Bad Moms Unite!

I was at an art class recently with my two kids. A little girl in the class hit her forehead on the corner of a bookcase, and within seconds a huge goose egg formed. Amidst lots of crying, the teacher asked the mom whether she should take her daughter to the hospital, just to be safe. I didn’t think anything of it until I saw the mom and daughter duo heading out the door minutes later. She was, in fact, taking her daughter to the hospital.

I was stunned. The hospital for a bump on the head? Now this is the point where parents divide.

To some of you it may seem totally reasonable. To me, it was ludicrous. My own daughter had suffered innumerable bumps on the head, none of which merited a doctor’s help. My philosophy is that it’s best not to overreact. Kids get hurt. And after many bumps and bruises, they all survive and hopefully grow to be strong kids. I’m trying really hard not to raise a coddled, scared-of-everything, run-to-mommy kind of kid. I want my kids to have character, and I think a little suffering makes everyone stronger.

But back to my story. The following week the mom and daughter were back in class. I asked the mom how her daughter was feeling and whether she had gone to see a doctor. She said yes, but… wait for it… she’d felt a little foolish going to the doctor! She said she didn’t want to seem like a “bad mom” and ignore the teacher’s suggestion to seek medical help. So, she went to the doctor, knowing it wasn’t really necessary. She did it to save face. I was baffled.

But then I thought about it. I can’t say I’ve never felt the “bad mom” peer pressure. Yes, I’ve felt it. I’ve seen the concerned looks from passersby at the park after my kids have run away from me and off into the bushes. My son has been asked where his mom is many, many a time. I have definitely felt the pressure to be on them all the time. To tell them constantly, “Be careful!” Or, “Slower!” “Gentler!” “Don’t run away so far.” I haven’t been heeding my own advice. In fact, I find it all very stifling. I want my kids to run around and to learn for themselves (all within reason, of course), but I’ve often reigned them in due to feeling the judgment of others. I had thought that maybe it was just a chip on my shoulder — that I was imagining the judgment. But after hearing the mom’s story in art class, I realized I wasn’t alone.

The thing I know for sure is that I am certainly a far-from-perfect parent, and I’m going to work really hard on trying not to worry about what everyone else is thinking. I’m going to concentrate on helping my kids be kind, good, strong little people. So next time you’re at the park, I’ll be the one on a bench, relaxing, letting my kids discover life for themselves. And the guilt? Slowly melting away…

Am I the only one feeling this way? Share your thoughts!