Everyone lost something during the COVID-19 pandemic — jobs, life events like weddings and proms, routines, normalcy. Learning to adjust to all the abrupt changes and disruptions was difficult. Seeing how the world was evolving as a result was an adjustment. Some losses were easy to deal with, such as working from home. Some took time to accept, like understanding others’ pandemic boundaries. And some, we’ll never get over — like losing a loved one.
My grandfather passed away of natural causes one year ago. He was 96 and lived a very long and robust life. I feel extremely lucky and privileged to have had a grandparent for almost 40 years. And I’m so grateful he was here for my son’s first two years. My grandfather was a character — he could be stubborn, he was diligent about his diet and exercise routines, he doted on his grandchildren and great grandchildren.
I loved cracking jokes with my grandfather on holidays, going out for lunch at our favorite local Italian restaurant, and dropping by my grandparents’ house to play cards with them whenever I was home during college breaks. He never went anywhere without his World War II Veteran hat. He definitely made an impression on everyone he met.
He had to be placed in a nursing home during the pandemic. It was not an easy decision for my family to make, but he was no longer able to live by himself. Due to strict visitation protocols during COVID, living 45 minutes away, and limited child care options, I was only ever able to FaceTime him during his time there. Because of this, it was hard to accept that he really was gone at first.
His funeral was small, with a service and private burial. Watching the playing of taps and the folding presentation of the U.S. flag was very moving. But it was surreal as well. It felt like there was no closure or time to grieve with my extended family as we’d had with previous deaths. Sometimes I didn’t even realize he was gone. I would talk with my mom on the phone months after his passing and want to ask her how he was doing.
We just made it through our first holiday season without him, and I find myself missing him a lot lately. On one really hard day, I was grocery shopping and happened upon Veterans Day plants for sale. I noticed a small pine tree with an American flag. Seeing it as a sign, I bought it. He may not be here anymore, but it’s nice to get reminders from the universe about him every once in a while. Because when it comes to loss and grief during a pandemic, every moment of comfort counts.
