At this time of year we’re bombarded with bright lights, holiday cheer, images of perfect families with their perfect children, and an expectation that we are going to make everything just right to create the perfect memories to last a lifetime. Does this make anyone else feel a little twitchy?
On the other hand, it can be hard to avoid being overwhelmed by the not-so-happy aspects of this time of year — increasingly dark days, fundraising agencies telling us their most poignant stories of need in order to persuade us to choose them for our charitable giving. Earlier this evening, I was driving in the car, listening to a description of a book on someone’s top 10 list. The book’s characters included children, an abusive mother, and an incarcerated father. I changed to the other news station. I next heard about a five-year investigation into child welfare in Australia, which found that the system in place was seriously failing to protect children from abuse. Normally, solo driving time is my solace — today, not so much.
So what to do when you’re feeling overwhelmed by the world at this time of year? One thing I’ve been thinking about is winter cultural and religious traditions. If you think about a variety of traditions — solstice, Christmas, Hanukkah — they typically involve bringing light into the darkness. This really resonates with me. Light, life, and miracles feel like just the right thing to reassure us that after this cold, dark time, light and life will return, as they do every year. Or at least that this time of darkness is temporary and will pass. One thing I like to remind myself of, once we hit the third week of December (or so), is that the days will actually start getting longer.
Another helpful thing for me is to connect with other moms — supportive moms. Moms who you can tell your guilty secrets to (yell at your kids? not getting teacher gifts? forget to move the elf? feeling like a failure as a mother?), and who will say, “Me, too!” It can be really hard, especially this time of year, to find time to connect with your mom community, but there is nothing like hearing, “You are doing a great job!” or, “It’s okay. I do that, too, and you are still a wonderful mom!” when you’re feeling down on yourself. If your internal flame has gone out, it’s OK to ask someone to share their flame with you.
Finally, it is OK to take time for yourself. Need to hear that again? Taking care of yourself is taking care of your family. One more time? It is not selfish to do something for yourself. Think about what restores you. Exercise? Bubble bath? Watching sappy Lifetime movies? Eating a sugary treat? Reading a book? When you do these things (if you do these things), how do you feel? Do you feel guilty? Do you worry what’s going on in your absence? Do you feel a need to rush back to momming? How about trying something different? The next time you do something for yourself (which should be soon), think about it as celebrating a wonderful human who deserves this kindness and caring.
Do you feel the winter or holiday blues? How do you deal with stress at this time of the year? Please share any tips you might have for other moms who might need a little help right now.
