some days i resent my husband
Photo Credit: A. Zingaro Photography

Dearest, beloved husband of mine,

As we head toward our tenth year of marriage, I’ve been thinking about you and me and our relationship. First, please know that I love you more than anything, and I’m not going anywhere. But I have to tell you honestly:

Some days, husband, I kind of resent you.

See, you finish work, throw your stuff on the floor, leave your lunch dishes on your desk in our “home office” (bedroom), and are three kids deep in a wrestling match before I can even manage, “How was your day?” By that point of the day, I’m done with their humor and repeated jokes, but before I know it, all four of you are repeating them to me as if they are fresh and actually funny. You laugh with a big belly laugh and chase them around when all I want is for them to calm down and finally sit still. Tickling matches ensue on top of the just-folded laundry, which none of you notice.

Sometimes, at the end of the day, it feels like I have four kids rather than three. And sometimes I kind of resent you.

But when I stop stewing for just a minute and I see you wrestling and tickling, not noticing the dishes or the laundry, laughing at their jokes with your authentic laugh, I have to confess something deeper to you:

Some days, I’m kind of jealous of you.

Some days, all I can see is the laundry and the messy dishes and the chaos I have to manage all day long. And some days, I find I don’t laugh nearly often enough at their ridiculousness because I’m too busy managing everything. And then I see you wrestling and tickling, not noticing the dishes or the laundry, laughing with your whole body, and I wish I could be more like you.

I wish I could greet my kids with the same delighted enthusiasm that you always do, not the end-of-day exhaustion I often feel. I wish I could let go of all the things that have to be done and just roll in the clean laundry. (Metaphorically, of course, because mama hates folding laundry and I’m not gonna do that twice.) But I envy the relationship you have with our kids, and sometimes I kind of want to let loose and just be like you.

But the real moral of this story is this:

All days, I’m so very thankful for you.

As I watch you tussle with our kids and laugh at their jokes and chase them in circles over scattered LEGOs and formerly folded laundry, I think to myself, “Wow, you are different than me.” And yes, sometimes it really does feel like having four children rather than three. And yes, some days I do really wish I could be more like you. But I don’t have to be exactly like you — because our kids have you. 

They have a dad who adores them and is delighted to greet them every night when he steps in the door from work or “comes home” from the bedroom “office.” They have a wrestling-tickling champion who doesn’t find their squeals too wild and doesn’t try to tame their crazy (until later). They have a daddy who isn’t distracted by to-do lists but is 100% present to them. Because you’re you, I get to step back and let you roll into the chaos with gleeful delight. I get to grab my tea and let the pots boil and just sit on the balcony for five minutes of total silence. Which, just like you, is a gift to me.

I cannot imagine parenting, or life for that matter, without you. So despite the fact that I sometimes resent you, husband, I guess what I really want to say, in front of God and all these internet witnesses, is that I am so very grateful that you’re you and that you’re with me. Also, thanks for (re)folding the laundry — after nine years of marriage, I feel so very known.

With all my love always,

some days i resent my husband - Boston Moms
Photo Credit: A. Zingaro Photography
Kristen is Southern by birth but has called Boston home since 2008. Unlike most Boston natives, she still really loves the snow and cold. She and her husband have two energetic and kind sons (2013, 2014) and a sassy, smart baby girl (2016). Kristen jokes that she has a master's degree in laundry and a PhD in child conflict resolution — which she uses far more than her actual physics and politics degrees. After seven years as a stay-at-home mom, Kristen went back to work full-time in 2021 as a program coordinator for a research lab at Boston Children’s Hospital. In her "spare" time, she runs her own business (Murph&Moose), serves on multiple alumni committees for her alma mater, and runs half marathons. Her passion is seeing moms feel comfortable in their own skin and less alone in the chaos that is motherhood. Loves: gardening, science, languages, coffee by the vat, running, time with her girlfriends, and the rare moments of silence when all three children are (finally) in bed Dislikes: daylight saving time, non-washable markers, and noisy neighbors who disrupt her rare moments of silence