midwife - Boston Moms Blog

I met my midwife on the day I was born.

Nancy Wainer was my mother’s own labor assistant. She was right there at Brigham and Women’s Hospital, supporting my parents as they welcomed me into the world via a VBAC delivery. Nancy herself coined the term “VBAC” — vaginal birth after Cesarean, a phrase that was commonplace in my own birth story, and a term that is now used around the world.

I listened to my own birth story my whole life, year after year, from my mother. She would explain how empowering, how beautiful, and how special my entrance to the world was. My mom would tell me about how she labored on that hot summer day. She’d also tell me that just as I was about to come out, Nancy told her to reach down and touch my head. I always thought that was so silly — a detail that was surely part of every birth story. Through my teen years, I certainly rolled my eyes every time my mom would share this.

However, the reality is, I was always listening.

I never really got it until there was a little baby of my own, growing in my belly. We planned a birth at Beth Israel hospital, until one day I had a chance to enjoy a cup of tea with my mom as we visited in Nancy’s home. I’d watched “The Business of Being Born,” and my husband was entranced by the documentary before I was even pregnant. However, it wasn’t until I sat in that chair, talking to Nancy, that I had a strong gut feeling. I felt a comfort with Nancy and a confidence in her — and suddenly, in myself. I realized, then, that I wanted a home birth. After discussions with my husband, we happily hired Nancy to be our midwife for our own baby’s birth, nearly 28 years after she and I met on my own birth day.

Nancy is an internationally known and sought-after childbirth speaker and midwife. Her wisdom has supported thousands of families as they’ve welcomed babies into the world. Nancy graduated with honors from her midwifery programs and trained in a variety of settings, including birth centers and midwifery schools around the world. Nancy has written several books and co-authored the forthcoming book “Birthquake: A Pre and Post Childbirth Book For Strong Women And Women Who Want To Be Strong.” She has attended over 2,100 births! Can you imagine? I am so blessed to be part of that number both as a baby and as a mother of two babies she received.

midwife - Boston Moms Blog
My husband and our oldest comforting me as I labor to welcome our second baby.

So after I became pregnant I received nine months of gentle, educational, and joyful prenatal care from Nancy. During my last month of pregnancy, I went to one of Nancy’s open houses, where her moms and babies would gather. I sat and held so many beautiful babies on my enormous pregnant belly, wondering when my baby would be born and I would join the mom club. Another mom asked me how I was doing, and I noticed I was having some feelings in my belly. But I figured it was nothing. Sure enough, that night those feelings turned into labor and that labor lasted into the morning.

Words cannot explain how magical it was to give birth.

Now, I know everyone’s birth is different. In fact, my mantra is that every birth is like a snowflake. This served me well for my winter baby as I listened to my friends’ stories and reminded myself that my birth will be different. I didn’t know yet how wonderful it would be to have my babies at home, with our trust in my wise midwife Nancy.

After our Hypnobirthing class, which Nancy taught, I learned about how fear and pain are connected. I opened my mind and body to be assured that all was well, I was in wonderful care, and that birth is a natural and beautiful process. I trusted my own body to deliver this child I had grown, and together we would labor together.

Nancy’s calm and sweet nature guided us as we welcomed our daughter. She reminded me to think about all my birth class friends who had just labored like me. She asked me to imagine myself on a beautiful day, walking down the road, with my beautiful baby. My labor was smooth and delightful (for the record, much easier than my pregnancy filled with heartburn galore). Each contraction acted as a chance for me to welcome my baby to the world. And by reframing my thoughts like that, I was able to be present, feel the intensity, and welcome my baby.

midwife - Boston Moms Blog
Not posed — this is when I became a mom!

And it was the moment my daughter was about to come out — that last moment where you are not sure you have it in you to go on — and then Nancy told me, “Reach down and feel your baby’s head,” just like she told my mother. I did, and everything clicked. My beautiful baby girl was born, and I became a mother.   

Three years later, I was lucky enough to have another daughter, and another home birth with Nancy. And just like a snowflake, each birth was different in its own beautiful way. The common thread that is woven through each of my birth stories is Nancy’s love, knowledge, and support. Nancy is a gift to the world, and I am so grateful for her strength, tenacity, and expertise.

I often tell my daughters’ birth stories to them. And I will continue to tell their stories just as my own mother did. I know they will roll their eyes, and maybe even find the details to be silly. But I know they are listening.

2 COMMENTS

  1. Oh Alexandra. This brought me to tears. What a powerful, poignant story. How blessed you are to have had the very midwife who helped bring you into the world, bring forth your beautiful babies as well.
    Thank you for sharing this beautiful, personal story. And the pictures you generously shared….were everything!

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