Real Resolutions

With 2016 only a week away, it can only mean one thing… it’s New Year’s resolution time! But how many times can we make the same meaningless resolutions that will never be sustained for a measurable amount of time? We’ve heard them all before, so this year I am skipping the BS and making some real resolutions for myself and moms everywhere.

Create more time for myself

With three little ones running around, “me time” often consists of pretending I have a stomach ache and sitting in the bathroom. This year I plan to spend a little more “me time” with my pants on outside of the commode. Maybe I’ll treat myself to a massage or even take an entire day to pamper myself. Since I’m fantasizing, a week in the Caribbean alone sounds amazing!

Drink more water

Actually, just drink more in general. I will try to drink eight glasses of water each day, but for some reason drinking a glass of water never goes down quite as easily as a glass of wine or a martini. I guess everything is a process, and it’s more important to get the liquids in my body than to worry about what the liquids are.

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Work out more

Remember my New Year’s resolution from last year? No? Me neither, but I assume it had something to do with exercising or I wouldn’t have joined that gym on January 2.

Change fewer poopy diapers

I am proud to say that I have been actively working at this for awhile now. Thankfully, my twins have been somewhat accommodating with this goal. They tend to poop right around the time Daddy gets home from work. OK, maybe they occasionally sit in it for a “few minutes.” This can obviously only mean one thing — Daddy needs to make a resolution to come home earlier from work.

Eat more carbs

Yup, I said it. There is no diet resolution here! I generally make healthy eating choices, so having the extra sweet or loaf piece of bread is well deserved. Besides, if I’m trying to drink more (wine) I’m going to need some cheese and crackers to go with it. Did this just remind anyone else of the book, “If You Give a Mouse a Cookie”?

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Have more sex

Three kids under five have the amazing magical power of depleting anyone’s sex drive. Let’s be honest — if I have the choice of sex or sleep, nine times out of 10 I’m choosing sleep. In fact, let’s change this resolution to “get more sleep.”

Have more patience

There is one vital component to the success of this final resolution, which is solely dependent on following through with all my other resolutions. On a Caribbean island by myself for a week, sleeping nine hours a night, drinking eight glasses (of something probably alcoholic) each day, eating plenty of carbs, and no poopy diapers within scent, I can promise you I will have an abundance of patience!