As we count down the weeks until baby number two joins us, my husband and I have been reminiscing about the newborn days. You know, that cute, squishy phase where all they do is eat, sleep, poop, pee, repeat? No toys, no entertainment, no TV shows, no trips to the zoo, park, and lake.
We laughed about how easy it was. We high-fived each other. We got this. And then, as if a record scratched and the music stopped, we remembered… the sleepless nights. Oh man, the sleepless nights. There were plenty in the first few months, with night feedings every few hours or so. The exhaustion, the zombie-like state, the multiple cups of coffee.
Don’t get me wrong, I still look fondly upon those newborn days. But the lack of sleep is for the birds. On the bright side, some funny stuff went down because I was so tired. I did really goofy, silly, weird things. And I’ve compiled them here so you can have a good laugh at my expense, too.
I rocked the cat
What can I say? It was 3 a.m. and I heard the cat crying in the living room. I don’t know if I thought he was the baby or if I was just on autopilot — or if I was even thinking at all. I shuffled out to him, scooped him up, cradled him, shushed him, and rocked him back and forth and back and forth. I think we both fell asleep.
I slept in pee
I was changing the baby in our bed one late night. This was when baby was only a few weeks old. I always put a changing pad under her, just in case. Except for that night. I was so incredibly tired that I changed her without it. Lo and behold, she peed. Everywhere. In my sleep-deprived state, I put her back to bed and crawled into my wet bed myself. At least it wasn’t poop.
I lost the baby
My internal alarm clock woke me up to feed the baby. Weirdly enough, the baby wasn’t crying. I was just up. I looked in her co-sleeper, in my bed, behind my pillow, under my husband. I started getting nervous, so I woke my husband. “I can’t find the baby!” I hysterically told him. He looked at me, then glanced down. “That’s because she fell asleep nursing.”
I gave the paci to my husband
One super sleepless night, I couldn’t get the baby to settle. Eff it, I thought, as I brought her into bed with me. I nursed her quickly and placed her in bed. Minutes later she started to get fussy again. I reached over to my nightstand, felt around for her pacifier, and popped it in her mouth. Um, so I thought. Turned out it was my husband. Oops.
I showered fully clothed
The baby was finally asleep in her bouncer. I knew I had a good 20 minutes before any stirring or fussiness happened, so I literally ran into the shower. Probably a little too fast, ’cause I jumped in with my tank top and yoga pants on. I still laugh hard about that one.
How about you, ladies? What crazy things have you done? I know I’m not the only one…