their phones and (maybe) offer you their seat.

…you basically have to carry your toddler above your head when she demands to be picked up because there’s no place for her around your waist.

…some part of you — stomach, uterus, or bladder — always feels like it could burst at any second.

…you are single-handedly increasing the quarterly profit of your preferred toilet paper vendor.

…you drop something on the floor and stop to consider how badly you actually need it — or if it can wait until the baby comes.

…your belly becomes a shelf for your phone, the remote control, your book, your computer…

…also, your belly is covered with crumbs or other food stains after practically every meal.

…your nightly dessert is a tall, cold glass of Metamucil.

…you’re nesting. As in, you’ve literally made yourself a nest out of pillows and blankets to try and get some comfortable sleep.

…none of your shoes fit, so you find yourself wearing flip-flops during a snowstorm.

…someone says the phrase, “Not long now!” or asks you, “Are you sure it’s not twins?” almost every day.

…you don’t walk, you waddle.

…you wake up five times a night to pee. And so does your husband, because you need him to push you out of bed!

Thanks to the other Boston Moms Blog contributors for sharing their own third-trimester woes!

 

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