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When Siblings Can Babysit :: How to Know When They’re Ready

By
Deanna Greenstein
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babysitting - Boston Moms Blog

A few months ago, my oldest son got strep throat. The following day he felt fine but was still within the “must stay home from school for 24 hours” stage. I was scheduled to work an event down the street at my other kids’ school for a few hours, and I had anticipated bringing his two younger siblings with me. His illness threw a serious monkey wrench into my plans. As I was struggling to figure out what to do, it dawned on me. 

When I was 11, I was babysitting for my neighbor’s two young kids. 

My son was 12.

Could it be? Could we have reached that magical age where I could leave him home alone and — potentially (gasp!) — ask him to babysit his siblings for an hour or two? I hurriedly researched the state guidelines regarding legally leaving children home alone, including at what age it was considered alright to babysit for siblings. I was shocked to find that Massachusetts does not have specific guidelines, though many states suggest a child is old enough to spend a few hours alone at as young as 8 years old. 

We discussed it together, and my son was beyond excited to begin babysitting. Armed with a list of phone numbers for every neighbor we know, all of his grandparents, aunts and uncles, the school where I would be, and a few of the volunteers I would be with (hey, I was nervous!) he stayed home with his two little brothers for an hour and a half. When I rushed home at the end of the event, I found them all happily snuggled on the couch, watching a movie.

Having a child old enough to babysit is magical.

Since that day, my two oldest sons have relished in the responsibility of caring for their younger siblings for short amounts of time, and my life has gotten exponentially easier. A trip to the store to get milk used to take an hour (or longer) as I packed all five kids into the car and dragged them to the store, undoubtedly coming out with far more than milk (not to mention a few extra grey hairs). Now, I can literally run to the store for milk. For a mom with toddlers, this is seriously magical.

But how can you be sure your older kids are ready to stay home alone — or begin babysitting for others?

Ask them

This may seem like the most simple of answers, but it is one of the most important. When I was 10, my mom asked me if I was ready to stay home alone while she went to the store, and my answer was an unequivocal NO. A year later, I felt completely different. 

Look up your state’s guidelines

Many states do not list specific ages, but some do. Make sure you are within legal guidelines. If you aren’t sure, contact your local police department to ask.

Role play

Create imaginary emergency situations, and have your children act out what they would do to handle them. Do their answers make you feel safe? If not, perhaps they aren’t ready just yet.

Rules, rules, rules

Once you feel your child is ready to stay home, make a clear-cut list of “home alone rules.” In our house, the front door must always remain closed/not answered, no cooking is allowed, and nobody is allowed to play outside when mom and dad aren’t home. TV watching is allowed, but video games are not, as my boys tend to get lost in the world of games and pay less attention to the siblings they are caring for. If these rules are broken, the responsibility is revoked. 

Have a trial period

Let your child be home alone or in charge of watching a sibling for a short period of time. The first time my son watched his little brothers, I was less than two miles from home and could be back within five minutes if need be. As we have gotten more comfortable with his babysitting, I have ventured out for longer periods of time.

Enroll them in a safety class or babysitting course

Once my kids were comfortable with the idea of staying home with their siblings, I enrolled them in a Safety Savvy course offered at our local library. In this class, they learned the basics of First Aid and CPR, plus many valuable tips about being safe while home alone. This was a very valuable resource, as it made all of us feel a bit more comfortable! 

It can be difficult to figure out when kids are ready to be left home alone, but it has proven to be an exciting time for our whole family! 

 

Please and Thank You Are Not “Magic Words”

By
Leah Lynch
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please and thank you - Boston Moms Blog

Have you ever had someone show your child something highly preferred, like candy or a sticker, and then hold it back and say, “What’s the magic word?” Did you want to pull your hair out like I do when I hear that question? Don’t get me wrong, my kids do, for the most part, have good manners and often say please and thank you. However, they did not learn this important life skill through bribery. They learned it because my husband and I model it for them.

When my children were toddlers, they both had speech delays. My son — my eldest — had a significant speech delay and did not utter his first word until he was 2 years old. Because of these speech delays, I was exposed to Early Intervention (or EI). This is a completely free program from the state that supports infants and toddlers (up to 3 years old) who have or are at risk for developmental delays. When my son started getting EI services, we were told to constantly talk about and describe what we were doing and to imitate what my son should say. For example, if he was reaching for his sippy cup, I would say “Mommy, I want cup,” and then I would hand him the cup. It became such a habit to talk this way.

When he eventually started speaking more in preschool, this technique changed a little. For example, if he said “snack,” I would tell him, “You could say, ‘Mommy, I want snack please.'” Then we would get a snack. I never made a big deal about it. If he repeated my sentence, I would give him a high five, say, “Nice job,” and we would go get a snack. If he did not repeat my sentence, we would just go get a snack. And then after I handed him the snack I would say, “Thanks, Mom.” If he repeated the thank you, he’d get another high five and I’d say something like, “Nice manners, buddy,” or, “That makes Mommy happy when you say thank you.” Again, no big deal.

When our daughter started talking, these habits were so ingrained in us. It was so natural to give our children examples of the appropriate language. So the please and thank you for them also became a habit. At some point, they each started using good manners on their own. They are kids, so of course when emotions are running high or they forget their manners, I fall right back into the habit of saying, “You could say…” or I just say, “Umm, try again,” or, “Could you say that nicely?” They immediately repeat their request in a calm tone with their manners. And I always thank them for it.

Referring to please and thank you as “magic words” really gets to me, because when I hear the word “magic,” I think of things that do not really exist. You know, Harry Potter or unicorns. If you are going to call them “magic words,” you’d better be prepared to say yes to every request attached to them! Like, “Mommy, may I please have ice cream for breakfast?” Presto! “Sure, honey, you said the MAGIC word!” No way, Jose!

Adventures in Feeding… and Lessons in Gratitude

By
Katie Biddle
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formula - boston moms blog

Today I had one of those moments. You know the kind — when a run-of-the-mill task unexpectedly turns into an emotional “mom milestone”? I bought formula for our son for the last time. He hit the magical 12-month mark and is now in the cow’s milk/solid food stage of toddlerhood. Now, this is not a moment I expected to celebrate, and if you had told me a year ago that I would one day feel such genuine love and gratitude for formula, I probably would have laughed out loud… or cried. (Hormones!) But today, as I stood at the checkout with my healthy, giggly 1-year-old, it hit me just how grateful I am for formula and what it did for my son this year.

Like many moms, I planned to breastfeed. I did not plan for marathon nursing sessions at the hospital that left me bleeding and my son hungry.

They told us our son had a pretty severe tongue tie, which interfered with his ability to nurse. Fortunately, he was able to feed from a specialized bottle, so after a quick lesson on pumping, I went home with directions to nurse, then pump, then bottle feed until we could see a pediatric ENT.

It turned out our son had a lip tie, buccal ties, and a tongue tie, which were too severe for the typical in-office procedure. The only option for release would be surgery under general anesthesia, which is not performed on children under 18 months (unless medically necessary). We spent another week visiting lactation consultants and eventually showcased our nurse-pump-feed routine in front of an audience of specialists — the feeding team at Boston Children’s (who by the way, were AMAZING). The verdict was the same: Our little guy needed bottles if he was going to get enough nutrients to grow and thrive. 

Before our son arrived, I said it would be fine if we had to use formula. However, when this became our reality, it suddenly didn’t seem so simple.

When I took our little guy in for his one-month appointment, his pediatrician gently asked, “Have you considered formula? He is pretty much the reason it was invented.” I wanted to hug her. Of course it had crossed my mind, but there was that nagging guilt fueled by articles on my newsfeed, as well as the reactions of some other new moms (who I choose to believe really meant well) when the topic of formula was raised.

I 100% believe in the importance of breastfeeding support. Breastfeeding is hard. Exclusively pumping is hard. (Let’s be honest, any amount of pumping is hard!) But the emphatic encouragement can sometimes take on a tone that makes it feel like formula is something to be ashamed of… or at least that’s how it felt to me in those hormonal postpartum days. I went home from that doctor appointment to continue the pumping routine, but her words stuck in my mind. Two weeks later, at my own follow-up appointment, my doctor took one look at me and said, “If you want to keep this up, I support you. But there is a reason formula exists, and he will be fine.” She shared her own experience with using formula and told me to do what I thought was best.

I cried when I left her office.

Because she was right. Of course I wanted the best for my son, but I realized then that “the best” meant more than just the source of his food.

“The best” meant having time with his mom. “The best” meant living in a house filled with laughter and joy, and not a constant underlying sense of stress.

“The best” meant having enough food to keep him healthy and help him grow — something I couldn’t give him from a supply that was constantly trying to keep up.

So that night I went and bought our first carton of formula — and it was the best thing I could have done. Formula helped my son to grow and thrive. It gave him the nutrients I couldn’t. Formula meant I could snuggle him during feedings. Formula meant I could pick him up when he cried instead of frantically trying to pump enough for his feeding. Formula meant I didn’t have to set an alarm to pump every two hours in an attempt to keep up with his needs. Formula enabled my little man to grow and flourish, and it also allowed me to flourish. I was able to regain the confidence I had lost when I felt like I couldn’t give him what he needed.

I was able to enjoy being his mom.

So today, as I open what will likely be his last carton of formula, I feel profoundly grateful — for science, for access to formula, for clean drinking water that makes formula a viable option, and for the various people who supported our family in doing what was best for us. Today, I encourage you to take a moment and be grateful for however your kids are fed. Because whether you breastfeed, pump, formula feed, or some combination of those, you are making sure your baby is fed. And you’re doing it in the way that is best for your family. Keep up the great work, mom. And don’t be afraid to reach out if you’re feeling confused or overwhelmed.

(Note: Some pediatric dentists and chiropractors also address tongue ties. These are not always covered by insurance, but if you’re in the tongue-tie boat, it’s nice to know all your options.)

Farm to Table :: Moms Night Out

By
Boston Moms
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Join us for a fun moms night out this fall! We are excited to team up with Must Be The Milk and Hornstra Farms to bring you an amazing night out focused on learning more about our local dairy farms and what makes them special. This mom-only event will consist of a locally sourced dinner, a tour of Hornstra Farms, and some exciting swag and giveaways.

We can’t wait to see you at this great fall fun event!

Our Sponsor :: Must Be The Milk

Must Be The Milk promotes our love for New England and New York dairy farms and farmers — simple as that. We think it’s time to talk about everything they do for us (sunrise to sunset) to keep our bodies healthy, our communities thriving, and our land beautiful. By learning more about local farms and buying dairy products across the region, we can show our gratitude to these unsung heroes and ensure local dairy farms continue to serve as the cornerstone of our communities for centuries to come. No matter how you enjoy dairy, it’s undeniably in the DNA of New England and New York. It is the backbone of our communities — supporting local economies and preserving the open spaces we know and love. Must Be The Milk is an initiative of the New England Dairy Promotion Board. So, what makes New England and New York so special? Must Be The Milk! {See what they did there?!} Learn more at www.MustBeTheMilk.com.

Our Venue :: Hornstra Farms

Hornstra Farms is a local dairy farm that delivers their farm-fresh, local milk and other specialty products to about 3,500 households a week all over the South Shore. We have so much in store for all those attending this special moms night out. There is a farm tour, giveaways, swag bags, and, of course, an amazing dinner of locally sourced food, including milk from the farm!

Dairy runs deep in the family — Hornstra Farms has been a family-owned and -operated business for over one hundred years! Did you know that 97% of dairy farms in the U.S. are family owned and operated? The Hornstra family farmed in Hingham since their ancestors came to America from Holland in 1913. In 2009, John Hornstra (the fourth generation) and his wife, Lauren, moved the farm to Norwell, where they restored an existing farm. They had Amish barn builders come to construct most of the beautiful buildings on the property!

Now the farm is home to 60 cows, who are milked twice a day to produce 500 gallons of milk per day, as well as 60 additional young cows, or heifers. The milk is processed and bottled right at the farm — you’ll be able to see how the milk travels from the cow through the milk processing facility! Some of it is made into cream, their own handcrafted ice creams, butter, eggnog, or flavored milk. There are lots of local treats and goodies to be found at their farm store and dairy bar! It takes less than 48 hours for the milk to travel from the cow to the dairy products on their store shelves and into their delicious ice cream flavors — which we will get to have for dessert! It’s important to know that all New England milk is real and sourced locally as well — you can see where your milk and dairy products come from at WhereIsMyMilkFrom.com.

Hornstra Farms is one of about 130 dairy farms in Massachusetts. In 2013, the farm was named the Massachusetts Dairy Farm of the Year. The award is given every year to one outstanding dairy farm in each of the New England states.

The farm provides sustainable nutrition to thousands of people, and the farmland they protect is so important to our food security. When the farm moved to Norwell, they reclaimed 40 acres of overgrown fields to grow crops, and much of the farm’s current cropland is rented throughout the South Shore and is in conservation. They also recycle manure to use as natural fertilizer on their fields and use sustainable methods like planting a cover crop, such winter rye, that grows on the field from fall through the winter to support soil health, sequester carbon, and retain nutrients in the soil. Today, dairy farmers like the Hornstra Family use 90% less land to make a gallon of milk compared to 1944.

Dairy foods like milk, cheese, and yogurt provide high-quality protein complete with all amino acids — you would need to eat about 20-30% more of some plant proteins to get the same high-quality protein. The Hornstra farm is a great example of local food with a small environmental footprint and a huge nutritional output that helps our local communities to be healthy! For more information on how farmers care for their cows and the environment, visit MustBeTheMilk.com/FAQ.

Eats

Dinner will be provided by Oath Pizza. Their food is certified humane, ethically sourced, and seasonally inspired. We’ll enjoy locally sourced pizza and salads from their food truck.

We will also have limited wine available.

Enjoy an ice cream sundae bar from Must Be the Milk and Hornstra Farm. We’ll enjoy brownies and ice cream straight from the farm, along with lots of fun toppings!

Giveaways

Everyone will have an opportunity to enter to win some fantastic giveaways from our generous sponsors!  Check them out below!

Swag

Everyone will be going home with a swag bag worth well over $60 full of some amazing goodies!

Shop

Peach, a Waltham-based athleisure and basics lifestyle brand, is so excited to be at farm to table event! Come meet Peach and check out our fall line of exclusive contemporary fashion for gym, work, and play, plus accessories from emerging female entrepreneurs. Peach was founded on one simple yet big idea — to elevate your everyday. Stop by at the event and enter a raffle for some free Peach! 

Tickets

Tickets will be available on a first come, first served basis. Your ticket grants you entrance, dinner, a tour of the farm, a swag bag full of goodies, your chance to win some great giveaways, and a lot of fun! Please purchase your tickets below!

**Once tickets are sold out, we will not be able to offer any more. Sales are final, and we are unable to give refunds. If you are not able to join us after purchasing your ticket, we would be happy to help you find someone else to take your ticket.**

**By coming to this event you agree to have your picture taken and used in promotional materials by Boston Moms Blog.**

Eventbrite - Farm to Table :: Moms Night Out

Guide to a Boston Fall :: 2018

By
Boston Moms
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There is NOTHING like autumn in New England. The colors, the sights, the scents — it doesn’t get much better than a Boston fall. So grab your cozy scarf and your PSL (if you’re into that) and have some fall fun!

How to use this guide:

Each image leads to either a full guide and list of local spots you’ll want to hit, or to an article with details on a fall outing or activity for you or your kids. Click on each image to find more info. Happy fall!

Dining

Pumpkin Everything :: 5 Local Bakeries with Amazing Autumn Treats

Throw on your blanket scarf and trounce through the leaves (because it’s obviously that easy and romantic when you’re bringing the kids…) and head on over to one of our favorite local bakeries to try one of their fall specialties!

local bakeries - Boston Moms Blog

Pumpkin Spice Baked Oatmeal

Pumpkin Spice Baked Oatmeal

Boston’s Best Bagels

It IS possible to find a great chewy, crusty, flavorful bagel in Boston. Which is your favorite?

Boston's Best Bagels, Boston Moms Blog

I Scream, You Scream :: 15 of Boston’s Best Ice Cream Shops

Did your favorite make our list? What’s your favorite spot for a sweet treat?

15 of Boston's Best Ice Cream Shops

Boston Babies Who Brunch:: 6 Restaurants You (and Your Kids!) Will Love

There are so many fantastic restaurants serving amazing brunch in Boston, and it is a great family activity.

Greater Boston Breweries to Take Your Kids to (and a Few to Visit Alone)

Some great local breweries are very kid friendly. Or, enjoy a day date!

Boston breweries - Boston Moms Blog

Boston-Area Afternoon High Tea

high tea - Boston Moms Blog

Of Pint Glasses and Sippy Cups :: Family-Friendly Irish Pubs in Greater Boston

The Boston area is packed with great Irish pubs, and many are very family friendly. Enjoy a beer with your significant other while the kids enjoy their meal.

Of Pint Glasses and Sippy Cups :: Family-Friendly Irish Pubs in Greater Boston - Boston Moms Blog

Your Guide to Hipster Coffee Shops in Boston

coffee shops in Boston - Boston Moms Blog

Ten Must-Eat Doughnuts in Boston

We don’t care if they are super trendy — doughnuts are delicious. We have 10 picks for the best doughnuts around!

Ten MUST EATDonuts in Boston featured - Boston Moms Blog (1)

Date Night in the City :: 6 Restaurants for Reconnecting With Your Partner

Grab your significant other and enjoy a special meal.

date night - Boston Moms Blog

6 Toddler-Friendly Brunch Spots in Cambridge and Beyond

The days of late boozy brunches may be a thing of the past, but you can still have your mimosa and drink it too at one of these great kid-friendly brunch spots.

Camberville

Play

Terrific Children’s Theaters in Boston

There are wonderful shows for all ages in every community.

Terrific Children's Theatres in Boston

Camp Grandparent :: A Few Fun Ways to Spend a Day

You don’t have to be a grandparent to enjoy these fun activities. From ice cream to painting pottery, there are so many ways to spend a few hours.

Camp Grandparent :: A Few Fun Ways to Spend a Day - Boston Moms Blog

5 Easy Play-at-Home Ideas for $5

There will be days you want to stay home and relax. Have fun on the cheap, and get creative!

Play at home

Playground Etiquette :: Make Your Next Trip a Walk in the Park

Be safe and have fun at one of the many parks in the Boston area.

swing-1188131_1920

Family Time

One of the best parts about fall is getting in some quality family time! There is so much to keep you busy all together!

Favorite Fall Activities in New England

Boston fall - Boston Moms Blog

5 Membership Ideas for Boston Family Fun

Keep everyone happy, busy, and entertained!

courtesy of Boston Children's Museum

7 Reasons to Take Your Kids Camping

It’s time to get outside.

camping with kids - Boston Moms Blog

Making Family Memories at a Music Festival

“Music is the last true voice of the human spirit. It can go beyond language, beyond age, and beyond color straight to the mind and heart of all people.”

family memories - Austin - Boston Moms Blog

Beyond the Family Meal:: 5 Other Ways to Bond as a Family

Family time is about more than gathering around the table.

family meal - Boston Moms Blog

Crafting a Family Culture

What traditions are part of your family culture?

family traditions - Boston Moms Blog

Travel

Traveling with Kids :: Airplane Etiquette

Whether it’s your first flight with your kids or they’re seasoned travelers, make sure you don’t drive your fellow passengers crazy.

Traveling with Kids: Airplane Etiquette - Boston Moms Blog

Easy Ways to Gain a New State When You’re Visiting Boston :: A New England Roundup!

Enjoy visiting as many states as you can!

Road Trip :: Boston to Bar Harbor

Bar Harbor and Acadia National Park are a great getaway. If you are looking to stay close to New England for your next road trip, this amazing spot is easily accessible from the Boston area.

Bar Harbor - Boston Moms Blog

7 Tips for Traveling in Hotels With a Toddler

A night or a week stay in a hotel room seems really daunting, but with some thought and planning, it’s very easy and fun!

Toddler Travel Tips

6 Favorite Day Trips for Special Needs Families in Boston

Family-friendly travel for everyone.

special needs - Boston Moms Blog

Travel Do’s and Don’ts with a Toddler

How do you survive travel with a toddler?

boy looking out window at a plane: travel do's & don'ts with a toddler

Farmers Markets and Pick-Your-Own

12 Orchards to Go Apple Picking Near Boston

Can you even call yourself a New Englander if you don’t go apple picking?

boston apple picking

Pick-Your-Own Pumpkin Patches in Eastern MA

Big, small, pretty, ugly. It doesn’t matter — pumpkins are better when you pick ’em!

pumpkin patches in eastern MA

Farmers Market Roundup

Check out these 10 spots in and around Boston to get fresh produce and local products — and enjoy the great outdoors!

Did you enjoy this post? We post daily on Boston happenings, events, ways to connect with other parents in the area, and real, honest, sometimes funny, sometimes heartwarming stories about motherhood. Sign up to receive our weekly email here, and follow us on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram to stay up to date on parenting in Boston!

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The Priceless Gift of Grandparents

By
Katie Biddle
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Grandparents Day is this Sunday! Happy Grandparents Day to all the wonderful grandmas and grandpas who love our children as we do.

grandparents day - Boston Moms Blog

To my favorite little man,

Right now you are running around our family BBQ and I am filled with a profound sense of gratitude. I am thankful for you, of course, but I am also so grateful for the loving family that surrounds you. 

You are one of the lucky ones. You have three grandparents in your life, and if there were a template for perfect grandparents, they could be it.

Right now none of them live closer than a five-hour drive (more like six with you in the car), but I think you see them more than many kids whose grandparents live in the same state. The three of them were there to meet you the night you were born. They have logged countless travel miles to see you regularly even though we live way up here in Boston. They fill our mailbox with cards, pictures (so you can “see” your relatives regularly), and treats to brighten our days from across the miles. They make plans to spend a weekend with you when Mommy and Daddy go to a wedding you wouldn’t really enjoy. They pay attention to your snack and sippy cup preferences in pictures I post and order them before you arrive for a visit.

But that is just the beginning. Grandparents are so much more than providers of snail mail, sippy cups, and free babysitting. The true gift of grandparents lies in the way they shape the person you are — through genes, yes, but mostly by example.

You already have Grammy’s energy and zest for life; I hope you one day make every person feel valued the way she does. You already share Pops’ love of music; I hope you grow to have his listening ear. You already reflect Grandma’s quiet strength and determination; I hope you will be as generous with your time as she is. Each of them, in a unique way, shows you what it means to be a good person — one who makes the world better. Most importantly, they teach you that unconditional love exists beyond the walls of our apartment. They love you with a love that knows no boundaries, and I can see when you reach for them that you love them in return — you just don’t have a word for that feeling yet.

You also have a fourth grandparent who watches over you from heaven. He is the grandfather you will never meet in this lifetime, but it certainly doesn’t mean you won’t know him.

You pray to him every morning and point to his picture on Mommy’s shelf. More than that, you know him because he was my Daddy, and so much of who I am is because of him. You and I share his eyes and his love of french fries. He is the reason we dance after dinner like no one is watching, even when we’re not quite with the beat. He is the reason you have me to yourself all day. He taught me early on that the years you plan to have with your kids are not guaranteed, so I want to soak up every second. One day you’ll start school and I’ll have a career again, but for now, I don’t want to miss a day with you. Your grandparents are also the reason I understand how incredibly lucky I am to have that choice.

So as you frolic around the yard today pointing out every tree, garden gnome, and flower, I smile and think about the next holiday footprint painting we will send your grandparents’ way. I think about the day when you are a little older and want to pick out your own gifts to send. I think about the joy your grandparents will add to the big moments in your life. And I pray that I do my job in helping you understand just what a lucky grandson you are.

Love always,

Mommy

 

That Mom (the One With the Kid Having a Public Tantrum)

By
Ranessa Doucet
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We’ve all been That Mom at some point — the one everyone is staring at because she has a child throwing a tantrum. I’m never sure why people are staring. Is it because they are appalled by the child’s behavior? Is it a train wreck they can’t look away from? Or are they just curious how the mom is going to handle it?

One summer day I was That Mom. I took my kids, ages 5 and 6 at the time, to the Peabody Essex Museum (a great museum in Salem). We enjoyed the museum, and after, they were playing outside by a water feature. Before I knew it, they were in the water up to their knees, splashing around. Typically, I would have told them to get out, but it was hot and they looked happy, so I decided to be the go-with-the-flow mom.

Then I realized it was dinner time and we would need to head home. The kids reluctantly walked with me back to the garage, where I paid for parking and got change. My son asked if he could have the money. I said no.

The tantrum that ensued was a doozy!

I may have said no a bit snippily, but I’d given so much all day and I didn’t appreciate the ungratefulness. I probably could have given him a dollar, and he would have been happy, but why must he always get something? Maybe when a 5-year-old is tired and hungry, it’s not the ideal time to teach a lesson, but hindsight is 20-20.

He threw himself to the ground and screamed in a pitch that would put Mariah Carey to shame. That’s when everyone started to stare, and I became That Mom.

I tried the “walk away and ignore” approach with zero effect. I couldn’t leave him on a dirty sidewalk, so I picked him up and carried him while he kicked and screamed. Carrying a flailing 5-year-old isn’t as easy as carrying a 2-year-old (aren’t these tantrums supposed to end with the terrible twos?). I then put him down — that was a mistake! He went running through the garage while I chased him in hopes of keeping him from getting hit by a car, all the while trying to keep an eye on my daughter. I caught him, wrapped my arms around him, and staggered toward the car. At this point, I thought about yelling, “I promise I’m not kidnapping him!”

Somehow I got everyone buckled in the car. As I drove, my son continued to cry and kick the back of my seat. I attempted to give him a snack, but we were too far past his breaking point. My daughter ignored him and looked out the window like nothing unusual was happening. How she was able to do that, I’ll never know. Had she been taking a secret mindfulness class? I tried to take her lead and ignore him. Then the traffic was at a standstill.

I was trapped in the car, and I started to cry! I hit my breaking point too.

It felt like the longest car ride ever. When we got home, I closed my bedroom door and breathed deeply. I knew that’s what I needed to get through the remainder of the day. I was grateful when my husband got home and I had some parenting back up. Although, he probably wasn’t thrilled to listen to me rant about our terrible day. My son went to bed early and woke up the next morning rested, happy, and sweet as can be.

It’s been almost a year, and I can look back on that day with a different perspective. It was a good day. Although there was a terrible, tear-filled hour, there were also five fun-filled hours. I had let that hour define my day. My son was not ungrateful; he was a tired, hungry 5-year-old. I probably could have prevented that meltdown.

I can’t go back and change things, so I accept that I did the best I could.

All we can do as parents is what feels right at the moment, learn from our mistakes, and do better next time. I continue to be That Mom sometimes, but I’m learning to choose my battles wisely, take a break when I need it, and not let a moment define my day. When you’re That Mom, know you are not alone. Maybe those stares from other parents show they’re remembering when it was their turn.

 

 

A Separation Anxiety Story

By
Ranessa Doucet
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separation anxiety - Boston Moms Blog

It’s the beginning of a new school year, and the issue of separation anxiety may be on your mind. This topic hits close to home for me. When my daughter started preschool, she cried every morning at drop-off. I’m not talking a few tears; I mean full-out hysterical screaming! She would cling to me like Velcro while I was also holding my son in my arms. The teacher would have to pry her off me, and I could hear her crying from down the hall.

It broke my heart every morning.

At first, I would call after an hour to see how she was doing. The teachers would say she was a bit sad but doing fine. After about a week, the crying and clinging continued, but when I called they would tell me she was smiling and having a great time. I knew she was happy, learning, and making friends, but the drop-offs continued to be heartbreaking. The guilt of leaving her in that state was overwhelming.

The crying at drop-off continued for… wait for it… two years! Can you believe that?! Most children get over separation anxiety after around two weeks — not two years! Although my daughter truly loved school, she got in the habit of crying at drop-off, and we couldn’t break the habit. I was getting very concerned, and I was sure she’d be crying and clinging to me when I dropped her off at her dorm on the first day of college.

I read every book, tried every trick, and nothing seemed to work.

Finally, in my daughter’s third year of preschool, the crying subsided, with the occasional tears at drop-off. By the end of the year, the crying stopped. Then, the following year, it was time for her to start kindergarten — in a new town where she didn’t know anyone! I just knew the crying and clinging would begin again, and the daily heartbreak would return.

I braced myself that first day of kindergarten, but her tears never came. She smiled, waved, and ran right in. And guess what I did? I cried! Tears of sadness that my baby was so big, but also tears of happiness at how far she had come. She came running out at pick-up that day and declared, “Kindergarten is the best place in the world!”

My daughter is in second grade now, and she has not cried one morning at drop-off since those first years of preschool. Sometimes she’s so excited to be at school she runs in and barely says goodbye to me. I look at her and wonder where the little girl who used to cling to me went. I’m so proud of her and of how brave she has become. I don’t know what caused the change; it certainly wasn’t any of the tricks I tried. Maybe she developed at her own “normal” rate and was finally emotionally mature enough to handle the separation.

It can feel like the daily heartbreak at drop-off will never end, and I hope that if your child is struggling with separation anxiety, it doesn’t last long. When your little one is clinging to you with tears in their eyes, think about the girl who cried at drop-off for two years and now runs into school full of happiness. Don’t lose hope — know that you will get there, and it will be that much sweeter when you see your child happy. I’m just glad I don’t have to sleep on the top bunk in my daughter’s dorm room, although that could be fun!

I suppose I will be the one having separation anxiety when that day comes.

 

The Creativity of Children — and How to Foster It

By
victoriamorenojackson
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creativity children - Boston Moms Blog

In addition to designing handbags, I teach sewing lessons. Lately, I’ve had more children as students. I mostly work with “from scratch” students (they’ve never touched a machine) and beginners (have tried stuff here and there, but want to take lessons and learn more). I have a general lesson plan, but I always ask my students if there’s anything in particular they’d like to work on. While adults may have something in mind, in general, I’ve found them to be very flexible in what they make and how the lessons progress.

But my younger students have a VISION of what they want to make. Whether it’s a rainbow narwhal or a special pillow to give as a gift, they have specific ideas of what they want for size, shape, color, fabric — everything. Not having a lot of experience with teaching children (when I was a mediation trainer, I begged not to be assigned to trainings of high school and younger), this really surprised me. It’s also surprised their parents.

This has made me reflect upon my interactions with my own children. I find that I forget how much they love creative activities (fabric painting, marbling, tie-dying, Perler beads, etc.), and I always overestimate how much direction they need. Part of that, I know, is self-defense. Creativity can be messy, and we’re not always set up to handle that big of a mess. I have to admit, though, that part of it is being in the habit of leading, of it being my job to have the plan or destination in mind and to be the one who gets us there.

I want things to be pretty (even though I’ve had my fair share of regretsy moments in my own crafting life!). And I want things to be “finished” — with something to show at the end. I’m slowly learning. I’m watching my 8-year-old, and I’m seeing that he enjoys his creative time the most when I hand him the supplies and step back. Sometimes he’ll pop up with a question, but usually, all that’s required of me is showing appreciation of his work (and guessing what it is that he’s making).

The biggest barrier I’ve heard from parents is, “I’m just not crafty.” Not being crafty doesn’t have to be a barrier to allowing your children to play with arts and crafts! Here are three ways you can foster your children’s creativity if you’re not a “creative” type.

Sign up for a class

The easy but expensive approach: Pay for a class or hire a private instructor. Tip: Check out your local rec department, public library, or even local “events” pages for free and low-cost children’s crafting events.

Follow an online tutorial

Use your grown-up skills: Look around on the internet. There are written tutorials, videos, and all sorts of people out there who want to teach people about the crafts they love to make. If you’re working with a specific age group, you can even search for crafts by age. Tip: When you’re first trying crafts out, look for tutorials that rely mainly on things you have lying around the house. Don’t invest a lot of money until you know your child is really into the craft.

Find a fellow (crafty) parent

Do a trade-off with a crafty parent. One of my least favorite parent activities is taking the kids to the playground. I’d happily have some kids over for a crafty afternoon in exchange for someone supervising my hellions angels at the playground!

Have you found any secrets to fostering your children’s creativity? Have your children accomplished any creative feats that make you proud? Tell us your story! Show us some pictures!

 

 

5 Hacks to Help New Moms Sleep Harder

By
Morgan Sheena
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#workhardersleepharder! Thank you to Mattress Firm for sponsoring this post.

sleep - Boston Moms Blog

Sleep. 

It’s something every parent dreams of. It’s consistently inconsistent, but it’s crucial. No matter how many hours of shut-eye you get a night, it never feels like enough, especially as a new mom (whether it’s for the first time or the fifth time). Those first few weeks with a newborn feel a bit like sleepwalking, with a lack of schedule, broken sleep, and adjusting to the new little one in your life. In fact, the average new parent loses one-third of their nightly sleep after having a baby and cites loss of sleep as a top challenge to parenting.

It’s not just about the amount of sleep you get. It’s also the quality of sleep. According to a survey conducted by Mattress Firm, 33% of respondents fell asleep at work, and 22% fell asleep STANDING UP. When you are so tired you are sleeping while standing, it’s obvious that lack of sleep has an impact on everything. So what can you do to make sure you are getting good sleep, even if it isn’t enough?

Establish a sleep schedule

Just because the new little bundle of joy in your life doesn’t have a schedule (ugh, day/night confusion) doesn’t mean you shouldn’t. Create a soothing routine to help you get ready for bed. Take a few deep breaths, read a few pages of a great book, journal — whatever it takes! Do something to help you relax, turn off the technology, and get into bed around the same time every night. There is so much to do, but chances are, it can wait.

Go to sleep.

Get a sleep mask

Sleep masks are inexpensive and a must for a good night of sleep. I love to slip mine on right before settling down for the night to make sure it’s nice and dark. No light gets through, and I fall asleep a lot faster when I have it on. It usually slips off in the night, but after every night feeding, I’d put it right back on as I settled back down. I think it helped send a signal to my brain to wind down and start the sleep process!

sleep - Boston Moms Blog

Find the optimal temperature

It’s impossible to sleep when it’s too hot or too cold. Find the temperature that helps you relax and settle in for the night. I keep it a little on the colder side since I like to bundle up with lots of blankets. I sleep better when it’s a bit cold, but you need to do what works for you! It sounds like such a silly thing, but the whole atmosphere in your room will greatly impact your sleep.

Lavender oil 

Lavender is a calming and soothing oil that helps promote good sleep. I like to put a few drops in a diffuser, put a drop on my pillow, or even rub it on the bottom of my feet.

sleep - Boston Moms Blog

Invest in a quality mattress

One of my first big purchases out of college was a full-size mattress. It was so cozy, and it was all mine. That mattress went with me from apartment to apartment and crossed state lines a few times. Once I got pregnant, it was clear that mattress wasn’t cutting it. The time had come to invest in a decent, new mattress and give my body the good sleep it needed. 

When I was up all hours of the night tossing and turning with a growing belly, and then breastfeeding and trying to figure out life with a newborn, having a comfortable space to lay down and try to fall back asleep was key. Eventually (after my third baby), we upgraded our mattress again and invested in an adjustable base. This was gentler on my back when I was nursing, let me literally put my feet up to reduce swelling, and helped me find my optimal sleep position. 

These days, sleep is a bit better, but even when it’s not enough it’s good sleep. As a mom of three, I definitely work hard, but I sleep even harder!

Want more tips on how moms can get their best sleep? Check out the infographic below from Mattress Firm and #WorkHardSleepHarder.

If you’re ready for a new mattress, you can find a local store or shop online!

 

 

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Back-to-School Shopping Can Be Good for the Environment — Really!

By
Meghan Block
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Thank you, Savers, for reminding us to "rethink reuse" and for sponsoring this post!

As a mother, I’m always looking for ways to move to a more sustainable way of living. In our house, we recycle, use green cleaners, and have been known to bring kid-sized trash grabbers on our family walks to clean up our neighborhood while we walk the dog. Ensuring that we are doing our part to protect the environment for our children is of supreme importance to me. Maybe it is for you, too!

What if I told you that you could make an impact on the environment by SHOPPING? It’s true — you can!

Did you know it takes 700 gallons of water to create ONE T-shirt? Did you know that as Americans, we send 10.5 million tons of clothing to landfills every year — 95% of which could have been recycled? While I am proud to employ a few “green” practices in my home already, I have completely overlooked the cycle of reuse by not considering the impact of clothing waste. 

Savers is doing its part to combat this waste by encouraging consumers to shop thrift. While many Americans proudly admit to donating or reusing their goods, Savers’ third annual State of Reuse Report found that 60% of North Americans shop secondhand once a year or less, missing the opportunity to save those 700 gallons of water required for a new T-shirt, and continuing the cycle of clothing waste. Savers is encouraging consumers to Rethink Reuse and promoting small yet impactful changes in their own families about clothing. 

I’ve rarely shopped thrift myself, but with the new school year approaching and two new wardrobes to purchase to get my boys through the fall and winter, I took the opportunity to visit my local Savers and try my hand at “rethinking reuse”!

When we entered the store I quickly navigated past the housewares (because I’m a sucker for a pretty bowl and I was on a mission for school clothes!) and found ourselves in the little boys section. My oldest son, who is just starting to become picky about his clothing preferences, found a pair of Nike pants right away and declared that he was “all set.” Unfortunately, those pants weren’t his size, but as we peeked down the rows and rows of clothing we found a TON of options that would fit.

   

Most of the clothing was in great condition, showing very little signs of wear. I found items from Gymboree, GAP, Nike, Janie & Jack, and Children’s Place — all priced around $4 or less! I picked up a pair of brand new J.Crew Crewcuts shorts — with the tags still on — and felt like I could faint. How had I overlooked this goldmine before? In the end, I tallied up our back-to-school shopping picks, and the total came to less than $70. 

In my happy, budget-friendly delirium, I agreed to allow both boys to pick out a book from the book section. They walked away with a special treat, and I walked away with a big dent in my school shopping list without a big dent in my budget!

Reading Savers’ State of Reuse Report really opened my eyes to the importance of shopping thrift whenever possible. With children who grow so fast I can hardly keep up with the demands of their wardrobes, shopping thrift just makes sense. My experience at Savers was easy, fruitful (hello, clothes with tags still on!), budget-friendly, AND good for the environment — what could be better? 

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Make Fall the Season of Mom

By
victoriamorenojackson
-

fall - Boston Moms Blog

I want to share something with you. I hate summer. I hate hot weather (and did even before I had multiple sclerosis, which means heat sensitivity that makes me feel like I have the flu when I get hot). I hate the disruption to my schedule that takes away from my already-limited work hours. And I really hate the feeling of being left out when I see people posting on social media about the amazing summer they’re having. (Yes, we all know not to rely on social media to show us the true representation of a person’s life, warts and all. But still.)

So, you might ask, what am I going to do about it? I am going to make the season I love — fall — the season of this mom. Fall has something for everyone! Don’t like hot weather? Check! Want a more regular schedule? Check! Love school and office supply shopping? Check! Love gorgeous foliage? Check (thank you, New England)! Love holidays? They’re coming! Love the most delicious apples and orchard fruit you’ve ever eaten? Check!

To implement my grand scheme, I’m going to have one underlying mantra: This fall is going to be MY season!

I’m going to set some guidelines to help myself out:

1. I deserve to make my happiness and health a priority.

I am able to be a better family member when I am taking care of myself. This includes time with hobbies and friends.

2. I’m going to ask for what I need.

Instead of assuming I can’t do something I want to do (because who else would take care of “x” task), I’m going to talk to my support systems to see if they will help me.

3. I’m going to seek help with tasks I’ve been putting off.

We all have things hanging over us that we can’t bring ourselves to complete because they feel too overwhelming. This fall, I’ll take care of those pesky tasks by hiring someone or asking for a favor. Or, think about exchanging skills! If you hate cleaning but love cooking, there’s someone out there for you! (Anyone want a custom bag made for them in exchange for some organizing skills?)

4. I’m letting go of perfection.

OK, I’m going to TRY to let go of perfection. It’s okay if we’re a little late, if the house is messy, if the kids don’t take a bath, if the kids are bored, or if they spend a day with a screen. The question I will ask myself is: Will this matter in five years?

5. I will be kind to myself.

Even on this mission to make fall my season, I am going to stumble, make mistakes, and be imperfect. I am going to get frustrated or feel like I haven’t accomplished what I said I was going to do. And that’s OK. I will remember two things: 1) Research shows that kindness and understanding are better motivators than harshness. And 2) I will treat myself like a friend. If this happened to one of my friends, what would I say to them?

Who wants to join me in making fall the season of mom? Do you have any tips or tricks to help the rest of us have a better fall? Please share!

 

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