… and You Also Have Cerebral Palsy

March 25, 2020

I can think of so many things I wish I had known before the doctor diagnosed my beautiful daughter with cerebral palsy on that perfectly sunny summer day some months before her first birthday.

I wish someone had told us that although having a diagnosis will allow her to access medical treatment and therapy to help her succeed, it does not change the beautiful soul we already know and love so dearly.

I wish I had taken a moment to snuggle her in my arms and realize she is the same amazing, smart, and snuggly baby she was before our appointment.

I wish we had known about the hard days — and that we were allowed to have them. I wish I had known that I was not alone, and that there was an amazing network of moms who would embrace me with open arms. They would be there to pick me up on those hard days, and give me space to grieve and heal.

Most importantly, I wish I had realized that having cerebral palsy was just ONE thing about her; it was not the defining characteristic of her entire life. Frankly, someday, it won’t even be the biggest or the most interesting thing about her.

cerebral palsy - Boston Moms — This photo marks the first time my daughter wore her SMO braces and was able to stand at the couch without assistance.

Time passed, and I agonized over telling her that she has cerebral palsy. The where, when, and how haunted me for more than a year. At the time, I thought it was a really, really big deal. I consulted several social workers and therapists and tried to understand the “best way” to introduce her to cerebral palsy.

Looking back, it feels almost silly. All that anxiety, planning, reading.

Sometimes it’s hard to even remember how I felt back then because it all seems a little blurry. It was almost like the planning period before a big event — after the event happens, you hardly remember the “before.”

I do remember, though, the first time I used the words “cerebral palsy” in her presence. She exclaimed that her favorite Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood character, Chrissie, has [leg] braces just like her.

“This is it,” I thought to myself. “This is the best moment I’m ever going to have to bring it up, ready or not.”

“Wow, buddy! She does have braces just like you! Chrissie has CP, just like you do too.” And that was that. She went back to happily watch her show, and I breathed a huge sigh of relief that was so big it made me feel a little dizzy. We had previously decided to use the abbreviation “CP” because it was easier for a 2-year-old to pronounce and understand. She was unfazed, assigning little meaning and importance to what I had just said.

The beautiful truth is, the day I first told her about her CP probably won’t be a defining moment in her life, because she was really too young to remember it. It was, though, a defining moment in mine. It was a shift in the way we related to each other, and for the first time since her diagnosis I felt like I wasn’t lying to her anymore. It was in that moment I found the power of being honest, open, and matter of fact.

And now, some years later, we’re happy and generally well-adjusted. We have a wonderful team of doctors who take pride in helping her live her best life. We’ve found wonderfully inclusive places that allow her to pursue her interests and passions outside of school and therapy. And maybe most importantly, we know where to turn when we have bumps in the road, and we’re thankful for our well-established “tribe” that’s always there for us when we find one. Mostly, these days, we’re just thankful, because we all understand that her cerebral palsy is just ONE thing about her.

When we started this journey, cerebral palsy seemed like a really intimidating disability, mostly because there are so many misconceptions that have been perpetuated for decades.

Like anything else, it’s important to know the actual facts. Like how CP is the most common motor disability in children, affecting about 1 in every 345 children. And how CP can affect different parts of the body — all four limbs, one side of the body, or both legs. And how roughly 60% of children with CP can walk independently, and motor disability can range from minimal to profound. And how CP can be a result of being born too small, too early, stroke, or birth complication, but the specific cause of CP in most children is unknown.

If you’re interested in learning more about cerebral palsy, check out these resources!

https://ucp.org/
https://www.yourcpf.org/
https://cpfamilynetwork.org/

Setting Goals with Kids During the Coronavirus Quarantine

Kristen D

March 24, 2020

“Sure, I can write a post about setting goals with kids during the coronavirus quarantine.” — Confident Me

“Hey kids, we’re going to be home for an extended period of time together. What do you think some of our goals should be?” — Optimistic Me

Kid 1 (age 7): “I want to learn how to make water from nothing!”
Kid 2 (age 5.5): “I can fart really smelly! Want to see?!”
Kid 3 (age 3.5): “Watch me dump [jump] this!”

Doesn’t look like our “social distancing” is going to be productive. Let’s try this again!

“Hey kids, let’s set some goals together! What if, 3-year-old, we worked on recognizing one letter a day? And 7-year-old, what if we tried to work up to running one mile without stopping? And 5-year-old, let’s really work on nailing down reading! I know you’ve got this! And for me, I’m going to run every other day and finish a bunch of house projects that I’ve put off, like building a raised bed in front of our house.” — Take-Charge Me

Mom: Breaks car vent loading lumber from Home Depot pick-up. Bonus: Kids learn a few new vocabulary words. Downside: They can’t use these words in front of Grandma.
Kid 1: “I want to run around in the backyard forever. Naked.”
Kid 2: “My brother is going to do my reading for me; he promised.”
Kid 3: “Watch me dump this!”

“Hey kids, here’s what we’re going to do! I’ve made a very reasonable schedule, which involves lots of time playing in the backyard (clothed), lots of snacks, and a little bit of intentional reading and math time — plus bonus features like drawing with your favorite artist! Doesn’t this look like fun!?” — Determined-to-Make-This-Work Mom

Kid 1: I’m starving. When is the third breakfast?
Kid 2: Huh?
Kid 3: I just broke it.

And scene. </>

We’re neck-deep in uncharted territory.

We’re all learning as we go, and what started out as the best possible goals three days ago might need to be modified now under real-life circumstances.

As we set goals with our kids, it’s important to give ourselves grace for the bizarre circumstances we find ourselves in now. I began this week with high expectations and now have lowered them significantly. We’ve had some hard days and some good days. We’re all in this together, and man is it messy (as seen above)!

Here are a few lessons I’m learning along the way:

My kids function best when they get lots of running around and playing time. We can call this “building gross motor skills,” but really it’s just being a kid. Alternate between intentional activities and movement or free play. Take advantage of Go Noodle or Cosmic Kids Yoga to build in some wiggle space. It’ll help them concentrate in the long run.
In terms of education, focus on things that can be fun as well as educational. I grew up as a homeschooler, and the majority of our day wasn’t spent sitting in front of a desk — we did experiential learning. Practice math by baking and doubling the recipe so you can drop some off for a neighbor. Practice vocabulary through playing Scrabble. Learn about science by planting seeds.
Schedule in quiet solo playtime, whether you are working from home or not. This is a perfect opportunity to stretch this muscle and teach our kids to enjoy snuggling up with a book, playing playdough, or drawing — by themselves. And parents, to stay sane, you need that occasional break. Make it part of your rhythm.
Be flexible. As we are learning from the current ever-changing news cycle, things change rapidly. Make a schedule — and set goals, because kids need to know what to expect — but be willing to hold it loosely, and adapt to what your kids are communicating. If they’re having a blast building Legos, don’t move things along to get to “requirements.” Don’t be so hell-bent on a particular goal that you miss the bigger lesson your kids are learning about kindness and care for others.
Focus more on debriefing rather than covering everything at the beginning. Anything can be educational or a growth moment if you know how to interpret it with your children. Tomorrow, my children are going to learn about angles as we extract the beams from our mini-van and (try to) build a garden box. Then we’re going to learn about botany and weather as we plant seeds. They won’t understand any of this — they’re going to think we’re just having fun with hammers and soil — until I help them understand it.

Hang in there, mama! Despite what Instagram tells us, none of us have it figured out. You’re doing just fine.

On COVID-19 and Facing Fear :: There’s More to Learn than Handwashing

Sarah Casimiro

March 23, 2020

There’s a meme going around with the words, “Thanks for the Coronavirus.” It’s written over a picture of the school where I teach. Our population is roughly 60% Asian.

Four weeks ago, before the real hysteria set in, one of my students was shopping, minding her own business. A stranger walked by her and said, in her direction, “Hey, Coronavirus.” She’s Vietnamese. And heartbroken.

On the last day of school, during my first-period class, one of my Chinese students said, “Italy hates China. The whole world hates China.” And he shrugged his shoulders like it was a natural reaction. That broke my heart.

It’s one thing to understand that the first known case of COVID-19 occurred in China in November 2019. It’s another to take that information and allow it to create widespread xenophobia. All of my students, regardless of race, are scared of the horrific potential this virus poses.

I understand why people meet fear with hate. I understand how uncertainty can scare people so deeply that the only response they can muster is anger. I also understand how the possibility of isolation can cause people to act irrationally, hoarding basic necessities and putting their own needs about others’.

But these times of fear, uncertainty, and sickness deserve better. Our babies deserve better. We need to show them better.

As a country, we sat and watched as COVID-19 ravaged China, with social media playing the essential role in creating viral videos. Then, we sat and watched as it ravaged Italy, more quickly than we could imagine. And now it’s here, in the United States. And we have some choices to make.

I propose we choose love and kindness in the face of fear and uncertainty.

How do we do this? In small, simple steps.

Rather than attacking each other for stocking up on toilet paper and hand soap, we can recognize and understand that fear is driving many to act this way. Rather than scolding the 20-somethings for continuing to go out to bars and clubs when we are supposed to be practicing social distancing, we can remember our 20s (when we thought we were invincible and nothing, not even a virus, could stop us) while at the same time strongly encouraging them to heed the warnings set forth by the CDC. Rather than shunning those of Asian descent, we can recognize that they are as scared of this new virus as non-Asians.

People are people. I can disagree with what people are doing without attacking them. I can use moments when I feel anger growing inside me in response to other peoples’ actions as learning opportunities. I don’t have to meet anger with anger or fear with fear. I can meet both with love and kindness.

This isn’t easy. Mostly because I, too, am angry and scared and sad. I want to go back to normal. Unfortunately, it looks like this is the new normal, at least for a little while. As uncomfortable as I am, I can’t take that out on others. And while I’m happy that everyone has a newfound love for handwashing, I’d like to encourage a love for kindness, compassion, and love itself.

How else are we to get through this?

We’re All Homeschooling Now (and That Isn’t a Bad Thing)

Deborah Anderson

March 20, 2020

When I was a little girl growing up in rural New Hampshire, I was homeschooled. At the time, it was very avant-garde of my mother to keep us all home for elementary school. Now, a few decades later, coronavirus has our schools closed for the foreseeable future, creating many unintentional homeschooling families.

And I’m here to assure you that from a kid’s perspective, it’s awesome.

Our days were loosely scheduled, with the morning reserved for schoolwork and chores, the afternoon solely for play. This was, undoubtedly, my favorite part of being homeschooled — the free time. When I did attend public school in middle school, that was the thing I noticed the most — how a lesson could take so long. I couldn’t believe how long it would take my 7th grade social studies class to get through a chapter; 45 minutes seemed awfully long.

The benefit of working one on one (and with your parent, to boot) is that the lessons are tailored to you, and if you’re uncertain of the material there is no social pressure to not ask questions. It can make lessons easier to understand — concepts were broken down in a way that made sense to my young mind. My mother met with us individually to go through our schoolwork, teaching us the concepts from each book, ensuring that we understood the concepts by doing some of the practice problems with us. Once we had gone through our materials, we were off to complete the work that would be checked the next day with our mother.

I don’t remember specific lessons or our exact weekly schedule, but I do remember the ease with which I learned at home with my mom. I remember finishing my school work and my chores and dashing out the door by 11 a.m. to play outside in the woods with my siblings. I remember knowing that as soon as I finished my schoolwork and chores, I was free to play for the rest of the day. I loved that.

So while having our children at home for the next few weeks may seem daunting, remember: We as the parents set the tone for our homes. We have the ability to make this time at home positive and filled with love. If we are able to implement a schedule and homeschool, great! Use this time to help develop a love of learning in your child. Discover the type of student they are and where their strengths and weaknesses are at school. Teach them things they aren’t able to learn at school: baking, outdoor exploration, or whatever your forte is. We should take advantage of this time at home to really learn with our children. About our children.

If teaching your child certain lessons isn’t coming easily to you, try your best, but mostly focus on making memories with your children. Go for walks, play outside, complete house projects together, sort through their clothing, play board games (and really teach them the rules). Check out these ideas for your time at home. There is more to learn in life than simply academics, and we can all use this time to learn and grow together as families.

I Didn’t Expect to Have to Worry About My Parents Yet

Angie V Martin

March 19, 2020

My parents are 73 years old. My in-laws are 69 and 70. I am fortunate to have all four of these wonderful people in my life — and healthy. To be honest, I had not yet started to give any thought to having to one day care for them, given their advancing age.

And then the world got hit with a pandemic, sending our lives as we knew them into a whirlwind of uncertainty and confusion, incredulity and panic, faith and fear, and on and on like a massive record-breaking rollercoaster only suitable for self-described thrill-seekers.

All of a sudden, this almost-40-year-old mom of two (that’s me) thought to herself, “Oh my goodness, what if my parents get it?” And anxiety set in. A kind of anxiety I had not experienced before. One that makes me feel scared and ill-equipped. One that makes me angry when people do not heed the warnings and recommendations of health officials. One that makes me feel impotent.

We have probably all heard that older adults are at a higher risk of experiencing the coronavirus disease (COVID-19), with worse symptoms than younger adults and children. What’s worse, older adults may end up in intensive care units and/or actually die. I thought I had another ten or so years before I had to worry about my healthy and active parents needing care-taking or needing me to worry about them. But this coronavirus had other plans.

So what can we do when this anxiety creeps in and we feel like we do not have the tools to handle it?

1. Pause.

Take a moment to acknowledge what you are feeling, and let yourself name and feel the emotions coming up. Breathe. Tell yourself (and try to do this until you believe it), that you will be able to handle whatever does happen, but that in this moment, if your parents are still doing OK, all you can do is support them in remaining that way.

2. Follow the recommendations of health officials where you live — seriously.

And encourage your parents to do the same. If your parents live nearby you can stay abreast of their situation and be there for them if they need you. If your parents live far away you can stay in touch via phone, chat, Facetime, etc., and see how they are doing, providing support and/or reminders as needed.

3. Reach out to friends for advice.

Think of friends or neighbors you know who have already been in a situation where they had to care for their parents due to illness and/or old age. Reach out to them. Ask them to share their tools with you. And here I suggest you not only ask for practical things to do and ways to handle the situation, but also for ideas on taking care of yourself as you navigate this new territory.

4. Have faith.

Whether you are religious or spiritual, tap into your belief system to help you find a way to let go of the added feelings of responsibility and anxiety around this. There is only so much we can do. So we do what we can, and we let go of the rest. Much easier said than done, but in these times especially, we do not have much of a choice but to be the people our parents need us to be — their adult children who are here to support them if and when they need us, to the best of our abilities, and with all our love.

Feeding Your Family :: Greater Boston Food Resources During COVID-19 School Closures

Meghan Block

March 17, 2020

Boston Moms is committed to bringing timely and necessary resources to our readers in Greater Boston and beyond. With the recent school closures due to COVID-19 (coronavirus) concerns, we understand that access to food might be limited for some families in our area. Below you will find resources for sourcing food in your community. These resources have been pooled by our followers and team. If you have an additional resource that you believe should be mentioned, please email meghan[at]bostonmoms.com.

Statewide Resources

Project Bread Food Source Hotline

The toll-free Project Bread FoodSource Hotline is the only comprehensive statewide information and referral service in Massachusetts for people facing hunger. It can connect you to food resources in your community. Call 1-800-645-8333 (TTY 1-800-377-1292).

Greater Boston Food Bank

The Greater Boston Food Bank (GBFB) partners with 520+ hunger-relief agencies across Eastern Massachusetts to bring access to food to nine counties and 190 towns and cities. Use the GFB agency locator to find a list of food assistance options in your community.

School Systems Offering Bagged Lunches

A complete list of school systems offering bagged “Grab and Go” lunches during the COVID-19 outbreak and through the summer can be found on the Child Nutrition Outreach Program website.

Pandemic EBT

Massachusetts families with school-age children who qualify for free or reduced-price school meals under the National School Lunch Program qualify for Pandemic EBT benefits. This includes any student in a school that provided free meals to all students. P-EBT cards will be loaded in September for students in school districts that are participating in remote or virtual learning, either part or full time. Students will only receive funds for the days in which they are learning at home.

If families are already receiving DTA benefits, P-EBT benefits will be added to their existing EBT cards. If families are not actively receiving DTA benefits, they will receive P-EBT cards in the mail for each eligible student in their household.

If your child received free or reduced-price school meals at school, and their school district is participating in remote or virtual learning, contact Project Bread’s FoodSource Hotline at (800) 645-8333 (TTY 800-377-1292).

Grab-and-go meal sites will remain open and accessible for families and are not affected by P-EBT.

SNAP (Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program — formerly food stamps)

If you need help buying fresh, nutritious food, you may be eligible for the Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program (SNAP), also known as food stamps. Applicants will receive a determination within 30 days. Click here for the application.

WIC (Women, Infants & Children)

WIC is for all kinds of families: married and single parents, working or not working. If you’re a parent or legal guardian of a child under 5, you can apply for WIC for your child. Eligibility guidelines can be found here.

Feeding Your Pets

If you are having trouble feeding your pets, please click here for a list of food pantries also offering assistance for animals.

8 Tips for Surviving Extended School Closures

Rachel Wilson

March 16, 2020

Schools are closed. Activities are canceled. We’re supposed to practice “social distancing.” And our kids seem to have more energy than ever before! How are parents expected to maintain their mental health as we take measures to protect our physical health? There’s certainly no perfect way to handle school closures, but here are eight tips that might help:

1. Set expectations

This seems to be a general rule of thumb where small children are concerned, as they do better when they know what to expect. We’ve tried to set up the expectation that, while we don’t have school and work, this isn’t a vacation. Rather, consider this time to be home school. We’re going to follow a school-like schedule. Mom and Dad still have to work and can’t play all the time. And I’m setting the expectation for myself that this isn’t going to go perfectly, it’s going to be a challenge, and the kids will need constant reminders!

2. Get your Google on

I’m thankful that we have the internet in these trying times, as it provides a wealth of ideas with respect to activities for kids. I plan to spend time every night getting ideas for the next day, next week, next month (!). Look for science experiments, art projects, indoor games, exercises, yoga poses, recipes for kids, educational apps, TV shows, etc.

3. Stick to a schedule…

Schools have schedules for a reason! Kids stay on task, and they do better when they know what’s expected of them (see #1, above). You can create the schedule or you can ask kids for their input. Post the schedule so they know what they are supposed to be doing and what’s coming next. Our schedule for our first day at home included: morning meeting, music, writing, snack time, choice time, lunch, outdoor recess, reading, and dinner, followed by our normal bedtime routine.

4. …but be flexible

I had planned for only an hour of outdoor recess in our schedule, but we ended up staying outside for almost two and a half. Some things will go better than you expect, and in that case, I say roll with it! And if things go worse than you had hoped, be prepared to scrap those plans and move on.

5. Get outside

My kids do much better if they have the chance to move their bodies and work on gross motor skills. I plan to take them outside two to three times a day to dig in the dirt, stomp in puddles, ride bikes or scooters, play with the hose, practice sports, etc.

6. Do some spring cleaning

With extended time at home due to school closures, we now have an opportunity to do those things for which we can never seem to find the time. We’re planning to go through each kid’s closet and store things that are now too small. We’ll bring up the next size of clothes from the basement for my toddler. All the toys my kids are too old for will be bagged for later donation. And since we’ve got nothing but time, the kids can practice sweeping, washing dishes, and vacuuming!

7. Relax rules around screen time

Our screen time rules are pretty strict, but I have a feeling they’re about to go out the window! I anticipate we’ll resort to turning on the TV when my husband or I need to get work done, or if we just need a mental break. The iPad will likely be used for learning games — or just-for-fun games. In these times of social distancing, FaceTime or Skype calls are a great way to maintain social connections or check in on those who may feel increasingly isolated.

8. Recognize when you need a break

Most of us aren’t used to being home ALL DAY with our kids, much less for days or weeks at a time. It takes a lot out of you, so it’s important to recognize when you need a break. If you have a partner at home with you, make sure you both are communicating when you’ve hit a wall. If you are solo parenting, mandatory rest time or screen time might work for you.

Parents, what else are you doing to maintain your mental health during this era of school closures? Share your ideas with us!

The Baby Who Made Me a Mom Is Turning 4

Shannon Gibson

March 13, 2020

Time is so weird. After my daughter was born, I honestly thought we would not make it through her first month. My husband and I felt like we were in a time warp that caused the days to never end. This could be because with round-the-clock feedings, the days did not really have an ending or beginning. Once we survived the first month as new parents, the days gradually stopped being a blur. Some days still felt like they dragged for an eternity as we functioned on little sleep. But then suddenly, it was her first birthday. The days and months that had seemed so difficult had passed, never to return.

This pattern of battling time has continued, and now my firstborn is turning 4.

It sounds so big — 4! No longer a toddler, but not yet a school-aged kid. She needs my help less and less as her independence blossoms. I tell her she will always be my baby, and she reminds me that she is a big girl now.

As I reflect on the last four years, I keep remembering our first picture taken together in her nursery. We had just arrived home from the hospital. My husband went out to the car to unload our belongings, and I sat down in the nursery rocking chair with my new baby. I had sat in this chair for hours already, staring at the nursery, dreaming of what it would look like when she was here. And now, here she was, sleeping peacefully in my arms.

We sat in the quiet, just the two of us. I could not take my eyes off my perfect gift. She felt so cuddly and warm as I memorized all of her sweet features. I remember feeling so much joy in that moment, but it was accompanied by the feeling of being so inadequate. My husband and I had taken multiple birth and parenting classes, researched the best baby items, and read many books in preparation for becoming parents.

So why did I feel so unprepared to be this baby girl’s mom?

The short answer is what all parents know: Nothing can fully prepare you to become a parent. Much of the work of parenting is learned in real-time, boots-on-the-ground, on-the-job training. I had some head knowledge of how the books and baby experts said things were supposed to go, but I had no experience being a parent. Anxious thoughts flooded my brain: Would I be a good mom? How would I know what she needed? Could I keep her safe in this world?

What I did not realize is that this feeling of apprehension would resurface each time I navigated a new chapter in my parenting journey. It is the same feeling I experienced the first time we left her with a babysitter. When it was time to introduce her to solid foods. When we moved her to a new state. When she became a big sister. And, most recently, when she started preschool.

I have a strong feeling this trepidation will continue to be my parenting companion each time we face new and unknown experiences. Her first day of kindergarten. Her first overnight summer camp. Her first date. Learning to drive. Prom. College. Marriage.

For now, we take each day as it comes. We learn together, and we overcome together. And yes, four years later, we still rock in our chair together.

Boston Moms Need to Know :: Nailed It DIY South Shore

Meghan Block

March 12, 2020

Thank you, Nailed It DIY South Shore, for welcoming our team and sponsoring this post.

Nailed It DIY South Shore - Boston Moms

Fun for parents, fun for kids, Nailed It DIY South Shore has it ALL!

We’ve all been there… you get the itch to do something crafty but aren’t sure where to start. Or, you find an adorable piece of home decor that you decide you should replicate but figure you’ll “save” some money by taking a trip to the craft store for supplies instead — and you end up regretting your decision $80 and a messy wooden sign later. We have the solution! Head on over to Nailed It instead!

Owned and operated by local mom Casey Trapp, Nailed It opened in late 2019 and is conveniently located at 228 Columbia Road in Hanover, an easy drive with plentiful parking.

At Nailed It, special “Art Tenders” guide you through a truly fool-proof DIY workshop experience. From gorgeous signs to other home decor, Nailed It makes creating art accessible and fun. At Nailed It, each artist chooses his or her own design, which is then printed via vinyl stencil and placed carefully by an Art Tender on your choice of wood size and shape. From there, the artist chooses a background and text paint color or effect and begins to create!

Nailed It DIY South Shore - Boston Moms

The Boston Moms team spent an awesome evening at Nailed It DIY South Shore. Each team member chose her own design, colors, and effect to match her personality or style. We were coached by a dedicated team of Art Tenders who were ready and willing to offer their design expertise, ensuring a fun and easy experience for our entire group. We sanded, painted, and had a great team bonding experience. At the end of the evening, we all agreed we’d be bringing family and friends back to Nailed It for another project!

Nailed It DIY South Shore - Boston Moms

Nailed It absolutely knows what moms need. Along with drop-in DIY open studio hours, private parties, fundraiser options and more, Nailed It is also offering kids SUMMER CAMPS for our tiny artists!

Nailed It Summer Camp 2020:

Week Camp :: 9 a.m.–1 p.m. :: July 13–16, July 27–30, August 10–13, August 24–27
Friday Mini Camps :: 1 p.m.–4 p.m. :: July 10, July 24, August 7, August 21

Nailed It is absolutely Boston Moms APPROVED.

We hope you’ll consider trying your hand at a Nailed It DIY project. Tell Casey we sent you!

Website

Facebook

Instagram

To the Stay-at-Home Mom Working a Side Hustle

Shannon Gibson

March 12, 2020

To the stay-at-home mom working a side hustle… I see you.

I see everything you are juggling that you think the world is blind to.

I see your alarm set for 5 a.m. each day.

I see the work you do while the house is still dark and your family sleeps.

I see you switch over from work mode to mom mode in an instant when your bright-eyed babies bounce out of bed for the day.

I see you hiding your tired, dark-circled eyes under your sunglasses at the park while your kids play.

I see you choose that second (or third) cup of coffee in the afternoon instead of the nap you crave.

I see you making sure your kids get to all their playdates, birthday parties, doctors appointments, and sports practices.

I see you hustling to maintain the laundry, a clean house, well-balanced meals, grocery shopping, budgeting, and chauffeuring.

I see you pouring out encouragement to your girlfriends when your own tank is running on empty.

I see you cheering your husband on in his career.

I see you putting your babies to bed, knowing the day is not over for you.

I see you preparing for your next trunk show, leaving to go wait tables, heading into your retail shift, teaching those classes, running that small business, selling the things…

I see you, because I am you. So many of us are you. With outrageous childcare costs, the title “stay-at-home mom” is no longer just a luxury, but often a necessity. This work is exhausting. It is overwhelming. At times you may feel guilty or defeated. But, this work is also good. It is worth it. And, it will pass.

Keep hustling, mama. You are seen.

An Ode to the College Friend Tribe

Katie Biddle

March 11, 2020

If you look at most mom blogs or social media feeds, you are bound to find posts praising the “mom tribe.” The “mom tribe” is portrayed as essential to surviving motherhood with your sanity (somewhat) intact. I am not here to disagree. In my almost three years of motherhood, I have come to realize just how valuable a “mom tribe” can be. I would be lost without the coffee dropoffs, encouraging group texts, and rainy afternoon playdates.

That said, I think there is a group that is just as important, and sometimes underappreciated, in the mom circle: the college friend “tribe.”

(Also, I’ve realized I’m old because I’m fairly certain I graduated from college before the term “tribe” was a thing.) Regardless, I was fortunate enough to meet most of my closest college friends during freshman year, so we’re now going on 16 years of friendship. We have certainly changed a lot since we were 18. Despite the challenges of distance, jobs, and the addition of boyfriends/spouses, our friendship has remained strong, and we are still there for one another in a way no one else can be.

You see, there is something about the college friend tribe that is irreplaceable: They knew you before you were Mom.

They remember the person you were before these little people were completely dependent on you. They know the passions and dreams you once had — and probably still have (buried somewhere beneath the diapers and sippy cups and endless piles of laundry). And in a role like motherhood, where you really can lose yourself, it can be nice to have these people who remind you that you are more than the keeper of snacks and bedtime routines.

They also remember when your little ones were just a dream you talked about in the dining hall one night as you imagined what the future held. So they love these little people fiercely, shower them with love, and help you to remember that even if your life doesn’t look exactly like you pictured it would, right now those toddlers running circles around the living room are your greatest passion and your dreams come true. And you get to do the same for them.

Now, of course there can be some overlap between the college friend tribe and the mom tribe, as many of us have added kids to the mix since graduation.

The late-night texts about milkshake runs off-campus have turned into 3 a.m. text conversations about swaddling, gas, and spit-up.

Our emails have morphed from consults about which professor to take for that upper-level philosophy requirement to the pros/cons of various baby monitors, breast pumps, and diaper bags.

Our girls’ weekends are fewer and require quite a bit more planning… with the occasional nursing baby and/or breast pump along for the ride.

And those friends who aren’t moms yet? They provide a valuable escape from a world where conversations always seem to find their way back to sleep schedules, potty training, or Daniel Tiger.

They understand when you rarely stay awake past 9 p.m. or can only talk during afternoon nap since your toddler started protesting phone calls.

They insist on coming to see you because they know it’s easier to travel solo than with a gaggle of small children in tow.

They listen to way too many stories about your kids but are also happy to share stories about their work or their latest travel and remind you that there is a world beyond your messy living room.

You dream of the day you can return the favor for the ones who want to be moms someday too.

Take a minute to think about your version of the college friend tribe. They might be high school friends, childhood neighbors, sorority sisters. Whoever it is, take time today to be grateful. And maybe send a quick text to thank them for the priceless gift of their friendship.

1...979899...205 Page 98 of 205

I can think of so many things I wish I had known before the doctor diagnosed my beautiful daughter with cerebral palsy on that perfectly sunny summer day some months before her first birthday.

Looking back, it feels almost silly. All that anxiety, planning, reading.

“This is it,” I thought to myself. “This is the best moment I’m ever going to have to bring it up, ready or not.”

When we started this journey, cerebral palsy seemed like a really intimidating disability, mostly because there are so many misconceptions that have been perpetuated for decades.

If you’re interested in learning more about cerebral palsy, check out these resources!

“Sure, I can write a post about setting goals with kids during the coronavirus quarantine.” — Confident Me

We’re neck-deep in uncharted territory.

Here are a few lessons I’m learning along the way:

But these times of fear, uncertainty, and sickness deserve better. Our babies deserve better. We need to show them better.

I propose we choose love and kindness in the face of fear and uncertainty.

How else are we to get through this?

And I’m here to assure you that from a kid’s perspective, it’s awesome.

So what can we do when this anxiety creeps in and we feel like we do not have the tools to handle it?

1. Pause.

2. Follow the recommendations of health officials where you live — seriously.

3. Reach out to friends for advice.

4. Have faith.

And many of us are turning to screens for help.

Take a trip around the world

Get moving

Keep up with the academics

Entertain your preschooler

What about you? How are you getting through the pandemic? What are your screen tips and tricks?

Statewide Resources

School Systems Offering Bagged Lunches

1. Set expectations

2. Get your Google on

3. Stick to a schedule…

4. …but be flexible

5. Get outside

6. Do some spring cleaning

7. Relax rules around screen time

8. Recognize when you need a break

Parents, what else are you doing to maintain your mental health during this era of school closures? Share your ideas with us!

This pattern of battling time has continued, and now my firstborn is turning 4.

So why did I feel so unprepared to be this baby girl’s mom?

For now, we take each day as it comes. We learn together, and we overcome together. And yes, four years later, we still rock in our chair together.

Nailed It is absolutely Boston Moms APPROVED.

To the stay-at-home mom working a side hustle… I see you.

Keep hustling, mama. You are seen.

That said, I think there is a group that is just as important, and sometimes underappreciated, in the mom circle: the college friend “tribe.”

You see, there is something about the college friend tribe that is irreplaceable: They knew you before you were Mom.

And those friends who aren’t moms yet? They provide a valuable escape from a world where conversations always seem to find their way back to sleep schedules, potty training, or Daniel Tiger.

Take a minute to think about your version of the college friend tribe. They might be high school friends, childhood neighbors, sorority sisters. Whoever it is, take time today to be grateful. And maybe send a quick text to thank them for the priceless gift of their friendship.

In Case You Missed It..

Latest Articles

Curated Resources

Lifestyle

Life In Boston

Parenting

Contact Us