In the last 10 years, I have moved from my hometown to go to college, again to begin my career, and yet again to join my husband as he went back to school. In that time, my mom also moved from my childhood home in Seattle to Los Angeles. So going back “home” is complicated to explain.
I also got married and started having kids before most of my friends, so many of us are not only distant in terms of proximity, but also in life stage. (Side note: I think it is incredibly important to have a diverse range of friends – we need to fill our lives with people from all walks and stages of life…if for no other reason than to keep it interesting!)
After moving so many times, I have maintained a few friendships in each place, but a recent conversation with my oldest and best friend opened my eyes to one aspect of what friendship really means, and why it can be so hard to maintain from a distance, or even just as a busy mom.
So, here it is…The Key Ingredient to Meaningful Friendships
She said
“Friendship is not about catching up and knowing each other, it is about actually spending time and experiencing new things with one another.”
Can you relate? I have really let those words sink in. I have thought about my friendships across the country and who I have put into each category.
It is challenging to have new meaningful experiences with long-distance friends, but it is possible. And, honestly, it doesn’t have to be hard. My girl in New Orleans and I have a standing date Mondays at 8pm to live-text about “The Bachelorette.” And, honestly, I feel closer to her than the gal I call once a month across the country to ask about her job and boyfriend.
Now, I do think it is important to maintain relationships regardless of depth – whether they are just catching-up friends or travel-to-meet-each-other-in-a-new-place-twice-a-year friends. Friendships, like any other relationship, will ebb and flow – they will change as life changes, so as much as is possible, keep all your friends as close as life allows at that point. More than anything, it is so wonderful to be known by people near or far, isn’t it?
So, after my conversation with my dear friend, I have decided to practice more intention with my friendships, especially the long distance ones. Whether a weekly FaceTime to scheme a friend’s new business plan or a quick text to say “I hope you don’t get pooped on today,” I will reach out in more meaningful ways. (Girlfriends, please keep me honest here.)
How about you? How have your friendships changed through moves or life changes? How about your concept of friendship?
