i like my husband a lot, marriageIt seems like the thing to do in women’s social gatherings is talk about how annoying our partners are. It’s easy to discuss ad nauseam all the things we wish our husbands would do (or wish they wouldn’t do), or all the things that drive us crazy.

It’s just what we do.

But the truth is, I’d rather not.

Sure, it’s easy to list things my husband does that drive me crazy:

The clothes on the floor, the drawers that are constantly open, his inability to budget time to get the kids out the door on time, his ability to play video games when there are household tasks still to be done, how goofy he can be when I have serious things to discuss. All of these drive me crazy. But I’d rather not harp on them.

The more I vent about these, the more frustrated I get. Sure, sometimes it’s helpful to let off steam with a close friend; but most of the time, in your average social setting, it just makes me hotter under the collar.  

Instead, I’d rather talk about the things I love about my husband.

I’d rather talk about how he makes pancakes for the kids every Saturday morning and lets me sleep in more often than not despite my children’s best efforts.

I’d rather talk about his love of the outdoors and how he genuinely enjoys taking the kids camping — sometimes even letting me get some solo time at home.  

I’d rather talk about how he helps me not take myself too seriously by not taking himself too seriously. I’d rather talk about how I’m finally learning how to play (kind of) after 38 years, thanks to his influence.

I’d rather talk about how he empties the dishwasher and sweeps the floor and makes me coffee every morning. And how he helps the kids with homework and tucks them into bed and is a willing and equal partner in everyday parenting and housekeeping.

When I focus on the things I appreciate about him, I find that I like him more. Moreover, I like myself more. Quite frankly, it’s just more fun to tell others what I like about my partner. Looking for things I love tends to enable me to find more things I love — and tends to foster gratitude and a more joyful heart!

When I’m more joyful and grateful, it bleeds into all aspects of our relationship — and our parenting — and everyone benefits.

So no, my spouse is not perfect. 

He’d be the first one to tell you that. There are a million things that drive me crazy about him! But he also has a ton of qualities I am deeply grateful for. And we are all better off when I focus on those!

Kristen D
Kristen is Southern by birth but has called Boston home since 2008. Unlike most Boston natives, she still really loves the snow and cold. She and her husband have two energetic and kind sons (2013, 2014) and a sassy baby girl (2016). Kristen jokes that she has a Master's degree in laundry and a PhD in conflict resolution — which she uses far more than her actual physics and politics degrees. After seven years as a stay-at-home mom, Kristen went back to work full-time in 2021, and has found that incredibly life-giving while also an additional "juggle." In her "spare" time, she runs her own business (Murph&Moose), serves on multiple school committees, and runs half marathons. Her passion is seeing moms feel comfortable in their own skin and less alone in the chaos that is motherhood. Loves: gardening, languages, coffee, running, time with her girlfriends, and the rare moments of silence when all three children are (finally) in bed. Dislikes: daylight saving time, non-washable markers, and noisy neighbors who disrupt her rare moments of silence.