Growing up, I always wished I had an older brother. I just really liked the idea of having a big brother who could help me and who would have my back when things got tough. Instead, I had an older sister.
However, when she got married, I gained a brother. My brother-in-law became the brother I had always wanted. We’d been friends since high school, and his siblings were also friends with my sister and I as teenagers and young adults. We’ve spent holidays together, celebrated birthdays and weddings, and welcomed children.
In January of 2022, my brother-in-law passed away. What followed was a difficult year filled with sadness, reminiscing on happy times, and making new bittersweet memories in his absence. I am learning that grief never goes away; it can manifest itself at any time and without warning. But I know that time has helped me with managing it.
Family celebrations and holidays have changed forever. I often think about the person my brother-in-law was, and the reasons why I miss him so much. I’ve tried to apply these traits to my own life as a way to help me with the grieving process. Here is what I’ve learned from my brother-in-law.
Show up for the ones you love
My brother-in-law would give anyone the shirt off his back if they needed it. Whether it was helping with a move, finding someone a job, or promoting someone’s work on social media, you could absolutely count on him. He would go see any play I was involved in as an actor or writer. He was the quintessential hype man when it came to promoting my creative endeavors.
Go to the concert
Music was a big part of my brother-in-law’s life. He was a huge fan of it and loved discovering new bands and artists. He also loved going to concerts. I’ve realized since his passing to not take for granted the things that bring us joy. Embrace what you love. Go to the show. Make art. Go on a hike. Try stand-up comedy. Join a pick-up soccer league. Get out of your comfort zone and just have fun.
Say “I love you,” over and over and over
One of the things we often forget is how precious time really is. I know I have been guilty of not always being present. Day-to-day life can be so overwhelming that we forget to stop and take it all in. I have learned that you really never know when will be the last time you see someone. Since his passing, I always try to tell my husband and son I love them at drop off or before leaving for work. It’s become so important for me to let my friends and family know I am here for them and I care.
