I have given birth at two different Boston-area hospitals, and both experiences came with a myriad of choices left to me, my husband, and our care teams. But one thing I never had to worry about was the availability of a hospital nursery.
I distinctly remember touring both hospitals while pregnant and having the nurseries pointed out to us as part of the tour. It was simply a part of the childbirth and postpartum experience — you could have a nurse take your child to the nursery at any time during your hospital stay, if you chose to. Which I did.
When planning what I wanted for my birth experiences, I didn’t even consider the issue of rooming in versus the nursery, because it wasn’t something I had to worry about. Now, as I get ready for the birth of my third child, things are a little different.
Many Boston-area hospitals are doing away with nurseries as part of a national initiative to encourage bonding and breastfeeding by having moms and newborns stay together throughout their entire hospital stay. Though hospitals do make exceptions for medical reasons, mothers are encouraged to “room in” with their newborns at all hours. And in some hospitals, mothers aren’t only encouraged to room in — they’re forced to, as nurseries are no longer an option.
I absolutely understand the point of rooming in. I get the need to bond, to learn your newborn’s cues, to become comfortable with breastfeeding. What I don’t get is the need to force this on women. Having my daughter Olivia with me after my C-section would have been a danger to her and to me. Getting in and out of bed was enough work on its own, and I was so grateful to have the nurses available to take care of my baby when I could barely take care of myself.
After four days in the hospital, I came home somewhat rested, comfortable with the duties of taking care of a newborn with a toddler at home, and well on my way to a happy breastfeeding relationship. While in the hospital, I had chosen to send my baby to the nursery for a few hours at a time so I could get a little bit of sleep without waking up to every newborn sound. And I don’t feel it impeded our bonding in any way. I felt the same way after having Aaron, my first child. After giving birth, I was sad to part with my newborn but so grateful he could go to the nursery so my husband and I could have a bit of recovery sleep before we dove headfirst into learning how to be parents.
As women, we are in a scary time. It seems as if our choices are being limited or removed completely. While the push toward baby-friendly hospitals is a beautiful thing, the needs of the mother should also be taken into consideration. As moms, we have the right to have a say. We should call the shots in our care —before, during, and after labor. We can decide what is best for ourselves and our babies. And we can decide whether or not we want to room in or send our babies to a nursery for a few brief hours. For the hospital to dictate that what we are doing is right or wrong is pushing us in the wrong direction.
I know many moms who did not feel they received the support they needed while in the hospital, whether they roomed in or not. Perhaps focusing on how to better help mothers feel prepared for what is to face them at home — rather than forcing initial bonding — would be a better use of time, energy, and resources. Moms need care, both emotionally and physically. Let’s not take that away.
Please, Boston hospitals, don’t take away our choice.
I was also in the hospital for a longer-than-average stay, and I did *not* have access to a nursery. It was awful, in large part because things did not go ideally. My husband and I had no family in town and got almost no sleep for the two days before baby arrived because I had medical issues that required an ambulance at 39 weeks and constant in-and-out by medical staff. Afterwards, I was kept on medication that would not even allow me to stand up for another 24 hours, again with the constant in-and-out and checks every few hours. The only option for out-of-room care was the NICU, which the baby did not need, so between the newborn and the doctors/nurses I only slept in 45-minute chunks for the first two days after surgery.
Another awful thing was that neurology wanted to transfer me to their department post-partum. When I asked what would happen to the baby, the doctor told me he would simply go to the nursery. He didn’t realize there was none! The doctors on my team were taking *no consideration* of the fact that my I was responsible for the 24 hour care of a newborn because they didn’t even imagine there wasn’t a way for that burden to be relieved while I recovered.
Had the birth gone “perfectly”, perhaps it would have been less problematic. Having no option, however, caused a lot of stress, strain and heartache to a pair of scared new parents.
My son was born in a hospital with no nursery, if he didn’t end up with jaundice and in the NICU 3 days after birth he wouldn’t have been diagnosed with his rare heart defect, he’s already had 2 open heart surgeries and is 10 months old. It would have been devastating. I feel the nurseries are equipped with more specialized nursing staff and better suited to look for the signs of CHD or other issues. The nurses at the hospital I delivered at were more there to watch over the mothers, admittedly. I want to fight to keep nurseries this really makes me sad.
While I can understand the discomforts of a long labor (5days no sleep), surgical pain (2 c-sections) and postpartum exhaustion (all new parents have it), it doesn’t make any sense to take a baby away from his mother when there is no medical requirement. Babies and mothers are meant to be together for so many physical, emotional, social, and educational reasons. So
it made sense to us when we were encouraged to room in, as time separated from each other can be missed opportunity for a baby to gain from his mother and a mother to gain from her baby. Parenting is as exhausting on day one as it is 20 years from now and we wanted to make every second count. Our babies were fortunately stable, well cared for, and had all testing and cardiac screening by the nurses in our presence. They were very well equipped to provide us mother baby care in our room. We felt very comfortable and well prepared to go home both times.
I work in a Boston area hospital that still offers a nursery. What everyone needs to understand is that inpatient stays following birth used to be 5 days. As we all know, it is now 48 hours. As nurses we have 48 hours to teach, observe parenting coping skills. This is critical, as we have all seen the horror stories of abused infants. DCF needs us to identify these families at risk. You say that you just want a few hours break to heal. We all understand and respect that. But increasingly we are having parents send the babies to the nursery for 12+ hours overnight. If they do that both nights, that is 24 hours of 48 that baby is away from family. The toughest time to care for an infant is overnight. We need to watch how you handle the infant, and how your partner and families are helping. Mothers who are healing from the trauma of birth are telling us to be quiet, to not wake the sleeping healthy partner, because the partner is tired!? No. Huge warning sign. You have a baby now. Sleep is no longer the priority. It will not be ever again. Good parents coordinate care and sleep so each partner enjoys a few hours break/sleep. This is what we want to see. Teamwork between partners. Hospitals are being perceived as hotels, I cannot tell you how many parents who have just delivered the third child that say, immediately after birth, take the baby to the nursery and we will pick it up on our way out the door in two days. We are going to sleep and order room service. So sad for the infant. It breaks our hearts. Baby friendly hospitals ensure you become and assume the role of a parent. It is what you are. We cannot wait till all hospitals become baby friendly. Perhaps then Massachusetts will no longer have the highest reported cases of baby neglect and abuse in the nation. Shame on us.
I agree wholeheartedly with Carolyn above. In Canada, where I’m from, I believe they phased nurseries out back in the 70s. I was surprised to hear they still have them here in Massachusetts. I can’t even fathom sending my new baby to a nursery right after its born. I wanted both my babies with me at all times. Nursing is easier, you learn about your baby and you bond with your baby in these precious first hours of its life. Baby friendly hospitals all the way!
I agree with Carolyn and Nancy thank you for articulating your thoughts so clearly. I would like to add that for me to do my job( I too am a nurse in Boston), which is to teach you about caring for the baby, I would need you to have the baby with you and that includes nighttime. It is not fair for me to send you home and have that be the first night you are alone with the newborn If that happens I have not given you the care you are owed. .I also teach Child birth education and I tell the couples that now ( before birth)is the time to get the extra sleep because once the child is here, he or she does not want to be separated from you. The baby does not know they were born , they know you were their home for the last 9 months and they would like to chill at home as much as possible.EMBRACE these moments it doesn’t happen again!
I agree. I had 19 hours of labor, pushed for 4.5 and ultimately had a c-section. My son was combs positive and 1 point under blood transfusion level so 24 hours later I had bili lights set up in my room and my son was only allowed out on a biliblanket to nurse. I was suppose to sleep while ensuring he kept the goggles on. It was horrific. Everything hurt and I needed rest. Mind you, I’m not a wimp and was walking the halls pushing my baby in the little crib on wheels the next morning while they were setting up the Bili lights. I asked if he could go to the nursery for a few hours so I could sleep while he was watched to ensure he didn’t hit his goggles off. I was guilted and told it wasn’t really the preferred way. I kept him with me out of fear that he wouldn’t be as cared for in the nursery since it seemed that they would resent having him there.
I delivered at a hospital which really seemed to have the best of both worlds. They had a small nursery, but encouraged rooming in. They did however request that if there was a time that nobody would be awake in the room with the baby to send the baby to the nursery. So At night when I was ready to sleep I fed the baby and sent him to the nursery. 2 to 3 hours later when the baby was hungry, the nurses changed him and brought him down to me. He nursed, and we had cuddles, and then he went back to the nursery. Another 2 to 3 hours, and he came back clean, and ready to eat again. He was with me all day long. I suppose I don’t understand why the pendulum must swing so far.
I agree with the nurses above. And for so many other reasons. I’ve experienced both ways after two very hard labors followed by csections. Rooming in is what is best for the baby. And that’s what’s most important. Do moms count? Absolutely. But parenthood is exhausting and it doesn’t start one day 3. It starts on day 1. It’s a little scary to see so many women more concerned about themselves than what is best for their child.
I agree with the nurses. I had one baby in 2014 and one in 2015 and both were c-sections for high blood pressure reasons. I also had extremely high blood pressure after both deliveries. My second was also jaundice and had blood sugar issues the first two days because she was early.
I kept both babies in my room the entire stay except for my son’s circumcision. Breastfeeding helped release hormones and endorphins that lowered my blood pressure and helped my daughter with her blood sugar and flushing the jaundice. The second time – with my daughter – my husband was home caring for our one year old son most of the time and I was even alone with her in hospital for five days.
The thought of anyone taking my babies out of the room to a room full of other babies all being cared for by only one or two nurses was horrific to me. I’m probably some freaky overprotective mom but I found that having my baby sleep near me in her bassinet helped both of us heal more quickly. And breastfeeding hormones actually aid with the lack of sleep and give you more patience with newborns. If you can breastfeed then it shouldn’t be too difficult to go without perfect sleep even after a c-section in my experience.
Obviously there are medical reasons some women can’t breastfeed (all the more reason for extra bonding time) or baby needs to be in NICU but apart from that I feel that if I choose to have a baby that I’m going to take home with me and raise then that baby is my responsibility, not a nurse’s apart from medical necessity.