A Mom with No Mom Tribe

I am a mom with no “mom tribe.” No village. No mom best friends.

I would like to be in a mom tribe. I would like to have a mom best friend. I could really use a village. I just have not found it yet.

I would describe myself as an introvert with some social anxieties. I am friendly with moms I meet at the playground. I am often the one who will start a conversation with a fellow mom I meet. I will ask to be Facebook friends and (especially if our kids are playing nicely) to meet up again sometime. But that next step — actually being friends — is difficult for me.

I’ve always felt just a little bit outside the social circle — as a kid, in high school, and beyond. I would occasionally be invited to the party, but never the sleepover. But it never really mattered to me back then. I had two sisters and a few close friends. I felt fulfilled with the people in my life.

That is basically how I feel now, too. I am invited to the playdates but not the girls night out. But now, as an adult — a mother — I’m wanting more.

I wistfully look at social media and see these amazing groups of girlfriends who are still so close after 20 years of friendship. They have experienced so much life together and have so much history. They do weekend trips together and girls nights out often. Their families vacation together. I see them support, love, and admire each other. It’s beautiful, and I love seeing it.  

And I want all of that, too. Is it too late? Did I miss my chance?   

I have, at least three times in my decade of parenting, thought I was finally finding my mom tribe only to painfully and sadly realize I am not. It is uncomfortable to admit that maybe these women simply did not like me. That’s OK — I am not trying to be anyone other than myself, and I am not trying to impress anyone. But lately, the social anxiety has gotten the better of me.   

I am mature enough now to know that not everyone is going to connect with me and want to build a friendship. However, I would like to find my tribe. Maybe I just need to start one myself. If I can be brave enough.

Leah is a Massachusetts native who grew up in the MetroWest area. She met her husband in 2006 and they bonded over all things Boston. After moving to North Carolina for 4 years, they realized they had to move back to New England. (love that dirty water!) In 2011 they welcomed a son into their family. Then 2014, 1 week before having their daughter, their son was diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder. The last but not least little guy came in 2017. With three kids and special needs in their life, they rely on an amazing support system of friends and family. Leah is a stay at home mom, who is also growing a small business, and enjoying the independence and freedom it has given her. Loves: Great food (mostly made by her talented husband), playing with the kids, the beach, date nights, The Pats, The Sox, The B’s, new socks and bras, and American history, and movies. Can’t stand: Cotton balls, weeds, broken crayons, pollen, and vacuuming up Cheerios every half hour.

4 COMMENTS

  1. Aww this makes me sad. I’m happy to connect with you! Our son may be on the spectrum as well. He’s 3 and waiting to get tested next month. Feel free to drop me a line! I live in the south shore.

  2. Leah – we would love to have you in our mom group, that’s focused on moms making meaningful connections for themselves (not their kids). Check us out in Facebook at http://www.Facebook.com/togetherwegroups

    We also have two other sister sites for moms raising children with disabilities and an inclusive playgroup.

    All the best to you!

  3. I’m so sorry to read this. It’s not easy to make friends. This is a bit out there, but have you considered therapy and/or some kind of social skills support? Not that the problem is you, at all–it is so hard to make new friends–but having a space to share about your sadness and perhaps having some tools at your disposal could help.

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