Faster! Improving Transitions with Your Kids

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April 14, 2016

The difficulty kids have with transitions can be incredibly challenging to deal with, not to mention totally exhausting. You’ve tried it all, and it’s not getting easier! Why can’t they just put on their shoes?!

However, there are some lesser known, more subtle, tried-and-true methods that help kids navigate through transitions more easily.

Let go

Kids like control too. Giving them choices that are all acceptable to you will make them more likely to transition smoothly. “Do you want to put on your shoes now or in five minutes?” You’d be amazed at how many kids are more likely to complete directives when they think it was their idea.

Prepare

Many kids struggle with transitions because they feel they haven’t had enough time to mentally prepare to shift activities, so make sure to give them plenty of “heads up” time. You can even ask your child how many minutes before the transition they would like to be notified. Have them check the clock themselves so they can see the concrete time; that way they can keep track and they can’t argue about whether the time has actually passed.

Visualize

Visualization has long been proven to improve performance. Reviewing new scenarios with your child several times in advance will help them imagine what their environment will look like and what activities will be included in their day. If you’re able to visit a new environment ahead of time, that’s even better.

Expectations

Helping your child develop appropriate expectations for transitions and new environments is key. So, if your child isn’t expecting to miss you when they start a new preschool, they will be more likely to have a difficult time separating and participating when they do start to feel that way. Talking to them about potential feelings as well as ways to manage these emotions will help make the transition smoother.

Take their perspective

Behavior always serves a function. Stopping to think about why your child is having a hard time may give way to very important information. Asking them is even better! It may be that they’re not just being difficult because they’d rather stay home and play than go to school, but instead, they may be worried that their teacher doesn’t like them, that they won’t like their lunch, or that they won’t understand the lesson. Once you do a little digging to the root of the cause, it will be a lot easier to develop solutions and improve transition times.

Having these strategies in your back pocket will help make life smoother and easier in your household. You might even look forward to Mondays!

I Get By with a Little Help from My Friends

By

Lindsay Goldberg

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April 13, 2016

When I became a mom, I learned quickly that having kids means having anxiety. Motherhood is a state of constant worry: “Am I feeding them the right things?” “Should it be organic?” “Are they in enough classes?” “Are they in too few classes?” “How will I know what to do next?” and, “Is there more to life than diaper changes?”

I’ve definitely experienced my share of stress and anxiety and am so thankful for the great friends and family I have. I’ve found that there are three types of girlfriends every mom should include in her support system.

The mom with an older child

When you are able to have open, honest conversations, the mom friend who has an older child is great. She tells you what is normal and not in the bodily output realm. She puts your worries in perspective and tells you that this, too, shall pass. She normalizes your feelings. She relates to your anxiety and shares stories from the battlefield. She can act as a guinea pig for products, let you know the best library groups around, and advise on what not to spend time or money on. She may even have toys you can borrow! If this was a friend of yours pre-kids, you have a newfound respect for her as you step into her shoes, and you have a new bond.

A word of caution: Moms with older children can be hugely valuable resources. However, these moms can be super helpful or super hurtful. If they seem perfect, or if you feel judged by them, watch out. In order for these to be the fulfilling relationships they can be, make sure you have open communication with them and vulnerability is shared, otherwise, you could leave feeling worse than you started.

The mom with a younger child

This time, you’re the expert. The mom with a younger child looks to you for advice and knowledge — and to see that you made it through whatever stage she is going through. You know how important it was to have the wise woman you could talk to, and you get to be that woman now. You feel as though you are able to give back, to impart wisdom, to share battle stories. You feel empowered to pass on knowledge. It makes you happy to lend the clothes your child has outgrown, so at least they will be worn more than once. You feel a sense of mastery. Make sure you keep yourself in check — don’t be too preachy, lest your friend feels judged.

The woman with no kids

Yes, it can be frustrating to make plans with this woman — for both of you. She doesn’t understand why you are always late or why you need to know specifics on time, food, or facilities. You don’t understand why she doesn’t want to hear the every detail of your child’s latest poop. But this woman keeps you sane. When you are lamenting about how your life has become nothing but kids’ songs and wiping food off the floor, she is there to remind you about the great beyond. She talks to you as someone besides a mom. She reminds you about your other worth. She often can be an auntie and see your kids in a whole new, not exhausted way. She is great at sending you the latest blogs, podcasts, or library books, and she reminds you to take time for yourself.

Of course, it’s important to remember that for every friend you count on, there are those who count on you — you know, besides your kids!

Surviving the Flu with Two Under Two

By

Matina Fell

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April 12, 2016

no-sick-days-for-moms

Last week all sorts of illnesses came bombing through my house. My 2-year-old got a stomach bug, quickly followed by a nasty cough with fluid in her lungs, which required a nebulizer and antibiotics. Next, my 4-month-old caught said cough, complete with a super stuffy nose and seriously watery eyes.

And just when both kids were getting better and I thought I was in the clear — BAM. It hit me. Like a ton of bricks. The flu. Chills, sweats, fever, the whole nine. Ugh.

Good news? We survived. Better news? I’ll tell you how.

Enlist help

This seems like a given, I know. But I’m stubborn and try to do everything solo. I was too sick this time. My parents took care of the kids. My husband was on duty before and after work. I know that many online sitter companies have last-minute sitters if you need someone to watch the kids while you rest.

Get takeout

Your kids will need to eat. And you will, too. Don’t even try to cook. I did once and got dizzy and immediately had to sit down. You can hodge podge a healthy meal of grilled chicken, rice, and veggies at most pizza places. My local joint had chicken soup, too.

Throw rules out the window

Three straight hours of TV? Play-Doh on your bed? Family naps on the couch? Yup, yup, and yup. I’m usually a stickler for structure and routine, but since I could barely breathe out of both nostrils, I let everything slide. And nothing bad came out of it.

Take it easy

Seriously, do it. I’m always on the go. If I’m not working, I’m hanging with the kids, cooking, cleaning, out and about. I’m a busy little bee. I love a clean house and order, but this time I let the dishes and laundry pile up for a week while I slept, relaxed, and cruised around on my phone. I know that’s what helped me get better faster.

I kind of feel like a superhero for surviving the flu with my two under two.

Have you done it before? Any other tips to share?

Why You Should Do a Boudoir Photo Shoot with Felix and Sara

By

Morgan Sheena

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April 11, 2016

I’m not exactly shy about nudity — just ask my girlfriends or my kids. The body is beautiful, and it’s never really phased me to let my kids or friends see me in my birthday suit. So it’s amazing to me that as I got my hair blown out on a random weekday and put on makeup (you know, more than lip balm and a little mascara), I was nervous. Really nervous. Getting ready for my maternity boudoir photo shoot had my heart pounding a million beats a minute, and I was nervous the whole drive there.

Turns out it was a waste of nerves.

logof&s — This post is sponsored. However, we would not promote or work with a business we did not believe to be reputable or relevant to our readers.

The second I walked into the vintage-inspired studio of husband and wife team Felix and Sara with my bag full of Pinterest-worthy outfits and my husband in tow, I calmed down and got excited. Maybe it’s their sense of humor, or maybe it’s the fact that they are both professional and fun. But they made the idea of posing in my underwear seem like no big deal. As soon as we started discussing the shoot, I felt beautiful in all my pregnant glory. Doing a boudoir shoot with them turned out to be one of the best decisions I’ve made. And whether you’re pregnant or not, you should do it too! Here’s why:

You are beautiful

Because I’m not working out as much as I would like, and I feel uncomfortable in my own skin right now, my self-esteem has been at an all-time low this pregnancy. I know this can be a common occurrence for women, pregnant or not. Doing a maternity boudoir shoot made me realize how much of it was in my head. I definitely had a vision of how I looked, and what I saw in my pictures made me feel beautiful. Sometimes, seeing yourself in a totally different light is all you need to know you are amazing. Plus, carrying a baby is a pretty incredible thing.

You deserve to celebrate YOU

Girl, get off the couch and do something for yourself. I haven’t been feeling very much like myself this whole pregnancy, and my photo shoot helped light a fire in me that had been gone the last few months. Owning my sexuality, feeling proud of what my body is doing, and celebrating it in a series of beautiful photographs to treasure forever is such a lovely way to treat yourself and remember this little blip of time in your life. Plus, Felix and Sara make sure a photo shoot like this is all about you. Wear what you want, throw on accessories that make you feel good, be you, and express yourself. I actually can’t wait to do another shoot with them post pregnancy. What an amazing way to celebrate how far my body has come and let a little personality shine through.

Felix and Sara are awesome

They were a pleasure to work with throughout the whole process. Sitting down with them a few days after my shoot to look at the pictures just reinforced how good I felt that day. They work with each other so well, which helps put you at ease as they give you little instructions (Felix would give me simple tweaks to move my body or face that made a huge difference) and teach you how to pose to look your best (and Sara made sure I looked perfect, from fixing collars to making sure my jewelry was laying just right). Plus, they really did make the shoot about me. They were enthusiastic about my ideas and suggestions and made sure I was part of the whole process.

Getting out of my comfort zone felt empowering as a woman and a mother. My boudoir session was what I wanted it to be. I wanted to show off my bump, feel like a more sexy version of myself (which included not wearing lingerie or a full face of glam makeup), and capture this moment in a way I hadn’t before. Felix and Sara proved to me that boudoir is for anyone — pregnant or not. All you really have to do is relax… and it doesn’t hurt that my husband’s jaw is still on the floor!

To learn more about how boudoir is for everyone, check out the FAQs on Felix and Sara’s website and view their beautiful gallery.

It’s Hard for Them, Too

By

Tracy Slater

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April 10, 2016

It had been a long night, and I was so close to being on the other side of it. Then halfway through the last verse of the last bedtime song, you lifted your head up. “Wawa?” you asked.

I took a cursory glance around the room, knowing I wasn’t going to see a sippy cup. “There’s no water up here. You’re fine.”

“Wawa?”

“Honey, no.”

“Wawa!”

More insistent this time. And my anger flashed to the surface, fast and red and hot and fiery. A quick intake of breath. My body stiffened, my teeth clenched. And of course you felt it. Despite my quickly stifling it, you felt it as clearly as I did, and you melted into me.

Your tiny body shook with sobs because the person you love most in the world, the person who you depend on for everything you need, turned momentarily monstrous because you wanted water. Because you were thirsty before going to bed and you have no autonomy with which to resolve your problems.

Imagine living life with that kind of lack of control. We talk a lot about how hard it is to be a mom, and with good reason — this gig is anything but easy. But the second week of April is “The Week of the Young Child,” and in its honor I’d like to acknowledge how hard it is to be a small child.

As a therapist, I often try to imagine what life is like for young children. If I want to find a solution to difficult behavior, I first have to try to understand it. And each time I put myself in the shoes of a young child I come to the same conclusion: Not a single one of us adults could cope with the things they have to cope with.

For starters, think about being told what to do, when to do it, and how to do it — endlessly. Eat this thing that you’ve never seen before. Don’t make a rude face (what does rude mean?). It’s time to go somewhere you don’t want to go, and hurry, hurry, hurry to meet an arbitrary timeline that means nothing to you.

Imagine failing as much as a young child does. Not being able to make your hands move the right way to cut the paper, stumbling as you run across the lawn, spilling the milk you so desperately wanted to pour (and here I am, exasperated with him again).

Another bedtime example:

“Dad, tell me how the guy got up there.”

“He climbed.”

“NO, tell me how he got up there?”

Over and over again, our son becomes more and more frustrated until I realize he meant to say, “ASK me how he got up there?”

One wrong word changing the whole sentence and causing all that frustration. Imagine constantly failing to effectively communicate with the people in your life. Day after day, struggling to find the right word, saying one thing when you mean another, mispronouncing words so much that nobody knows what you’re saying. And then having people get frustrated with YOU, lose patience with YOU.

One of my favorite books to read with the kids is “Everywhere Babies.” The last page reads, “Everyday everywhere babies are loved. For trying so hard, for traveling so far, for being so wonderful, just as they are.” I tear up almost every time I read it because it’s so true. In spite of it all, they try and they try and they try again. They greet their days with smiles, enthusiasm, and excitement. They forgive our mistakes, our flashes of fiery, unfair anger. They meet our impatience with patience (at least sometimes), they laugh and live and love with reckless abandon.

So when they push us to the edge of our limits, let’s try to remember that we’re doing the same thing to them.

Happy “Week of the Young Child”!

Don’t Waste Time in the ER Waiting Room

By

Boston Moms

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April 9, 2016

There’s definitely a stigma attached to waiting in the emergency room. Yes, TV and movies have taken the image of people with bleeding heads and twisted limbs sitting for hours on end a little far, but it’s not that much off the mark. Going to the emergency room for a non-life-threatening emergency is definitely a waiting game, and it feels completely out of your control. Add in an upset child (or a hangry parent), and it can definitely be a recipe for disaster. It almost feels like a waste of time to sit there waiting, when you could potentially be doing something else.

Rather than wallowing away in the waiting room, Tufts Medical Center, one of the oldest hospitals in the whole country, has introduced a new service that makes the idea of having to bring an injured child (or your injured self) into the emergency room a little bit more manageable. The InQuicker service is a new online service and app that allows you to check in to the emergency room and wait at home (or wherever you happen to be), rather than wasting your time sitting in the emergency room waiting to be seen. You can choose your time and be seen within moments of showing up.

I’ve been fortunate to not have a whole lot of ER experience (knock on wood), but I have had plenty of experience in waiting rooms, and it always feels like a waste of time. The last time I sat for OVER AN HOUR to be seen when Olivia was sick, I felt almost disrespected, as though my time didn’t matter. Yes, I know doctors are doing important work and have to see their patients. Yes, I know they want to give them the care and attention they deserve. But wouldn’t it be nice if parents could leave the waiting room to take their antsy child for a walk and then come back at a certain time, rather than sit there and be told over and over, “You’ll be seen soon”? That’s exactly what makes this service so appealing — respect for patients and doctors.

Using the InQuicker service will allow you to schedule an estimated treatment time in the ER and wait in the comfort of your own home. Once you get to the ER at your treatment time, you’re typically seen within 15 minutes of arrival. I also happen to love the idea of receiving real-time notifications through my phone of when I could expect to be seen, should there be a delay. I’ve spent more time than I would like in an ER waiting room ill prepared — not enough snacks or activities, since I didn’t think about how long I might be there. When you are in a non-life-threatening emergency situation, you forget about the red tape and the waits. Taking a moment to schedule an appointment with a handy app helps make the whole experience a little more graceful.

As the region’s leading value provider and a teaching hospital, Tufts serves both adults and children. It is also a five-star teaching hospital with incredibly high patient ratings and an accessible medical center.

I partnered with the brand to write this article, but every word is mine.

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Four Mistakes I Plan to Make Next Time

By

alisonthurber

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April 8, 2016

IMG-20150417-WA0004 We all do it. We read the books and watch our friends and somehow unintentionally internalize everything the internet has to say on everything you should/shouldn’t do as a parent (so that it sits there on our shoulder, passing comment on every tiny choice we make) and we decide who we are going to be. How we are going to parent. What we are definitely and definitely not going to do. We hold these tiny snorting babies close to us and we make promises. To them, to ourselves, to the internet. Oh, how little we know.

Of course, while a few go the distance, many of these pledges last about five seconds when faced with the actual exhausted reality of parenting. “No screen time ever” goes to “screen time in desperate situations” goes to “screen time when I need to take a shower and occasionally when I just need to sit and stare blankly for a while.”

So I have been mentally preparing a list of all the mistakes I plan to make next time. Because I figure I’ll be able to succeed in this:

1. Pacifier

I stupidly, and some might say catastrophically (I would say that), decided against using a pacifier the first time around. I had seen friends wearily hike up to their kids’ bedrooms again and again to find and reinsert the pacifier, and I thought, “This shall not be my future.” And it isn’t. Instead, I wearily hike up to the nursery and insert my boob. Then I stay in the nursery. So you could argue that our son does use a pacifier, except his pacifier has legs, a head, and a master’s degree in international relations. My next child’s pacifier is going to be a lot less educated and a lot more bought from Babies R Us.

2. Co-sleep

This one’s a tad controversial, since it’s officially against the AAP’s recommendations. However the truth is that if you’re breastfeeding a newborn every two hours throughout the night, and every feed lasts 90 minutes, that means you get 30 minutes sleep every two hours, which means that at some point (or, every night) you’re going to fall asleep while nursing. Even if you watch “Friday Night Lights” from the very beginning to the bitter poorly acted end as a staying-awake strategy. So intentional, safe, co-sleeping may be the safer answer, and this tired mama will be doing it from day one.

3. Ignore lactation consultants

OK, not all of them and not everything they say, but some of the lactation consultants I met felt a little like cult leaders and seemed to have forgotten how disorienting, emotional, and difficult it is to breastfeed in the beginning. One recited, “Baby to breast, baby to breast, baby to breast” at me as if that was going to help me understand how to uninvert my nipple and get my son to latch before he starved to death. I now know that if it hurts, it does not automatically mean I’m doing it wrong, and that having a bottle early on will not mean he never learns to latch.

4. Put down to sleep awake

So this isn’t a mistake in anyone’s book but mine. This is what you’re actually supposed to do. Everyone says it. From Dr. Sears to Dr. Ferber to Dr. Brazleton (has anyone else noticed that the loudest voices in telling us how to breastfeed and mother our children are coming from older white men?). But I thought I knew better. In fact, I thought they were all insane. Fast forward to trying to teach our 1-year-old to fall asleep without nursing (see also, “pacifier”), I know this is one “mistake” I’ll be attempting to make next time.

I’m sure there will be more — oh so many more — mistakes I will make without planning them. Actual mistakes, like allowing the “Caillou” song to get stuck in my head for 24 hours (you’re welcome). But these ones above I’ve made my peace with — I’ve lived the alternative.

What “mistakes” do you plan to make next time?

Why I’m Anxious About #2

By

rachelbrothers

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April 7, 2016

When I was pregnant with my son I had a few minor worries, but nothing huge. I was one of the first of my friends to get pregnant, and both my family and my husband’s are very supportive of natural birth and healthy pregnancies, so I’d heard only great stories from our moms and sisters. We ended up with a fantastic pregnancy and a great birth and postpartum period. I was thrilled.

But now we are thinking about number two, and I have way more anxiety about the whole thing (even before being pregnant!) this time around. I’ve met so many women who had such wildly differing experiences with pregnancy and birth. I have friends who tried for years to get pregnant, friends who struggle with secondary infertility, so many friends experiencing miscarriage, and even a few friends who have lost babies to very preterm delivery. I’ve had friends endure traumatic births, one whose child had a stroke during delivery, and plenty with postpartum woes like depression.

To add to all that, for my first pregnancy I only needed to think about how my husband and I would transition to being parents. Now, we know we will have a few rough patches and probably come out stronger in the end, but I also have to think about our son and how he will transition to being a big brother. And I’m already mourning the loss of our one-on-one relationship (even though I’m also very excited to see him grow into his new role).

Things were so great for us the first time that I (irrationally) think somehow we are “due” for an issue or a problem, even though I know (rationally) that isn’t how life works.

I don’t know the best way to deal with all this. I do know that all of my friends with multiple children love it — no one ever regrets having a baby, right? And I do think sibling relationships make you a better person — and I’m excited for my son to experience this — but I don’t know how to calm my mind.

Have you experienced this? What worked for you?

7 Ways to Raise Readers

By

Jess Lodge

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April 6, 2016

As an elementary library teacher, one of my biggest hopes for my babies is that they will grow up to be avid readers. Reading gives you windows into other worlds, whether it’s a wizarding world or another culture, and can offer an opportunity to take a step back from life and relax. Reading with babies and young children aids language development, builds vocabulary, and helps them understand the world around them. They learn about social communication and emotions by how characters look and act, how your voice changes as you read, and by pointing at and touching pictures.

Part of my job as a teacher is to instill a lifelong love of reading in my students, but it’s also really important for me to do the same for my 7-month-old twins. Here are a few of the many ways you can build a love of reading in your home. And remember — it’s never too early to start!

1. Give your kids access to books

We keep books all over our house — not just on the book shelf. They’re in baskets on the floor in the living room, nursery, playroom, and in the car. Even when we’re not reading, there are books for the babies to look at, touch, and, at this stage, eat!

2. Read with your kids

This may seem obvious, especially if you have school-age children, but many people don’t realize that young babies and older kids also love be read to! My babies seek out books to look at and play with. They hold on to books as we read, touch the pictures, and recognize the bedtime books we flip through every night. At school, my independent, ready-for-middle-school fifth-grade students can’t get enough of picture book read alouds, and they always ask for more.

3. Visit your public library

We like to visit different libraries all around greater Boston. Most libraries have a children’s room with space to play, cozy reading spots, and plenty of books, audiobooks, and e-books to check out. The children’s librarian is a great resource for book recommendations if you aren’t sure what to read next. As a bonus, your local library probably offers story times and playgroups for babies and toddlers as well as structured activities and book clubs for older kids.

4. Listen to audiobooks

We always listen to audiobooks in the car. It’s a habit I had during my commute to work because it gave me a chance to listen to books my students were reading. I get books on CD from the library, but you can also get audiobooks through subscriptions like Audible.

5. Check out your local bookstore

Although I am a library lover, I’m also a sucker for a brand new book! We like to take walks through new and used bookstores and find books to add to our home library. Most of the local, independent bookstores around Boston have free literacy events for children, like story hours, author and illustrator visits and book signings, and other special book-related activities.

6. Read in front of your kids

Children see what you do and learn from modeling. Read a magazine, a novel, a blog, or an e-book on your Kindle. It doesn’t matter what you’re reading, just that you’re reading.

7. Get the whole family involved

Everyone has a different reading style and likes different kinds of books, which exposes kids to an even broader range of books. I tend to read in my regular voice, but my husband reads in silly voices, which the babies think is hilarious. He also prefers nonfiction to stories so he’s made sure to include some nonfiction books in our home library. When we visit grandparents, they have books that are different from the ones we have at home.

These are some of the ways I’m raising my kids to be readers. How do you encourage reading in your home?

In Defense of a Little Television

By

Alexandra Etscovitz

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April 3, 2016

My friend and I were new moms, walking the Arboretum on a beautiful Boston spring day, when she turned to me and said, “I have a confession — I’m a bad mom sometimes.” I got scared at first — what was she going to say? My imagination ran a bit wild, until she said, “I let my daughter watch ‘Curious George’ while I get dressed for work in the morning.”

Flash forward to five years later, and I read the same sentiment in an email from a woman in my moms’ group. She asked if she was the worst for letting her 22-month-olds watch “Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood” while she cleans up, because the research says to not show TV to kids before age 2.

Then, I thought of what my mom has been telling me for years: “Put down the research.”

This is the information age, and I love it. I love knowing avocados have good fat, which brand of stroller is going to be the smoothest ride, and the fastest route in traffic at the flick of a Siri. But we have to remember there is a downside. Every day the media lets us know something new about parenting and how we are all screwing it up. Or maybe the research is in our favor, and we pat ourselves on the back for making the right choice. I know I am not alone when I say it’s all too much.

When it comes to parenting, do your best, but let’s all give ourselves a break.

On a recent snow day, I was so excited to have my girls home. We played with stickers, read books, listened to books on tape, made pancakes, played in our play room, painted Valentine’s, had a dance party, and then… it was 11 a.m. What is a person to do with the rest of the day? So, dare I say it? I turned on the television. I then made lunch, checked email, and answered a couple text messages. The TV went off and the day went on.

Occasionally turning on a TV with appropriate and curated programming does not make me a bad mom. I am creative, I am inventive, I am playful and fun, and I love being a mom. But I am also a human being. If a television show gives me a chance to go to the bathroom, wipe the counters, and take a breath, I am choosing to turn on the TV.

In our house we have TV vacations, limited screen time, and basically no iPad use at all. I know there will be plenty of time for that later in life. I want my girls’ lives to be full of reading books, exploring, painting, cooking, building, imagining, and playing. That’s the stuff of childhood, and it should be! I’m not saying TV needs to be part of every day or never again, but there’s balance in this world. So I’m letting my kids watch “Daniel Tiger” sometimes, and I’m not saying I’m sorry.

A Mother’s Thanks to Mother Nature

By

Kate Cotter

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April 1, 2016

Thank you, Mother Nature, for ushering in spring early this year in New England, and for sparing us another harsh winter for the books.

What a difference a year makes when it comes to the changing of the seasons, especially for a mother whose children would live outside if they could. Last year at this time, we still had mountains upon mountains of snow everywhere in and around Boston, and spring almost forgot to show up. I was nine months pregnant with my second child, with an active 20-month-old eager to climb the snow banks three times the size of him and wade through the waist-deep snow in the backyard to retrieve a ball or a shovel. It was beyond challenging to ensure that we both stayed upright and above the surface of the snow throughout the entire month of March and beyond.

Fast forward to this year. With two very lively little boys eager to move around outside of four walls, I couldn’t be more thankful for the beautiful weather we’ve been having so far. In early March we spent almost an entire 70-degree day outside in short sleeves, devouring the fresh air, only going inside for naps. My boys’ laughter, filling the air outside as they played, complemented the purple flowers popping out of the ground and echoed the singing of the birds that were returning.

I’m so excited for all that spring will bring.

In mid-March we opened our sandbox for the season — way ahead of schedule, we’ve taken our double wagon for its first spin around the neighborhood, and the baseball T is set up and in constant use. The snow suits are stored away, I’ve traded in my boots for flip flops, and soon — my older son is sure — the boys will be able to run around barefoot and shirtless.

With an energetic and inquisitive toddler, it’s been such a delight to observe all of nature waking up through his eyes. The days are getting longer, and everyone we meet at the playground or on the sidewalk is basking in the glory of relief that winter is over and hope that summer is just around the corner.

Yes, I know this is New England, and that very fact alone could indicate that Mother Nature is playing a joke on us this year. March came in like a lamb and did go out a bit like a lion. Snow storms have happened here in April, I’m well aware. But I’m of the belief that Mother Nature is giving all of us mothers a break this year. This beautiful weather is only going to get nicer from now until October, right?

Happy Spring!

A Year of Breastfeeding

By

Hannah Nersasian

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March 31, 2016

In the beginning (the beginning before the beginning), breastfeeding is a holy thing. A sweet, perfect ideal. We’re talking Madonnas with halos, black and white photography with blurred edges. It is cast in gold with amber glowing light.

It’s “best for baby,” don’t you know — 90% of Harvard graduates were breastfed, only 2% of breastfed babies get divorced, breastfed baby boys always put the seat down when they’re done.* And how hard can it be? Women have been breastfeeding their babies for eons, after all. Sure, it might take a little determination, but it’s natural. Nature will be your guide.

But then the baby is born and you haven’t slept in 48 hours, which is the longest you haven’t slept ever. And during those 48 hours you have been required to push an eight pound baby through a really rather small and not very stretchy opening. And it hurt. A lot. The term “ring of fire” is a term for a reason. And all you really want to do is sleep for a week, but now there’s this baby you’re responsible for and — wait! — they’re leaving you alone in a room with him and suggesting you try to breastfeed.

Your whole adult life, your small but reasonably symmetrical breasts have served you well — in that they’ve existed and have behaved themselves, staying put in bras, etc. — but now is their chance to shine. To fulfill their primary biological purpose.

And they choke.

Milk just isn’t coming in. Apparently, they’re less symmetrical than previously thought, since one nipple needs coaxing out with a hand pump before the baby will even think about trying to latch. And it hurts. A lot. A friendly neighborhood lactation consultant stops by and shows you how to hold the baby’s head with one hand while pinching your nipple with the other, squeezing your breast slightly with your third hand and opening the baby’s mouth with your fourth. But you are one of those humans with two hands.

You nod and smile and cry into your deficient hands when she leaves. Maybe the reason you’re not producing milk is because you’re crying out all the extra liquid. If babies drank tears you’d be all set.

You go home and spend most of your days shirtless, because how is it possible to feed a baby while wearing any clothes? People ask you how it’s going and you cry in response. But you’re so happy — really — he’s wonderful. Just happy and crying and convinced you’re never going to be able to feed your baby.

And then, slowly, it starts to work more often than it doesn’t. Maybe he’s figuring it out, or maybe you are, or maybe his mouth has grown slightly, or the milk is actually thinking about coming in.

Either way, you start to feel like you must be the most highly developed human on the planet. You even figure how to feed him while wearing a shirt. And your milk comes in! You throw a party with fireworks and cake and balloons. Not really, because you haven’t slept in a week and that would be ridiculous. Instead, you squeeze your boob every now and again to make sure there really is milk coming out and occasionally squirt your son in the eye.

Eventually, it stops being a thing you feel triumphant about and starts just being a thing you do. All the time. Like actually All. The. Time. Sometimes it’s amazing — you never have to pack bottles or formula, and it seems to be the solution to pretty much every problem. Other times, you lay awake at 3 a.m. resentfully realizing that breastfeeding has to have been invented by a man because it’s the perfect excuse for why your husband is sleeping soundly in your bed and you are lying on a futon mattress on the floor of the nursery with an infant attached to your boob.

And then he gets teeth, and the best way to describe being bit on the nipple is to say it feels like being electrocuted. And when he does it after you’ve been trying for an hour to get him to sleep, you can’t scream out all the swears, you have to just whisper them, which is far less satisfying.

He now won’t tolerate being stuffed up a sweater and likes to expose you to restaurants full of people. Sometimes he crawls over to you and just sucks the nearest bit of exposed flesh he can find — your neck, your foot, your shin — waiting for you to get the hint. And if you don’t, he bites.

You think you’re probably ready to stop. That you really should start thinking about weaning. He bites, and you think that probably you’ll just stop right then and there.

And then, that evening, you lie down on your futon on the floor of the nursery (because that is pretty much where you sleep now) and you pull him close to you, curling your body around his, kissing his head and smelling his hair as he nurses. And it is a moment cast in gold with amber glowing light.

*Statistics entirely made up and almost certainly untrue