Picture this: You’ve just received a wedding invitation from your friend, cousin, or coworker, and you’re excited to celebrate their big day with them. But then you notice a small note at the bottom of the invitation:
“We respectfully request no children at the ceremony or reception.”
You might feel a pang of disappointment, frustration, or even resentment. How can they exclude your kids from such an important event? How are you supposed to find a babysitter, especially if all your usual childcare help will also be at the wedding? And what about the inevitable guilt that sets in when you and your partner take a night (or even a weekend) away from the kids?
Before you get too upset, take a deep breath and try to see things from the couple’s perspective. Having a kid-free wedding is not a personal attack on you or your family. It’s a choice the couple has made. And there are many reasons for it — budget, venue capacity, safety, or simply preference. They have the right to decide who they want to share their special day with, and you should respect their wishes.
This is the perfect opportunity for a re-frame: Instead of seeing a kid-free wedding as a hassle, I see it as an opportunity. It is an opportunity to have some quality time with your spouse or partner — without having to worry about diaper changes, tantrums, or bedtime routines. It’s a chance to dress up, let loose, and have fun with other adults. An opportunity to reconnect with old friends, make new ones, and celebrate love. You’re never too old for a party!
Here are some tips on how to make the most of a kid-free wedding — and turn it into a date night you’ll both enjoy:
Plan ahead
Don’t wait until the last minute to find a babysitter for your kids. Childcare may be particularly tricky in the case of a family wedding — all your usual options for babysitting may be at the wedding, too! It may help to band together with another guest of the wedding to go in on a babysitter together. If you are traveling for the wedding, ask other guests to recommend a sitter near where you will be staying. If local guests’ children are staying with family, is there an opportunity to share or exchange childcare? Flexibility is key here, because your go-to sitter may not be an option in this situation.
Ask your family, friends, or neighbors for recommendations, or use an online service like Care.com or Sittercity.com to find a reliable and trustworthy sitter. Make sure you meet the sitter beforehand and go over your expectations and instructions. You can also arrange for a backup sitter in case of emergencies.
Treat yourself
A kid-free wedding is a great excuse to treat yourself to something special. Whether it’s a new outfit, a haircut, a manicure, or a massage, do something that makes you feel good and confident. You can also surprise your spouse or partner with something they would appreciate, like a gift card, a bottle of wine, or a personalized accessory.
Or, treat yourselves to something extra on the day of the wedding. For example, you can book a hotel room near the venue and enjoy a romantic night away from home — even if the wedding is just across town.
Have fun!
The most important thing is to have fun at the wedding. Don’t let guilt or worry ruin your mood or your relationship with your spouse or partner. Dance with each other, mingle with other guests, toast to the newlyweds, and take lots of pictures. Trust that your kids are in good hands and focus on enjoying yourselves. And remember that it’s an adventure for your kids, too — they may get to stay up late with friends or cousins or a beloved babysitter, or enjoy a sleepover or special treat!
A kid-free wedding is not only a celebration of the couple’s love, it’s also an opportunity for you to celebrate your own love. Use it as a chance to reconnect with your spouse or partner and remind yourselves why you fell in love in the first place.
