What I Learned From Having a NICU Baby

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April 11, 2019

NICU baby - Boston Moms Blog

Looking at my son today, you’d never think he’d been a preemie. When he gets hangry and downs a bottle like he’s been in the Sahara Desert dying of thirst for three days, it’s hard to believe he was on a feeding tube for the first few weeks of his life. As he achieves all the standard milestones like a pro and is on an average growth track, I know we are lucky that he is healthy — and I am thankful for that.

But his month-long NICU stay elicits memories that still cause a lot of turmoil. I owe a lot to the phenomenal staff at his hospital. They gave us a crash course in NICU life, where we learned all about bilirubin levels, apnea/bradycardia spells, and kangaroo care. Not everyone talks about NICU life, but hearing others’ experiences can go a long way in adapting to the challenges of a premature baby. Here are a few of the things I took away from our experience with a preemie baby in the NICU.

Commentary can be unintentionally hurtful.

People who have never experienced having a preemie or a baby in the NICU may offer advice or words of encouragement. While typically coming from a good place, they often miss the mark. It’s fantastic that your co-worker’s sister’s neighbor had a baby born at the same time and about the same weight and that baby got to go home two days later. But that baby is not mine — my baby needed to be hospitalized. The worst was hearing, “At least you got to go home and sleep,” like we were at a Club Med resort. I still had to pump every two to three hours. Additionally, I was addled with anxiety, worry, and fear anytime I was not at the hospital with him, so sleep was always going to take a backseat.

Well wishes feel weird.

Sometimes, the arrival of a baby isn’t always under the most joyous of circumstances. Since we have close friends and immediate family spread throughout the country and abroad, posting about our son’s birth on Facebook seemed obvious. When the congratulations and well wishes started coming in, I didn’t realize the impact they would have. The most jarring thing about it was seeing and hearing all these positive words of encouragement while feeling incredibly scared. It’s hard to feel celebratory when your baby is wired up to loads of monitors and you live with a constant sense of dread over his alarms going off. A part of me wishes we had held off on announcing his arrival until the day we brought him home. That was when his father and I felt we could truly celebrate.

Embrace the silver linings.

There is nothing pleasant about the NICU. It is full of uncertainty, and progress is viewed on a day-to-day basis. The social worker in our NICU referred to any positives as silver linings, which is pretty apt. It really struck a chord with me, and I tried my best for the rest of the hospital stay and beyond to focus on the silver linings that came out of the experience: Our son was in one of the best hospitals in Boston and was in great hands. As part of the NICU discharge process, we got to learn how to perform infant CPR. When I couldn’t be at the hospital to breastfeed, he was bottle fed, so we never struggled with getting him to adjust to that for my return to work.

And just like in the NICU, any milestone he reaches or achievement he unlocks is a victory. And for that, I will always be grateful.

Our Favorite Activities for a Rainy Day

By

Teresa Kett

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April 10, 2019

rainy day - Boston Moms Blog

The struggle with spring and small kids is real. Yes, the days are finally getting longer. Chances of a blizzard are low (but not impossible, knock on wood!). And summer planning begins. But then comes the rain. Getting cozy with a movie or having a lazy day inside just isn’t as appealing after a New England winter.

So what to do to avoid succumbing to rainy day cabin fever with kids?

Build a fort

Haul out blankets and sheets, clothespins, and extra chairs. Turn a living room, playroom, or any room into a rainy day oasis. My kids like for me to help them drape the blankets across the couches, pull in extra chairs for reinforcement, and clip everything in place with clothespins or some sturdier clamps. They drag their stuffed animals and lots of books to their new hideout, and they pretend they’re somewhere else. Until it’s…

Time for a snack

There’s nothing like a rainy day (and an online search) to inspire me to get creative with snacks or lunch. I break out the cookie cutters for sandwiches or build things with pretzels and fruit. And it’s super exciting to eat your snack IN the fort! In my house, fort time usually ends when someone wrecks it, and then I look outside and hope it’s tolerable enough for a…

Puddle walk

When the heavy downpour disappears and you’re left with just drizzle or mist, break out the raincoats, rain boots (snow boots work too!), and clothes you don’t mind getting muddy. My kids love to gear up and head out. Umbrellas are a must! Everyone inevitably ends up wet and muddy. But we’re all a bit more zen and ready to go back inside after some time outside, even in a bit of rain. We put on dry clothes, and then it’s time for…

Games to keep little bodies busy

I’ve made hopscotch on the floor, led an impromptu yoga class, created indoor obstacle courses, played round after round of Simon Says, and more. The “sit still” games work for short periods of time, too — tic-tac-toe, Go Fish or Uno, or rock, paper, scissors.

One last idea: Make a summer bucket list

My preschool-age kids are old enough now to request their favorite activities. And I feel like we often don’t get to all the fun summer things we want to. This year I want to have a list on our fridge to plan from and to go to when we don’t have something planned. We’ll use some rainy day time together to draw pictures and write up fun activities for when the sun comes out!

An Ode to My Local Library

By

Katie Biddle

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April 9, 2019

library - Boston Moms Blog

This week we celebrate National Library Week. As a voracious reader and former teacher, I have long appreciated my local library. Once I became a mom, this appreciation reached a whole new level. Love? Devotion? I’m not quite sure the word… all I know is I owe a debt of gratitude to that charming little building around the corner that I will never be able to repay. Let me count the ways:

Library lapsit

We moved to Boston less than a year before our son was born, so I didn’t have many local friends when I shifted from teacher to stay-at-home mom. Granted, there are a plethora of options for mommy-and-me classes in the Boston area… but they all cost money. When you have an unpredictable infant who may or may not nap through several sessions, those just didn’t seem like a desirable option. Enter baby lapsit at the library. Every Friday we could walk over and sing, read, and, best of all, interact with other humans for 45 minutes. If we had to miss because of a nap or an unexpected blowout, there was no stress. And two years later, my best local friends (and my son’s) are from those early days at library lapsit. (I am still in denial that our babies have graduated to the library’s toddler time.)

Museum passes

Did you know that most libraries now offer free or discounted passes to local museums? Obviously, the selection will vary based on where you live, but here in Boston you can get passes to the aquarium, Children’s Museum, Museum of Science, MFA, and many more. You do have to reserve them ahead of time since there are a limited number of passes each day, but it certainly makes a group outing to a museum much more manageable than paying the full admission price (plus parking or bus fare).

Digital media

You probably know most libraries partner with a platform (Overdrive, Hoopla, etc.) so you can borrow e-books… but did you know that many of them now allow you to borrow movies and TV episodes digitally, too? We embarked on a 13-hour road trip from Boston to Ohio for Thanksgiving this year, so I loaded up my Kindle with some Elmo e-books, a few episodes of “Daniel Tiger,” and “Olaf’s Night Before Christmas” — completely free. Plus, since there’s the option to download everything to your device, there was no worry about data overages… or losing reception somewhere in the middle of Pennsylvania.

A (climate-controlled) oasis

New England winters can be long. When you just aren’t sure how to entertain your kids on another 20-degree morning, the library can be a welcome (and warm!) escape. And on those November afternoons when the sun sets at 4:15 p.m. (seriously, no one warned me about this before we moved here), the library can be a nice alternative to the playground. Of course, this is also true on the (less common but very real) sweltering summer days… especially for those of us living without air conditioning. Whatever the weather outside, the library is a comfortable, well-lit oasis of fun.

It’s not just about the kids

The children’s programs might be what draws you into the library at first, but you might be surprised at how many events there are for moms, too. Whether it’s a monthly book club, a speaker series, craft night, or even yoga night, you never know what you might find. (Speaking of which, did you hear about the newest addition to the Copley Square branch in Boston? Moms’ afternoon out, anyone?)

Last, but certainly not least: BOOKS!

I can’t sing the praises of the library without mentioning what started it all: real, hold-in-your-hands-and-turn-the-paper-pages books. Don’t get me wrong, I love the convenience of my Kindle, but nothing replaces the feeling of an actual book in my hands. I want my son to understand this feeling too. The library is a place where I have seen my students, even the most reluctant readers, light up as they flip through books and realize that maybe reading can be fun. I’m only two years into motherhood, but I can say there are some great pregnancy and parenting books out there, which are much more useful than online discussion boards.

So as we celebrate National Library Week, what better time to check out your local library? The Boston area has so many amazing libraries; you never know what you might be missing at your local branch!

Tidying Up the Messiness of Motherhood

By

Sarah Casimiro

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April 8, 2019

meditation — Boston Moms Blog

I know what you’re thinking: Another post about Marie Kondo. Nope. Maybe a post about excusing the mess because my kids are making memories? No, again. While this post is about the mess, it’s not about the outside mess.

Instead, it’s about the mess inside my head.

A little over two months ago, we came home from the hospital with our second daughter. Like our first, she was delivered via C-section due to my type 1 diabetes. Unlike my first, she decided to make her entrance three hours ahead of time and spent the first day and a half of her life in the NICU due to breathing complications. Fortunately, she recovered quickly and we went home as scheduled, four days after the delivery.

As someone who is no stranger to anxiety and depression, I came home from the hospital — hopped up on pregnancy hormones — with more than just a newborn: I came home with a very messy mind. I spent the beginning of my second daughter’s life filled with contradicting emotions: I was happy and sad, confident yet terrified, on high-alert and half asleep.

I remember looking at my older daughter and feeling mom guilt. For the first two years and nine months of her life, she was an only child. Even more, she was the only grandchild on my side, and the first grandchild in 20 years on my husband’s side. Now she had to share the spotlight with this new little person. Meanwhile, she was too busy hugging and kissing her sister to realize I was plagued by guilt.

In addition, I was terrified that my newborn would continue to have breathing issues (she didn’t). I was also worried I would again struggle to breastfeed (I did, but nowhere near as much as with my first). I was thrilled because we were home in time for Christmas, but stressed because I felt like I had to create the perfect holiday. The space behind my cheerful eyes and between my listening ears had become a breeding ground for checklists, to-do lists, fears, worries, guilt, and anxiety. It needed a deep cleaning.

For me, that usually involves running or yoga, but these options were off the table for at least six weeks. This mess could not wait six weeks. At the suggestion of a friend, I downloaded the Headspace app and began meditating. One of my favorite things about this app, in addition to the lovely voice that guides each meditation, is that it offers free daily meditations that range from three to 20 minutes in length. I have neither the ability nor the time to sit still for 20 minutes, but I could handle three minutes each day.

After meditating each day for a couple of weeks, I began to feel more grounded. The meditations did not tell me to stop thinking or feeling; instead, they helped me to observe my thoughts without judgment. Meditation reminded me that I do not have to perseverate. Instead, I can allow my thoughts to pass, like clouds, and return to them if and when I choose. It reminded me to breathe and check in with my body — that breath is the foundation of everything. It helped me to be present. Eventually, the three minutes of meditation began to spill into the rest of my day.

Disclaimer: I don’t meditate every day. I also don’t beat myself up (for longer than five minutes) if I fall asleep before meditating. I do return to meditation when I miss a day or two. It doesn’t completely cure the racing thoughts or guilt, but it does help me cope a little better. Rather than being consumed by the mess in my mind, I can allow it to pass. Meditation reminds me that thoughts and feelings are not facts, they are just clouds, and behind the clouds is a blue sky that is always there.

Each meditation ends by thanking you for meditating and taking the time to take care of yourself. How wonderful is that? While my house isn’t any cleaner or more organized, I do believe I am tidying up my mom-mind by accepting it for what it is, and giving myself credit for keeping two little humans happy, healthy, and alive.

Afraid to Garden? Do It Anyway!

By

Lindsay Goldberg

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April 5, 2019

Can you feel that? Spring is here! For me, that means it’s time to start gardening again, which makes me deliriously happy.

Last year, our family started gardening together for the first time. My husband and I had been talking about it for awhile, and our then 4-year-old was finally at an age where she could be a bit of a helper. She was so excited about the idea of having a garden (and playing with dirt and a hose). I was so excited about growing our own food and helping us get a deeper appreciation of where it comes from. I was also equally panicky about screwing it up and failing. But we decided to push through, knowing we would be teaching our daughter some great lessons, including dealing with unpredictability and failure.

Going into it, I wanted to read every gardening book out there and not start until we had a detailed plan of exactly what we were going to do and when. My husband? He wanted to throw some seeds in the ground, maybe buy some plants, and see what would happen. In the end, we leaned toward his method. And you know what? It worked! And, by “it worked,” I do not mean we ended up with a Pinterest-worthy garden with perfect pH soil levels. What I mean is that we had an awesome time and also ended up with some tomatoes and cucumbers.

For those of you who are on the fence about whether to delve into your first gardening attempt, let me help you solve your dilemma right now: Yes! Do it! The fact is, anyone can garden, no matter how much experience, space, or time you have. All you need is a sense of adventure and openness to uncertainty.

Here are a few tips that will help you as you start your family journey into the world of (amateur) gardening:

1. Two Little Gardeners is a great kids’ book that will introduce your children to gardening. It even will offer some basic pointers for you!

2. Kids gardening tools, like these, will allow your kids to really feel like they are part of the action. Bonus — these tools are actually solid enough that you can borrow them in a pinch!

3. You don’t need much more than a hose, soil, some seeds and/or plants, and some containers or a garden plot. Keep it simple!

4. Worried about critters? Try Liquid Fence to keep rabbits and other animals away from your bounty. Any hopes we had of growing kale and collard greens quickly vanished before we discovered this product. Just remember to reapply after it rains!

5. Things will not go as planned. That is OK. Work on your ability to tolerate unpredictability and failure. It’s a great lesson to keep teaching your children.

6. You’ll need a good sense of humor. See above.

My husband and daughter were the ones who took care of most of the gardening last year. Every night they would go out to tend to the garden and bring in whatever bounty there was. My daughter beamed with pride from responsibility, and the two of them bonded over this shared task. We grew together as a family as we learned from our failures and wrestled with waiting to see if Mother Nature would come through. We brainstormed and problem-solved, we raked and we watered, and we got to see cucumbers grow from seed into an almost overwhelming amount of produce. The look of pride on my daughter’s face when she walked in with her haul of ruby red tomatoes folded up in her shirt was priceless.

For those of you who have gardened, what lessons have you learned? What excites you? What new things are you going to try this year? For those virgin gardeners, what will you plant first?

Speaking Your Child’s “Love Language”

By

Jenny Berk

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April 4, 2019

I know this sounds silly. Because Gary Chapman’s bestselling book, “The Five Love Languages,” has been around for nearly 25 years. But I never knew what the love languages were until very recently when I stumbled upon an online “love language” quiz.

It was a major game changer.

You see, I prefer to experience and give love in a certain way. Many of us do. I personally long for words of affirmation in my relationships. (Anyone feel like praising me for this article? I’d really appreciate it.)

My husband’s quiz, however, revealed that he desires acts of service and quality time from me.

The funny thing is, since we each desire love in different ways, we tend to give others the same kind of love that we ourselves want to experience — even if the other person doesn’t experience it the same way. So I could be working overtime verbally praising my kids and husband (aka words of affirmation) when they really need something else entirely. In the same way that I wouldn’t fully experience feeling loved without words of affirmation, the same is true for our loved ones with their specific love languages. (If you’re in the dark on the five love languages like I was, here they are: quality time, physical touch, gift giving, acts of service, and words of affirmation.)

I just couldn’t figure out why all that praise and affection toward my family members didn’t seem to do the trick. I realized just how faulty my love paradigm was when I finally put the love languages into practice.

One night, my husband was sitting with me in his office helping me put together a complicated spreadsheet for my business. He spent two hours with me, giving me suggestions and doing the layout for me. I had a major epiphany: Ohhhh!!! This is how he shows love to me! And now I get to receive it as such. Amazing!

That very day I also realized I needed to fine-tune my relationships and start loving my three children in their own love languages.

But first I had to figure out their individual love languages.

My youngest, who is a free-spirited, active, sweet, and bubbly child clearly needs physical touch. She’s always the first to sit on my lap and to want to cuddle with me in bed. She is always creating some sort of physical contact with me. Check. Give her more hugs and snuggles!

My middle daughter is smart, sporty, sensitive, and loyal. Like me, she really thrives when I offer her words of affirmation. She especially lights up when I can give her specifics about what I admire or appreciate in her. Check. Give this girl lots of praise and not just, “Great job!” — more like, “I really appreciate how thoughtful you are. I saw that you helped Mira with her homework without me even asking. Thank you!”

The hardest to detect and to implement was for my oldest daughter, who is our resident teenager. She is brilliant, crafty, observant, and introverted. Out of my three, she is the one I have had the hardest time connecting with. She has a very easy and uncomplicated relationship with my husband, but for the two of us, it’s been difficult to be on the same level and to understand her needs and communication style. At 14, she is a pro at rolling her eyes at me, making snarky comments, and stiffening her body anytime I try to hug her. OK, got it. Physical touch is not how she experiences love. Moving on. Quality time? Not so much. She’ll tolerate doing something alone with me but DEFINITELY prefers being together as a family, being alone, or being with her friends. I guess that’s what one would expect from a teen.

After many weeks of struggling and experimenting with how Ariel experiences love and needs it to be expressed by others, it hit me — acts of service!

Just like my husband, who shows love through his acts of service (he’s the guy who will change the oil in my car and fill it up with gas just to be helpful) and desires it in return, I learned Ariel definitely appreciates this as well.

So I experimented:

Week 1: I bought her a pack of watermelon gum from CVS — her favorite flavor — just because. I went up to her room and told her I wanted to give something to her because I was thinking of her when I went out. BINGO! She gave me a huge smile and a heartfelt thank you.

Week 2: I went out of my way to drive her and her friend to a movie (replete with snacks!). Score another one for mama!

Week 3: I made her a huge vat of guacamole after she told me she is starting to love guac and avocados in general. She even unlocked her eyes from the permanent rolling-upward position and actually sat down and chatted as we dined together. This was huge in my ability to connect and communicate with her.

I finally figured out what she needs, and it feels so much better than spinning my wheels loving her in ways that don’t resonate with her. This revelation has expanded and strengthened all my relationships, but especially in my relationship with my oldest daughter.

There is a phrase, “You don’t know what you don’t know.” I think so many of us make assumptions about what people want and need, and we don’t attempt enough inquiry, reflection, and experimentation about how to deliver love in the ways others truly need. We all love our children — obviously. But I think it’s time we all endeavor to figure out how to best love our children in the ways they truly desire to receive it.

Autism :: More Than Awareness, It’s Time to Accept and Appreciate

By

Leah Lynch

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April 2, 2019

autism awareness - Boston Moms Blog

My journey raising a child with autism started seven years ago. No doubt about it, my child came into this world with autism. The first time I Googled “red flags of autism,” he was 8 months old. Of course, I was just exploring facts and had no idea what our future would hold. But here we are — my son is turning 8 this summer, and he is most certainly autistic.

Over the years I have had mixed feelings about “autism awareness.” It has never sat quite right with me, and being a completely burned out mom of three kids, I’ve never had the energy or time to really think about what I want to say. But the past year has hit us hard at home and at school. Now that my son is getting older, his behavior and quirkiness are more obvious to others, including his peers and his younger sister. It is making me realize awareness is not enough.

What I need, as a parent, is autism acceptance and autism appreciation. Let’s be real. If you have taken the time to read this post, you are already aware of autism. Most likely you know a person with autism or know a parent who has a child with autism. So, with the awareness already accomplished, take that extra step and start accepting and appreciating.

My child is different. There are things he can do that your child cannot. Your child is different. She can do things my child cannot. I accept and appreciate that your kid can express his or her wants and needs. Can you accept and appreciate that my kid can build some pretty impressive stuff on Minecraft? See how easy that exchange was? Can we teach our children that everyone has their strengths? Can we teach our children to help their peers when they are struggling? Just this week I found out that on pancake day at school, my son had three classmates helping him cut his pancake. Every day he eats a yogurt at snack, and his classmates often help him open it if he gets frustrated. I am so grateful to these “helper kids” and their amazing parents who encourage them to help when they see a friend struggling.

That is my goal as a parent of both a special needs child and two neurotypical children. I do not want my kids to merely be aware of differences, I want them accepting differences. I want my kids to be “thinkers” and “doers.” I want them taking action, not just observing.

After all, awareness is a noun. It is a thing. Accepting is a verb. It is time to start doing.

So, I encourage you to put on your blue for World Autism Day! Put your kids in blue, too! Every April 2, when I see people wearing blue or tagging me in their social media photos, it feels awesome. But also, take the extra effort and extra time to educate yourself on what families like mine are experiencing and what they need.

If you don’t know where to get started with teaching your own kids about autism, check out “The Autism Acceptance Book” by Ellen Sabin.

Or check out this 5-minute video and show it to your kids if you think they are an appropriate age.

And a big thank you to those parents who are already showing their children how to be helpful, inclusive, and kind. Your kids, the “helper kids” have literally brought me to tears with their kindness — our family is so grateful for their acceptance and appreciation of kids who are a little different, but not less.

Do You Struggle With the Guilt, Too?

By

victoriamorenojackson

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March 28, 2019

mom guilt - Boston Moms Blog

If you’ve decided that guilt is a useless emotion and don’t struggle with it, I admire you. I celebrate you and applaud your accomplishment. Also, this post isn’t for you, and I don’t want to hear from you. I want to hang my mom guilt out there on the laundry line of the internet and hear from my fellow strugglers. I want to feel like I’m not alone with this emotional parasite.

It’s ironic that I chose, almost a month ago, to write about guilt. My current life status: I’m almost a month behind on the deadline for this post. I’m late on time-sensitive deadlines for work, with other projects piling up. I’ve got sick kiddos at home, who I’m setting up with water and television shows so I can try to get some work done. I haven’t been touching base with friends who’ve got major life issues going on. I’m struggling with the socialization issues that I should be working on for my older kiddo. I’m not where I want to be on community contributions/volunteering. Forget self-care.

Is your skin crawling yet? Mine is. Just listing all this opens up the pit in my stomach.

This is such a regular state of things for me (the litany of guilt) that the wrongness/injustice of this guilt didn’t even register until I heard it coming from one of my friends. We use an app to trade videos most mornings; she usually sends me a video on her way to work.

I knew from her morning video that she was headed in late because of a weather-related school delay. She’d already planned on leaving early for an event that meant a lot to her kids. However, it turned out that she had to leave work even earlier because one of her kids needed to be picked up early, unexpectedly, meaning she had to miss the event. She shared that she was feeling like she was letting both work and her kids down.

I happen to know she’s an amazing mom with a rigorous work ethic, but I’ve also been in her position. (I still have panic attacks thinking about how a former employer handled my time away from work to tend to my kiddo’s mystery medical condition eight years ago.)

This isn’t unique to moms who work outside the home, either. How many times have you heard friends who are full-time caregivers describe how they feel like they should have the house clean, provide three healthy and organic meals a day, be beautifully put together and in shape, and design and implement a perfect, age-appropriate curriculum for their children? Again, if you’re doing all this, hats off to you, but please don’t share.

I don’t really have any answers, as I know that I have more than I can reasonably do, especially during the winter disease season that eats chunks of my time and simultaneously makes my children need me even more. I do know that hearing about other moms’ (especially those I admire) struggles with the same issues helps me realize that this may be more a matter of all of us having too much to do, rather than being a personal failing on my part. That really helps.

Are you feeling the mom guilt? How do you remind yourself that you are enough as you are? Please share what you’ve found that helps!

Sorry, Budgeters, This Mom Needs Her Coffee

By

Kat Cornetta

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March 27, 2019

coffee - Boston Moms Blog

As we were trying to buy a house for our growing family, my husband and I kept looking at ways to live financially leaner than we already did. We don’t take vacations, so that was already a savings. We shop around for better deals on diapers and wipes. We are in the process of cutting cable. We found a less expensive daycare.

I kept reading every piece of financial advice I could find, looking for something else we could cut. One item kept popping up — coffee. “Cut your daily cup of coffee!” “Make your own!” “Use your office’s coffee machine!” implored bloggers galore.

That’s going to be a big, huge no from me.

Why? Why can’t I make that cut in my budget? Because you’ve got to give me something.

Before kids, my husband and I had a weekly date night at the 99, a local chain that features cheap drinks and trusty food. Occasionally, I would go out for a drink with friends. We had season tickets for our alma mater’s hockey games. We weren’t kings and queens of the nightlife, but we enjoyed going out when we could.

All that ended when our children came along. Our only date nights now are our family and friends’ weddings. We gave up our hockey tickets. We wistfully drive past the 99 and wave. (I miss those $4 margaritas.) We eat in every single day, every single meal. That’s more than a fair exchange — both the cost and time savings of giving up those indulgences benefits my children.

But the coffee is a non-negotiable. Yes, if I stopped spending $3 a day on a cup of coffee, I would save even more money. But visiting a coffee shop — even if it happens to be Dunkin’ or Starbucks — and trying something new or having a trusty standby allows me the lone chance I have these days to go out.

It takes all of five or ten minutes along my daily commute. Sometimes I’ll try a new coffee shop somewhere in Boston, sometimes I’ll try a new flavor, or sometimes I’ll try something hot that I typically have iced (iced always being my default, as it is with so many New Englanders).

It’s one indulgent and frivolous habit that, even in motherhood, I refuse to let go of. It brings me back to my teenage years and those rare occurrences when I was allowed to go to a coffee shop with friends. There were only four in our western New York city to choose from (Spin, Spot, Starbucks, and — the only one that didn’t start with an “S” — Moonbeans). My friends and I didn’t go often, but when we did, it was the biggest deal in the world. When I grow up, I’m going to go get coffee out as regularly as I can, 15-year-old me thought.

So I do.

In an era where we are all about reminding mothers to engage in self-care, buying a coffee is my self-care. More popular self-care activities just don’t fit for me — mom getaways are pricey, spa treatments make me feel awkward, and I have horrendous luck with quality purses. Let me go to a coffee shop, have a brief conversation about the weather with a stranger in line, and enjoy a cup of coffee someone else makes for me. That’s my self-care. Some sacrifices just aren’t worth your sanity.

Potty Training Your Toddler in 30 Easy Steps :: A Definitive Guide

By

Deanna Greenstein

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March 26, 2019

Below is a step-by-step guide on how to effectively potty train your toddler. I am an authority on this subject because I am a mother of five and, clearly, an expert at potty training.*

*One of the above statements is a lie.

Potty Training Your Toddler in 30 Easy Steps :: A Definitive Guide

Step 1. Stop in diaper aisle. Mutter to self about flushing money down the toilet with each diaper purchase. Realize that diapers don’t actually come in any larger size before they begin to be labeled for adult incontinence. Side eye toddler.

Step 2. Prance to tiny underwear section. Feign ridiculous amount of excitement at the sight of BIG BOY UNDERWEAR! Dance around the aisle. Toddler is unimpressed.

Step 3. Gag at price tag on tiny underwear. Purchase 37 pairs.

Step 4. Put tiny underwear on tiny tush. Giggle with delight at how cute toddler looks.

Step 5. Mop up puddle. Put second pair of underwear on toddler.

Step 6. Show toddler toilet. Explain to toddler that you pee and poop in it, and then you get to flush it down.

Step 7. Chase terrified, shrieking toddler through the house, yelling, “But you LOVE to flush things down the potty! Remember the blocks?! The race cars?! THE ENTIRE ROLL OF TOILET PAPER?!”

Step 8. Slip in puddle left by terrified toddler and skid across floor like an Olympic figure skater. Put third pair of underwear on toddler.

Step 9. Consider wine to end the longest day ever.

Step 10. Look at watch. Realize it is 10:30 a.m. Potty training began 10 minutes ago.

Step 11. Put diaper back on toddler and return to store. Purchase a $30 bucket labeled “Potty!” that makes flushing sounds. Toddler is unimpressed.

Step 12. Attempt to bribe toddler into sitting on tiny bucket with M&Ms in hand. Sit on bathroom floor eating M&Ms as toddler sprints away screaming.

Step 13. Place tiny bucket in front of the television. Beg toddler to sit on it. Give toddler M&Ms. Watch toddler fill tiny bucket with M&Ms.

Step 14. Clean pee off floor.

Step 15. Clean pee off TV stand.

Step 16. Clean pee off wall.

Step 17. Clean pee off of every surface except for tiny potty.

Step 18. Research potty training boot camps. Consider sleepaway potty training camp. Realize the site you found it on is satire. Grumble about satire causing wishful thinking.

Step 19. Mop up puddle. Launder pillows. Calm shrieking siblings. Put urine soaked sister in tub.

Step 20. Put toddler in 30th pair of underwear.

Step 21. Scrub urine off couch. Let toddler remain nude.

Step 22. Marvel at the amount of urine toddler produces. Research proper kidney function. Realize it is normal.

Step 23. Nickname toddler “The Sprinkler System.” Text husband pictures of fire hydrants labeled “THIS IS OUR SON. BRING HOME WINE.”

Step 24. Realize you may never leave the house again. Order greasy pizza for dinner.

Step 25. Apologize to bewildered delivery person for streaking toddler. Research whether urinating on front porches is acceptable in nudist colonies. (It’s not.)

Step 26. Have raucous celebration when toddler finally pees in potty. Enjoy full family dance party.

Step 27. Comfort sibling who slipped and fell in puddle of urine that resulted from too much celebrating.

Step 28. Assure siblings that toddler will not wear diaper to college. Research what percentage of college students actually go to university un-potty trained. (Sigh with relief when there is no research to support the query “Will my son walk across the stage and receive his degree in a size 15 diaper?”)

Step 29. Put toddler in diaper for bed. Drink wine.

Step 30. Repeat daily until potty trained. Results will vary. Process may take anywhere from one day to 18 years.

And there you have it. Take it from an expert. Potty training is simple.*
Easy pee-sy.

*No toddlers were actually potty trained during this process. Efforts are ongoing.

Meal Planning Mama

By

Jenny Berk

-

March 25, 2019

meal planning - Boston Moms Blog

“The hardest part about making dinner for the family is not the actual cooking. It’s the planning and deciding WHAT to eat in the first place.” — Jenny Berk (me)

For me, meal planning and prep have been an evolving process. As my family has grown and expanded and their palates and proclivities have varied, I’ve had to get creative about what I prepare for them.

On the one hand, who has time for from-scratch mega-meals every night? My mom came to visit recently and told my kids about how her mom used to make freshly squeezed orange juice every morning for each of her six kids. She also labored all day to make a nice and nourishing meal and never took shortcuts. On the other hand, the efficiencies that are available to mothers (and dads!) these days (TV dinners, prepared foods, boxed foods, etc.) aren’t always the healthiest or most balanced options, either, leading to yet even more “mom guilt.” (Do we really need any more of that?)

So, I went on a meal-planning journey to find a happy medium. Below you’ll find lots of meal-planning options ranging in price and ease.

If you have struggled to figure out what to put on the table each night, I hope you’ll consider trying some of the following suggestions!

What are your best hacks, tips, and strategies for getting healthy, yummy meals on the table each day?

Shouting “Fire” on an Airplane, and Other Learning-to-Read Tales (Plus Tips!)

By

Teresa Kett

-

March 22, 2019

learning to read - Boston Moms Blog

My 5-year old was buckled in his seat, quietly flipping through books while waiting for our flight to take off. It was that tricky time period after the cabin door was closed, but before his tablet was allowed. His new beginning-reader Paw Patrol books were spread in his lap, and he was engrossed in one about the firefighting pup, Marshall. He slowly formed an “F” sound and put it together with the rest of the letters.

In true early reader style, he exuberantly shouted his new word once the letters on the page clicked in his brain. His new word — FIRE. On an airplane. Just before takeoff, when everyone was quietly doing their own thing. More than a few heads turned his way. My husband quickly responded to our son and the other passengers’ looks with reassurance that yes, that was the word, but no, there was no real fire. He made it obvious that this was just an excited new reader. And thankfully, everyone moved on.

Like my son, I love to read. And I’m thoroughly enjoying this “kid learning to read” stage of parenting. He’s sounding out words, puzzling through signs, and excitedly figuring out this new world of letters that magically make words. His new skill inspired me to guide him beyond picture books.

Together, we recently completed our first read-aloud chapter book — Beverly Cleary’s “The Mouse and the Motorcycle” — and have started our second, Roald Dahl’s “Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.” I read, he listens. I chose these books because I remember enjoying them as a kid — and because I found copies with pencil-sketch drawings every few pages. My son eagerly anticipates the nightly ritual of refreshing our memories as to where we last left Ralph and then turning to the next chapter. He knows I’m a sucker for “just one more chapter,” pushing past his bedtime. One night, he was so excited for more of Ralph, he begged his dad (who, of course, agreed) to read the next chapter when I was working late and returned home past his bedtime. Much to my delight, he had to catch me up the next night before we could continue together.

If you’re also entering this “learning to read” stage of enjoying chapter books together, I have two tips to share.

Choose chapter books with a few pictures.

Our first attempt at a chapter book was unsuccessful when I tried reading him a text-only digital copy of “Mr. Popper’s Penguins.” He was uninterested. Maybe he wasn’t ready. Who knows. In retrospect, this was an uninspiring introduction to chapter books that failed. I vowed to make our next attempt more exciting.

Follow your child’s lead.

In true book-lover form, my son has added two books to his “to be read” list — the other tales about Ralph (“Runaway Ralph” and “Ralph S. Mouse”). He discovered their existence on the back of our copy of the first Ralph tale. Until we make it to the library to pick them up, we’re reading Willy Wonka. We’re only a couple of chapters in, but it doesn’t seem to be grabbing my son’s interest in the same way “The Mouse and the Motorcycle” did. I’m guessing once we have the Ralph books in hand, we’ll temporarily shelve Willy Wonka and hop back into Ralph’s adventures.

Who knows what will be next. I have a huge list of favorites I’m eager to introduce him to. But we’ll see what inspires him. And what literary adventures he takes me on.

Commentary can be unintentionally hurtful.

Well wishes feel weird.

Embrace the silver linings.

Build a fort

Time for a snack

Puddle walk

Games to keep little bodies busy

One last idea: Make a summer bucket list

Library lapsit

Museum passes

Digital media

A (climate-controlled) oasis

It’s not just about the kids

Last, but certainly not least: BOOKS!

So as we celebrate National Library Week, what better time to check out your local library? The Boston area has so many amazing libraries; you never know what you might be missing at your local branch!

Instead, it’s about the mess inside my head.

Here are a few tips that will help you as you start your family journey into the world of (amateur) gardening:

For those of you who have gardened, what lessons have you learned? What excites you? What new things are you going to try this year? For those virgin gardeners, what will you plant first?

It was a major game changer.

But first I had to figure out their individual love languages.

So I experimented:

Are you feeling the mom guilt? How do you remind yourself that you are enough as you are? Please share what you’ve found that helps!

That’s going to be a big, huge no from me.

So I do.

Potty Training Your Toddler in 30 Easy Steps :: A Definitive Guide

And there you have it. Take it from an expert. Potty training is simple.* Easy pee-sy.

“The hardest part about making dinner for the family is not the actual cooking. It’s the planning and deciding WHAT to eat in the first place.” — Jenny Berk (me)

Recipes, meal plans, and ingredients services

Meal planning and prepping sites

In-home meal kit delivery services

Fully cooked meals delivery services

Private chef

What are your best hacks, tips, and strategies for getting healthy, yummy meals on the table each day?

Choose chapter books with a few pictures.

Follow your child’s lead.

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And there you have it. Take it from an expert. Potty training is simple.*
Easy pee-sy.