Take YOURSELF Out on a Date :: 20 Creative Date Ideas for 1

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January 25, 2019

date ideas - Boston Moms Blog

We’re tired, we’re stressed, we’re overcommitted, and we’re trying to get it all done. Ask any mom, and this might be what you hear on any given day. Our lives become beholden to our inexorable and often unattainable quest to best the best mom, spouse, co-worker, and homemaker we can be. And it sometimes comes at the cost of caring for ourselves and nurturing the non-mom, non-spouse parts of us that yearn for attention but are not spoken of out loud frequently enough.

Sure, a date night with your partner can be a needed respite from the mundane aspects of motherhood, and who doesn’t need a good old fashioned girls night out with our mama besties.

But as I’ve gotten older I have become more protective of my alone time than ever before. I’m an extrovert, but I am often desperate for quiet time alone so I can process my thoughts and feelings without constant outside influence and distraction.

Do you feel the same way? Then check out my ideas for your own date night (or day) — things you can do to nurture all those beautiful sides of you that make up who you are, what you are passionate about, and what lights you up or gives you comfort, calm, adventure, or pleasure. I realize it may not be easy to plan a day (or evening) like this. Yes, it might take the help of a supportive family member, friend, babysitter, or all of the above. Make no mistake. I LOVE being a mom, and like you, a big part of my identity is wrapped up in that very important role, which I take seriously and approach with presence and love.

But, in my opinion, it’s worth it to get reacquainted with all the multifaceted aspects of what makes you who you are fully, not just with the identity of mother. When I take that important time to myself, I come back to my role with more vigor, mindfulness, happiness, and fulfillment.

I deserve to take myself out on a date once in a while, and so do you! Here are 20 creative date ideas to maximize your fun or relaxation, depending on your goals.

For the adventurer:

A Segway tour of Boston

Trapeze lessons

For the crunchy mama:

Open Doors Learning and Healing Center

For the homebody:

Try a solo staycation! Here’s the idea with this one. You get your house to yourself, for several hours or even overnight, while you send your partner and kids off to a hotel or your in-laws. Yes, it takes planning and support, but it’s oh so worth it to do once a year. Just picture what your day will look like: Netflix, take-out, putter around the house without any distractions, wear yoga pants or PJs all day, go to bed early, experience bliss.

Have you ever taken yourself out on a date? Would you consider it? How do you spend some quality alone time?

My 11-Year Age Gap Relationship :: Does It Matter?

By

Leah Lynch

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January 24, 2019

photo of a husband and wife who have an 11 year age gap relationship

When I met my husband, I was just 21 years old. He was 32. We’re approaching our tenth wedding anniversary and have three fantastic kids, but looking back, that seems nuts. When I was 21, most of my friends were going out to clubs or bars and working on college degrees. But I had been working a full-time job for over three years and was completely financially independent from my parents. So I guess it makes sense that I would be attracted to someone who was living the same lifestyle.

We met at work, and I quickly moved into his house (like, within weeks). Yup, it sounds crazy. We decided to sell his house in Massachusetts and move to North Carolina and build a house together. Yes, that’s right, I moved halfway down the coast with my then boyfriend, who was a divorcee, whom I had only known for eight months. (If my daughter pulls something like this, I will probably have a heart attack.) Why, oh why, would I do that? I’ve certainly made plenty of mistakes in my life, however, this man was NOT one of them. I knew he treated me like gold, and I knew I could barely relate to my girlfriends at 21, let alone a guy my age.

But now, 12 years since we started dating, I can’t help but wonder… is our age difference something other people notice? After all, only 5 percent of U.S. couples are in marriages where the husband is more than 10 years older than the wife. I hardly ever think of our age difference of 11 years. It usually only comes up when there is a pop culture reference, and we laugh about it. But seriously, does our age-gap relationship define us? No, I don’t think it does — now. However, it absolutely was on my mind constantly when we first met — especially when I met his friends and his family. I also know it was definitely a concern for my parents, who wanted to make sure their daughter was not being taken advantage of.

I remember thinking at the beginning of our relationship (when my mom was freaking out), “Everyone needs to chill. I know who I picked to be with and why. It’s just Jeff, and he is amazing.” I am so grateful I listened to my 21-year-old heart and gut and started dating the “old guy.” It was the absolutely the best decision of my life.

I know there may be a time down the line when our decade-plus age gap could lead to heartache for me. However, we have a whole wonderful life to live together now, and I refuse to spend a minute of my time on the pointless emotion of worry. He is truly my soulmate — who cares if he is old?

Veggies for Dessert? You Bet!

By

Rachel Wilson

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January 23, 2019

It’s January, so you may have recently resolved to eat a bit healthier. If you’re like me, it’s a constant battle to get your little ones to put a vegetable into their bodies. Doing away with treats is just not going to fly in my house, for either the adults or the kids. My solution? Throw some veggies into our desserts! If you’re going to have sweets, you might as well add a few nutrients! Pumpkin pie, carrot cake, and zucchini bread are well-known treats that also contain veggies. Here are a few less common ways to add veggies to your sweets this winter.

Carrots

This is about the time of year when we wind up with more carrots from our winter CSA than we could possibly eat. I’ll be trying this carrot pie with a pecan crust as a tasty way to whittle down my backlog.

When I want to try something a little more exotic, I’ll make gajar ka halwa (Indian carrot pudding). The combination of cardamom, nuts, milk, and sugar sounds just right for a chilly winter day!

Parsnips

Parsnips are so similar to carrots that it’s a no-brainer that they could also go into a dessert. This spiced parsnip cake is a twofer — it has parsnips AND butternut squash. Might as well just serve it for dinner!

These coconut parsnip clusters from celebrity chef Rocco DiSpirito are intended to replicate coconut macaroons, but without as much of the fat and calories.

Eggplant

I made these chocolate eggplant cakes for a recent holiday. They’re rich, chocolatey, and not too sweet. The eggplant replaces the butter/oil, so you might even call them healthy. While adults may like them a bit more than kids for those reasons, my 5-year-old certainly didn’t turn one down!

Beets

Valentine’s Day is coming up, so if you’re planning to bake for your loves, might I suggest this chocolate beet cake with beet cream cheese frosting? The pink frosting makes it so very seasonally appropriate.

Beets and chocolate go together like a hand and a glove, or like Burt and Ernie. Slip some extra nutrients into your next batch of brownies with these dark chocolate beet brownies. You’ll wonder why you’ve never thought of it before.

Green things

This was a tough one, but again, chocolate comes to the rescue. If you happen to have four ripe avocados just sitting around and don’t want to make guacamole, try chocolate avocado mousse instead.

Use spinach in a chocolate peanut butter green smoothie. This is a quick and easy recipe for energy if you’re a new mom, or a reasonably healthy one for the kiddos in your life.

Corn

While not exactly in season at the moment, there are some great desserts out there with corn. Like this sweet corn ice cream with blackberry verbena sauce that just screams “summer!”

Or if you’ve been dying to get out that kitchen blowtorch that you’ve used exactly never, sweet corn creme brûlée will give you a great reason!

Now let’s get cooking! If you make any of these recipes, please comment and tell us how they turned out!

Why I’ll Always Take the T When I Go Into Boston With My Kids

By

Jacquelyn Eckmann

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January 22, 2019

take the T - Boston Moms Blog — Photo courtesy Adam E. Moreira via Wikimedia Commons.

Anyone who knows me knows I LOVE the city. I love the hustle and bustle of it, I love the sounds and smells of it, I love how small I feel in the center of the oh-so-tall buildings, and I love the variety of experiences available.

And while I absolutely adore having adult time in the city (however rare that is), I equally adore taking my kiddos into the city.

Now, many people will agree that taking the kids into Boston is a great thing to do. They even agree that they just don’t get out there enough. What they don’t agree on is the mode of transportation we take.

Living in a commuter town, most folks like to drive — especially with kids. I, however, take the T. Every. Single. Time.

Initially, when we moved to the area from Texas four years ago, we took the T for the novelty of it. They don’t have subway systems in Texas, and participating in the subway culture of Boston made us feel like such big city folk. Maybe there is still some novelty to it (after all, it can get pretty boring in the ‘burbs), but to us, there’s more to it than that.

take the T - Boston Moms Blog When you take the T, a whole new world is opened up — especially to a kid. A kid’s perspective of the world can be pretty narrow when you live in a suburb made up of similar demographics. Take them out of it, and it’s amazing how open their eyes become. Every race, religion, income level, etc. seems to co-exist within that one car you ride in. With everything from the young Harvard student to the elderly couple with the weathered faces, the tired single mom to the business executive just trying to get home after a long day on the job, I love that my kids get a true understanding of differences, whether that means skin color, socioeconomic status, or job.

When you take the T, you begin to understand Boston a little bit better — the accents, the layout of the city, the attitudes (good and bad!), and the overall culture. To a transplant, these things are pretty interesting. I mean, let’s be honest… we are still amazed by the accent.

When you take the T, the “are we there yets” and the constant fighting between siblings that takes place in the back of my car disappear. Not only can I sit between the children in an effort to curb the arguing, I can chat with them about all the external stimuli we are experiencing.

Sure, the T may have its faults. It may run slow sometimes. It may stink. You may hear foul language. But such is life, and I think it’s important for my kids to know that not everything is as picture perfect as our quaint little suburb. The world is gritty. The world is real. And that is why, for me and my family, we will take the T — every single time.

Handwashing for Kids :: 3 Tips to Encourage 20 Seconds

By

Teresa Kett

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January 21, 2019

handwashing - Boston Moms Blog

Runny noses, coughs, and middle-of-the-night vomiting seem inevitable this time of year. And with two kids in daycare, I’ll try anything to keep them healthy and at school instead of sick at home! One proven way to fight germs and prevent sickness? Handwashing!

Of course, we all still get sick sometimes. But science says it would be a lot worse if I wasn’t making an effort to teach my kids to take 20 seconds to thoroughly wash their hands with soap and water instead of doing a two-second rinse. Here are a few tips I’ve found success with to get my kids to lather up and beat those winter illnesses!

Sing, sing, sing

Little kids love to sing. And there are so many songs that are either about handwashing or just work well for handwashing. My favorite is one my kids learned at daycare (sung to the tune of “Are You Sleeping”):

Tops and bottoms, tops and bottoms,
In between, in between,
All around the hands now, all around the hands now,
Get them clean, get them clean.

The words remind the kids to wash all over their hands, and the length is about right if you sing it twice. Other songs that work well are “Happy Birthday,” the alphabet, or just plain counting/singing to 20. If they count too fast, tell them to count to 30 or use a silly voice to slow them down a little.

Be silly

Stand behind your little one and hold her hands. Make big gestures, narrate what you’re doing (getting soap, scrubbing, turning on the water, etc.) and generally be funny about it. You’re being silly and giving them lots of attention, which they will love. But you’re also showing them the right way to get this done.

Stick with it

I’ve sent my kids back to the bathroom for a second round of handwashing enough times that now they often come out proclaiming, “I counted to 20!” And they really did — I listened for it. Like most habits, it takes awhile to become a regular part of a routine. But keep at it. Send them back, and stick with it.

We Tried Natural Gender Selection

By

Rachel Wilson

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January 17, 2019

natural gender selection - Boston Moms

My husband and I are the parents of two daughters. Our previous pregnancy strategy had just been to have a lot of sex, all the time. When we decided to go for a third baby, we were interested to see if we could try gender selection for a boy using natural methods.

Thank goodness for the internet, which has a ton of information about gender selection! (Note that this is just for fun, and not based on credible science.) The general theory of natural gender selection is that male sperm are faster than female sperm but also more fragile. So you’ve got to give them their best chance at getting to the egg. There are a few ways to do this:

Timing of intercourse

Female sperm can hang out in the body waiting for an egg for a few days. Males, not so much. The trick to having a boy, according to “the literature,” is to have intercourse when you’ve already released an egg. That way, all the male sperm have to do is just swim up to it. Conversely, to have a girl, have sex prior to ovulation so that all those male hares drop out of the race, leaving the egg open to the female tortoises.

Vaginal pH

Apparently, a more acidic vaginal environment tends to kill male sperm and is more favorable to female sperm. You can attempt to change the pH of your vagina through your diet. If you want to have a boy, eat alkalizing foods that are high in sodium and potassium and low in calcium and magnesium. For a girl, do the opposite — eat acidic foods. Certain lubricants also (allegedly) have different pH levels, so to protect those male sperm, use a natural oil rather than a synthetic lube.

Position and orgasm

Anything that helps move the male sperm to the (hopefully) awaiting egg faster is good if you want to conceive a boy. Sexual positions that deposit the sperm as close as possible are best. Female orgasm is also good because it is supposed to draw the sperm closer to the egg.

So… does it work?

I’m not going to get into the gory details here, but my husband and I tried some of these strategies. We only had sex when there was evidence I was ovulating. We did without synthetic lubricants. I made him skip underwear in the days leading up to ovulation, so his sperm didn’t overheat.

I’m over 35, so we were able to do the DNA test that allows us to find out the baby’s sex at 12 weeks. We just got our results.

We’re having another baby girl. And we couldn’t be happier.

How to Clean Up After a Busy Toddler When You Rent

By

Kat Cornetta

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January 16, 2019

One Saturday morning, I was putting dishes away while my 2-year-old played with his crayons just a few feet away. He started singing his favorite — “The Clean Up Song.”

“Are you putting away your crayons?” I naively asked.

And then I looked up. No. Instead of putting away his crayons, he had a navy blue crayon in his hand and was drawing on the wall.

My first thought: “No problem, I did that all the time as a kid and my parents just painted over…”

And then I remembered. My parents owned those walls I decorated with Crayola. I don’t own the walls my son was making a mural of circles on.

So what happens when the messes of toddlerhood meet the realities of renting?

First, remain calm. The benefit of living in the 2010s is that we seem to be at a height of stain removal.

Second, do a quick analysis of what kind of clean up you’re dealing with. What is the stain? What is it on? What color is the thing that it’s on? How old is the stain? How much is your security deposit? And can you possibly paint over it without your landlord ever knowing the wiser?

In this case, I had dark blue crayon marks on a mocha-painted wall. My security deposit is an amount I would really like to get back eventually. I couldn’t paint over it because the color was dark and unique enough that it would be difficult to match.

I needed to identify a way to get the crayon off the wall without removing the paint. Key to this would be testing every type of removal on a small corner of the stain. I’m one of those people who usually eschews that advice when it comes on products. (You know that whole “test this hair dye on a strand 24 hours before coloring”? No one has time for that.) But when it comes to walls and carpet you don’t own, it’s very important.

What works? After trial and error, I found that a green scouring pad with mild dishwashing detergent and warm water worked best for my wall. I scrubbed lightly in a circular motion, and the crayon came right off, even though it wasn’t a washable crayon. What to avoid? All that Pinterest advice about toothpaste and Windex. Toothpaste does nothing, and Windex strips the paint. Mr. Clean Magic Erasers (or their generic equivalent) can sometimes do the trick, but you will have to use a light touch and make sure the amount of paint that will come off isn’t noticeable. But key to any cleaning method is to test first. Every wall is different.

If you have my level of luck, 24 hours after you’ve removed the crayon, you’ll find your toddler dropping strawberries on the cream-colored carpet. Luckily, carpet stains and I are old friends. Get your toddler away from the stained area (in another room, preferably down for a nap) and use a pet stain remover. They are strong, but they are the only stain removers I’ve ever had luck with on white or cream carpet. (And for some reason, every single carpeted apartment I’ve lived in has had cream-colored carpet. Why?!) If the stain just occurred and is light, I’ve had recent luck with Mrs. Meyer’s Multi-Surface Everyday Cleaner. It smells much better than pet stain remover, and if you hit the stain in just enough time, it works. I don’t know how, I don’t know why, but I’m not asking questions.

Is it easy to navigate the messy toddler years when you rent? No. But it will put your MacGyver skills to the test.

Trying to Like Winter in Boston

By

Lindsay Goldberg

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January 15, 2019

winter in Boston - Boston Moms Blog

Let’s face it. The gorgeous days of summer are a distant memory. Fall is long gone. Winter is here. And I want to run into hiding.

Yes, I am a lousy New Englander. On snow days, I am the one pulling my hair out from cabin fever because I do not want to get wet, cold, and miserable from being outside.

I’ve been told I need to start liking winter in Boston, if not for me, then for my kids. I really do owe it to them to try to like winter. And, honestly, I’m getting tired of feeling trapped indoors. (Yes, my neck of the Boston woods does have great indoor escapes from winter. But still.)

So this year, I want to try to get myself and the kids outside. I’m not saying I’m going to love it, but I will try to like it.

This year, my family will get outside and build a snowman. He will have a carrot nose. There may be snow angels, too.

I will take my daughter sledding at Walnut Hill. She will squeal with delight, and I will scream for dear life.

I will sign my daughter up for a cross-country skiing lesson at Weston Ski Track. Even better, maybe my husband and I will go one day without the kids.

We will go for a hike around Broadmoor Wildlife Sanctuary. We will look for animal tracks, hear the crunch of the snow, and see the frozen water.

We’ll head to the iconic Boston Common for ice skating at Frog Pond. The classic Boston winter bucket list item, right?

Yes, I really do hope my mission to tolerate and accept winter will work. I hope to embrace even the tiniest bit of winter, or at least fake my way through it.

And, if not, there’s always hot chocolate at Chocolate Therapy.

9 Ways to Know You’re Done Having Kids

By

Jenny Berk

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January 14, 2019

done having kids - Boston Moms Blog

I always knew I wanted children. That was never a question. But when I met my husband and we got engaged and married all within a year, the “someday” mentality suddenly became something I needed to confront and consider. I was 30 when we married, so that provided some incentive to start making plans. But mostly, it was my husband. One of the sweetest things about him was that he had been dreaming of having children for as long as he could remember, and he couldn’t wait to start a family. In fact, he even asked me if we could start trying before the wedding, which I quickly put the kibosh on. I told him I needed six months getting settled into married life — just the two of us.

I kept waiting for that telltale sign that I was ready. But month after month went by, and I didn’t feel the visceral tug toward motherhood I had heard so much about from other mothers-to-be.

Finally, I decided I was never going to get a clear sign that I was ready, so we just jumped in. I didn’t expect to get pregnant immediately. I was sure I’d have at least another six to 12 months of trying before I really even had a chance to let it sink in that we would be parents.

But, I was incredibly lucky that we did conceive quickly and had a wholly uncomplicated pregnancy — I even delivered right on my due date.

The decision for number two was easy. So was the decision about when to try.

Flash forward three years, and my husband wanted to broach the topic of baby number three. I was recalcitrant, at first, in my hard and fast no. Never once in my childhood fantasies was there ever a third baby. It was frankly inconceivable to me. I stayed stubborn and staid in my conviction until one day a baby in a local Starbucks cooed at me and I almost fell to the ground, knowing I needed to have one more.

Some of us look for signs to tell us whether to have another child. Sometimes the answer is clear. And sometimes it is deeply muddled and riddled with equivocation. But I think, after my three pregnancies, I’ve figured a few things out. Like how to know you’re done having kids. Here are nine ways you can know for sure.

1. You see a baby and your ovaries no longer quiver.

2. There’s only one butt to wipe these days — your own — and you love the freedom.

3. You see a pregnant woman with a toddler in tow and feel sorry for her.

4. You look at your monthly bills.

5. You actually start laughing out loud when someone asks if you’re planning to have more kids.

6. You receive your AARP application in the mail.

7. You get annoyed at little kids kicking your chair in a movie theater or being loud in a restaurant — just like you used to before having kids.

8. You confidently and gleefully throw out your last lingering (and ripped and stained) nursing bra.

9. Your husband whispers, “Should we try?” and you quickly grab a condom and schedule his vasectomy.

How did you know when you were done growing your family?

Just Like That

By

Kate Cotter

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January 11, 2019

I was recently in a sandwich shop, waiting for my order, when Joni Mitchell’s “The Circle Game” started drifting from the ceiling. I had heard the song before, long before having children, and loved the lyrics. But upon really listening this time — as an exhausted, flustered mother — I was floored by how spot on Joni was in singing about a child growing up. Her repeated verse, “We’re captive on the carousel of time,” brought tears to my eyes as I began to think about how time is really such a sneaky creature.

I’ve reached the point in motherhood, now five years in, where the oft-repeated adage, “The days are long, but the years are short” is really starting to show itself in full color to me, each and every day. When I began this journey, I did not have the faintest clue about how the carousel of time would carry my children and me around and around, up and down, from different emotions and milestones, every second of every single day. And how — just like that — a truly difficult moment could be transformed into a beautiful one, and vice versa.

These past few months, I’ve felt as if the carousel of time has picked up speed and has sent along so many milestones for all three of my kids. I’ve been nearly blinded at times with the emotional turbulence, speed, and intensity of the changes and seasons our carousel has passed through. I can barely catch my breath before the next milestone happens, and at times, I’m hanging on for dear life to stay in each moment, stop the carousel, or will it to move along to the next season.

At kindergarten orientation a few months ago, my firstborn gazed around the school lobby in wonder, taking everything in, exactly like he had the first moment I met him on the night he was born five Julys ago. This was the boy who, at 16 months old, had a health issue that landed him at Children’s Hospital for five days, scaring his parents beyond belief. Thankfully, he overcame this and is perfectly healthy today. This same boy, who sobbed when I brought him to nursery school as a newly minted 3-year-old, hopped right up the big steps of the bus on the first day of kindergarten, turned around with one of the biggest grins I’ve ever seen, and continued on to find his seat. And only a few months into being 5, he lost his two bottom teeth in one week, flabbergasting one completely unprepared Tooth Fairy.

Some days the whining, wrestling, snack requests, and sibling squabbles seem endless. Yet this boy often catches me off guard throughout the day to say “I love you” when I’m least expecting it, and he watches out for his two little brothers like a protective lion.

My middle son, age 3, is the most spirited one. He adores his brothers with all of his heart, he is my shadow, and he tests me the most. Just as he loves to press all the buttons in an elevator, he knows how to press all my buttons with whining, tantrums, and stubbornness. He misses his older brother dearly when they are separated by school, and we both watch the clock to see when the bus will be pulling up to our driveway. But this boy has started to show major independence, too; he makes his own friends at the library and playground, and he brings his books up to the library desk to check them out on his own when I stay in the play area with his baby brother. When I bring him to school, he nearly runs through the door and barely looks back to give me a kiss goodbye, and he constantly talks about how much he loves his class, singing the songs and reciting the poems he heard that day.

Yet, he still requires that I lay with him at night so he can fall asleep. Some nights, that’s at least an hour after we’re done reading, and I nearly fall asleep next to him even though I have a long to-do list to tackle after the kids go to bed. But in particularly sweet moments, he intertwines his fingers with mine and asks me to sing “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” or “Tale as Old as Time.” So I look up the lyrics and sing to him, terribly off-key, thinking I could lay there next to him forever as he falls asleep.

And my baby is just about to turn 1 — how can that be? I truly believe the first year goes by so much more quickly with each child. This little guy, who’s been schlepped around town his whole life to all of his brothers’ activities, is now cruising everywhere. The baby I stopped breastfeeding at 4 months due to a host of issues is now babbling up a storm and counts avocado toast and pot roast as his favorite foods, though he still wakes up most nights. He is the smallest of my three kids but is my best eater and has quite a vivacious and sweet personality to boot, marking his spot in our family and in the world. He is the light of all of our lives, and the perfect little pumpkin.

I know that the days when I feel like I am going to combust from the frustration of parenting strong-willed little guys will quickly pass by as we ride this carousel of time. That before I know it, we will be in the next season, and with that will come a new host of joys and challenges.

And as we begin this new year, I am so grateful to be on this carousel of time and to know how very special it is. It is not to be taken for granted.

So, if you’re someone who hears about how long the days are and how short the years are, yet you don’t quite feel it yourself, please know that this carousel of time is a beautiful thing.

I’m sending a big kudos to all you amazing mamas out there, and I wish you all the joy in the world as we embark upon this new year!

When It’s Over…

By

Boston Moms

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January 10, 2019

divorce - Boston Moms Blog

My marriage is over. My husband and I live in separate houses in different towns with a rotating schedule of who has our son and when. There are daily phone calls and FaceTimes to say goodnight and to tell the other parent about our son’s day at school. There are conversations about Mama and Dada not living together anymore, but how both parents still love and adore him more than anything else in this entire world. Then there are conversations about zombies, because he has the attention span of Dory from “Finding Nemo,” so he moves on quickly.

There is still joint time with him, too. My ex and I believe our son should still have time with his parents together, and, fortunately, we get along well enough to do this. We go to the movies or the playground all together, giving our son a few hours with both his parents. We try to show him that even though Mama and Dada may not live together or be together with him all the time, we still care for and respect each other and will always strive to model that.

My new normal

I don’t know how I would have reacted a year ago if a fortune teller had tried to warn me that divorce was in my future. I probably would have called her a nasty name and told her to stop lying. Well, in my head I would have. In real life, I probably would have just burst into tears. But she would have been right, and I would have still ended up here.

Most of the time, though, I’m honestly not even sure what “here” is. There are parts of my life that haven’t changed at all. I still have to go to work. I have to lesson plan and go to meetings and make sure my students and staff are where they are supposed to be at the right times. Then there are parts that have changed somewhat. I still have to pick my son up from daycare. I just don’t do it every day anymore. On nights he’s with his father, I don’t show up at his school to get him from the playground or his partner classroom. That’s the start of his time with Dada. Clothes still need to be washed. But I have two people to wash for now instead of three.

And then some things are very different. Two days a week now, I bring my son to school — something I never really did before on days I had to go to work. I am very fortunate that I could arrange it with my colleague for my students to be covered while I drop my son off at 7 a.m., and I arrive at school a little after the first period of the day starts.

Most of the time, I’m OK

I can’t quantify how well I’m doing right now. I think that, for the most part, I’m handling things pretty well. I’m eating, I’m sleeping, I’m still laughing and making others laugh. There are stretches, though, sometimes minutes, sometimes hours, where things are hard. I slipped last night in my dining room, and it took me a few minutes to get up. I worried about how it would affect my night with my son. I was fine — sore, but fine — but got a little nervous for a minute that I was really hurt. I know I could have called my mom or even my ex (and I know he would have come, because he offered when our son called him to say goodnight) if I really needed help. But the worried thoughts, however fleeting, were still there, even if it was just for 30 seconds.

I got up, though, and my night carried on. I made my son dinner and gave him a bath. We snuggled in his bed and watched a movie before he went to sleep. He kissed me goodnight and told me how much he loved me and told me he took such good care of me when I hurt myself. I agreed, because even though I still made him dinner and gave him his bath, he does take care of me in a lot of ways. He’s my little boy, and even though his life, my life, and my ex’s life are in a state of upheaval, he is our main focus and he helps keep us grounded.

I still love my ex. And I firmly believe I always will. I also know my ex still loves me, and I believe him when he says he always will. Right now, we’re just figuring out what that love looks like as co-parents and friends, not as a couple anymore. We’re still learning and growing and changing from all this, and I don’t know if we ever will stop. I have no idea what “normal” is ever going to look like for the three of us. I just know we’re working on it together.

10 Home Organization Tips for the New Year

By

Jalisa Harris

-

January 9, 2019

Now that the holidays are over, I sit here with anxiety. Facing the post-holiday mess — with so much more clutter than last year — I’m wondering how we got here? How in the world can a 5-year-old have so much stuff? The new year feels like the perfect time to reflect on how to keep ourselves from hoarding or living in clutter. So I’ve come up with 10 home organization tips to implement this year. Give them a try!

1. Participate in a no-buy month

Another blogger I know does a “no-buy January” every year, and she loves it. The goal is to avoid shopping for new clothes/toys/household items and instead use what you have. Wear the clothes that are already in your closet — and take some time to mix and match your existing items into new outfits. Empty your pantry and come up with a few creative new dinner ideas. I love this option.

2. Donate — or sell!

We end up with so many clothes in our closets. Whether they’re from holiday and birthday gifts or times I’ve wanted to re-up the family wardrobe, we have way more than we need. Purging the items that never get worn feels so good! I typically sell using ThredUp or just donate to our local Savers. When you sell or donate items in your home that you don’t use, you’ll have more space for those newly received items!

3. Bins, bins, and more bins

Organizing everything into bins and baskets can make life so much easier. From beauty products in your bathroom drawer to odd-sized items in your freezer, sorting things into containers can help you more easily access what you have.

4. Labels

There’s nothing like a label maker to help you get organized! You know all those bins and baskets you’ve started storing your things in (see tip 3 above)? You can label your bins so you — and even the kiddos — know where everything is supposed to go.

5. Tackle that junk corner/drawer

Keep only one drawer or bin dedicated to things you don’t really need or use often. That way, once it fills up, you know it’s time to purge.

6. Capsule items

You’ve heard of a capsule wardrobe, right? The same principle can be applied to other items in your home. Take holiday decor, for example. Many of your red Christmas items — think candles or cake stands — can be used again for Valentine’s Day. Using neutral colors helps. Then add a small pop of color for that holiday so you can reuse, reuse, reuse.

7. Repurpose items

I purchased some leaf-shaped trays from the Dollar Tree last fall. When Christmas rolled around, I spray painted the trays red and used them for candy, keys, etc.

8. If it’s not accessible, you may not need it

Often times, items that aren’t accessible in our homes are not important or needed. Time to take a closer look at those hard-to-access things to determine if you truly need them in your house.

9. Create a schedule

Whether it’s a cleaning schedule for yourself or a morning “getting ready” chart for your kids, organizing the more chaotic areas of your life on paper is a great way to start your year.

10. Think minimal

You don’t have to be an official minimalist to live minimally. When you decide to live minimally, you’ll find less clutter makes its way into your home. Of course, some clutter is hard to avoid when kids are in the mix. For every one item you bring into your home or for your kids, get rid of something that falls into the same category (an unused toy gets donated when your kid gets a new toy, a tired old throw pillow goes to Savers when you buy something new for your living room).

For the adventurer:

For the crunchy mama:

For the homebody:

For the exhausted, stressed-to-the-max mama:

For the foodie mama:

For the mama who lives for experiences:

For the nature buff mama:

For the intellectually or culturally starved mama:

For the movie buff:

For the off-the-beaten-path craver:

For the music aficionado: