Maybe I Should Google That

Google - Boston Moms

Welcome to the rabbit hole. Wherein I disclose my Google search history and answer every question you didn’t realize you had — in a non-sequitur manner, of course.

It started with an innocent yet semi-embarrassing question: “How much sex is normal for parents?” Of course, that requires qualifiers, like, “How much sex is normal for parents of three young children in the midst of a global pandemic, following a cancer journey, and 10 years of marriage?” It’s hard to find a good friend who is willing to answer that (or even can), and even I have limits to what I’ll ask on Facebook, so off to Google we go. In case you’re wondering, this article from Time magazine has done the research for you. Congratulations — I can check that one off my list of worries and concerns. 

But now, the Siren of a Magical Search Engine That Can Provide Answers is calling…

As I go down the rabbit hole, I wonder, how has COVID affected marriages? Can Google tell me? Is mine the only one that sometimes feels like all its issues have gotten placed in a pressure cooker? And oh, dear God, are there any positives that COVID is bringing to marriages? Thank goodness someone has written that post.

Feed my desire to know, Google. I’m all in now.

Wait, I should probably check to see what the current MA COVID numbers are. And maybe what the North Carolina and Virginia COVID numbers are, so I can see if visiting grandparents is even a possibility for the holidays. Why isn’t there a cohesive system for determining how our country is handling COVID? My parents say their state is doing great, but NC COVID numbers are at the third highest they’ve been, and schools are open. And yet some MA schools are staying closed despite way lower numbers. Ugh… politics. Which reminds me, I should look up early voting locations in Boston

Oh man, Election Day is right after Halloween, and since trick-or-treating is canceled in Boston, I should probably figure out some stay-at-home ideas (thanks Boston Moms!). Oooh and costumes. Loved this idea from Schitt’s Creek, but that would require explaining the show to my kids, so maybe not yet. That reminds me, I have to make a costume of a cow for a customer’s stuffie. What color is a Holstein again?

Cows make manure, which is a really great fertilizer, and I really miss composting now that we’ve moved into a condo. I wonder if there are any compost pickups that serve my area? (There are! Check out Black Earth Compost and Bootstrap Compost!) Maybe that’s why we have fruit flies in our house — food scraps in the trash again. How do you get rid of fruit flies in the house? I feel like this would be a good use of my 2nd grade son’s vocabulary word: dispel. Nope, apparently, mama did not remember fully what dispel means, and you can’t dispel a swarm of flies.

I should probably read more books so I can be smarter than my kids. Let’s look up the two my book clubs are reading: The Dutch House by Ann Patchett and Talking to Strangers by Malcolm Gladwell. I probably should start reading them. But who has the time when you spend 37 hours on a random ramble down the Google rabbit hole?

Speaking of other things I should probably do, I need to start making the unicorn cupcakes for my daughter’s birthday. I can totally be a Pinterest mom, right? No, probably not. But we’re cool, Pinterest Mom. Maybe I can just order them from Sweet Bakery. Speaking of things I need to order, I want to remember to order matching Christmas pajamas before they all sell out.

I wonder if my husband thinks the matching Christmas jammies thing is silly or if he secretly appreciates all my oddities. Marriage is fun. Oh my gosh, 339 hours ago, I started this search-fest with a question about marriage and sex and somehow I’ve ended up back here once again. I should probably close the laptop and return to my actual work.

Thank you, Google. This has been fun. Please tell me I’m not the only one who sometimes gets lost in meaningless internet searches?

Maybe I should Google that…

Kristen is Southern by birth but has called Boston home for more than a decade. Unlike most Boston natives, she still really loves the snow and cold. She and her husband have two energetic and kind sons (2013, 2014) and a sassy, smart baby girl (2016) who doesn't have a volume knob and is the bruiser of the bunch. Now home full time with the kids, Kristen jokes that she has a master's degree in laundry and a PhD in preschool conflict resolution — which she uses far more than her actual physics and politics degrees. In her "spare" time, she runs her own business (Murph&Moose), which helps her retain some semblance of her own identity in the midst of motherhood. Her passion is seeing moms feel comfortable in their own skin and less alone in the chaos that is motherhood. Loves: writing, science, languages, coffee by the vat, distance running, a good Malbec, time with her girlfriends, and the rare moments of silence when all three children are (finally) in bed Dislikes: daylight saving time, non-washable markers, and noisy neighbors who disrupt her rare moments of silence