My husband and I met when we were 17, so I have no real experience picking up guys or asking people out. We fell into our relationship the way 17-year-olds do (same high school, same friend group, same after-school activities), so it came as a complete surprise to me when I had my son how adept I was at picking up friends at the park. I’ve made friends through many different avenues, but some of my best mom friends I’ve met at the good old neighborhood playground while pushing swings and supervising sandbox play.
Plenty of friends have asked me how I meet so many people (and also so many GOOD friends who go beyond the typical playground acquaintance). Now that the sun is back and the parks are filling up again, here are some tips to pick up friends:
1. Assume that everyone wants to be friends
My rule is that if someone isn’t already in a real conversation with another mom, then she would probably like to be. (Let’s be honest — motherhood is accompanied by a very specific type of loneliness.) So find the person whose child appears to be about the same age as yours, and jump in. What’s the worst that happens? I’ll answer that — she could totally send you vibes that she is not into your interaction. OK! The good news is that you can use your child as a quick getaway (go interact with the child, offer a snack, etc). No harm, no foul. Way easier than dating!
2. Try to quickly ask meaningful (but not invasive) questions
Try to get beyond, “What street do you live on?” and, “How old is your little one?” and go for something a bit more interesting. Try asking about other places they like to hang out with their kids, hobbies they enjoy, or recommendations for kids’ music that doesn’t make their ears bleed. I tend to steer clear of questions that could be considered a bit nosy for first encounters (like ideas on discipline or sleep) and focus on questions that can really tell me something about someone’s friendship potential (i.e., do they also love hiking or bike rides with their kids).
3. Exchange email addresses
Conventional wisdom would be to swap numbers, because texting is the communication style of choice for every mom I know. But I think it’s easier and less stressful to make the first set of plans for 1:1 hanging out over email. Email allows for longer responses and more back and forth, and it’s less urgent. Once the plans are set, then you can exchange numbers in the email so that you can text on the day of if you’re running late or can’t find each other.
4. Make follow-up plans at the end of your first outing
Become a sticky friend. My rule is that after three times hanging out with someone, if I’m always initiating the plans, then maybe she just isn’t that into me. But I try to initiate three times to see if we stick. And during those interactions, make it a point to ask questions that are NOT related to toddler meals, poop, sleep habits, or the usual parenthood drivel. Friendships are based on real connection — not toddler logistics.
What tips would you add? What’s the best park in your neighborhood to pick up new friends?
