I watched “Maid.”
I had no idea what I was getting into, I had just heard it was “good” and a “must watch.” So without reading the description for the show, I turned it on and subsequently got sucked in.
Most of the plot line is something I could have watched without incident, but the piece that got to me about this particular series was the very prominent focus on what is known as “breaking the cycle.”
A few minutes into the first episode, I wasn’t watching a show about someone else’s life anymore. In fact, I was watching elements of my own life play out, mixed with pieces that could have been my life if a “stroke of luck” hadn’t come my way.
So here’s to all the cycle breakers — the amazingly strong and self-aware humans who have broken the cycles of those who came before them so that they can live a different life.
Much like the protagonist of “Maid” (Alex), I didn’t have addiction issues myself. After watching what happened to every single loved one in my life who went down that path, I chose to “walk the straight and narrow” even though at times it’s been incredibly difficult.
I’m not an alcoholic — I broke the cycle of alcoholism.
I’m not an addict — I broke the cycle of addiction.
When Alex first leaves her partner and starts to witness the power, strength, and resilience of the women around her, she begins to realize that she doesn’t have to be meek, voiceless, and resigned.
I went to college even though I’m “a girl.” I crawled out of the tight grasp of patriarchal traditions within my family.
I did have one abusive relationship. He pushed my head into a cement wall in front of my best friend, who almost choked him out. I didn’t leave. It took me several more months before I recognized it was time to “get out.”
I don’t have an abusive marriage — I broke the cycle of domestic abuse and violence.
I struggle with anxiety, depression, post-traumatic stress disorder, and ADHD, like many of the people in my life who abused me (and the people in their lives who abused them).
I got help and talked to a therapist and psychiatrist — I broke the cycle of shame in asking for support.
I grew up not knowing a lot about finances, because that’s a “man’s world.” I saw what it looked like to be trapped as a wife and mother, not having access to one single account I could possibly use by myself. Watching Alex be trapped in the same way was excruciating.
I have my own bank account, a job, and a way to support my family. I’m not confined by financial abuse.
Much like Alex’s, elements of my upbringing were violent, abusive, and unstable. There was a mix of corporal punishment, shaming, threatening, and yelling that “kept us in line” and “taught us to mind.”
I don’t hit or hurt my children physically — I broke the cycle of child abuse.
I don’t make my child feel worthless, inept, not good enough, or “bad.” I strive to use gentle parenting whenever possible, because that’s what I would’ve wanted if I’d had a choice. I broke the cycle of emotional and spiritual abuse.
To be clear, just because I have broken those cycles in my life doesn’t mean I’m a superior person.
I’m not better than “that mom” who is still wrapped up in her own cycles and trauma and doesn’t know where to start to climb out. I’m not “stronger” than the mom who is still trying her damndest to “get out” by using every method of government assistance possible. I’m not more worthy of parenthood than the mom whose children are in foster care while she’s finding a safer place for them that provides more stability.
I’m just a woman who has tried her hardest to analyze the patterns and cycles of those who came before me in an effort to grow and change. I’m just a mom who would do anything to prevent my children from feeling the same pain I’ve felt, and to avoid causing them to jump over the hurdles I’ve jumped over.
