This Year, Do THIS Instead of Making New Year’s Resolutions

January 2, 2020

Isn’t it funny how much pressure we put on ourselves at the beginning of a new year to all of a sudden change something about ourselves completely cold turkey, expecting it to 1) work and 2) make us happier?

We give so much importance to ONE day. Life might be pretty much the same, the weather might be pretty much the same, but for some reason, that date on the calendar is made to signify so much that we feel it imperative to make a huge shift, perhaps with little to no preparation for what it might really mean.

It is well known that New Year’s resolutions seldom work out (80% of people do not keep them). So how about we consider something different for this year’s transition from 2019 into 2020?

I like to create what I call a joy practice. A joy practice is your own custom set of daily actions or habits that you have chosen to make time for, because when you do so, your days are better. You experience more JOY in your life. You have something to fall back on when stress rises or new parenting challenges come along with your child’s most recent developmental milestone. You in to give this a try, mama?

Here are the five steps to nailing your joy practice — and putting those New Year’s resolutions behind you:

Make a list of your top ten values.

There’s no right or wrong answer here. Each person has her own, and no one person’s values are better than the next person’s. Some examples are: family, faith, community, friendship, honesty, beauty, wellness.

Once you have your list, rank them by order of importance and choose three to five that you will work with to create your daily joy practice.

Define the importance of your top values.

Ask yourself (and journal on this if possible — after all, you’re trying to make a meaningful plan for 2020 here, one that you will be able to successfully implement): Why are these values so important to you? What do they mean to you? In what ways are you able to honor those values? And when you honor those values, what does that feel like (notice I asked what it feels like and not how; answer with an actual emotion if you can).

Brainstorm a plan for your joy practice.

What are some things you can do briefly — either when you first wake up, smack in the middle of the day, or right before bed — that might help you feel what you described above? Write a few of these down. Some examples might be waking up a bit earlier and doing a short meditation or prayer, going for a walk, having a five-minute dance party, journaling, or reading.

Try to choose practices that might help you honor your top values. For example, you might try meditation because it could help you be more present with your children, and family is a top value of yours. Start slowly. You do not want to commit to too much or it will backfire. But it is OK to have a list of ideas and commit to trying one or two at a time. Give each chosen practice at least a two-week trial period before moving on to something else.

Reflect on what is working and what needs to go.

After two weeks of trying the first practices, give yourself permission to keep what works and let go of what does not work. If things are going great, consider adding another practice, or what I call an emergency shot of JOY — something to rescue you from a moment of overwhelm. Maybe you can add reminder affirmations to your phone’s background or sticky notes with a reassuring message where you can access them easily. Or maybe you implement a breathing practice to stop yourself from losing your patience with your kids around the evening/dinner/bedtime hours. Again, your choice. And let go of anything you have either completely forgotten to do in the last two weeks or that clearly did not work for you.

And last, repeat as needed.

There is no right or wrong way to do this, mama. This is just a guideline that I hope can take some of the pressure off New Year’s resolutions and start you on a path to more fulfillment and joy in 2020. Give it a good college try, and if it is not for you, then stop. But if it helps, revisit it every time you need a fresh practice to get back on track. I know a lot changes throughout the year — the seasons, my HORMONES (!), and whatever my kids are going through, to name a few. In the same way, our joy practice can evolve. And you have permission to let it do just that.

Wishing you a better, more joyful 2020!

From Hallmark Channel Hater to Holiday Mom

Lesley Moreau

December 23, 2019

When I was younger, I loved Christmas. I was that kid who would get so excited for Santa’s arrival my parents probably should have used a tranquilizer on me. Seriously, when I was about 6 years old, I could not fall asleep on Christmas Eve to save my life. I tossed and turned in bed and yelled out, “Did Santa come yet?” about every half hour until, finally, my parents had had enough. We opened our gifts at 4 in the morning. We were the only house on the street with our lights on that early. They never let me forget that holiday.

Flash forward to my adult childless life — I was so over the holidays. I wasn’t quite at the Ebenezer Scrooge level. More like an antagonist in a Hallmark Channel holiday movie. I just couldn’t get into the holiday hype. There were a handful of Christmas songs I could tolerate (“Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas,” “Last Christmas,” “All I Want for Christmas Is You,” and the Jackson 5 Christmas album). I got very overwhelmed by all the holiday events and the need to do more, more, more. Suddenly, holiday parties weren’t enough. Now it had to be an ugly sweater party, or a cookie swap, or a dress-as-your-favorite-character-from-a-Rankin-Bass-holiday-special party. And then of course there was the decorating, and the presents, and the planning for the actual day itself.

But now that I have a son, I see this time of year through a completely different lens. And it’s really exciting for me.

Sure, I still mainly listen to the few songs I like. No, I still don’t own an ugly sweater. Yes, I am still overwhelmed by all the hoopla and hype. But I find myself getting excited for the holiday again. I think about the traditions from my childhood that he can partake in. I wonder what new traditions our family will create. I see how curious he is about the lights and decorations. The enjoyment he feels shaking jingle bells while I (badly) sing the song makes me so happy.

My son is only 15 months old, so he still doesn’t quite understand what’s going on. But I can tell that each year he’ll be more and more excited about Christmas, and that, in turn, makes me feel excited. I feel as sappy as the protagonist from a Hallmark Channel movie now — and I’m totally OK with that.

No Elf Here — We Have Snow Globes Instead

Rachel Rich

December 20, 2019

My oldest was just 3 months old his first Christmas. I thought it might be a great time to practice elfing, so my husband and I purchased an Elf on the Shelf, gave him a name, and started the very short-lived tradition.

It didn’t take long for us to realize this was not going to work out.

I was most definitely not interested in the accountability and incredible risk that came with this particular tradition. Sure, I saw the potential for delight and joy. But I also recognized my own limitations that came with the responsibility of ensuring this childhood magic. I did not trust myself to remain calm, not take it too seriously, remember to move the elf, or enjoy it. We determined this wasn’t for us when the neighbor boy called us out, wondering why our elf hadn’t moved since his last visit. Then and there I decided we would have to find another tradition!

For a few years our children were too young to know we didn’t have an elf, so we carried on. But as each Christmas passed I knew the time would come when someone would ask about an elf in the presence of our elfless children, and I would have to be prepared. When my son was 3 and my daughter was 1, our path forward finally revealed itself. We were watching the classic 1970 Christmas movie Santa Claus Is Comin’ to Town, a movie my kids adore and rely on as the ultimate source of information for the story of Santa Claus. One scene in the movie explains how Claus is able to know if the children are being naughty or nice. The Winter Warlock gifts him a magical crystal snowball and shows him how it can be his eyes to the children. It’s really quite clever.

I immediately recognized my opportunity, and our first snow globe appeared that Christmas. It’s been a part of our family holiday tradition ever since.

This year, we have about four snow globes strategically placed throughout the house as a reminder to our children of the magic of Christmas and of the all-knowing Santa. I personally love snow globes for the simple delight and imagination they invoke when gazed upon and shaken. Their ability to work Christmas behavior management over my children and the fact that I don’t have to remember to move them or come up with cute ways to present them is an added bonus! If you’re looking for an alternative to the Elf on the Shelf, I highly recommend this low-maintenance, imagination-sparking, and magical snow globe route.

Last year, someone asked my son about his elf. She was curious if our elf had arrived, because hers had. My son was confused and turned to ask me if we had one. I explained matter of factly that Santa left us with snow globes instead. My son accepted it and started telling the friend about our snow globes. It ended up being a no-big-deal conversation!

I love the Elf on the Shelf. It was certainly a brilliant idea. However, I’m all about avoiding it in my life if I can help it. I stress easily, and I prefer to reduce/avoid the stress-inducing traditions of the holidays when possible. If you have an Elf and love getting creative, I think it’s awesome! Please post your pics! It brings me joy to see what you are doing. There is no FOMO here.

However, if you want out, I got you. Here’s a simple way to make the switch from elf to snow globe:

Have your elf explain that he’s been reassigned to a family with babies and toddlers. Once kids are a certain age (the age of your child), the elves move on and leave magical snow globes in their place so Santa can still keep a watchful eye. The littles of the world need elves more than big kids. If a friend’s elf is still around, it’s simply because he has yet to be reassigned. Super easy!

Christmas has such magic and innocence to it. Family traditions are essential to making it all it can be. We should celebrate in ways that fill our homes with joy, fun, and faith. The elf has become a widespread and favorite tradition for many families. However, it isn’t for us all — so hopefully for some, I’ve shown you another possible way!

My Toddler Threw an Epic Airplane Tantrum — and I Survived

Shannon Gibson

December 19, 2019

Several months ago, I was on a flight where I observed the worst toddler tantrum I have ever seen in my 33 years. To my horror, the toddler was mine.

My husband unexpectedly had back-to-back trips that would cause him to be gone for nearly two weeks. I decided I did not want to be a solo caretaker to our barely 3-year-old and 6-month-old for that amount of time. Fortunately, we had just enough airline points for the flight to my mom’s house in Texas, so I eagerly booked it. All that stood between me and 12 days of family, friends, and Tex-Mex was a four-hour flight with my toddler and baby.

Finally, the travel day arrived. I took deep breaths to calm my anxiety and repeated self-affirmations in my head: “This is just like a playdate. I take these kids everywhere by myself. This is no different. I got this.”

TSA was surprisingly painless, and the Boston Logan staff were awesome, as always. My daughter and I shared a slice of pizza, filled our reusable water bottles, and prepared to board. I sat my daughter by the window, and I took my place in the middle seat as a buffer between her and the kind lady who happened to occupy the aisle seat.

The flight was long, but, for the most part, uneventful. My son alternated between sleeping and nursing, while my daughter alternated between snacks, coloring, and the iPad. I was feeling like a rockstar. “Best kids ever. Best mom ever. This is going great!”

At last, the fasten seatbelt sign lit up, and it was time to descend. We made it! I started nursing my son in preparation for a smooth landing and asked my daughter to let me put her seatbelt on. But she did not want to put her seatbelt on.

We spent a few minutes gently discussing the importance of putting her seatbelt on. And then things started to escalate. The flight attendants were making their rounds, so I forcefully buckled her seatbelt, as we really did not have an option in the matter.

Game over.

The next 20 minutes felt like three additional hours had been tacked onto our flight. Not only did my girl not want her seatbelt buckled, now she was holding her ears screaming at me that they hurt. I told her they needed to pop and tried to offer snacks, but it was too late.

My 3-year-old was past reasoning. She was done talking to me. It became the most extravagant tantrum I have ever witnessed in any child.

I remembered that before takeoff, the lady sitting next to me had declared that she enjoyed children on airplanes. So, I put her to work. I handed her my baby while I frantically tried to help my daughter. I begged and pleaded. “You can have any snack you want! You can watch anything on the iPad! You can color! You can look at my phone! Just PLEASE STOP!” Regrettably, the more I petitioned, the louder she screamed.

In a moment of pure desperation, I hoisted my daughter in the air above my head where she could see our now completely silent airplane audience. Through gritted teeth I implored, “Look at the people! See the people? THE PEOPLE CAN HEAR YOU!” She stopped screaming, so I lowered her down thinking maybe my antic had worked. Nope.

The screaming started again, along with kicking the seats in front of us.

Finally, the plane landed. Her ears must have popped, because the minute we touched down my sweet girl reappeared and started chatting my ear off about seeing her uncles soon. I profusely thanked the lady next to me for her help as I took my son back. I sat stunned, speechless, and humiliated at what had just occurred. We exited the plane, and I could not make eye contact with a single person.

Once at baggage claim, I did not even notice my brother walking up as I stared into space, completely exhausted and defeated over the longest 20 minutes I have ever experienced. We grabbed our bags, loaded up, and I found my sanity on the drive to my mom’s house.

I regret that I do not have any advice on how to avoid a toddler airplane tantrum. However, I can promise that you will survive, too, and life will go on.

I learned that my daughter’s epic airplane meltdown did not make her a bad kid, or me a bad mom. It made us both human. And resilient humans, at that.

Do You Hear What I Hear? A Few of My Favorite Christmas Tunes

Courtney Medlin

December 18, 2019

Commuting to work during the holiday season is a lot more pleasant when I can blare the *NSYNC Christmas album. And holiday-themed dance parties sure have a way of turning a kid’s bad mood around. We’re loving the holiday tunes that are playing everywhere this time of year. Here are some of my family’s favorite Christmas songs — both traditional and guilty pleasure. Give them a listen!

“That’s What I Want for Christmas” by SheDaisy
“Wrapped in Red” by Kelly Clarkson
“Little Drummer Boy/Peace on Earth” by David Bowie and Bing Crosby
“Christmas Is Coming” by Miss Piggy and Friends
“Where Are You Christmas?” by Faith Hill
“The Only Gift” by *NSYNC
“Christmas Lights” by Coldplay
“A Holly Jolly Christmas” by Burl Ives
“It Feels Like Christmas” by The Muppet Christmas Carol
“Mele Kalikimaka (Merry Christmas)” by Bing Crosby and The Andrews Sisters
“All I Want for Christmas Is You” by Mariah Carey
“River” by Robert Downey Jr.

What Christmas songs you are playing on repeat this holiday season?

Power Poses for Moms

Kristen D

December 17, 2019

I’m a big fan of Ted Talks.

One particular Ted Talk that is striking to me is Amy Cuddy’s talk on body language. Her premise is that our minds affect the way we carry ourselves — but the ways we carry ourselves also affect the ways we think about ourselves. She postulates that “power posing” for two minutes — stretching out, opening up (i.e., the Superman pose) — raises your testosterone levels (dominance hormone) and decreases your cortisol (stress hormones). She reports that power posing led her research subjects to become more confident, more optimistic, able to think more abstractly, more willing to try something new, and more capable of bearing up under stressful evaluation (i.e., my 3-year-old’s “opinions” of me at naptime).

This got me thinking — I wonder if there’s a power pose equivalent for moms?

Sure, we’re good at talking ourselves up to other moms. We’re good at pretending we have everything together and know all the answers. But have an honest conversation with almost any mama, and she’ll readily confess that it’s mostly smoke and mirrors. Most of us wrestle often with whether we’re good moms. We stress all the time about whether we’re providing the right opportunities, disciplining in the right ways, communicating love well, and avoiding the errors of our own childhoods.

So I wondered if there was a pose that would decrease our stress levels and increase our confidence levels?

I conducted an informal poll of my friends for moments when they felt (authentically) like an amazing mom. And then I’ve taken some liberties and extrapolated poses from those moments that might help you harness the confidence of mommy “power”!

The Octopus

This one is from the multitasking mama. She’s feeding her newborn while entertaining her toddler and getting dinner ready — and she even catches the falling milk cup before it spills. To channel this powerful mama, think open and big, spread your fingers out and your arms and legs in four different directions. Feel free to throw some squats in there, because Octopus mama also somehow finds time to work out. Hold for two minutes and remember you have superpowers, mama!

The Birther

For this pose, lie on your back with your legs up — metaphorically — in the stirrups, pushing against the wall. Take a deep breath, and raise your arms to the sky. (This is also helpful for catching the toddler who is sure to jump on you!) This mama remembers that she pushed her babies out of that teeny tiny hole (or had major surgery) and therefore can do anything. If you need to, use the two minutes in this pose to scream a little bit, or, if you can, take a little nap. Both were helpful then, and both are helpful now.

The Ninja

We spend so much time teaching our children how to be decent human beings. This mama is watching her child — on his own — rock something she taught him. She knows her child has gotten it, for real, and not just because she’s silently reminding him! For this mommy power pose, find a good wall. Now, pretend you are a ninja — blend in with the wall. Remember those moments when you’ve heard or seen your children doing good things *on their own* — and breathe as quietly as you can for two minutes.

The Snuggler

This one is a yoga-like pose. Settle into a comfortable chair, and then open your arms wide. Remember those moments when you were the only comfort your child needed. Fix your face in a comforting smile, and hold that embrace for two minutes. Channel your empathy by thinking about those sweet moments and snuggles.

The Advocate

This mama has to stand tall, straight-backed, and not embarrassed. For two minutes, walk confidently around your room, even if you don’t feel confident. Breathe deeply and swing your arms. This mama has been through some really hard seasons. She’s standing tall and large because she knows her kids, and she is prepared to fight for them in meaningful ways. She knows they need a warrior. Find your warrior pose and hold for two minutes. Remember the battles you’ve fought, and celebrate the ways you know your children’s needs so well now.

Try a few of these power poses out for two minutes, and let me know what you think! But if that doesn’t work, take a moment and remind yourself of the moments when you have felt like an amazing mom. Remember that feeling, and repeat to yourself, “I am the right mom for this job.”

It’s not about what anyone else says (toddlers and teenagers included) — it’s about remembering that you are the mom your kids need.

*While Amy Cuddy’s power pose research is scientific, mine is merely for encouragement and is not scientific in any way!

More Than Just Christmas Happening :: Celebrating My December Birthday Baby

Sarah Casimiro

December 16, 2019

I have an aunt who was born on Christmas. My grandmother and her sister (my great aunt) were born the day after Christmas. So when my Adelaide was born eight days before Christmas last year, I knew what to expect for her December birthday. It is, after all, the most wonderful time of the year.

It’s easy to get caught up in the magic of the holidays — the twinkling lights, the warm fires, the holiday parties, and the delicious baked goods. And it’s equally easy to forget those who share a birthday month with Jesus. But I caution you, dear reader, against this. It simply isn’t fair to lump it all together. Here are my surefire ways to not only celebrate the magic of Christmas (or any other December holidays!) but to also recognize those who were born on or around these dates.

1. Have a birthday cake/dessert

I know there are a million dessert choices at holiday gatherings, but there is never not a place for birthday cake. Plus, a birthday cake is a special dessert, made for that one special person. She likes carrot cake? Perfect. Brownies more his thing? A birthday brownie! Coconut pie her preference? Wonderful. No matter what it is, it doesn’t take a significant amount of time to bake or buy a special birthday treat, add some candles, and then…

2. Sing “Happy Birthday”

Maybe your family likes to sing Christmas carols. Maybe they don’t. Regardless, it’s important to sing that one song that recognizes a person’s big day. It doesn’t matter if you are tone deaf — “Happy Birthday” is a tune anyone can sing, and everyone deserves to hear it on their special day.

3. Wrap a birthday gift in BIRTHDAY gift wrap

I always give my Aunt Dulce a birthday gift in addition to her Christmas gift. Every year, she objects. And every year, I gift her a little something extra to honor her on her day. For me, it isn’t enough to give one big gift, or even wrap an additional gift in holiday wrapping paper. It might be enough for others, but there is something about that birthday paper that makes the gift feel special, especially in a flurry of paper covered in snowflakes, Christmas plaid, snowmen, and Santas.

4. Send a birthday card

Finances tight from all that holiday shopping? A birthday gift is nice, but it’s not necessary. A simple birthday card is enough to bring a smile to someone’s face and brighten their day. Remembering someone’s special day, especially during all the craziness of the winter holidays, shows you truly care and want to celebrate with him/her. This can also be achieved by an e-card or personal email if snail mail isn’t your thing!

5. Have a party

We will be celebrating my daughter Adelaide a few days before her actual birthday in order to avoid the holiday itself. We’ve incorporated our holiday decor and decided upon a “Winter ONEderland” theme. I’ve also encouraged guests to wear their favorite holiday sweaters, and I managed to pick up this sweet little number for Addie. There will be trees, ornaments, gifts, and wintery woodland creatures to welcome our love into her second year of life. You don’t have to completely avoid Christmas to have a December birthday party; you can simply add some sweet details to make it “birthday.” This year we opted for more pinks, whites, and silvers in our decor instead of reds and greens. Our house is looking like a perfect collision of Christmas and baby girl.

A December birthday is as magical as any other.

December babies deserve to be celebrated the same way as any other person on their birthday. There are so many small but significant ways to acknowledge both the holidays and the birthdays of those who were born during the most wonderful time of year.

How do you celebrate your December birthday babies?

Addie’s Christmas tree — lots of pink, white, and silver!

How to Raise a Foodie

karynnovakowski

December 13, 2019

When I was a kid, I wasn’t really into food.

My family tells stories about me eating only butter packets while out to dinner. My mom would have to beg me to take just a few bites of food. I remember eating scrambled eggs, cereal (Frosted Flakes and Cinnamon Toast Crunch), and carrots. I’m pretty sure I survived on chicken patties and pizza during my teen years. In fact, I didn’t become a foodie until my 30s.

I could attribute this title to living and working on a vegetable and dairy farm in my 20s, but I prefer to thank my family. They had been laying the foundation all along. It just took me 30 years to appreciate it.

Now, I know what you’re thinking: Here’s another article about how to cure my picky eater. You’ve tried all the tips and tricks, and they haven’t worked. But wait, don’t click away just yet — because I’m taking a different approach. These tips won’t provide a quick fix. They’re more about parenting for the long game. As in years from now — maybe 30 years from now.

Tip #1: Learn to open the refrigerator and make something — anything – without a recipe in 30 minutes.

To do this you need a stocked pantry and enough items in your freezer to last the winter. Frozen cooked meat is essential. You also need creativity and a time limit, because while the possibilities might be endless, the time frame is not. In 30 minutes, your foodie judges, I mean children, will be sitting at the table with their scorecards, I mean forks, ready to take one bite, and only one bite, of your carefully concocted creation.

It’s like “Chopped,” only the judges are even more fickle and prone to throwing things.

I’m serious, though. Thank you for this one, Mom.

Tip #2: Discover the importance of a great sauce.

When out to eat, my dad likes to ask the servers, “What’s in this sauce that makes it so delicious?” The servers chuckle and then ramble off a quick list of ingredients.

From the man whose culinary repertoire is limited to scrambled eggs and grilled cheese, I was curious to know what he would be doing with his newfound sauce knowledge. Apparently, he wanted to share it with me so I could make the delicious sauces at home. “Because,” he says, “the sauce pulls the whole dish together.” He’s not wrong. Sauces provide moisture, depth of flavor, and cohesion to a dish. I just wonder which ones pair nicely with scrambled eggs (hollandaise?) or grilled cheese (pesto?), because if I’m at the sauce station, I need someone to cook the main dish.

Tip #3: Offer meals as a buffet.

From my maternal grandmother, I learned the importance of options. Why make an apple pie when you can also make pumpkin? Why serve just turkey when you can have ham and sausage, too? Broccoli, corn, and carrots? Why not?

Quite frankly, this is genius, and it’s how I cook for my kids. Every dinner is a smorgasbord — some items are their favorites, and others they’ve never seen. They don’t have to put everything on their plate, but they should have at least three food groups represented, and one has to be a fruit or a vegetable. This tactic encourages independence and decision making. It also uses leftovers, because I don’t make the full buffet every night.

Tip #4: Learn the value of taking your time in the kitchen.

This is the opposite of Tip #1. But there is something to be said for slowing down and taking all day to prepare a meal. For me, it’s a form of foodie meditation. A way for me to tune out the world and focus on my senses and tasks for a moment of zen.

These types of meals are my husband’s specialty. I call them his Epic Meals. From the meal’s inception to the mise en place to the execution of the dish, this can take hours, sometimes days. I love this quality in him, and it definitely makes him the better cook. He is careful and thoughtful in a way that I am not. He never loses his concentration, not even with a 3-year-old screaming at his feet.

My only request: Please don’t make an Epic Meal on a Monday night. Oh, and do your own dishes!

Tip #5: Cook and bake alongside your kids.

A few weeks ago, my 6-year-old daughter and I took on the task of making a hazelnut-almond dacquoise. (Don’t worry, I had to Google the word dacquoise, too.) The preparation took days. We made the almond dacquoise layers completely from scratch — we blanched, peeled, toasted, and ground the hazelnuts and almonds to grainy flours; we whipped the egg whites to perfect peaks; we folded the ingredients to maintain aeration; we piped the batter into three equal rectangles; we baked it for three hours then left it to cool in the oven overnight. And that was just ONE of the three main ingredients! We still had the buttercream and ganache to make. But we took our time, and persistence paid off with an absolutely beautiful replica of a three-layer 10-inch-long cake that served 10-12 people.

My daughter took one bite and declared it, “Not that great.”

Sigh.

I’ll admit I was frustrated. She had been begging for months to make this dessert, and now she didn’t even like it. But it would have been pretty unfair of me to expect her to immediately like its sophisticated flavors, unfamiliar textures, and a name she couldn’t pronounce. What I do hope is that she continues to try new foods and be a lifelong adventurous eater. Because, for me, that’s what it means to be a foodie.

Christmas Gift Ideas for a (Moderately) Minimalist Mom

Katie McKiernan

December 12, 2019

I love Christmas. Give me all the baking and togetherness and carols. I will gladly watch the canon of holiday movies on Netflix over and over (boy, do I love love!). I have an inflatable Buddy the Elf on my back porch.

One thing I struggle with every year, though, is the other mainstay of the holiday season — gifts.

I aspire to minimalism, but (for me) parenting and minimalism don’t seem to go hand in hand. The need for 1,000 burp rags feels real, and at the rate my children keep growing out of their shoes, it is hard to keep the closets decluttered.

Here are five gift ideas that are sure to please the (moderately) minimalist mom in your life:

Childcare

Be specific! “I’d like to take your kid(s) for the morning one Saturday in January” is a lot more helpful and less stressful than “I’ll take the kids sometime.” Depending on how well you know the mom and the kids, see if she’ll let you take them out of the house (to the library or the playground — it doesn’t have to be fancy!). A morning alone in my house to do whatever I please? Wow. Now that sounds like luxury.

Plan an experience together

Every year, instead of exchanging traditional gifts, my mom and I go see the Boston Ballet. I buy the tickets; she buys the dinner. I look forward to it every year. I have memories to look back on and a fun evening out.

A gift certificate for something she loves but rarely gets to do

I know, I know. A gift certificate? Really? YES! I love yoga classes and ax throwing and heading to Milton Nails & Spa, but I very rarely choose to spend money on those things when parenting makes it so there is always something else that seems more pressing (childcare costs, college savings, swim lessons, new shoes that the kids grew out of again, etc, etc.).

Really nice olive oil

Sure, moms have their pantries stocked and probably have a go-to olive oil for everyday cooking, but not many of the moms I know are splurging for the good stuff. This Tenuta Di Capezzana Extra Virgin Olive Oil will dress up any dish, and once it’s gone, it’s gone.

A “one in, one out” gift

If you know the recipient well and really want to give her a gift she can open, try to find something that she might consider a replacement rather than an addition. I am fine with my programmable automatic drip coffee pot, but I wouldn’t mind replacing it with one that grinds the beans for me every morning. If I am going to say goodbye to an old item (recycling via BuyNothing or Facebook Marketplace), it feels like a win.

All I know about Christmas tells me that the moms in our lives are all working hard to make others feel loved and appreciated. If you receive and give gifts with gratitude for the relationships in your life, you can’t go wrong!

My Kid’s Oral Fixation Is Making Me Crazy!

Leah Lynch

December 11, 2019

I remember the day my son figured out how to get his tiny thumb into his mouth. He was 4 months old, and when I went to check on him during a nap he was sucking away. I snapped a picture and texted it to my husband. We celebrated this milestone, because once he found his thumb he started sleeping through the night! It was life-changing and amazing!

He was a very colicky and difficult baby. It was tough times. He was later diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder, which meant his thumb-sucking was a real blessing. He did not like to be soothed in a typical way. If he was upset as a baby or toddler, my mere presence could make it worse. So his thumb was his way to self-soothe, and I was very grateful for it.

We did not realize that eight years later we would still have a thumb sucker.

Yup, he still sucks his thumb. And now he is also chewing on everything. He chews on his clothes, straws, zippers, and, once, a magnet. If there is any random item near him, he puts it in his mouth. But the worst part of this oral fixation is the toys — he has destroyed some of his toddler brother’s toy dinosaurs by chewing them so hard!

I have gotten specific chew toys for him. He chews right through them and destroys them. I have gotten the chew necklaces. He chewed through every style of those as well. These chew toys are not cheap, and he could go through a necklace a day. Plus, then he has a slimy wet necklace around his neck. Gross.

I constantly ask him to take his thumb out of his mouth or stop chewing on that toy. Or I simply say “dry,” and he stops. But the thumb or the toy literally goes back into his mouth within seconds.

I now offer him sugarless gum. He chews gum at school as well. This is a great solution, but, unfortunately, constant gum chewing can lead to headaches, and we have been advised not to overdo it.

I am at my wits end with this oral fixation! I know it is a habit, and habits are hard to break — especially for a child with special needs. But I cannot take it anymore. I feel like my house is covered in saliva, and I am having serious anxiety over the constant “take it out of your mouth” comments.

I recently found these selfies on his iPad.

Please tell me I am not alone in this? How do you deal with oral fixation in older kids? I’ll gladly take anyone’s advice!

Supporting Families of Kids With Special Needs During the Holidays

Chelsey Weaver

December 10, 2019

I look forward to and dread the holiday season in a “hard to reconcile” dichotomy that is common among parents of children with special needs.

Personally, I love everything about the holidays — the decorations, traditions, food, and company all feels nothing short of magical.

At the same time, I am also a parent to a child who has complex medical and emotional needs, which has changed what our holidays look like immensely. We often have to say no, make hard choices, and decide what’s practical to do instead of what we would prefer to do in an effort to keep our family healthy and happy.

We are thankful to have supportive extended family members who, over the years, have really gone above and beyond to understand and empathize with our situation and make us feel comfortable in their homes.

If you have a friend or family member who has a child with special needs this holiday season, there are some practical and easy ways to help support them without adding a lot to your own to-do list. Even if you choose just one of these things, I know I’m not only speaking for myself when I say it makes us feel seen and loved just a little extra.

You can…

1. Invite us.

Even if you know or suspect we’ll say no, invite us anyway. We still appreciate you thinking of us and wanting to spend time with our family. Try to remember it’s most likely not personal if we turn you down.

2. Give us a call ahead of time.

If we’re unfamiliar with your home, safety is probably our biggest concern. Giving us a heads up if there are any pets, if you have a pool, if your house is on a busy street with a door that easily opens, etc. helps us be as safe as possible.

3. Find a quiet space.

Let us know if there’s a quiet space we can utilize if our kiddo needs a break. Having access to television and comfort items (blankets, pillows, etc.) we can utilize in a “sensory emergency” is incredibly helpful. A break space usually allows us to stay at the event a little bit longer.

4. Be interested!

Ask us ahead of time about some of our child’s favorite things to play or talk about, especially if you are nervous about being able to find common ground with them. We appreciate it more than you know.

5. Level with us.

It’s probable that our child won’t sit with 30 other people at the same time at dinner, “behave” through a religious service, or be patient while opening gifts. They might not tolerate a fancy holiday dress, special shoes, or an adorable little bow tie. Try to empathize with us and understand that this isn’t happening because we’re “bad parents.” Offer us an alternative when it’s possible.

6. Send us some pictures.

For us, the more predictable something is, the better, and a social story (or preview of what will happen) makes the event much more enjoyable. Even though it might feel weird, pictures of just about everything help our child feel safe and organized.

7. Have fun!

Our life is mostly chaotic, but it’s still beautiful. As a family, we try to take in and enjoy the happy moments when they come to us, and we would love to share them with you.

Please remember that these are things that work best for our family, and they might not be applicable to everyone. All kids are different, including kids with autism and other special needs. Happy holidays!

The Teenager Vs. the Threenager

Deanna Greenstein

December 9, 2019

Dear parents of 3-year-olds,

Welcome to the threenage year! This year was created to prepare you for your future as a parent of a teenager. Below is a list of comparisons between a threenager and a teenager to better illustrate what is to come.

Waking up

Threenager: Wakes at the first sight of the sun. Runs rampant until naptime. Denies being tired. Crashes hard.

Teenager: Falls asleep 10 minutes before the first sight of sun. Flops body around and drags self around like zombie until naptime. Complains about being tired. Crashes hard.

Feeding

Threenager: Will beg for food at all hours of the day. Cries when it is not procured immediately. Claims to be starving. Cries when it is served on the wrong plate. Gives dog half of food. Takes one bite. Throws rest on ground. Seemingly survives on less food than a mouse. Begins process over again every hour, on the hour.

Teenager: Will beg for food at all hours of the day. Whines and huffs when it is not procured immediately. Claims to be starving. Eats all food on plate. Eats plate. Eats table plate was on. Seemingly eats more than a moose. Begins process over again every hour, on the hour.

Bathing

Threenager: Denies need for bath until dirt covers 78% of body. Fights like wild hyena about the need for a cleansing. Splashes around gleefully once finally in tub. Refuses to get out of tub. Forgets to use soap.

Teenager: Denies need for bath until dirt covers 78% of body. Fights like wild hyena about the need for a cleansing. Splashes around gleefully once finally in tub. Refuses to get out of tub. Forgets to use soap.

School

Threenager: Complains about going to school. Complains it is too hard. Throws backpack on ground. Stomps feet. Cries. Demands snack. Requires superhuman strength and a shoe horn to get into carseat. Claims need to urinate SO BAD the second car pulls away from house. Entire mood changes when friends are seen. Prances into school like it’s the thing they love most in life. Can’t ever remember what happened at school.

Teenager: Complains about going to school. Complains it is too hard. Throws backpack on ground. Throws body on couch. Huffs and puffs. Drags self to car and throws body into car like a bag of stinky laundry. Entire mood changes when friends are seen. Prances into school like it’s the thing they love most in life. Can’t ever remember what happened in school.

Laundry

Threenager: Will wear same outfit every day until eternity. Has tantrum when clothing needs to be washed. Denies having been wearing same socks for multiple days. Doesn’t care if a full entree’s worth of food is caked onto elbow of sweatshirt; will still wear it because it is their favorite.

Teenager: Will wear same outfit every day until eternity. Has tantrum when clothing needs to be washed. Denies having been wearing same socks for multiple days. Doesn’t care if a full entree’s worth of food is caked onto elbow of sweatshirt; will still wear it because it is their favorite.

Chores

Threenager: Thrilled to be a helper. Overzealous. Should only be given plastic items to clean up, because things often become projectiles due to clumsy hands. Takes eons to complete a simple task.

Teenager: Infuriated about being asked to help. Overdramatic. Should only be given plastic items to clean up, because things often become projectiles due to angry, hormonal hands. Takes eons to complete a simple task.

Bedtime

Threenager: Denies need for bedtime. Fights sleep like a wild hyena. Asks 786 questions to delay getting in bed. Demands snack. Demands drink. Demands story. Falls asleep in bizarre position. Still looks like your sweet baby when they sleep.

Teenager: Denies need for bedtime. Stays awake until 10 minutes before sun rises. Falls asleep in bizarre position. Complains about not knowing why they are so tired. Still looks like your sweet baby when they sleep.

Congratulations if you have survived the threenager year! As you see, your threenager has prepared you for life with a teenager. Because threenagers are so delightfully easy, life has chosen to give you an approximately 10-year break before you begin the process again. This time, you will be gifted with a taller, more hormonal version of your threenager. May the odds be ever in your favor.

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