Being a Party Pooper :: Alternatives to the Big Birthday Party

February 15, 2016

“Every party has a pooper, that’s why we invited you — party pooper, party pooper!”

Is it just me, or does everyone feel like their once-active social life has been replaced with a calendar full of children’s birthday extravaganzas? Don’t get me wrong — celebrating a birthday is a big deal. I’m just wondering who made the rule that all birthday parties have to be the same? It’s as if someone sat down with every mother, gave them all a birthday outline, and forbid them to stray from it.

You arrive at the event space, sign a waiver for your child to continuously risk his life for the next hour, and watch as the kids are herded in like animals. You then stand around with the other parents making small talk, surrounded by the smell of sweaty feet, watching your child dodge one near-death experience after another.

As you do everything you can to not be “that” parent — you know, the one who follows her child everywhere yelling, “Be careful!” — you stand there, poker face on, squirming in your own skin. You finally find the parents you actually like, and while chatting it up you realize you haven’t seen one blurry glimpse of your child in at least seven and a half minutes, and you start frantically searching from trampoline to trampoline, bouncy house to bouncy slide, or ball pit to climbing structure, eventually diving into the obstacle bouncy house after you’ve convinced yourself your pride and joy has been trampled.

Of course you soon learn you missed the whistle and the kid has already moved into the bad pizza/overdone birthday cake room.

But a birthday doesn’t have to be that concocted, smelly-feet, 20+-guest-list (plus parents and uninvited siblings) formula we have all followed (myself included). Instead, let’s think a little outside the box. Tone down the guest list, do something unique, and get some better food on the menu. There are many ways to stray from the rules with only a few friends or (gasp!) no friends, while still creating a memorable day for your birthday boy or girl.

The age rule

Invitations can get out of hand quickly — you invited Sammy and Joey, so how could you not invite Johnny? Before you know it, the small birthday party you thought you were planning turns into the Golden Globes. But it doesn’t have to. As your children get older, let them invite as many friends as they are in years to your house or to a special activity.

Staycation

There is nothing more exciting to a child than going on vacation and walking into a hotel room, but who says you have to get on a plane to have that experience? You can get some great deals on apps like Hotel Tonight. Stream a movie, jump on the beds, and light that candle on the birthday cake. The glamour and excitement of hotel living will, without a doubt, create a birthday night to remember!

Family party

This is an especially great option for those with younger children (calling all moms about to throw a big bash for your baby’s first birthday!). Larger parties are often overwhelming and end in tears, so opt for something not so stress inducing and more enjoyable for everyone — especially the young birthday child. Order some balloons and invite grandparents and other close relatives for a quiet brunch and intimate affair.

Sleepover party

This is geared toward older children, and it’s a great time to implement the age rule. Wait until the kids are old enough and everyone has experienced plenty of sleepovers — this way no one asks to call their mom at midnight, and parent involvement can be limited. There’s not much planning necessary other than to expect a lot of giggling and hope they go to sleep at some point.

All-about-me celebration

A birthday is all about celebrating the individual, so why not give your birthday boy or girl an entire day planned around him or her. Start off with a special birthday breakfast, then let the child choose some exciting activities, and end the day with an extra large piece of birthday cake. I don’t know one child who wouldn’t love a whole day dedicated to them.

An event to remember

Instead of making the birthday party the event, take your child to an event to remember. Maybe there’s a sports team they’ve been cheering on from home, or maybe you could introduce them to the magical world of theater through Wheelock Family Theater, or maybe Disney on Ice or their favorite band is in town. Whatever the special event you take your child to, an experience like this is something your child will speak of for years to come.

Traveling with Kids :: Airplane Etiquette

erineby

February 12, 2016

I think I speak for most parents when I say that flying with young children was seriously overlooked as a circle of hell. Being strapped down inside a claustrophobic steel tube hurling though the sky for hours with kids who inevitably want to play, pee, eat, make a mess, and otherwise be kids is not fun. To make matters worse, you have the sanity of airport staff, flight crew, and fellow passengers to worry about, too.

Here are some tips on airline etiquette to make it easier on those around you when you travel. In return, you’ll avoid any side-eye or snide remarks that might spoil your trip.

Travel to the airport

If you’re taking a taxi, make sure the taxi dispatch knows in advance that you have kids, car seats, and several bags so they factor in time when scheduling other pick ups. The last thing you need at 5 a.m. is a grumbly cabbie. And though it should go without saying, tip him.

Check in

Check in before you arrive at the airport to save time. Make sure everything you need on the plane is already in the appropriate carry-on so you’re not digging through bags while others wait. You can choose to check car seats and strollers free of charge or you can gate-check them.

Security

I know it’s next to impossible, but try to be prepared when you come to the front of the line. Families notoriously have a ton of stuff to unload and carry, so it’s only polite if you see a rushed business person or seasoned traveler behind you tapping his foot to let him go ahead while you wrestle your toddler out of his jacket. No time lost.

Tips: You are allowed to go through the metal detector with baby carrier (Bjorn, Ergo, Moby) but not a stroller. Plan accordingly if you don’t want to wake a sleeping little one. Also, your kids can keep their shoes on. Thanks to the TSA for throwing us that bone.

Boarding

Board first as “passengers traveling with kids” so you can get situated without holding everyone else up. Or board last so that, again, you’re not making people wait. The perk of boarding last is that the kids have to spend a little less time sitting down on the plane.

In flight

The ten commandments of in-flight kid behavior:

Thou shalt not kick the seat in front of you
Thou shalt not color on or otherwise mar the tray table
Thou shalt not stand in your seat
Thou shalt not hang in the aisle lest the beverage cart smite your limbs
Thou shalt not throw the ice you’re given in your beverage cup
Thou shalt not scream
Thou shalt not pull the hair in front of you
Thou shalt not bang the tray table
Thou shalt inform an adult of the need to pee, poo, or throw up before it happens
Thou shalt nap, please, for God’s sake

Tip: Stock up on inexpensive, small-space playthings like short books, play dough, scratch-off coloring books, and sticker books. When my kids see the new stuff, they get so excited that they forget to act up.

Disembarking

Wait for rushed passengers to get off first, especially anyone with a connecting flight.

Mostly, it’s about planning ahead and being aware of the needs of those around you. Which are good rules to live by generally. And if you happen to be alone and you see a family struggling during travel, offer to help or at least give them a smile or gesture of solidarity. We all know it sucks.

Let’s just rejoice that we survived the holiday season and be grateful that we have some time to brace ourselves for summer travel.

Rethinking Romance :: A Thank You to My Husband

Allison Goldberg

February 11, 2016

Romance has changed a lot since the carefree days of being newly married and child free. The days of dining out on a whim or booking a spontaneous romantic weekend getaway are a distant memory. If it weren’t for the occasional social media post popping up on my news feed — from friends who have not yet had children — those days would be forgotten altogether. As I live my wonderful, yet chaotic, sleep-deprived life, I can’t help but feel a pang of jealousy viewing a friend’s glamorous child-free vacation, exciting late Saturday night out, or, better yet, relaxing Sunday morning in. The romance in these posts is easy to spot and isn’t lost in the everyday disorder that comes with the territory of having three little ones at home. With these posts bringing up memories of how connected we used to be, I can’t help but question, “Where has our romance gone?”

But when I take a second to breathe and actually look at the big picture, the romance in our relationship isn’t gone. It just looks a whole lot different. Our romantic gestures may no longer be exotic and overt. In their place are the small, everyday, relevant reminders of just how much we love each other. They may not be as grand, but they are just as romantic — and definitely worth recognizing and appreciating.

With Valentine’s Day fast approaching, I thought I would say a big thank you to you, hubby, and all the amazing little things you do for me that have given romance a new meaning.

Thank you for getting me Starbucks on the weekends. You know that my grande, one pump of vanilla, soy latte is my one vice, and you get it right every time.

Thank you for always encouraging me to go out with my girlfriends — sometimes it’s hard for me to remember that I used to have a social life.

Thank you for celebrating everything about our relationship. Receiving a card on the day we met seven years ago made my day.

Thank you for letting me choose the movie most Friday nights and for watching so many chick flicks (although we both know you secretly like them).

Thank you for still opening my car door on the rare occasion we do go out for date night.

Thank you for loving every meal I cook for you, even when we’ve had chicken three nights in a row.

Thank you for saying “goodnight” and “I love you” every night before bed no matter what is going on in our lives.

Thank you for the random texts and phone calls throughout the day just to say hi.

Thank you for always making sure I have a fresh glass of water on my bedside table, even though I never drink it.

Thank you for being in a good mood 99% of the time (the 1% being when a Boston sports team loses).

Thank you for the times you’ve made me breakfast in bed. You know the way to my heart, and it starts with pancakes! (For future reference, it ends with shoes, handbags, or jewelry.)

Thank you for the days you bring home flowers just because.

Thank you for playing Scrabble with me even though I beat you every time.

Thank you for not chewing ice cubes out of your water glass because you know it drives me crazy.

Thank you for coming home from work every night in time for our family dinner.

Thank you for telling me I look cute when I haven’t slept all night, washed my hair, or put on makeup.

Thank you for our beautiful life together, our wonderful home, our three precious children, and for keeping the romance alive even if it looks vastly different than it did only a few years ago.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Don’t Take Away Our Hospital Nurseries

Morgan Sheena

February 10, 2016

I have given birth at two different Boston-area hospitals, and both experiences came with a myriad of choices left to me, my husband, and our care teams. But one thing I never had to worry about was the availability of a hospital nursery.

I distinctly remember touring both hospitals while pregnant and having the nurseries pointed out to us as part of the tour. It was simply a part of the childbirth and postpartum experience — you could have a nurse take your child to the nursery at any time during your hospital stay, if you chose to. Which I did.

When planning what I wanted for my birth experiences, I didn’t even consider the issue of rooming in versus the nursery, because it wasn’t something I had to worry about. Now, as I get ready for the birth of my third child, things are a little different.

Many Boston-area hospitals are doing away with nurseries as part of a national initiative to encourage bonding and breastfeeding by having moms and newborns stay together throughout their entire hospital stay. Though hospitals do make exceptions for medical reasons, mothers are encouraged to “room in” with their newborns at all hours. And in some hospitals, mothers aren’t only encouraged to room in — they’re forced to, as nurseries are no longer an option.

I absolutely understand the point of rooming in. I get the need to bond, to learn your newborn’s cues, to become comfortable with breastfeeding. What I don’t get is the need to force this on women. Having my daughter Olivia with me after my C-section would have been a danger to her and to me. Getting in and out of bed was enough work on its own, and I was so grateful to have the nurses available to take care of my baby when I could barely take care of myself.

After four days in the hospital, I came home somewhat rested, comfortable with the duties of taking care of a newborn with a toddler at home, and well on my way to a happy breastfeeding relationship. While in the hospital, I had chosen to send my baby to the nursery for a few hours at a time so I could get a little bit of sleep without waking up to every newborn sound. And I don’t feel it impeded our bonding in any way. I felt the same way after having Aaron, my first child. After giving birth, I was sad to part with my newborn but so grateful he could go to the nursery so my husband and I could have a bit of recovery sleep before we dove headfirst into learning how to be parents.

As women, we are in a scary time. It seems as if our choices are being limited or removed completely. While the push toward baby-friendly hospitals is a beautiful thing, the needs of the mother should also be taken into consideration. As moms, we have the right to have a say. We should call the shots in our care —before, during, and after labor. We can decide what is best for ourselves and our babies. And we can decide whether or not we want to room in or send our babies to a nursery for a few brief hours. For the hospital to dictate that what we are doing is right or wrong is pushing us in the wrong direction.

I know many moms who did not feel they received the support they needed while in the hospital, whether they roomed in or not. Perhaps focusing on how to better help mothers feel prepared for what is to face them at home — rather than forcing initial bonding — would be a better use of time, energy, and resources. Moms need care, both emotionally and physically. Let’s not take that away.

Please, Boston hospitals, don’t take away our choice.

In Defense of “Cry It Out”

Alison Burke

February 9, 2016

When I welcomed my beautiful baby boy into the world last spring, I was sure of one thing: I would never, ever sit in a separate room from him, letting him scream and cry all alone. Never. A mere six months later — after eight solid weeks of trying to put in 40 hours at work while sleeping in one-hour increments at night — my husband and I sat down with a giant bag of Reese’s Pieces and a borrowed copy of “Solve Your Child’s Sleep Problems“ and did the very thing we swore we’d never do. Now that we’re both sleeping like normal people again (for now), I can say with certainty I’m a Ferber believer. I know it’s not for everyone, but here’s what I learned.

It’s actually called “progressive waiting” and isn’t as torturous as it sounds (for the baby)

“Cry it out” sounds terrifying. Which is precisely why Dr. Richard Ferber chose not to call his controversial sleep training method anything of the sort. In his book, he calls his technique “progressive waiting” — and it consists of putting your kid down, leaving for a few minutes, coming back to soothe, waiting a few minutes more, etc. There’s a lot of room for flexibility, and he’s careful to stipulate the importance of things like bedtime routines and nap consistency. Still, no matter what you call it, it’s never easy to hear your kid cry. (The aforementioned chocolate binge was no joke.) But the longest our son ever cried was 30 minutes. And while that was easily the longest 30 minutes of my life, it only happened once — and after two nights, he was sleeping like a champ.

Self-soothing is an important skill that takes practice.

Like crawling and walking and eating and talking, self-soothing is something that requires practice. That practice is what we call “sleep training.” When my kid was in the midst of his four-month sleep regression (which lasted almost two months), I read something that made a lot of sense: Night sleep takes either A) time or B) tears. I have the utmost respect for those patient parents who choose time — but because my husband and I both work full time, we reluctantly and exhaustedly opted for the tears route. Three nights later, the first time our son slept peacefully until morning, I can’t tell you how proud of him I felt. Even now, it’s right up there with the first time he ate food from a spoon or pulled himself up to standing. He did it. He learned to soothe himself to sleep without our help. We just created a safe environment for him to figure out how.

Parents use the “cry it out” method for basically everything else

The first time our kid took a bath, he screamed his head off. In spite of our soft, loving reassurances, he seemed convinced he was being violently murdered by a gentle sponge and the mildest of soaps. And though his blood-curdling baby shrieks are the undisputed winner of my most-heartbreaking-sounds-of-all-time competition, we still washed him. Because humans have to take baths. And, lo and behold, bath time quickly became one of his favorite things. The fact is, as parents, we have to fight through tears to get our kids used to a lot of things that seem scary at first — from diaper changes to car rides to childcare. It’s an awful, unavoidable part of the job. But it’s certainly not isolated to sleep training.

It’s all about trust

To continue the bath analogy, I remember a powerful parenting moment the first time it hit home that my kid was no longer afraid of bath time. I was pouring water over his head to rinse out shampoo, singing along with our special bath time playlist — and he was just looking up at me and smiling. In that moment, I had the wonderful and terrifying realization that the only reason he was able to enjoy this experience was because he trusted me. It was wonderful because I’d worked so hard to earn his trust. And it was terrifying because I had no idea what I was doing — and was thoroughly afraid I didn’t deserve it.

In my brief time as a mom, I’ve come to believe that parenthood is all about managing this weighty balance of trust. My fear about “crying it out” was that I’d break my son’s trust in me. What happened was quite the opposite. Progressive waiting is about showing up periodically enough to reassure your kid that he’s not alone, while giving him the space to learn a new skill. It’s about teaching our children to trust that we’re there even when we’re not there. And, for me, it was about trusting myself enough to step back and give my kid the chance to grow.

Have you survived some form of sleep training? Tell us all about it!

Doghouse Diaries :: A Countdown to V-Day

Lynzi Clyde

February 8, 2016

All this love on Facebook and Instagram leading up to Valentine’s Day has me reminiscing on the early days of my marriage. Back when we were young and wild and free.

Oh my gosh it was the worst.

It was September of 2012, my husband’s first birthday since we had been married was coming up, and as a newlywed I really wanted to knock it out of the park. We were living out West at the time, and since my husband is a Jersey Boy, I thought it would be a brilliant idea to fly East for a baseball game at Yankee Stadium. (I can hear you all booing through the Wi-Fi.)

I called his uncle, asked if we could stay, found a perfect weekend for it, and checked flights (but didn’t buy, just in case). And then I bought the tickets for the game.

When Dear Darling Husband got home that night I was about to burst with excitement. I have a surprise, I said. You’re going to love it, I said.

I put on Billy Joel’s “New York State of Mind” and had Dashing Devilishly Handsome Husband close his eyes. When he opened them, he had in his hand two pieces of paper rolled up, tied with a bow.

“Open it!”

With a sheepish look on his face, he slowly unrolled the tickets, read the writing, and his little grin slowly turned to mortification.

“What is this?”

“What do you think it is?!? It’s tickets to a game!”

“What were you thinking? Did you buy flights already? Where did you get these from? How much did these cost? You can’t just go making big plans like this without talking to me first, there’s no way we’re going…”

And in my mind the rest of the conversation is us yelling, the screen goes blurry, fades to black, and ends with the sound of me slamming the door and taking my super-mature bicycle out for a reckless speed race around the neighborhood, only to end up back on our front lawn, bawling my eyes out.

Oh, birth control hormones.

Thus began my lifelong plight of figuring out how to give gifts in a relationship where our gift-giving expectations don’t match up.

The problem is, in my family, Christmas and other holidays were often punctuated with one of my parents giving something thoughtful and unexpected to the other. A car that was secretly saved up for, a remodeled kitchen, just the right thing that took tons of thought and tons of preparation.

Deliberate Delineated Dull Husband comes from a background of More More More. He also likes to pick out exactly what he wants. So in our single-income family, he pretty much buys himself gifts.

So with Valentine’s coming up, I’m still at a loss of what to get him. We’ve argued about what is more important: Valentine’s or our anniversary. He says Valentine’s. I say our anniversary.

So he’ll be buying me something for Valentine’s Day, and I’ll make him a homemade card and tape some leftover Halloween candy to it.

For our anniversary, I’ll spend months preparing something useful and sentimental, and he’ll wake up that morning, go to work, and then later say, “Hey, should I bring Chinese home?”

In a marriage relationship, these “oversights” on the parts of our partners can really cut deep. They can make us want to scream and go do something drastic because, “HOW CAN HE NOT SEE HOW IMPORTANT THIS DAY IS TO ME?… I mean US!?”

Guess which one I am? — Guess which one I am.

This year, I’m trying to make my thoughts verbal, instead of expecting him to automatically know what I want.

And if I’m lucky, I’ll coax out of him how he imagines Valentine’s Day going down (I can already guess at some of it).

It’s the worst trying to figure these things out. But in the end, I guess it’s worth it because what we are celebrating is our spouse, and we should try to love those spouses in the way they feel most loved.

So Delightful Devoted Husband, if you’re reading this, I’d really like to get my ring cleaned and go out to Cheesecake Factory sans children. Thanks.

Have any gift-giving horror stories? What are you doing for V-Day this year?

A New Frontier :: The Drop-Off Playdate

Jessie Keppeler

February 7, 2016

As a mom to a kindergartener, it’s kind of like I started real school this year, too. And I have a lot to learn. About arriving before the first bell. About how to find the main office and the nurse. About how to organize the stacks of paperwork that travel back and forth in my daughter’s folder.

And about the drop-off playdate. That one caught me off guard.

When school started, my sometimes-shy daughter seemed slow to make new friends. When I asked about her day, she told me that at recess she spent the whole time waiting to play with the girl who had been her best friend last year in pre-k, but her turn never came. Ouch. So I decided to organize some playdates for her outside of school. Maybe I’d make a new friend, too!

At the kindergarten drop off, I stalked one particularly friendly mom. Sloane liked her kid, I liked her. We exchanged contact info. It was all too perfect.

Until we started emailing about a playdate. And her note read: “I can pick up after school, and then the kids can play while I go run errands. Our nanny will be at the house. Feel free to pick up anytime after 4:30.”

Oh. This was a drop-off playdate. And I wasn’t invited.

After nursing my pride (aka getting over myself), I realized this could be the beginning of a great new era. I didn’t have to be there! I could do something else with my time, like get a haircut, go for a run, or take care of all those other kids I have. And Sloane could gain a bit more independence without Mama Bear around.

But wait a second. What did I really know about this mom? (Besides that she always looked effortlessly put-together at 7:55 a.m.) What did I know about their nanny? And what did I know about their home? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. I didn’t know whether they kept guns in the house. Whether they have medications in easy-to-reach places. Or whether someone with an abuse problem was living with them.

So at the risk of seeming like a helicopter parent, I emailed back: “Sounds great. Do you mind if I walk with you guys after school and get Sloane settled before heading out? I’ll just stay for a few minutes.”

Of course, she kindly obliged (probably realizing that I was a rookie parent to a school-aged child, while she had been through this twice before with her older kids), and I became the fourth wheel to the play date. Which ended up being a good thing. I got to chat with the mom, and we continued to hit it off. I was able to take a look inside their (beautiful) house, and while I didn’t exactly snoop, I felt comfortable that there were no red flags. I met the nanny, a very nice older woman. And when I peeked in at Sloane to say goodbye, she was having so much fun she practically shooed me away. Which made me happy.

But as I set off solo, I pondered whether I should have taken my inquiry into Sloane’s safety a bit further. I didn’t ask about the guns. Or the medications. Or if anyone else was living in the house. I just went with my gut that this house — and this family — seemed safe. I’m trusting this mom. And this nanny. And I’m trusting Sloane to use good judgment and stay safe. Was that the best I could do? Or was it simply as far as I was willing to go?

Tell me — because I’m still pretty conflicted — what would you do?

Pumping on Planes :: Business Travel as a Nursing Mom

erineby

February 5, 2016

My daughter was just 8 weeks old when I returned to work. Having already been through the transition from maternity leave to day care with my 3-year-old son, I knew what to expect. What I was much less prepared for was business travel as a nursing mom.

One of the first things to fall into my lap when I returned to work was the account of a Florida-based client, and when my daughter was 10 weeks old I flew round trip to Tampa (same day) for a crucial meeting. I was a wreck preparing for it.

While I traveled quite a bit for holidays and leisure when my son was very young, traveling without the baby was a new challenge. Not only was I intimidated by the new professional challenge ahead of me, fuel was added to the fire of my anxiety with the prospect of pumping during the trip.

So, for the nursing mom who travels solo on business, I offer a little advice based on my experience.

The night before: Prepping for your trip

I must have packed and re-packed my bags a million times. In the end, I think I did well — the way I packed made it comfortable for me to travel.

Plan your outfit for ease of pumping. I wore a comfortable pumping bra on the plane, which meant I could go hands free as I juggled all my stuff and checked my phone compulsively to be sure I didn’t miss boarding.
I put my pumps and a cooler lunch box for storing milk in a large, open-topped tote bag. This made it easy and fast to access the pumps and bottles. If you’re traveling on a longer overnight trip, I suggest keeping your pumping supplies separate from the items in your suitcase. You don’t want to have to rearrange all your stuff to access your pumping supplies or drag your suitcase wherever you need to pump.
I considered leaving my double electric Medela Pump-in-Style behind because I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to find an outlet. I’m so happy I packed it, because electrical outlets are available in most family/assisted care restrooms, and the double electric gets the job done way faster than my single, battery-operated Medela Swing.
On the other side of that, I packed the battery-operated pump “just in case,” and I’m glad I did — I needed to pump on the plane (no outlet in the lavatory). Moral of the story: If you have both, pack both.
If you’re traveling overnight, make sure your hotel has a working mini-fridge for you to store your milk.
You may want to pack extra batteries or bottles. Being over prepared in this case is best.

The departure leg

Get to the airport early, so you have time to find a private place to pump before you board. While I would have preferred a nursing mothers room, I found a private family restroom by my gate that was sufficient. I had to stand over the sink in heels, milking myself, but whatever. We do what we have to, right mamas?
Print and carry with you the TSA guidelines on pump and breastmilk policies. I wasn’t hassled about the pumps (though they probably looked suspiciously bomb-like on the scanner) and breezed through security, but it gave me peace of mind to know that I had some hard evidence of my rights in case they were challenged.
Be prepared to pump in-flight with a battery or hand pump. I was a little shocked when I realized I needed to pump on the plane. I didn’t take into account an early boarding time, so my three-hour flight turned into a four-hour one, and adding on taxiing upon arrival and deplaning, I knew I had to do a session in the air. I took my tote bag of supplies into the lavatory and used the battery-operated pump to take care of things. It was far from ideal, but it’s possible. I did get one aggressive, “Hurry up!” knock, to which I replied, “Just a moment” (a total lie — I was in there for another 10 minutes because my battery pump is a single and I had to do both breasts).

The return leg

Going through security on the return leg was the most stressful part for me. I was so worried they would take my milk. But I’m happy to report that I came home with all 18 ounces of liquid gold.

Easy access to the milk is key. I made the flight by the skin of my teeth because my meeting ran long, so when TSA wanted to scan the milk, I was thankful to have it accessible to present it and re-pack it quickly.
People just don’t get it sometimes, so be prepared to explain the situation. I was actually asked, “Do you have the baby with you?” by the 23-year-old male TSA agent, as he looked around nervously for a superior to consult. This is another time I was glad to have printed off official TSA guidelines on breastmilk.
I learned my lesson from the departure leg and was able to squeeze in a pumping session just before boarding to avoid lavatory pumping. I found another family/assisted care restroom, again equipped with an electrical outlet so I could use the double pump.
Carry pictures or videos of your baby. I notice that the longer I’m away from my baby, the harder it is to get a let-down, so I carry photos and videos of my little one to look at while I pump to help speed things along.

Good luck and bon voyage! Are you a nursing or pumping mom who travels for work? What have you learned to make trips easier?

Barbie Got a Booty — So Now What?

Matina Fell

February 3, 2016

Really, Time Magazine? That’s all you’ve got for us? With all the real news happening daily? And Mattel, what’s going on — revenue down?

Last week we learned that Barbie would be given a more “realistic” body — three new body types, in fact. Beginning in March, we’ll see petite, curvy, and tall Barbies on store shelves, in addition to the original model. Are girls really going to buy these dolls, or are we just doing it to make ourselves feel better?

Go down any doll aisle in any big box store and you will find every shape, look, color, and style out there. It’s overwhelming, quite frankly. I recently took my 2-year-old daughter down said aisle. She looked around a bit, then headed straight toward Barbie and plopped her in our cart. “I want that one, Mama.” No problem, kiddo.

I mean, I grew up playing with the “old” Barbie. And I’m now a (relatively) normal, high-functioning adult with no body issues to speak of. Was that Barbie really so bad? People think she’ll give girls a negative body image. Since her look is so unattainable, girls will try to emulate it. Can one little doll really do so much damage?

I get Barbie’s body is not the size of the average American. But neither is Cinderella’s or Ariel’s or Jasmine’s — and we’re not talking about them. They’re make believe. Fiction, really. They’re not supposed to be real. I mean, boys play with Superman, Batman, and the Incredible Hulk — and they’re all jacked and six-packed. You don’t see them coming out with average-looking superheroes, now do you?

So, is this really front page news? Even Time caveats their front page with a quote from Barbie: “Now can we stop talking about my body?” Uh, yeah. We can. I have. Now stop putting it on your cover and let’s move on.

What do you ladies think? Agree, disagree? I know this is a hot topic right now. Post your thoughts in the comments below — I’d love to hear them.

7 Tricks to Combat Obstinate Misbehavior

erineby

January 31, 2016

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I got my first real taste of obstinate misbehavior when my son turned 3. Whoever coined the term “terrible twos” never had a 3-year-old, because when my son crossed the chasm between 2 and 3 he became a boundaries-be-damned, hairpin-trigger, tantrumming mess faster than you can say, “Whose idea was it to have kids, anyway?”

In this post I talked about the difference between ethical misbehavior and obstinate misbehavior. Obstinate misbehavior is the kind that may be truly insanity inducing to parents but ultimately doesn’t hurt anyone. It’s tantrums in grocery stores over a candy bar, kicking a ball in the house, and having a fit over bedtime.

Here are seven tricks I’ve learned in the past year that have spared me many a sleepless night and embarrassing store trip. Most importantly, I’ve noticed a real change in my son. He passes the marshmallow test much more easily these days, he feels comfortable talking things out with me, and, ultimately, he’s an emotionally healthier kid.

1. Let him experience the bad feelings without putting something between him and the bad feeling

If I put my son in his room for time out, it’s the door that’s the enemy, and the only goal becomes getting out of the door. He loses sight of the reason he is in his room to begin with. Instead, if I let him experience the upsetting emotion and realize that the cause is in his head — and that he won’t get out of it by kicking or screaming — he has to learn a way out of that feeling.

**2. Talk to him about appropriate ways to deal with bad feelings before misbehavior happens**

Hitting a pillow is OK. Having “alone time” (basically child-driven time out) is OK. Using words to tell me how he feels is OK. It opens the door for discussion and gives him ways to get his physical frustrations out without hurting anyone. The key is to talk about these things when he is open and receptive, and to simply remind him of those coping mechanisms during a tantrum. I practically did a backflip when my son said, “I wanna hit a pillow!” while in tears over something like his sippy cup being the wrong color.

3. Listen more than talk

Even if it sounds like toddler gobbledygook, there’s usually something behind what my son is trying to say — if I let him work through it. Most times, it helps just to repeat what he says so he knows I hear him. Re-stating his case and then telling him why I say no does three things: 1) It tells him I hear him and his feelings are valid and respected. 2) It takes away his ammunition by acknowledging his reasoning. 3) It teaches by example that listening to people is important.

4. Redirect, redirect, redirect

Have you ever been so upset about something that, at a certain point, you’re upset because you’re upset? I know I have. Sometimes you get into a bummer spiral and need help to pull yourself out. When I know my son has lost sight of the original problem and is just worked up into a tight wad of upsetness, I redirect. I try to get him excited about something, or guide him toward something he likes to do, or ask him for help with something. Many times, it helps him let go of the bad feelings.

5. Make it fun

My kid never, never wants to get ready for bed. Getting ready in the morning is nothing compared to the struggle at bedtime. What works for me is to make up a game. “Don’t want to put your PJs on? What if you have to run around the kitchen island as fast as you can, then come tag me to get each piece of your pajamas?” “Don’t want to brush your teeth? What if we play dentist and you can brush mine first and then brush your own?” Put yourself in your kid’s shoes. This stuff is BORING. Save yourself many a headache and try to make it fun when you can.

6. Reward desired behavior

Reward your kids for good behavior like sharing, compromising, and listening, even just with proud words. “Great job getting ready for bed tonight. I’m really proud of you.” Or, “You really tried hard to eat all your green beans, even though I know they aren’t your favorite. That’s super-good manners.” Recognizing effort to be good goes a long way. Children crave parental approval, making it a terrific motivator.

7. Offer affection

Sometimes, people just need a hug. I’ve noticed that an act of physical affection at the right time can completely 180 a fussy 3-year-old. I suspect that it’s because the physical affection negates the need for other attention-getting techniques (often undesirable behavior).

My kid is far from perfect and definitely has his moments. He still does tantrum and push boundaries, but the tricks outlined above have helped us find a common language with which to deal with misbehavior, and they’ve given us detours around tantrums before they happen, ultimately avoiding the need for punishment as he learns the self-discipline that will be so critical in adulthood.

Make an Impact with Your Travel

Morgan Sheena

January 30, 2016

Adonia_External

Disclaimer: The following post is sponsored. However, we would not promote or work with a business we did not believe to be reputable or relevant to our readers.

Have you heard of impact travel? It’s a whole new kind of travel — traveling with a purpose, with the opportunity to community build, immerse yourself in another culture, and create an enduring social impact.

Fathom Travel is owned by Carnival and makes a cruise much more than a cruise. Love of travel and wanting to help others don’t have to be mutually exclusive, and Fathom has combined the two to help travelers make a difference in the world, helping travelers to enrich the lives of others and themselves.

Fathom will make its maiden voyage in the spring of 2016, with round trip sails from Miami to Cuba and the Dominican Republic. In the Dominican Republic, travelers will get to work side by side with local residents on programs focusing on improving the lives of children and families within the community.

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There will be so many ways to make an impact, including projects focused on education, environment, and economic development. Travelers can also choose to spend time working alongside local and Fathom partners on causes the traveler cares about, whether or not they want be be physically active with their volunteer opportunity. All travelers who want to make a difference will be able to find a great fit on any Fathom trip! In addition to having a great social impact, Fathom travelers to the Dominican Republic can also relax, enjoy tons of different recreational activities, and take advantage of the beauty the island has to offer.

There are also memorable recreation, leisure, and sightseeing activities available to Fathom travelers to experience in the Dominican Republic when not participating in social impact projects. Whether exploring ancient ruins, interacting with the abundant marine life in the crystal clear water, lounging along the sun-soaked stretches of surf and sand, or participating in social impact activities, travelers will have the opportunity to make the most of their experiences in the Dominican Republic.

Seven days of sun, fun, and doing something good for those who need your help doesn’t sound like such a bad idea, does it?

Through the end of February 2016, readers of Boston Moms Blog can call 1-855-932-8466, mention CODE CMG, and save up to $400 per person for the first and second person in the stateroom to the Dominican Republic. Bring the whole family, or sign up for a small group, and the third and fourth passengers sail free. You only pay 50% of the deposit fee at initial booking ($400 savings for Suite, $300 for Balcony Cabin, $200 for Ocean View Cabin, $100 for Interior Cabin).

Prices for the seven-day trips to the Dominican Republic start at $974 per person, excluding taxes, fees, and port expenses, and including all meals on the ship, onboard social impact immersion experiences, three onshore social impact activities, and related supplies. Prices will vary by season. To secure a spot on future sailings, a fully refundable $300 per person deposit is required for all cabin categories and occupancy levels. Final payment is due 90 days prior to departure.

Best Free At-Home Yoga

rachelbrothers

January 28, 2016

Before I had my son, I was a regular at my local hot yoga studio. Nothing felt as good to me as entering a 100 degree room and flowing and sweating for the next 75 minutes. But then I got pregnant, and my OB advised steering clear of the heated room. And after my son was born I just couldn’t seem to make journeying to the studio a priority. However, it was still a priority of mine to move and bend and flex often. For the first 18 months, my son would regularly sit on me when I tried to practice at home (frustrating!), but then something clicked and now he loves practicing yoga (almost) as much as I do. You can find him most afternoons rolling out his mat and standing in a warrior pose.

However, he is still a 2-year-old who comes equipped with occasionally unpredictable moods and attention spans, so I prefer the flexibility of free yoga at home. If we finish a class, great! And if not, at least we tried. Here are our favorites:

Yoga Studio

Hands down, this is my favorite yoga app because you can link up your favorite poses to create a practice of any length with any focus. The app comes loaded with pre-made routines as well. I stream the routines on my iPhone or iPad, but they’ve recently added an Apple TV app as well. Awesome!

Yoga with Adriene

Adriene is a fantastic instructor if you’re just starting out, but she throws in challenging poses, too, if you are more seasoned. Regardless of your skill level, I enjoy spending 30 minutes with her daily because she’s so upbeat and cheerful. Her 30-days series are great for developing a consistent yoga practice at home.

Do Yoga With Me

If you’re looking for a variety of styles, instructors, lengths, and levels, Do Yoga With Me is a great one-stop shop.

Tara Stiles

For very hip yoga, look no further than Tara Stiles. She’s known for cultivating fun and playfulness in her poses, and she is the current darling of the yoga world. Be forewarned: Her free videos are fairly short, but upgrading to the full-length videos is quite affordable.

Yoga Journal

If you’re the type of yogi who loves mastering poses and precision, Yoga Journal is the site for you. Their videos focus mainly on individual poses and laying a good foundation before branching out. They are more technical in nature than other videos, however, and use lots of Sanskrit phrases.

Cosmic Kids

If you have a day where you just need to get the wiggles out or let your children be the focus of the practice, Cosmic Kids is the way to go. It’s not the most hardcore workout for the adults, but it’s a fun intro to yoga for the little ones.

“Every party has a pooper, that’s why we invited you — party pooper, party pooper!”

The age rule

Staycation

Family party

Sleepover party

All-about-me celebration

An event to remember

Travel to the airport

Check in

Security

Boarding

In flight

Disembarking

Happy Valentine’s Day!

It’s actually called “progressive waiting” and isn’t as torturous as it sounds (for the baby)

Self-soothing is an important skill that takes practice.

Parents use the “cry it out” method for basically everything else

It’s all about trust

Have you survived some form of sleep training? Tell us all about it!

Have any gift-giving horror stories? What are you doing for V-Day this year?

Tell me — because I’m still pretty conflicted — what would you do?

The night before: Prepping for your trip

The departure leg

The return leg

Good luck and bon voyage! Are you a nursing or pumping mom who travels for work? What have you learned to make trips easier?

1. Let him experience the bad feelings without putting something between him and the bad feeling

2. Talk to him about appropriate ways to deal with bad feelings before misbehavior happens

3. Listen more than talk

4. Redirect, redirect, redirect

5. Make it fun

6. Reward desired behavior

7. Offer affection

Namaste!

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**2. Talk to him about appropriate ways to deal with bad feelings before misbehavior happens**