Pregnancy is a beautiful experience. It is also very physically demanding, and having older children only adds to the exhaustion. However, despite mom’s tiredness and inability to care for the family in the ways her non-pregnant self could, the children seem to be just as — or even more — excited than we are to meet their new little sibling.
This is my sixth pregnancy, and I have found that my children — from oldest to youngest — still very much want to be a part of the process. As we near the end of the pregnancy, when the size of my belly makes it obvious that the baby’s arrival is near, my children have become increasingly interested in the experience.
So what do we do to include our children in a pregnancy? It can be as simple or as extravagant as you’d like. For my five older babies, it has looked like this:
My eldest is 11, and she is much more in tune with my physical changes and needs, as she has seen this process many times. She enjoys the little things, like laying her head on my belly and feeling the baby’s movements brush against her face. She helps rub belly oil on me and to wake the baby and cause movement. This makes her feel included.
My second oldest is more subtle and nervous about the whole pregnancy. She is excited to have a new baby but finds pregnancy a little weird and out of her realm of comfort. So she enjoys creating drawings and reading to the baby. It is her way of connecting.
My third child — oh, my middle child — feels some jealousy, so her bonding is different. She still very much likes being in mama’s arms and being constantly hugged and touched. She likes squeezing and kissing my belly. She enjoys helping to get baby’s things ready, like packing my hospital bag and inspecting all the outfits to make sure they are “cute enough” for the baby to wear.
My fourth baby is only 4 years old and is feeling like she is losing me, so including her in my decisions helps her feel empowered and a part of the process. Something as simple as choosing the color of the carseat or helping me decide what to buy for the baby helps her feel happy. She enjoys cuddling with my belly while I cuddle her and give her reassurance. As I rub my belly with lotion I have her do the same to her baby dolls. We experience the process together, and later we will do the same with the baby.
Now the littlest of the crew is 2 and obviously understands the process differently. She constantly asks to get the baby out. Including her in my pregnancy is different and at her speed and level. She mimics me a lot and attaches to mama like glue. I bought her a tiny carrier, so she brings her baby doll everywhere. She loves going through the baby’s clothes and accompanying me to doctor appointments. She loves listening to the baby’s heartbeat and swears we are having a horse or, as she says, a “neigh.”
Some families find it meaningful to give the children gifts at the birth. In the past, we have had a small gift for each child when they first visited the baby at the hospital — something small and special, like a big sibling shirt or bear. We are big on including the children in the baby’s newborn photo shoot. We make sure all the siblings are together and captured as one. They enjoy watching that picture go up on the wall. They enjoy watching the family grow.
We can include our children in our pregnancies — in this huge life change — in simple but meaningful ways. At the end of the day, the goal is to remind them that they, too, are a part of the process and that when baby arrives, they are loved and cherished just as they were before. It is about showing them they haven’t been forgotten and that mama’s heart grows with each baby.
