father-with-children

My husband doesn’t ask for much. So when I asked him last year what he wanted for Father’s Day, he shrugged. “I dunno. To sleep in and golf?”

My husband works hard. He owns a business and busts his butt to run it. He is a great, super-involved dad. He hardly ever complains, and when he does it’s about something so minute, so minuscule, you almost think he’s kidding.

So I went ahead and made big (well, big for parents of two under two) plans for Father’s Day. And I kept said plans attainable and easily doable:

I would keep the kids quiet and entertained (tiny condo) so husband can sleep in. Breakfast in bed with a homemade card. Take the kids to park so he can golf. Make an easy pasta dinner. Put the kids to bed and let husband watch all his shows. Done.

Reality would soon sink in.

The day actually went something like this:

4 a.m.: Toddler barges into bedroom, scared of wolves. Climbs into bed. Hogs it. Tosses and turns. Check Facebook. Email. Facebook again.

6-6:21 a.m.: Hear baby screaming. Scoop up toddler. Place in front of Mickey. Bribe. Grab baby. Bottle. Bouncy seat. Pound coffee.

6:21-7:08 a.m.: Space out. Reheat coffee. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

7:09 a.m.: Spot husband on couch with coffee mug. Remember breakfast in bed. Curse. Curse again. Curse once more (but silently, because toddler heard and repeated).

7:11 a.m.: Sprint to kitchen. Scramble. Toast. Fry. Toast again for toddler. Re-toast because not toasted enough for toddler. Re-re-toast because toddler is being a toddler. Re-scramble. Pick up toddler’s toast from ground.

8ish a.m.: Breakfast in bed on couch. Yawn. Yawn again. Coffee. Conversation with toddler about wolves. Fill husband’s coffee mug. More wolf talk.

8:03 a.m.: Remember homemade card. Panic. Bribe toddler. Bribe again. Sneak into bathroom with markers and paper. Sweat. Panic. Make card for toddler. Bribe toddler to use glitter at the very least.

8:14 a.m.-?: Give card. Send husband to golf. Stroll to park. Play. Run. Swing. Picnic. Get groceries. Coffee. Create a fort. Scare away wolf. Scare away wolf again. Have serious talk with toddler about wolves.

4-something p.m.: Collapse in bed with kids. Take group nap. Hear husband come home. Panic about dinner.

5:01 p.m.: Order pizza.

So, there you have it. My so-called Father’s Day plans done right — when you throw a baby and a toddler in the mix. Maybe I’ll have better luck this year.

So, tell me: How do your Father’s Day plans usually turn out?