moms aren't having sex, postpartum sex driveLet’s be real here, OK? Remember when you were trying to get pregnant (if you were) and getting busy was a top priority? Then you got pregnant and perhaps had a sex drive. Then you had a baby and waited those six weeks until you got the go ahead from your doctor to begin postpartum sex. You planned and then… well, that was scary. Suddenly, everything about the physical relationship with your partner had changed, and you have the excuses to prove it.

I’m not saying moms should have a “no sex” excuse every night, but sometimes the excuses are real and, despite your best intentions, “It’s just not happening tonight, honey.”

The knock on the door

The struggle is real y’all. The anticipation builds, and then suddenly there’s a knock on the door. Yep, someone had a nightmare, and you have to bring your little one back to bed. There’s no coming back from that. If and when you do get back to bed, it’s just not happening. Nothing like a scared toddler to ruin a mood.

“Mommy, I need you!”

This one is a bit like the phantom cries you hear when you are showering and you have a newborn (I know I’m not the only one). You know the baby is crying, or calling to you from another room. You just know it! Every time your partner makes a move, you hear that phantom yell. You can’t possibly have sex in case your little one happens to need you. What if, in the throes of passion, your kid just needs a cup of water? What do you do?

You/your partner fell asleep

This parenting gig is exhausting, no matter how well your children sleep. There will be a time or two — or four or several dozen — where you just conk out before the chance even comes up. In your mind, tonight will be the night, but then reality happens. It’s all just too exhausting and overwhelming. Sleep trumps sex.

Too tired

This is different from falling asleep. Being too tired is when even the idea of getting romantic makes you want to drink a cup of chamomile tea and get into bed. You’re OK with your partner spooning you, but they better not think of doing anything else! Unless you just plan to lay there, the sheer effort of any sexual act is just too much. You’re exhausted, so that’s a big fat no.

Leaky boobs

When you are a nursing mom, especially in the beginning, the fact that your breasts leak doesn’t exactly make you feel like getting naked. There’s nothing sexy about it, and sometimes you just don’t want to be touched while breastfeeding. This is a time when your body isn’t your own, and you don’t want to share it with anyone other than your little dependent baby.

You’d rather stay in yoga pants

They are just so comfortable. The thought of having to take them off just seems well, unnecessary. Why mess with a good thing? Plus, your butt looks fantastic in them.

Too many shows to catch up on

While streaming may be one of the greatest inventions ever, it’s also a bit of an excuse. Season 3 starts soon and you MUST finish seasons 1 and 2 before then! If you don’t sit down and binge watch your show tonight, you’ll never find the time to catch up. It will just snowball from there. So yes, you need to stay on the couch and watch it all.

Bad dinner choice

Whether it was the burrito or your kid’s leftover mac and cheese, it’s just not sitting well. There’s no way it’s happening tonight with your stomach staging a coup. Nobody feels sexy when you’re bloated or you might need to run to the bathroom at a moment’s notice. Will that stop you from devouring a plate of nachos next time your partner may be in the mood? Probably not.

Just not in the mood

Plain and simple. After a long day of being everything for everyone, mom just doesn’t feel like having sex. You don’t always have to be in the mood. Sometimes a simple, “Nah, but thanks” can do. There’s no logical explanation for this one. Sometimes you just don’t want to. That’s good enough.

You would rather talk

Getting some really good quality time with your partner can be really hard. Getting time to sit and talk is rare. Sometimes, a good night of catching up, sharing stories, and reminiscing can be the best night with your partner. Sex can wait!

Morgan Sheena
Morgan came to Boston via New Jersey for college and law school and never left. She married her college sweetheart, Solomon, in October 2007. After years of trying to find themselves, they added three beautiful and energetic children, Aaron (October 2010), Olivia (June 2013), and Jesse (May 2016) to the family. They also have brother and sister miniature schnauzers, Rufio and Gracie. They live in Brookline and love city living.  Morgan is also a travel planner at Whitney World Travel and loves helping her clients find the perfect vacation for them. Loves: Exploring Boston, traveling, trying new restaurants, all things Disney, dive bars, blanco tequila, cooking elaborate meals, black coffee, dry red wine, working out, watching mindless movies (and quoting them) and getting lost in a good book. Can't Stand: when people snap their gum, cigarettes, loud chewing noises, cleaning floors and snakes.