Moms don’t get the recognition they deserve! As a business run BY local moms FOR local moms, Boston Moms is excited to showcase the hard work local moms are doing — both at home and in their professions.
Boston Moms is proud to feature Susan Trotter. Susan is a relationship coach and public speaker who is passionate about helping people feel confident and empowered.
We asked Susan to share a little bit about herself. Let’s get to know her!
Name: Susan Trotter
Occupation: Relationship coach
Tell us about yourself: I am a single mom with a wonderful 21-year-old son who is a junior in college. We also have an adorable puppy named Bella. I grew up in Framingham, moved to the D.C. area for graduate school after college, and then lived in Puerto Rico for several years before moving back to this area about 13 years ago. I love my current life — and plan to live by the ocean again at some point!
Favorite local restaurant: Temzacal Cantina in Framingham
Favorite local business or brand: SKM Collection in Framingham
Tell us about your work/job: I started my career in clinical psychology and practiced as a therapist for over 20 years before shifting to coaching. My mission is to help people feel more confident and empowered. I love to help people who are in relationships and want to strengthen the connection and improve communication, people who are thinking about or going through divorce to navigate the divorce process, and people who are single and want to develop a relationship to learn how to set themselves up for success in dating and relationships and to better navigate the dating world.
Who inspires you? I feel so fortunate to do work I love and also make a difference in people’s lives. I am always inspired by my clients who are willing to invest in themselves and do the hard work that will help them feel more confident and empowered in all areas of life.
What kinds of coaching do you offer? I work with individuals and couples, and I offer a complimentary consultation. I also teach webinars and love opportunities to speak at conferences, on podcasts, on TV, and really any platform in which I can impact people. I love teaching my popular dating and relationship webinar, which I offer several times a year.
Relationships! We love that. Let’s chat about dating. What is the first thing you would say to a mom who is just starting to date again? Take time to process the end of any prior relationship before you jump back into dating. Reconnect with who you are outside of that prior relationship — as a woman and as a mom. Give thought to your relationship history. What worked and what didn’t? And what role did you play in the dynamics? Doing this work up front helps people break patterns that may not have served them well in the past and sets them up for more success in the future.
Are there specific life changes a mom could make before starting to date again that would help set her up for success? I encourage people to create a full and happy life that other people might want to be a part of. When you feel confident and good about yourself and your life and can convey your value to others, you are in a better position to date with intention and not just to fill voids. And also to attract people who are in a similar place and will make you feel good, too. These are some of the things that can help you be successful in dating.
What about starting the dating process online — what are some ways to navigate that world? Learn how the online dating world works so you can make it work for you! Get professional photos done. They get more attention than personal ones and will boost your confidence! Get help with writing a dating profile. It is hard to write about ourselves, and no matter how successful women are in other parts of their lives, this dating process can make people feel like they’re 16 again! What you say in your profile matters and ideally conveys your interests, personality, values, and what you’re looking for.
Remember that it’s OK to be selective! There are lots of good people out there and you want to find those who are good quality and a good fit and who share your values. Shared values is foundational in any good relationship.
Here’s the big one — how do you suggest approaching the fact that you’re dating with your kids? How you approach this topic with your kids depends on their ages and life circumstances. In general, do it gradually. They need to warm up to the idea and will have their own process to go through that will be different from yours. Be mindful of their developmental stage and use age-appropriate language. I would suggest that it is best to introduce people to your kids only if you and the person you’re involved with agree it’s a serious relationship, since it otherwise can be hard for kids to see people come and go in their lives.
Let’s say I’m feeling conflicted about the person I’m dating; how do I figure out if the relationship is worth pursuing? What someone says matters, and you want to make sure their words and behaviors match. Consistency of behavior over time tells a lot about someone and is essential in developing trust. Checking in with yourself when you’re around the person and assessing how you’re feeling can also be helpful.
What are some red flags that a person you’re dating isn’t right for you? Some big red flags to consider are when words and behavior aren’t consistent, you don’t feel good around them, or you find yourself working harder than they are to maintain the connection. A healthy relationship ideally enhances your life and makes you feel more confident. Other serious concerns are when someone is overly critical of you or frequently creates a lot of stress.