Don’t Call Me Mom

By

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April 14, 2015

I have a love-hate relationship with the term mom. Depending on who says it, I can glow or cringe.

I love hearing my daughter say it in her squeaky toddler voice. It makes me melt. But, I hate when my husband calls me mom. It just makes me feel frumpy.

I love hearing someone say you are so lucky to be a mom. Yes, I am. But, I hate when I’m at work and overhear some coworkers say that Cindy isn’t going out for drinks because she is a mom. Nope, I’d really just rather go to the gym.

How can such a short, three letter word be packed with such emotion?

Part of it, for me, is because moms seem to be depicted on TV as just carpool-running, minivan-driving, poop-talking, rule-enforcing, husband-hating whiners. In this Fiat car ad, among others, stay-at-home moms are stereotyped as sleep deprived, unkempt and down to their last nerve. Working moms don’t get off easy either. They are portrayed as cold, detached, forgetful, stressed out and frazzled.

I can honestly say, these stereotypes don’t reflect me or any moms I know.

Most moms I know, regardless of whether they are bread-winning partners, are fast-paced multi-tasking fanatics, calendar coordinators, meal prep masters, workout warriors, empathy educators, husband builder-uppers and all-around domestic divas.

In fairness to the dads, I think they get a raw deal when it comes to stereotypes too. My husband and the many I know are not the clueless and uninvolved dads of yesteryear portrayed in diaper commercial after diaper commercial. Although I will say, dads, you aren’t “watching the kids” when your eyes are fixed on your cell phone.

Who is ready to change the depiction of moms and dads in the media?

It starts by telling companies that they have the mom and dad persona wrong. Let’s get on social media (use #realmodernmom or #realmoderndad) or send emails or snail mail telling these companies who the modern mom and dad are and what we are all about. Why? Because it’s not just us seeing these stereotypes over and over again, our impressionable children are absorbing them too.

Happy National Library Week!

By

Susan Curley Burton

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April 13, 2015

Instead of doing the typical list of story times, I decided to talk to some of the wonderful women at my library. I am fortunate and grateful to have an exceptional library in my town (Melrose.) The librarians are the heart and soul of this institution. They are the brains and creative force that makes the children’s room so special. Children’s librarians have so much enthusiasm for the work they do. Did you ever witness the look on their faces when they issue a child their very own library card? It’s pure magic!

Librarians help children find books-both the ones they are looking for and the ones they never knew would make them love reading. They help coordinate story times, Lego clubs, puzzle completion, songs for babies, and help wayward trains make their way back home. Librarians make the space welcoming by decorating it with flowers, snowflakes, and characters from popular children’s books.

In the summer, the library has a summer reading program. They make sure hundreds of precious children do not lose their passion for reading on their summer vacation. I am told that the theme this summer is “Every Hero Has A Story”. I loved listening to the passion in her voice as Ms. Martha Grant told me about all of the activities that make MY library such a vibrant place.

The library is not just about the books. It’s a community within a community. It is a warm place to make new friends, take some time away from our hectic world, and just be. I love the library!!!

I wanted to ask my librarians what they want others to know about the library. This is the top ten list according to Marianne Stanton, Martha Grant, Renee Cogan, and Ginny Rowe. They are the heart of the Melrose Public Library Children’s Room.

If you are new to the community, the library is a great place to find out what is happening in town. You can meet people with children the same age and develop friendships beyond the library walls. Did you know people often check out the library before choosing a town to move to? Neither did I!
There are passes to local museums and historical/educational institutions that are discounted or free.
The library can be part of a weekly routine (and we all know how important routines are to children.)
It’s FREE!!!
Most libraries are open seven days a week.
The library has a great bulletin board to post events or find services that may help your family.
The library encourages literacy and self discovery for all ages.
The library has clubs, informal work space, and a location for collaboration with peers.
The library has computers which makes technology accessible for everyone.
But most importantly-THE LIBRARY IS FUN!

I salute Librarians everywhere! They are some of the unspoken heroes that make up every community.

Take time out of your busy week and visit your local library!

Why do you love your library?

Why This Busy Mom Loves Texting!

By

Anelise Tubinis

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April 11, 2015

Usually these days if you hear conversation about texting, it’s all bad. You’ll hear how texting is impersonal and cold and how too many people are texting and have lost the ability to have conversations or even spell words correctly. You’ll hear horror stories about break ups that happened via text, stories about inappropriate texting going on between adolescents and in general how texting is making all of us a little bit dumber, a little more robotic.

My general perspective on texting is actually a little bit different than it used to be.

As the mother of a two-year-old and a five-year-old, there aren’t a whole lot of opportunities for me to have long heart-to-heart conversations on the phone. If I’m being honest, even if there were, I don’t particularly care for phone conversations anymore. I’d much rather meet up with a friend in person and talk over a glass (or three) of wine but that’s just not going to happen as often as I would like. Some of these friends are in different states and some are only a few towns away but what we have in common is that our plates are pretty full these days.

I don’t say that to bemoan how overwhelmed and “busy” I am. I actually feel incredibly lucky to have such a full plate– a thriving business doing what I love, a husband who works his tail off, and two healthy and happy kids who have activities they love and buckets of energy to run off each day. But no matter how much fun it usually is around here, little people take a lot of physical and mental energy and there is a whole lot of talking when you have two chatty little girls. I do want to reach out to my friends and I do want to know what’s going on but there are plenty of days when I am just all talked out and if you know me, that is saying a lot. For that reason alone, texting is a lifesaver. Never mind the fact that texting is obviously great to be able to send my husband if (okay, when) I am running late.

For me, texting is a running conversation with any number of girlfriends that we can pick up and put down anytime. I love being able to text my oldest and best friend because something just reminded me of our obsession with the show Beverly Hills, 90210. I love that she can text me inside jokes that we’ve had for 25 years and know that it will make me smile. I love getting a text from a friend who knows that I was sick last week and is just checking in to see if I’m better and I love being able to send a quick text to a friend on the day she is heading back to work after maternity leave just to say ‘I am thinking of you and I know that you’ve got this!’ As a parent of a school aged kid who now has a busier social life than I do, it’s also the perfect way to coordinate kids’ plans with the parents of their friends or quickly find out who is signing up for soccer this spring without squeezing in a bunch of phone calls.

Texting doesn’t replace real live time together but it fills in the gaps nicely. And while there are those that feel that more serious topics should only be addressed in live conversations only, I’d offer that sometimes a supportive text might be just what someone needs. When my husband was ill last spring and was hospitalized for a week while doctors tried to sort out what was going on, texts from friends and family members were like a lifeline. I wasn’t in any state to talk much to anyone but I was immensely grateful to get texts throughout the day just from friends letting me know that they were thinking of us or offering more specific help like watching the kids. Several years ago, we were evacuated from our Watertown condo in the middle of the night as the Boston bombing incidents were happening in our neighborhood. I still vividly remember waking up the morning of the lockdown and seeing a slew of text messages from friends and family near and far, all checking in and letting us know that they were thinking of us. Neither of us wanted to spend the day re-hashing the story of our evening or describing the SWAT teams stationed outside of our home that day so texts were perfect.

Teens absolutely need to learn the art of conversation, how to read real life social cues and how to write a proper letter, like we all had to do in our youth. I hope that in between all of their texting and tweeting and twerking, they learn that stuff because it really does matter. Meanwhile, I’ll continue to be grateful at this stage in life for the ability to keep the conversations going until the next time we can meet up for the real thing.

When Zumba is Much More than Zumba

By

Lindsay Goldberg

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April 10, 2015

Those who know me know that Sunday mornings are sacred. No, it is not because we go to church. It is because I go to Zumba. “So what?”, you may ask. Let me repeat- I go to Zumba. I, and not my baby and I. I, and not my husband, baby and I.

I. Alone. Go to Zumba.

My Sunday morning Zumba class has been important to me since long before I had my baby, but it only reached life-preserving status 6 weeks after I delivered her. I remember the feeling when I went back into my class, feeling like I was climbing out of a dark tunnel into the light (or out of a snow-filled Boston into the Spring).

Zumba is one way that I ensure I get at least some physical fitness in my week. Working full-time, raising a toddler, and trying to keep my home life somewhat together, that can be hard to do otherwise. But, my Zumba class is more than that. When I go to class, I see the same women every week. We are not close buddies, but we have an interest in each other’s lives. I ask Danielle how her daughter is liking college, she asks me how the baby is. Samantha notices when I’m not there.

During Zumba, I’m not a mom. I am mastering dance moves. I am moving and twisting and shaking, I am a Latin dance superstar. Okay, not really. But, my goodness, it feels good. During that hour, I am not focused on poopy diapers or what my baby will have for dinner or when the house is going to get vacuumed. I am focusing on nailing that Salsa.

And, while I am having my time, my husband and baby are having even more valuable time. They are having Daddy-Daughter time. When the weather is nice, they go for a walk, or they’re in a music class. The people at the local coffee shop know him by name and have watched my daughter grow. As she gets older, she and he will continue this tradition. The form it takes may change, but, no matter what, she will know that her Daddy sets aside a special part of his week just for her.

Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. Sometimes a Zumba class is just a Zumba class. And sometimes it is so much more.

I think everyone should have some ‘Zumba class’ of their own- whether it be a book club, an art class, or rock climbing. New moms, in particular, need an outlet to express themselves as someone other than mom. Other caregivers need time to foster their individual connections with the child, away from mom.

What is your ‘Zumba class’? How do you make it happen?

Starting Birthday Traditions

By

Alexandra Etscovitz

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April 9, 2015

I am one of those cray cray moms who loves to plan a birthday party, Pinterest style.

It probably all started when my mom made my birthday a very big deal as a child, and now I am so excited to be the mom! However, this year with Snowmageddon, I had to cancel my baby’s first birthday party. Poor babe. So I decided to institute some new family traditions and continue some others that I started when my four year old was born too. Here are some of my traditions I wanted to share….and you might want to try!

Write a letter to your future grown up child

I try really hard to do this once in awhile for both my daughters. I write a letter to them which I plan to give it to them when they are older. I am not sure what age I will give them to my girls, but I have heard of parents giving them to their kids when they are 18 or 16, or when they become a mom themselves. Sometimes it is a short and simple paragraph that describes what they are up to or into…..and sometimes it is like a diary entry. I try to both explain who they are at the current moment, while also sharing what it is like being their mom. I prefer not to sugarcoat it too…..so that when I have to pump at work, or they are struggling to be a mom themselves, they can read this and it will be real. One friend told me she set up an email account and sends emails to her child. I used to hand write them and now I do it in Google drive and print them to put in a book.

Wake up to Something Special

Sneak into your child’s room and put some balloons or flowers up. Any decorations will work, but again, I like to create and paint, so I like to make a number painting and hang it in my daughter’s rooms. It was so amazing to see my daughter’s face when her “3” turned into a “4” that morning, like magic!

Make a special birthday card

I love to draw so I like to draw a few of my girl’s favorite things on the cover and then write a special message inside. My mother-in-law likes to decorate the girl’s envelopes with stickers of their favorite things that show what they love. We have kept these and it has now become a tradition that we enjoy looking at together. It is fun to see how the girl’s interests have changed as they grow older. We will keep these and it will be a tradition to look and see how they have changed.

Interview Your Child

You can go on Pinterest and find an interview easily, mostly for New Years Eve. Ask your children if they can answer questions about their favorite foods, their favorite friends, and activities. Your baby can’t talk yet? Fill it out for them….my baby’s favorite thing to do is to play with her sister’s headbands and it cracks us up. My guess is it will be fun for her to see that later too!

Eat from a special plate

My sister-in-law’s family did this, and I think it is so cute! Whenever you are proud of your children, or it is their birthday, they can use the “special plate.” I know you can buy them here but you can also make one at a paint-your-own pottery place.

What are your family traditions around birthdays?

Why Making Mom Friends is Important

By

Susan Curley Burton

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April 8, 2015

There are countless articles about how to find and make friends once you become a mother. When I was pregnant I didn’t think I needed any new friends. I had a large social network-work colleagues, grad school friends, family friends, college roommates, and more. I am by nature a very social person. And most of my friends had become mothers before I did so they had lots of advice to offer.

When I actually became a mother I realized that I needed and wanted some new friends. I wanted a new network of like-minded women who were experiencing the same sleep deprivation, breastfeeding complications, and child care woes that I was. I also wanted to share the small victories of getting the baby to take a bottle, going to get my nails done, and actually finding time to read a book.

My first stop was the Baby Cafe in Melrose. This support group for breastfeeding mothers was informative and full of encouragement. I met local women who were beginning the journey to parenthood at the same time I did. We sat around in a comfortable space, shared our stories, and made connections that would last beyond my days as a breastfeeding mother.

The second stop in my “make mom friends journey” was Stroller Strides. This national franchise offered me the opportunity to exercise with my children right along side me. I worked out, got back into shape, released endorphins which helped my well-being, and I made friends. We shared war stories of blow out diapers and finding babysitters while doing burpees and sprints. These women were in the trenches with me and I valued their conversations. These women became friends that I would treasure for years to come because of our commonalities.

When I meet new mothers today I try to explain the value in making Mom friends. I speak from the heart when it comes to this topic because I think it helped me in so many ways. When you become a mother you change and grow. So making new friends as part of the process just makes sense. And while social media, chat rooms, and websites offer information and camaraderie, real live friends are better.

So my advice to all mothers is find a peer group. Look at the library, ask your neighbors, see if your pediatrician’s office has suggestions for you. The Family Network is a great organization that has a lot to offer as well. Hulafrog and Boston Central are local endeavors that post activities for families in your community and neighboring towns.

To all of my friends who are mothers, I salute you!

Where have you met your Mom friends?

How to Keep a Cool Head During the Work Week

By

Erin Bouthiette

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April 6, 2015

It’s not easy having a to-do list 100 items long at home, being a career mom, and trying to squeeze in some actual relaxation time. For me, it’s inevitable to just let something go during the busy work week. Whether it’s backing off extra hours at work, leaving the house a mess, or forgoing my gym routine –most of the time something has got to give.

Keeping a cool head in the midst of my busy schedule can be difficult to say the least. I have learned to find pockets of time. Times when I am feeling most creative, I work on my mom blog activities. Other times when I am stressed to the max, I take 30 minutes and work out.

It’s hard for me to admit that sometimes I would love to just throw everything aside and be a stay-at-home mom. Their lives seem so simple, carefree and most importantly, stress free. Would my days at home be less stressful if I didn’t have to worry about work on top of caring and playing with my child? I get that being home all the time has its ups and downs, and I am not trying to start a debate here. The bottom line is-I know myself well enough to know that the stay-at-home job just isn’t for me. Instead, I function at a very high level when I am maxed out (weird, I know).

Come up with a strategy.

If the 5 pm terror time hits your family (as it does mine) every night, figure out a way to mix it up. I remember when my little sister was young, we would do the 5 o’clock waltz in the kitchen every night to break things up.

Pre-plan your meals.

I know this sounds annoying, but life is easier if you have a plan for making dinner, who is going to get it started, etc. after a long day of work.

Have family dinner.

NOT in front of the TV. Talk to each other about your days -the good, the bad, the ugly.

Mix it up after dinner and do a family activity.

Change environments, go for a walk (SPRING IS HERE!!!) play in a different room in the house, change it up.

Remember to have fun and let go.

Life is too short and at the end of the day, the only thing that really matters is your family.

How can you keep a cool head when you are constantly maxed out during the week?

How One Local Mom Preserves History, One Interview At A Time

By

Heather Maloney

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April 5, 2015

Joanna Shea O’Brien is a writer and mom-of-three based in Winchester who has spent the last ten years as an interviewer for several oral history projects throughout the Northeast. She received an M.F.A. from Columbia University in nonfiction writing and a B.A. from Marymount University, and has worked in communications and research for Senator Edward M. Kennedy, Ambassador Caroline Kennedy, the International Rescue Committee and the Peace Corps. Joanna most recently worked as an oral history interviewer for the Our Marathon WBUR Oral History Project, and she also produces oral histories for individuals, families, and organizations.

Q. So what, exactly, is an oral history?

An oral history is an interview conducted by an oral historian that is recorded and preserved in an institutional or personal archive. The purpose of the interview can be to gather information about a particular historical or current event, or in relation to a specific subject or theme, like the history of Appalachia or a collection of interviews of women who have survived domestic violence. Oral histories are also conducted for corporations and foundations, as well as for families who wish to have their personal history recorded by a professional. My favorite way to describe oral history comes from Mary Marshall Clark, Director for the Columbia Center for Oral History Research: “The great strength of oral history is its ability to record memories in a way that honors the dignity and integrity of ordinary people.”

Q. How did you get interested in oral histories?

On September 11th, 2001, I was a graduate student at Columbia University in New York City. In the weeks that followed, I volunteered to be an interviewer for Columbia’s September 11^th Oral History & Narrative Memory Project. For a year and half, I interviewed the firefighters of Engine 47, who had responded to the World Trade Center attacks that morning. When I moved to Boston in 2003, I stayed in touch with the oral history community and tried to incorporate oral history into my communications and writing career. After the Boston Marathon bombing in April 2013, I met oral historian Jayne K. Guberman who was working with Northeastern University’s Our Marathon Boston Bombing Digital Archive to launch an oral history project. I became one of the oral historians for the Our Marathon WBUR Oral History project, where we interviewed nearly 40 men and women who had been directly affected by the bombing. It was an incredible opportunity and one of the greatest professional experiences I’ve had.

Q. Why do you think preserving oral histories is important?

Oral histories broaden the scope of understanding of how people lived in any given time or through any struggle. For example, I interviewed a clinical nurse manager at Spaulding Rehabilitation Hospital, a woman who was watching at the finish line of the Boston Marathon waiting for her son to cross, who witnessed the explosion and then probably experienced one of the worst days of her life emotionally. I heard how she came to care for the very patients she saw injured, and how that helped her healing and also made her a better nurse manager. Her lengthy interview gives a much deeper context and meaning to the words “Boston Strong”, which can run the risk of sounding euphemistic to non-Bostonians. If one listens to her oral history interview, one understands exactly what “strong” means to the survivors, witnesses, and first responders from the Boston Marathon.

Q. What are the most important elements of a “good” oral history?

A good oral historian will elicit stories with sensitive and thought-provoking questions, but without inserting a lot of herself or her opinions or perspectives in the interview. A good oral historian knows that the narrator comes first: not only is the story important, but how he or she chooses to tell it is very important. An oral historian needs to be able to ask the right questions and then sit back and listen.

Q. What is your process when you developing an oral history for someone?

The way to ask good questions is to prepare and do research on the subject, which might mean meeting a few times with the narrator beforehand, reading about the subject’s life or background, and also taking time to establish a rapport and trust. For me personally, working with a team is what makes for excellent oral history. I liked brainstorming questions and subjects with the Northeastern University Our Marathon oral historians, researchers and project directors and I liked attending the interviews with them (either as their recorder or they as mine) because we were so immersed in the stories, and we were able to share ideas and best practices. It was also helpful working with a group because some of the subject matter was so painful to hear, and being with a group who understood what we were processing was really cathartic.

Q. If someone wants to create their own family oral history, can they get in touch with you?

Absolutely! Oral histories are a wonderful way to preserve family memories, providing you with a historical record that spans several generations. I can help you capture the stories that will be cherished for years to come; please feel free to email me at [email protected].

You can listen to the interviews conducted as part of the Our Marathon WBUR Oral History Project by visiting http://marathon.neu.edu/wburoralhistoryproject

8 Ways My Toddler Is Like My Drunk Best Friend

By

Morgan Sheena

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April 1, 2015

We’ve all had that friend. You know the one. She can’t handle a few cocktails. She gets silly and sloppy after two dirty martinis. Yup, that friend. Heck, we’ve all been that friend. (I know I have.) While sharing some not-so-proud moments with some girlfriends recently, I started thinking about how my kids (specifically my toddler) are just like that drunk friend. The one who used to make you call it a night early and cause a mess wherever she went.

They fall down. A lot.

Toddlers are not the most graceful. No matter how well they can move around independently, there’s a certain lack of balance. They trip, they stumble, they fall. Sure, they aren’t wearing a pair of killer heels and trying to maneuver a cobblestone sidewalk in the snow (Faneuil Hall bars, anyone?), but they are always hitting the floor.

They never stop talking.

OK, I admit it… I’m this friend. The one who NEVER. SHUTS. UP. The one who talks your ear off and misses the social cues that the other person just isn’t listening. Well, that’s kind of how toddlers are. They talk and talk. Much of it is nonsensical. It’s words and gibberish. They never stop — even if no one is listening.

They cry for no reason. At the drop of a hat.

How many times has your toddler thrown a tantrum for no apparent reason at all? You think everything is good, and then the waterworks start. How many times has your girlfriend done the same thing? You’re having a great time and then BOOM the tears start flowing. For no apparent reason.

That laugh…

That laugh. Everything is funny. The “Beavis and Butthead” laugh. Just laughing and laughing. Adorable on a toddler. On a grown woman… not so much?

They are super clingy.

My toddler likes to be on me all the time. ALL THE TIME. That drunk friend (the one who is crying for no reason) all of a sudden has no boundaries. Hugging, kissing, draping herself all over you. It doesn’t matter, she is all up in your business.

They want to eat ALL THE FOOD.

I don’t know about your kids, but mine are bottomless pits. They want a snack, they want to eat lunch NOW, they want to eat whatever you are eating, they want to eat whatever the person in the next room is eating. Same with that drunk friend — the one who has to have pizza at 1 a.m. then goes home and raids the fridge. Eating, all the time, for no reason.

They can be really embarrassing.

OK, does this one really need an explanation? No matter how sweet and adorable they are, your toddler has moments that embarrass you. Maybe it’s a tantrum, maybe throwing food for no reason. Your girlfriend? The one with no boundaries? Bad decisions get made.

They like to take off their clothes.

Does anyone have a toddler who doesn’t like to take off their clothes any chance they get? How about that girlfriend who turns into a bit of an exhibitionist? Put those clothes back on!

They want to do it all themselves.

No matter how much they’ve had, your girlfriend still insists she can take care of herself. She’ll get herself home, she’ll find her jacket, she’ll get to bed no problem. Yes, toddlers definitely still need help. We know that, they don’t. They think they’ve got it all figured out.

The truth is, I’d pick hanging out with my toddler any day over hitting the bars and getting silly. Hilarious and fun — no hangover!

10 Reasons Why Being a Boston Transplant Is Wicked Awesome

By

Tiffany M

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March 26, 2015

I’m new here. And since moving to Boston last year, I have been inspired by how incredible this city really is. Here are 10 reasons why I think being a Boston transplant is amazing!

1. The people

Bostonians and transplants alike are some of the kindest and most considerate people out there. I have no idea where the whole “rude Northeasterner” stereotype came from, because it definitely does not hold true around here! Need help getting your groceries and baby to the car? I’m sure someone will offer. Ever played pickle pulled over next to a snow bank while the person opposite you does the same, both of you waving each other on? Someone has to go! Why are you so polite?! But really, the people in Boston are this country’s best kept secret.

2. You’re in good company

There are so many people from so many different parts of the world here! New in town? Looking to make some buddies? You don’t have to worry about people being too cliquey because, odds are, they’ve been there too!

3. Snow days

I know, I know… so much snow! (Most years!) But coming from a place where a snow day is something to celebrate, it is so fun to wake up to fresh snow and excitedly watch the news, waiting for your school to show up at the bottom with the word “Cancelled” next to it! Sledding, hot chocolate, movie marathons… it’s so much fun!

4. Road trips

When we lived in New Orleans, we could drive five hours and still be in Louisiana. Here, we can drive less than two hours and go whale watching in Cape Cod or three hours for a weekend ski trip in Stowe! There is so much to do and see within a close proximity here — and something to suit just about everyone’s personality!

5. Farmer’s markets and CSAs

There are so many great farms close by that offer a wonderful organic selection. You can join a CSA and get a weekly basket of produce or just browse all the goodies these lovely farmers have to offer at all the local farmers markets. Such a wonderful perk of Boston’s spring, summer, and fall months!

6. Efficiency

I love the requirement here that every construction site has to be attended by a police officer. There are trains and buses that get us where we need to go and (sometimes) run on time. School is not cancelled for a Super Bowl parade. If this seems normal to you, that’s awesome, but let me tell you — it is not like this everywhere else!

7. Parks

Oh, the glory of Boston parks! The beautiful swing sets and climbing structures! The dumping grounds for lightly used outdoor toys to be shared by all the neighborhood children. It really is a beautiful thing.

8. The ‘burbs

So many different neighborhoods with so many personalities!

9. The walkability

People sure know how to get around on foot here! It’s such a gift to have access to so much without having to get into the car.

10. Safety

On that same note, where is all the crime in this city?! I LOVE watching the news here… I refused to watch the local news back in NOLA (yes, extremes, I know). I am so grateful to be raising my daughter in a place where we feel safe. Is there any better feeling?

How to Pick Up a Mom Friend

By

Cindy Hutter

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March 24, 2015

I need mom friends. Not just any mom friends, but ones that have a kid the same age as mine and live in my neighborhood. Just about the only thing I need more than a CAALMF (cool, age-appropriate, local mom friend) is game to pick one up.

I’ve had my eye on this CAALMF at my kid’s daycare for months. (OK, to be honest, a year.) We see each other maybe once every other week, and it’s always a quick and friendly, “Hello, how are you,” or a shared smile of exasperation as we wrestle our kiddos into coats or negotiate them down the steps of the daycare building.

Occasionally, we’ll have more than a 30-second conversation, and it goes well. So well that if there was a dating app for mom friends — now there’s an idea! — I think we’d be an ideal match. She seems cool, nice, and funny, and on the same end of the mom-style spectrum (laid back). Did I mention she lives nearby and our kids are only a few months apart in age?

So what’s the problem? Well, until literally two minutes ago, I didn’t know my CAALMF’s name. With some savvy research skills — thank you, expensive journalism degree — I figured it out. Then, of course, I Googled her and read her LinkedIn profile. I may have even searched to find out what type of home she lives in. (Stop judging me. You would do that too, right?) Turns out, my CAALMF is a career-orientated lady like me, and based on the year she graduated from college, we’re nearly the same age! Can you hear the friendship bells ringing?

So, I guess it’s time to woman up. With you all as my witness, the next time I see my CAALMF and we can talk for more than 30 seconds, I’m going to suggest we get together. I’m not sure if I’m going to go the kid play date route, which seems safe, or suggest a girls date or maybe get babysitters and go on a double date with the husbands. I just hope it goes well.

AND, I really hope she either doesn’t read this article or has a good sense of humor. Otherwise, we might have to change daycares!

Mindfulness in Small Moments :: Finding Time For You

By

Katrina McCarty

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March 22, 2015

Having the energy to work, raise children, and maintain relationships is easier when we can find time and space for focused thinking and opportunity to mentally recharge. Not to mention such time and space fuels overall quality of life improvement. I have often struggled to find such time and space and recently realized it was right in front of me.

The best part of my day is when I am lying next to my 3-year-old daughter’s bed at night while she falls asleep. It’s our sleep ritual, and it is as much a part of my routine as hers. My days feel un-centered when I miss it. Her room is small, filled with books and stuffed animals, and softly lit by the glow of her Twilight Ladybug casting constellations of stars across her ceiling in red, green, or blue. I linger after she’s asleep to relish in her most peaceful moments. With her I find my most peaceful moments.

These moments slow my breathing and my heart rate. These moments blur the remnants of busy days. These moments remind me to pause, reflect, and think clearly.

I look at the stars, the colors, and I hear her soft breathing. I acknowledge and release whatever thoughts I’m having about my day or my life. I emerge from her room feeling re-charged and mindful. You might be thinking, “My child doesn’t go to sleep so easily!” Or, “But bedtime is so hard!” Trust me, I’ve been there — I was in tears over missed naps and early morning waking many times. But, for now, we have hit our pace.

A 2012 New York Times opinion piece on the power of concentration used Sherlock Holmes to evoke an image of mindfulness and its power to help us prepare to solve problems. Sherlock Holmes is a brilliant detective, solving mysteries, connecting dots where others see chaos. The author writes, “More often than not, when a new case is presented, Holmes does nothing more than sit back in his leather chair, close his eyes and put together his long-fingered hands in an attitude that begs silence. He may be the most inactive active detective out there. His approach to thought captures the very thing that cognitive psychologists mean when they say mindfulness.”

I used to think mindfulness was only for those in direct service fields, a religious experience bound in belief or faith, or something that required a specific and lengthy regimen. I’ve recently come to realize that mindfulness can be found in whatever space and time we have. Sometimes that is the only way to find it. A morning commute tuned to soul charging music, a trip to the dog park with a beloved pet, an afternoon break sipping a latte, or an evening spent curled up in a comfortable chair.

Finding, recognizing, and appreciating these moments does take some practice. You may already know what varieties of mindfulness work best for you, or maybe it’ll take a Google search for ideas to try. I am learning to cherish the mindful moments where I find them. Because mindfulness is a means of self-care. And healthy moms are better moms.