An Ode to My Other Relationships :: Why I Never Miss a Date With My Two Best Friends

self-care relationships - Boston Moms Blog

Ahhh, can you feel it? That cleansing breath of fresh air as the seasons shift. That ephemeral feeling that waves farewell just as quickly as it greets you. How do you intentionally recreate that refreshing vibe to keep both your mind and body healthy? What’s your stress-relieving antidote? Motherhood is messy and chaotic (oh, and I forgot to mention beautiful). It’s hard. Marriage is hard. We all need to hold ourselves accountable and take an honest personal inventory.

The social worker in me is no stranger to the concept of self-care. Self-care means something different for everyone. It’s the art of proactively recognizing your needs and desires and carving out time on your calendar to ensure those needs are met. I’ve noticed the cultural narrative equating self-care to rewarding oneself and splurging, when in fact it is an essential component for mental wellbeing.

Poof! So easy, right? Why bother with a therapist?

Well, because life happens, and busy becomes the norm. And the norm can overwhelm.

But, as Brené Brown says, “It takes courage to say yes to rest and play in a culture where exhaustion is seen as a status symbol.” So what’s my strategy? It took work, but I learned to take control. I have prioritized my “me time,” and over the past six years my two besties and I have made a commitment to one another and to our relationships with each other (no rings required). Like clockwork, we meet monthly — without fail. It’s our tradition, and I look forward to this day as if it were an all-inclusive getaway to a remote paradise island. We constantly mix it up, always succumbing to our inner foodies. We keep it spontaneous, getting lost in conversation and cocktails, not knowing how long our adventure might be (and always knowing it’s never long enough).

It sounds so simple, but the consistency piece is key. Fortunately, this faithful friendship comes with ease and we have grown so much as a trio over the years. These much-anticipated interactions are my natural remedy. I have learned not to underestimate the value of positive human connection — of relationships. It’s transformative and enlightening. And for these two women I have immense gratitude. I appreciate the freeing nature of their open-mindedness, the healing and rawness in their words and their rejuvenating demeanors.

I encourage you to discover (or rediscover) your outlet, your passion; embrace it and hold on tight. Give yourself permission to be selfish. There’s no reason to feel guilty; remind yourself of just how important and deserving you truly are. Unplug and let yourself shine. My “dates” with my two girlfriends to nurture ourselves and our relationships are my version of a restorative spa day, an uninterrupted nap under the warmth of the sun, cuddling up to a good book on the beach, a brisk walk or yoga session. These enriching experiences serve as my therapy, encouraging me to be a more present wife and mindful mother. This intimate bond differs from that of a marriage, and my husband is thankful for it. Win-win-win.

And I can’t wait for what next month’s best friend rendezvous brings.

You will probably spot me in dog hair covered yoga pants, mom bun and fanny pack adorning my waist. Originally from Foxboro, currently live on South Shore with my hot husband, two little kiddos and two fur babies. I stay at home with my kids, and am looking forward to growing our family. I was pregnant with my daughter when I walked across the stage at BU for my MSW in 2015. I am a social worker and currently teach HypnoBirthing ® to couples on the South Shore. I am a natural birth enthusiast and breastfeeding advocate. I tend to take a more natural and holistic approach and would describe myself as an adventurous homebody (nothing better than a staycation). Finding sleep and quiet overrated, I am fueled by chaos and caffeine. Look forward to: rescuing every single dog (if my husband wouldn’t leave me), anything tie dye (or bright colors), time with friends, a good glass of red, snuggles with my kids, movie marathons, long walks, actual phone convos (call me old school), Lifetime Movie Network, unwinding with classical music, trying new restaurants (especially if it involves a donut-or three), all the high-waisted pants, competitions, city life (but staying in the burbs) Not so much: BRAS, house cleaning (particularly vacuuming and laundry, eh- who am I kidding- don’t want any part of it, any of it), empty sink at bed time