My 10 Biggest Gross-Out Moments as a Mom

November 1, 2018

They say parenting is not for the faint of heart, and it’s true. It’s hard to be a germaphobe and a mom simultaneously. And while my gross-out moments have occurred on the regular, I see it almost as my hazing process into the exclusive sorority of motherhood.

I know not everyone likes to get in the gutter to talk about poop and other bodily fluids, so if that is you, spoiler alert — look away now! For everyone else, I know you can relate and share my pain. I invite you to commiserate with me and share all your gross-out mama moments, too — mostly so I don’t feel like I’m the only mom who’s had to disinfect herself now and again. Here are 10 of my grossest moments as a mom to date.

Explosive poop at Boston Common

I was out with a few other new moms in Boston when I smelled the ever familiar scent of poo coming from my 3-month old. After three months of dextrous diaper changing, I thought I was an old pro. But nothing felled me more than sitting on a park bench while trying to maneuver a crying baby with leaking, explosive poop and still trying to make small talk with my new mama friends. Yeah, that day sucked an egg.

Leaky breastfeeding boobs

At work, on a date night, at a restaurant, and everywhere in between! Who can relate to this one?

My teenagers’ wads of hair in the drain

My oldest daughter has hair down to her butt. You can imagine what the shower situation is like in our house. In addition to always being the one left with a cold shower, I’m also constantly fishing out nasty wads of hair from the drain and on the walls. #nice

Lice x 4

Remember that long hair I talked about for my oldest? Yeah, the other two have long, thick hair too. And so do I. That means when we all got lice a few years back, it was a family affair gross-out. And the award for most calm, collected, and unaffected went to my husband, who single-handedly picked out every louse and nit on each of our heads for a week. Now that’s love.

Snot bubbles

What mom can forget those quaint little snot bubbles that appear from your baby’s nose, that grow bigger and sometimes burst as they are mid-tantrum? You try in vain to grab the tissue and wipe their nose, but the quick little baby ninjas dodge your efforts, swiping their heads and thrashing on the ground, leaving you to have to deal with the cringing effects of said snot bubble turning into goo and running down her face and on to the new dress you just bought her. Oh wait, is that just me?

Unflushed toilets

You think boys spraying pee on and around the toilet seat while standing up is gross? It is, don’t get me wrong. But what about day-old excrement with heaps of TP to boot for me to find? My girls are so sweet. They tell me its because they don’t want to scare or disturb anyone by flushing. They are so considerate! I’ve taught them well. #sarcasm

Playing in the kitty litter

We have always had cats, whom we adore. But what I adored less is when my then 3-year-old thought it would be super fun to play around in the kitty litter just like a sandbox! What joy she had digging for cat poop and playing with the self-clumping pee wads… until I found her, that is. Should this be #1?

Being projectile vomited on

Nuff said.

Stinky socks being left in my bed

Where do all these socks come from, and why do they always end up in my personal space? And why do they smell so bad, and why do they never match?

Finding one moldy cheese stick, leaking blueberry yogurt, and some stale Cheerios clinging to life at the bottom of my diaper bag.

(Actually, I guess this one was my fault. LOL.) What funky, nasty things have you found at the bottom of a diaper bag when you finally remember to clean it three weeks later?

There you have it! My top 10 gross-out moments as a mom to date. Not all of my girls are teenagers yet, so I’m equipped with the knowledge that more disgusting, vile, and uncouth behaviors are yet to be discovered. #blessed.