Look for a place where teachers are trained to listen to a child’s needs (at different ages and stages) and respond with appropriate suggestions and questions that guide children toward choices that will leave them feeling confident. Are teachers focused on what the children are doing? Are they engaging with children by asking questions and talking respectfully to them? How do they handle tears or children working to share a toy?
After the ordeal of getting through security, I am full of dread. I quickly realize that the extra outfits I had put aside for the carry-on bags are still sitting in the living room. I have no change of clothes for my baby, and we're only minutes into our vacation.
I sneak upstairs and wash my face. I put in one contact lens. Then I hear screaming from the preschooler — 'Stop sitting on me! Stop bothering me!' I go down the stairs — half blind — hop the baby gate, and pull the toddler off his sister. I bring the toddler upstairs while I finish getting ready. Desperate to just get out of the house, I allow him to bring his potato chip breakfast upstairs, too.
It felt so good! It felt so empowering to stand up as a mom and as a woman who has been socialized to say yes. I even took it a step further and avoided giving in to the urge to come up with an excuse as to why we would not participate in an activity we'd been invited to. I felt proud as I helped my daughter make a choice between activities. It felt so affirming to hold true to what felt right for me and my family.
The whirlwind of motherhood can be overwhelming and difficult to process. My lack of desire to shed the pounds or eliminate the cellulite is not a disguise for laziness; instead, I have learned to welcome rest — both mentally and physically. It has been life-changing to shift my perspective, making the conscious choice to enjoy my femininity (whatever that may look or feel like). Why do our bodies need to be what they used to be? Can we not be satisfied with how they are now? All of us women deserve bragging rights — our bodies are amazing.
When all else fails, we come back to my standby — laughter. Kids are just funny. And at the end of the day, I laugh way more as a mom than I ever did before having kids. (Sometimes that's so I don't cry.) But most of the time it's because the greatest unexpected gift of motherhood is how much I really like my little people.
Whenever I'm in a funk, I head for the forest. Forest bathing, or what the Japanese call shinrin yoku is the practice of simply being among the trees. Benefits include increased immunity, lowered stress hormones, lower blood pressure, and increased energy and vitality. But, most importantly, it changes the scenery, which sometimes is the best self-care of all. When my babies were little, just going outside changed the mood so quickly, with new smells and sights and stimulation. I could ward off a tantrum even on the streets of Cambridge.
Yeah, that. "I babysat in college" is a great saying, but it doesn't mean you will have any idea what to do with a crying newborn at 2 a.m. when you haven't slept in three days. Likewise, even though we had an amazing dog for a decade, we adopted him after the puppy phase. Thus, my experience with a dog we got as a previously potty trained, past-the-teething-point, 7-month-old pup doesn't hold a candle to the 11-week-old shelter pup we just welcomed into our home. She is beautiful. And clueless. And a BABY.
When they’re babies, it’s just plain old sleep deprivation. Nothing fancy, just a basic form of torture outlawed by the Geneva Convention yet somehow totally cool when perpetrated by a tiny human that looks marginally like you. Then as they get older, their torturing skills mature. It becomes less about brute force denial of sleep and more about finding psychological mechanisms for draining the joy out of the act of sleep.
Sometimes, the idea of reading a whole book can feel overwhelming to a reluctant reader, no matter the length of the book. For some kids, convincing them to read a magazine, or even part of a magazine, will be a much easier sell. Graphic novels can similarly draw in reluctant readers due to the high volume of images per page, often decreasing reading anxiety and increasing interest level.
The problem my children have is deciphering which situations require tattling. For example, your sister breathing on you or your brother stealing your seat does not require me to get out of the shower to solve the 'problem.' They should be able to solve some of their own problems by now, am I right?
I'm not perfect. I don't drink, but I act out in different ways — I sometimes overeat or overshop or overexercise in order to cope with feelings. I'm not perfect at momming or at pretty much anything. But I learned in sobriety that I don't have to be; I just have to be present, honest, willing to learn, and open to change. The gift of sobriety changed my life 15 years ago. It continues to be a gift in my life and in the lives of those around me.
In Case You Missed It..
5 Concerts to Take Your Kids to (That Aren’t Kids Bands!)
Live music is a fantastic experience, no matter your age! Who doesn't remember the excitement of seeing a band perform live on stage for the first time? Taking your kids to a live concert can be a bit tricky, though. There is only so much Kidz Bop a parent can take. But is a "real" concert going to be family friendly? Here are a few bands that put on a great show that will be loved by both the parents and the kids alike!
